Week 6: Developing Intention

IN THIS CHAPTER

Acknowledging your true self and your progress

Finding a balance between life and work

Discovering kinder ways to manage yourself and be kind to others

Developing mindfulness as part of your daily routine

Week 6 is the final week of your WorkplaceMT training. It begins by focusing on consolidating learning before moving on to evaluating how you live and work and developing an intention to live your life in a way that’s happier, healthier, more productive and better for those around you. It’s also a reminder that however driven and outcome-focused you may be, self-kindness coupled with improved self-management are key.

Over the last six weeks you have been invited to explore and apply a number of mindfulness principles.

Week 1 helped you to recognize just how much of your life is spent on autopilot. Over the weeks via your formal and informal mindfulness exercises, you have started to observe your habitual thinking patterns and have possibly taken action to change some that are not serving you well.

Week 2 invited you to start observing the mind-body connection, with an emphasis on its impacts on your work. You may have seen patterns emerging, such as your tendency to hold tension in certain areas of your body when you are under excessive pressure. You may have started to tune into your body, listening to the messages it’s sending you to take better care of yourself, allowing you to maintain peak performance for longer.

We playfully invited you to ‘mind the gap’ between your expectations and present-moment reality, reducing the impact of self-induced mental pain when things are not as you think they should be.

You have been encouraged to appreciate the nice things in life that often pass you by unnoticed. As you have learnt, doing so helps you to correct the human negativity bias, gaining a more balanced perspective on life. You have also been encouraged to operate in approach mode of mind, tapping into your higher brain’s creativity to produce the best outcomes possible.

As your skills in observing your mental processes have developed you may have smiled as you witnessed how you constantly tell yourself stories. Your newly acquired ability to separate present-moment facts from these mental constructs or stories will be helping you to accept the things you can’t change, whilst taking ownership and responsibility for your interpretation and response to life’s challenges.

Your formal and informal mindfulness ‘brain training’ each week has helped you to improve your focus and attention, reducing the time that your mind wanders. In addition, you have started to cultivate the ability to stand back and simply observe what is happening around you objectively without reactivity.

In Week 5, we invited you to try out some techniques for relating differently to difficult situations – approaching and exploring them with openness and curiosity. You may have noticed that at times, when approached and explored, ‘difficulties’ in life are not as you perceive them to be, and the act of approaching them can sometimes lead to new perspectives or solutions.

We hope that over the last few weeks that you’ve noticed some positive improvements in your work and home life. By reflecting what you’ve practiced in the last five weeks through the exercises in Chapters 8 through 12, we hope that you’ve identified lots of good reasons to continue to develop mindfulness and integrate these mental hygiene principles into your life – now and in the future.

Accepting Your True Self

Self-knowledge is one of the most powerful things you can possess. It allows you to monitor yourself and take responsibility for your actions. It’s the key to self-transformation.

Take a moment to reflect on the last five weeks of your WorkplaceMT training (from Chapters 8 through 12). Here are a few things to consider:

Have you noticed any habitual patterns of thought and behaviour that are unhelpful? What actions have you taken?
Has your increased knowledge of the mind-body connection benefitted you? If so, how?
Have you managed to find time to pause and soak in the benefits of the good things (however small) that punctuate your day? What impact has this had?
When working towards a desired goal, have you been able to identify whether you’re working in approach or avoidance mode? Have you been able to switch modes?
What have you noticed about your storytelling mind? Are you becoming more adept at separating present-moment facts from your stories (mental constructs)? What impact is this having?
Have you become more aware of the voice of your inner bully or critic? If so, how do you now respond when you notice you inner bully at play?
What have you learned about approaching and exploring things you find difficult?
Have you started to notice when your mind wanders? Are you noticing more quickly than before? Are you able to refocus your mind again more quickly?
Are you starting to be able to suspend judgment and reactivity long enough to gather evidence objectively?
Are you starting to understand yourself better and manage yourself more skilfully as a result?
Do you feel that your WorkplaceMT training has helped you to take better care of yourself at work? If so, how? What impact has this had?

The impact of WorkplaceMT training varies from person to person because no two people’s brains are wired identically. The positive outcomes of mindfulness increase in direct correlation with the amount of time people spend actually practicing. So make mindfulness practice a part of your daily routine, and you’ll notice the long-term benefits.

Knowing When It’s Time to Do Things Differently

One of the most valuable things that mindfulness offers is the ability to observe and break free from fixed patterns of thought and behaviour that are holding you back. Inability to break free from fixed thinking can be disastrous. History is littered with companies that went bust because their leaders failed to change thinking and behaviour that no longer served them well.

Eastman Kodak was founded in 1880 and for much of the 20th century was the gold standard of the film and camera industries. By 1963, the company was number 44 on the Fortune 500 with sales of more than $1 billion. In 1984, Fuji began selling film similar to Kodak’s for 20 per cent less than Kodak’s price. Kodak continued to charge premium rates for its film. Kodak scientists invented the first digital camera and first megapixel camera, but their leadership team remained focused on selling film. Kodak filed for bankruptcy in 2012.

Maybe they were experiencing ‘sunk cost bias’: the tendency to stick with a less-than-optimal strategy merely because a lot of money, time or effort has been sunk into it. In 2013, Andrew Hafenbrack, of INSEAD business school in France, conducted research into the impact of mindfulness on sunk cost bias. He found that research participants who had spent just 15 minutes practicing mindfulness were 77 per cent more likely than others to resist sunk-cost bias when making decisions.

Have you ever experienced sunk cost bias? Most of us have at some time or another. It’s a very human trait. The trick is to notice when sunk cost bias, or other fixed patterns of thought and behaviour are at play. Mindfulness is a highly effective way to cultivate this ability.

Balancing Your Life and Work

Andrew was a young ambitious consultant working for a well-known consultancy firm. Prior to qualifying, he enjoyed a wide variety of social activities, which he fitted in around his demanding work life. Andrew got a huge buzz from his work and didn’t resent working long hours because he was constantly learning and making new contacts and derived energy from getting results for his clients.

Andrew’s work made him feel good about himself. He also felt energised when spending time out with friends and family at pubs, clubs and festivals. He chatted with friends all over the world on Skype, sometimes finding time to visit them when travelling abroad for business. Once a month, Andrew found time to go gliding. Being above the clouds gave him a sense of peace and serenity. Despite Andrew often devoting around 70 per cent of his waking hours to work, his life felt rich and full.

When Andrew passed his exams, he secured a great new job working for another top consultancy firm. As time went on, work demands increased. Andrew wasn’t someone who liked to say no, so he decided that he simply needed to work a little harder to get through his workload.

Slowly over time, Andrew started to find his work less energising. As the demands placed on him increased, he found less and less time for his social life, and somehow the time was never right to go gliding any more. Every week, he thought that the next week would allow him time to go out gliding, but when the weekend arrived, there always seemed to be a pressing deadline for Monday that had to be met. One Monday morning, Andrew’s alarm went off, and he couldn’t motivate himself to get out of bed, despite client meetings being booked back to back that day. Andrew had reached burnout. His energy tanks were empty.

Do you identify in any way with Andrew’s story? The good news is, your work doesn’t have to be depleting. It can be nourishing, too, as it was for Andrew at the start of his story. For some people, spending 80 per cent on work and 20 per cent on home and social activities can work really well – but only if the work is meaningful and nourishing at a deeper level.

In the following pages, we explore ways you can balance work and home life and then walk you through steps to fill your energy tanks.

Striking a balance that’s right for you

Barack Obama, President of the United States, is reported to regularly go to bed at about 1 a.m. and get up at 7 a.m. Margaret Thatcher is famously said to have slept for only four hours a night. The ideal work-life balance has no magic formula; it’s more a matter of finding the correct balance between activities that nourish you (fill your energy tanks) and activities that deplete you (empty your energy tanks) – and sleep, of course!

If you really enjoy your work, the barriers between work time and home time can become blurred, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, just the effort involved in trying to live up to an idealized, compartmentalised view of work-life balance is depleting in itself! Sometimes it’s better to just consider your life as a whole without compartmentalising it into ‘work’ and ‘home’ life. However, if work is less nourishing and meaningful than you’d like it to be and it drains you of energy, make sure that you balance it with activities that you do find nourishing at a deeper level – be that painting historic sets of model soldiers, socialising, volunteering, spending time with your family, or even gliding.

If you discover that your work is hugely depleting, maybe it’s time to find something more rewarding to do with your life. If, like many others, your work is part nourishing, part depleting, be sure you prioritise some quality activities outside work that refill your energy tanks and make you feel good. Instead of obsessing about work-life balance, simply focus on balancing activities that nourish you with those that are wholly necessary but depleting. Give nourishing activities (whatever they may be for you) equal importance in your diary to stay healthy, well and fit for work.

Filling your energy tanks

Energising activities uplift you and fill your energy tank, while depleting activities leave you feeling low and empty your tank. To ensure an adequate balance between nourishing activities and those that, although necessary, tend to deplete you, take a moment to assess where you are now. Follow these steps:

Think of a typical week. List the activities that make up your week.

These activities may include getting up and dressed in the morning, eating meals, commuting or travelling, spending time with clients, attending meetings, doing admin work, having drinks with work colleagues, participating in social activities with friends and family, doing DIY projects, shopping or whatever fills the hours of your day.
Decide which activities energise you – fill your mental energy tanks and make you feel good – and which tend to deplete you and make you feel empty or bad. Mark the activities as either ‘E’ for energising or ‘D’ for depleting.

Some activities may leave you physically tired but mentally energised – mark these as ‘E’. Other activities are sometimes energising and other times depleting – decide on balance if at present they’re more energising or depleting, and mark them down as such.
Review your list.

Do you feel like you have the right balance of energising activities? Are there any depleting activities you can drop or do less of? Are there any energising activities that you can do more of? If some depleting activities are an inevitable and unavoidable part of your day, could you approach them differently? Might it be possible to accept that they need doing, and let go of any resentment or bad feelings you are harbouring towards them?

Use this activity as a starting point for striking the right balance for you and your life. Remember: everyone is different. What works for you may not work for others, and there’s no textbook right or wrong answer. If you derive energy and nourishment from your work, and this makes you genuinely feel fantastic, great! Just remember that your idea of happiness and balance may be someone else’s idea of hell. Others you work with may work best by working standard or part-time hours and prioritising social activities that recharge their batteries for the next working day. Respect and accept others’ working preferences. And simply focus on finding the balance that works best for you.

Managing Yourself for Resilience

WorkplaceMT training equips you with powerful tools to understand and manage yourself better. The six-week training programme puts an emphasis on self-kindness, and for good reason.

Not so long ago, the notion for kindness as an effective leadership skill would have been an alien concept for many. It would have been unusual to find it in a practical leadership book, but now we know that being kind to yourself and others is a central tenant of authentic leadership, resonant leadership and mindful leadership. Knowing when and how to be kind to yourself and others is the sign of an effective leader. It’s an effective way to achieve maximum engagement, productivity and creativity while improving well-being.

In the next few pages, we explore how Andrew (see the earlier section ‘Balancing Your Life and Work’) could have used mindfulness to make meetings more effective and work better when under pressure.

Getting the most out of meetings

Many people hate meetings because they go on for too long or end with no decisions being made. For example, when Andrew entered meetings, his primary focus was on ensuring his message was heard, gaining the information needed for his projects, getting his own way, and making himself look good. He had adopted this approach after watching senior colleagues in meetings and reasoned that if it worked for them, it would work for him, too.

Recent UK Management School research concluded that people need to be mindful so they can see things more clearly, set aside personal agendas, and make more inclusive decisions. By focusing on observing what’s actually happening in the meeting in the present moment ‘in a non-judgmental and purposeful way’, better decisions are made, and more is achieved.

People aren’t machines. Providing a meeting environment that is kinder and less adversarial and caters for people’s needs (providing refreshments, breaks when needed and the opportunity for everyone’s voice to be heard) pays big dividends. It triggers a neurological shift in the brain that encourages collaboration and creativity. Shifting from fight-or-flight mode and into a state of social cohesion fosters engagement and trust, which results in more beneficial outcomes for all concerned.

Dealing with pressure

When Andrew was faced with multiple deadlines that couldn’t be realistically met, his response was to work harder. He feared for his future, his reputation, his boss’s response, and clients’ future success.

Andrew was operating in avoidance mode. His primary driver was to avoid something bad from happening. In this state, his outlook, perspective and creativity were limited. Andrews’s brain believed that he was under threat and needed to be protected, so it increased his heart rate and primed his muscles to sprint away from the imminent danger it thought he was facing. In this survival mode, his ability for higher-brain big-picture thinking was severely restricted.

When under pressure of this sort, what Andrew really needed to do was to switch his neurological operating mode from fight or flight to a state of safety and social cohesion. This, of course, is much easier said than done. When you’re under pressure, simply telling yourself to relax and think rationally is usually doomed to failure. The more pressure you pile on yourself to relax, think creatively, and refocus your attention, the less likely you are to achieve it.

Emerging research suggests that it’s neurologically impossible to be in a state of safety, trust and social cohesion while at the same time being in fight-or-flight mode. Surprisingly, the simple act of wishing yourself or others well (even if it’s just imagining doing so in your head) is a rapid way of switching your fight-or-flight threat response down and shifting into a more productive neurological state that allows you to focus better and approach work in a more open-minded and creative manner.

Cultivating Kindness

The final formal mindfulness exercise in your WorkplaceMT training is optional but highly recommended.

When I first encountered this exercise on an MBSR mindfulness course, it simply didn’t resonate for me, despite the fact that it improved my mood following practice. Why, I reasoned, should I be spending my time wishing myself, others and random strangers well? It felt a little bit hippy to me, and far too ‘pink and fluffy’ for my taste For several years after this, I dismissed the exercise. It was only when I discovered some research on the topic that I re-evaluated it.

This is what changed my mind: researchers were exploring the areas of the brain that become more active when a person is in fight-or-flight mode. A volunteer with a severe pigeon phobia was placed into an MRI brain scanner. When the researchers showed her pigeon pictures, all the areas of her brain that the researchers expected to be activated were activated.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the areas of the brain being monitored became dramatically less active. When they removed the volunteer from the scanner, the researchers asked what had happened. The volunteer replied that eventually the pigeon pictures had become overwhelming and she couldn’t cope, so she practiced a self-kindness exercise she had learned in a mindfulness course. The brain scanning technology clearly demonstrated that this simple exercise had literally acted as an off switch for her threat response.

More recent research placed volunteers with high levels of self-criticism in a virtual reality suit. Volunteers were confronted with a person who was in distress and allowed to interact with the person as they chose. Many felt compelled to comfort the virtual person. This simple act reduced their levels of self-criticism. The profound thing here is that being kind to others has a positive impact on the person providing the care. Even imagining being kind or sending kind thoughts to others has a profoundly positive impact on your mental state.

Time and cultural constraints mean that we don’t always teach cultivating kindness exercises in our courses. When we do teach this, we suggest that participants think of it as a highly effective off switch for their threat system, but really it’s much more than that. It’s a way of making friends with yourself. It’s a profound act of kindness to yourself at the times you need it most. With a little practice and perseverance, it can also help you learn how to relate differently to those you find difficult and challenging, reducing unnecessary mental pain and suffering for all concerned.

Cultivating kindness exercise

Before you start this exercise, think of a number of people who you’ll call to mind during the exercise. These may include

A friend or loved one who cares about you deeply. You can use a pet if you want.
A person you know vaguely – maybe a neighbour you pass and nod to, someone who works in a local shop, or someone you often see commuting.
A person you find mildly challenging or difficult (but not too difficult).
A group of people – maybe your fellow workers, the inhabitants of your local town or village, or even people you see on TV who are having a tough time.

Next, follow these steps. MP3 Track 7 guides you through this exercise.

Settle yourself into your chair, sitting in a comfortable, open, upright position. Close your eyes or hold them in soft focus gazing downwards.
Focus for a few minutes on the present-moment sensations of breathing.

Fully experience the sensations of the breath entering and leaving your body.
See how it feels to be kind to yourself by using phrases such as these:
- ’Wishing you health and happiness’
- ’Wishing you peace of mind’
- ’Wishing you ease of being’
Feel free to adapt the words so they have meaning and resonance for you. You want the kind wishes you select to feel realistic for you and not simply empty words. You need to be able to genuinely mean what you say. Pause briefly after each well wish to notice any impact it may have on you. There are no rights or wrongs here – simply observe the impact or lack of impact.
Bring to mind your friend or loved one. Imagine this person wishing you well, using the phrases you’ve chosen.

Observe the impact of receiving these words and wishes of kindness.
Wish your friend or loved one well.

Pause to observe any impacts that each good wish has on you, the well-wisher.
Let go of the image of your friend. Bring to mind the person you know vaguely. Wish this person well.

Pause to observe any impacts that each good wish has on you, the well-wisher.
Let go of the image of your acquaintance. Bring to mind the person you find a little difficult or challenging. Wish this person well.

Pause to observe any impacts that each good wish has on you, the well-wisher.
Let go of the image of your selected ‘difficult’ person. Bring to mind the group of people you want to wish well. Wish them well.

Pause to observe any impacts that each good wish has on you, the well-wisher.
Refocus your attention to your body.

Spend the last few minutes checking in with how your body feels. Notice any specific sensations as you work from the tip of your toes to the crown of your head.
End with a sense of how your whole body feels as you sit in your chair at this moment in time.

When you’re ready, open your eyes.

What did you notice when practicing this exercise? Here are some questions to use as you reflect on this experience:

How did it feel to wish yourself well? Was it easy or challenging?
How did it feel to wish others well?
Was it easier to wish certain people well than others?
Was it easier to receive good wishes from a friend than wish yourself well?
Were you able to genuinely wish your selected ‘difficult’ person well?
Do you feel the same or different from when you started the exercise? If you feel different in any way, try to be specific about what has changed.

Cultivating kindness short exercises

In WorkplaceMT courses, we often include shortened informal everyday variations of this practice. Here are two of our favourites.

Cultivating kindness in meetings

At the start of a meeting, pause to wish everyone attending the meeting well in your head. You can do this shortly before the meeting starts in a place you won’t be disturbed or just as you enter the meeting.

A course participant once said that when he enters a meeting, he pretends to be reading the agenda and meeting papers when really he’s secretly conducting this exercise in his head.

Experiment to find the right words that resonate for you. Here are some suggestions:

Wishing you all a successful meeting
Wishing you all achieve your aims
Wishing you all the opportunity to get your point across

Cultivating kindness when delayed

When you’re stuck in traffic, delayed on a train or bus, or stuck in a queue that is moving too slowly, wish those in front of or behind you well in your head. Find words that resonate for you. You may try the following:

Wishing you a happy life
Wishing you health and ease of being

If any of the cultivating kindness exercises in this section are too challenging at first, try experimenting with simply remembering that the person you’re irritated by, that has insulted you, made you late or has ‘stolen’ your business is still a human being with the same hopes for success, security and recognition that you have.

Setting an Intent to Make Mindfulness Part of Each Day

Within your WorkplaceMT training (refer to Chapters 8 through 12), we have tried to include lots of practical examples of how to use mindfulness in your everyday life. You can think of your daily formal sit-down practice as brain training and everyday mindfulness as a means to maintain your mental hygiene, in the same way as you brush your teeth to ensure good oral hygiene.

Find ways to punctuate your day with a few moments of informal mindfulness. Here are some suggestions:

Start your day with a mindful shower. Tune in to the sensations, sounds and fragrances as fully as you can
If you commute to work in a car, pause to appreciate the good for a moment. Your car has started – yes! You don’t need to walk to work – yes! You’re sitting in a nice warm car and not outside in the cold and wet – yes! You can listen to the radio or your favourite music – yes! You’re driving through country or city scapes – yes!
If you have a moment to grab a drink in the morning, try to be fully in this moment. If you drink, just drink. Don’t allow work to hijack this precious experience that refocuses you in the present moment.
If you’re desk-bound for most of the day, set up a simple mindfulness bell on your PC or mobile phone. You can set this bell to remind you to pause and be mindful periodically throughout your day.
Check in with your body periodically throughout the day. How your body feels has an impact on your work. Use your body as an early warning system – detecting and releasing tension at an early stage.
When experiencing difficulties with colleagues, clients or customers, don’t get angry. Doing so hurts you more than it hurts them. Alternatively, try to see the person as simply a human being with needs and hopes, and extend her a little sympathy or wish her well. If nothing else, this act may make you feel a little better.
When things aren’t going to plan, mind the gap. Explore the gap between how you think things should be or ought to be, and then accept the present-moment reality, stopping your self-induced mental pain from escalating.
When walking between meetings or appointments at work, take the opportunity to focus your attention on the sensations and full experience of walking. No need to slow down unless you want to, but focusing on the everyday act of walking can steady a busy mind and reconnect you with the present moment.
Use the three-step breathing space to help you transition between tasks and cleanse your mind between difficult meetings – or whenever you feel the need. For details on the three-step breathing space exercise, see Chapter 10.
When eating a snack, biscuit or lunch, enjoy a few mouthfuls mindfully. Doing so can add pleasure and novelty to something you normally do on autopilot. It can also help to re-engage your rest and relaxation circuitry, improving your state of mind for what the rest of the day holds.
Carry out random acts of kindness. You don’t need to do anything dramatic here. Your acts of kindness could simply be opening a door for someone whose hands are full, helping a young mum onto a train with her buggy, or giving a seat to a person who needs it more than you. Research shows that doing acts of kindness benefits the giver of the kindness just as much as the person who receives it.
Use the time between getting home from work and starting your evening at home to practice mindfulness formally. WorkplaceMT formal exercises are short and should easily fit into even the busiest person’s schedule. Practicing mindfulness will benefit you in both the long and short term.

There are hundreds of ways to fit a little mindfulness into your day. Experiment, have fun, and find things that work for you.