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TOO MANY COMPARISONS
Social networks have made it easy to compare ourselves with others. More than a billion people now use Facebook, with the average user spending almost half an hour every day on this website. Besides Facebook, we also interact with people on other online platforms such as Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Periscope, and YouTube. The average Facebook user has more than 200 friends and, in addition, could be connected with many others on Twitter and Instagram. Contrast this with the relatively few people we had daily contact with before the Internet, and the limited knowledge we had about their lives. Online social networks have made it easier to stay in touch with friends and family around the world, but the dark side of social networks is that they can easily become a den of comparison.
As social animals, we are hardwired to compare ourselves with others. Other people provide a standard for judging ourselves and answering questions such as “Am I attractive? Am I smart? Am I successful?” In fact, research shows that many of our daily thoughts are about how we stack up against others (Summerville & Roese, 2008). It is not an accident that the celebrity fishbowl better known as the National Enquirer sells nearly three times as many copies as the more substantial Atlantic magazine. Online social networks have simply magnified this inherent aspect of human nature whereby we are programmed to compare ourselves to others. And beyond increased comparisons, online social networks have another important effect: they encourage upward rather than downward social comparisons on the Internet.
Upward Social Comparisons
Upward social comparisons are comparisons where we focus on people who are better than us. For example, a student comparing his or her B grade with another student’s A grade is using upward social comparison. In contrast, downward social comparison is when the same student compares his or her B grade with a student who got a lower grade, such as a C. Social networks like Facebook allow posters to pick and choose the personal information they want to share with others. One of the strongest human motives is self-enhancement, which is the drive to look good in the eyes of others. Because of this motive, people are more likely to post positive rather than negative or neutral information about themselves on social networks. This was confirmed in one of my research studies described earlier where I found that the vast majority of pictures posted on Facebook were of people having a good time (Auschaitrakul & Mukherjee, 2014). Similarly, even though the Las Vegas budget hotel Circus Circus and the luxury hotel Bellagio have about the same number of guests, the Bellagio gets more than three times the check-ins of Circus Circus on Facebook. We might send an unflattering selfie to close friends on Snapchat, but we are careful to post only beautiful vacation pictures for bigger audiences on Instagram or Facebook. People like to show off, and social media has given us a bigger stage and a brighter spotlight than ever before to flaunt our stuff.
Research has found that, compared to face-to-face communication, online communication prompts people to talk more about unusual and desirable products they own (Berger & Iyengar, 2013). This is because online communication is usually in written form while face-to-face communication is in oral form. Writing gives people the time to construct and refine what they want to say and, during this time, the self-enhancement motive drives people to come up with interesting things to post. And once people start posting interesting information, others are likely to follow suit in a bid to keep up with the Joneses. This creates an arms race of one-upmanship, leading to ever more upward social comparisons on the Internet. The size of the audience also makes a difference: when we are describing what we did to a large number of friends online, we are more likely to report positive experiences (Barasch & Berger, 2014). Given that most of us have hundreds of Facebook friends, this is a recipe for constant upward social comparisons online.
Costs of Upward Social Comparisons
What are the psychological effects of upward social comparisons? I studied this question in a follow-up to the Facebook study described earlier (Auschaitrakul & Mukherjee, 2014). In this study, I asked half the participants to log in to their personal Facebook account and browse postings for 20 minutes; the remaining participants were asked to browse CNN for 20 minutes. All participants then completed a questionnaire measuring emotions such as pride, anger, joy, and envy. My goal in this study was to find out which emotions are most strongly associated with browsing social networks (e.g., Facebook) compared to other types of websites (e.g., CNN). Of all the emotions measured, I found that envy was most strongly associated with browsing social networks such as Facebook. Since envy is created by upward social comparisons (Festinger, 1954; Mussweiler, Rüter, & Epstude, 2004), this study suggests that browsing social networks often make us envious.
Of course, envy can be a good or bad thing. On the positive side, envy can motivate people to work hard to advance their social standing (Gershman, 2014; Wood, 1989). On the other hand, people experiencing envy are often ashamed and spend mental energy trying to conceal their feelings from others (van de Ven, Zeelenberg, & Pieters, 2009). As discussed earlier, expending mental energy reduces self-control, which often leads to decisions we regret later. Another negative effect of envy is that it creates a bad mood that can accumulate over time into a general dissatisfaction with life.
We have seen so far that social networks encourage upward social comparisons. We have also seen how feelings of envy from upward social comparisons can hurt us by increasing stress levels, lowering self-control, inducing a negative mood, and increasing dissatisfaction with life. Given these negative effects, it is fair to ask: Why do people engage in upward social comparisons? Why don’t we simply stop comparing ourselves to others who are better off than us? The answer is that upward social comparisons are a powerful and instinctive human response, an ingrained way of thinking that is carved into our minds.
Power of Upward Social Comparisons
There are four psychological reasons why upward social comparisons often dominate our thoughts: hedonic treadmill, hedonic adaptation, social norms, and evolution. As discussed in the first chapter, the hedonic treadmill is our tendency to revise ideal states upward over time to maintain a gap between ideal and actual states. The hedonic treadmill explains why it is challenging for firms to maintain high customer satisfaction over time. Customers soon get used to good service and, because of the hedonic treadmill, quickly start expecting more than what is currently being offered. For example, firms that reply to customer emails within hours soon find that customers begin to expect replies within minutes instead of hours. A folksy way of understanding the hedonic treadmill is the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Actually a more accurate version of this saying would be “the grass is always greener in the best backyard in our neighborhood.” In other words, we compare our grass not with that of our immediate neighbors but with that of the neighbor who has the greenest grass. As new homes are built, the hedonic treadmill brings to mind the newest and best backyards with which to compare our own. The hedonic treadmill also implies that upward social comparisons never die – they are simply reborn in the form of new ideal states. No matter how successful we are and how many goals we have achieved, the hedonic treadmill raises the bar for how we define success in our own minds. And if we evaluate our life against the top 1 percent of our peers, we are setting ourselves up for feelings of inadequacy and failure.
Another psychological factor driving upward social comparisons is hedonic adaptation. We can understand hedonic adaptation through the same saying: “the grass is always greener.” According to hedonic adaptation, our own grass starts appearing less green to our eyes over time. The longer we have something, the more we get used to it and the less we appreciate it. Hedonic adaptation was demonstrated in a research study where two groups of people were asked to rate their happiness in life: one group immediately after winning a million dollars in a lottery, and the other group after an accident that cost them the use of their legs (Brickman, Coates, & Janoff-Bulman, 1978). Not surprisingly, lottery winners rated their life happiness as being higher than accident victims. More surprisingly, when these two groups were followed up after a year, the gap between the groups on expressed life happiness had narrowed significantly. At this point, the lottery winners were still somewhat happier than the accident victims but not more so than people in general. Even more surprisingly, although the accident victims were somewhat less happy than people in general, they still judged themselves to be quite satisfied with their lot in life. Although lottery winners and the accident victims differ greatly in life circumstances, we can see that their life satisfaction is being driven less by the objective facts of their lives and more by hedonic adaptation to events. People adjusted to their condition, such that bad situations became tolerable and good situations became boring over time. People also changed their definition of a good life in a way that hurt or helped their life satisfaction: lottery winners visualized lifestyles of the rich and famous and felt dissatisfied in comparison, while accident victims were happy to simply get through the day without discomfort.
The third psychological factor underlying upward social comparisons are social norms. There are many social norms that influence our behavior in everyday life – we greet people with a hello, don’t stare, donate to charity, recycle trash, and avoid using plastic bags. Many of these behaviors are voluntary, and the main reason we do them is that they are normative or expected by the society we live in. An important social norm that heightens upward social comparisons is the norm of competition. Most of us live in meritocratic societies that emphasize competition and reward the best performers in the workplace. Even in our personal lives, we are used to the idea of competition: we play the dating game, compete in the mate market, and encourage our children to top their classes. This competitive mindset encourages constant comparison with others as we size up others to get ahead in the human race. And who do we compare ourselves to? The hedonic treadmill highlights those who are doing better than ourselves, which, in turn, promotes upward social comparisons.
The fourth psychological factor that increases upward social comparison is evolution. Our minds and bodies today are the products of millions of years of evolution, during which the fittest survived to pass on their genes. Remember, only the fittest survived – not the somewhat fit or mostly fit, but the fittest. Since evolution rewarded those who were champions of their environments, our minds have evolved to focus on the top performers in our social milieu since they are the best examples to emulate for survival. And the more we use these high reference points, the stronger is our instinct for upward social comparisons.
The psychological reasons described above conspire to make upward social comparisons virtually irresistible. It is said that we are social animals. It would be more accurate to say that we are herd animals, searching for a group to follow and a leader to look up to. This hardwired tendency towards upward social comparisons can easily undermine our sense of well-being. For example, one research study investigated how happy employees in a firm were after getting a substantial raise at the end of the year (Card, Mas, Moretti, & Saez, 2012). Some employees in this study were simply told they were getting a raise. Others were told they were getting a raise and that their colleagues had also been given raises – with some colleagues getting bigger raises and others getting smaller raises. Not surprisingly, employees who were simply told that they had gotten a raise became much happier than before. In contrast, those who were told about their colleagues’ raises were only marginally happier than before, even though they received the exact same amount of money. We can understand this paradox in terms of upward social comparison – when we hear about colleagues’ raises, we automatically focus on colleagues who got a bigger raise rather than those who got a smaller raise than us, and this undermines happiness with our own raise.
So far, we have discussed upward social comparisons, that is, situations where we compare ourselves to others who are better off than us. However, upward social comparisons are not the only type of interpersonal comparison we can make. If we think more broadly, there are three possible types of comparisons: upward versus downward, social versus personal, and past versus present versus future. Let’s illustrate these through the saying “the grass is always greener.” Upward comparisons focus on grass that is greener than ours, while downward comparisons focus on grass that is less green than ours. Social comparisons focus attention on others’ grass, while personal comparisons focus attention on our own grass. Past comparisons assess today’s grass against the grass that grew last year; present comparisons are with the grass in our neighborhood today; and future comparisons refer to grass in the yards of tomorrow. It is important to keep all three types of comparisons in mind because they give us a broader perspective on the comparison process. They tell us that upward social comparisons are but one type of comparison and there are other ways we could compare aspects of our lives. As we will see shortly, these other types of comparisons might hold the key to taming upward social comparisons and improving our sense of well-being.
What Can We Do?
The first step towards better comparisons is to understand that it is difficult to avoid upward social comparisons by force of will. As we saw earlier, upward social comparisons are driven by powerful psychological forces that are difficult to resist head-on. Furthermore, research has shown that trying not to think of something can have the opposite effect of bringing to mind the very thing we are trying to avoid (Wegner, 1994). For example, researchers have conducted studies where people were asked not to think about unusual objects such as “white bears.” Ironically, it was found that giving such an instruction itself makes it more likely that white bears will come to mind. Similarly, if we consciously try not to think about other people’s successes, this might actually make thoughts about others’ successes more prominent in our minds. A better approach would be to supplement upward social comparisons with downward comparisons that we choose to make. For example, we could compare our current life situation with times in the past when we had less money, success, companionship, knowledge, or leisure. Similarly, we could compare our current lifestyle with that of others who are less fortunate than us. These downward comparisons will create feelings of gratefulness, which can act as an antidote to the envy generated by upward social comparisons. We can fight fire with water: envy with gratefulness.
One problem with downward comparisons is that gratitude does not seem to come naturally to people (Emmons & Crumpler, 2000; McCullough, Kilpatrick, Emmons, & Larson, 2001). While we automatically make upward comparisons, our minds resist making downward comparisons. One way to overcome our mental resistance to downward comparisons is to establish better habits of thought. Just as we can become practiced at things that initially seemed daunting – such as swimming, driving, or riding a bike – we can make downward comparisons second nature by diligently practicing gratitude at every opportunity. Research has shown that consistency is the father of habit (Bandura, 1977), and thus it is important to be consistently grateful for what we have even when it feels like a stretch. Over time, this will train our minds to automatically respond in a positive manner to the vicissitudes of life.
Two techniques are particularly useful for making a habit out of gratefulness. One is to write down, every night before going to bed, three things that went well during the day and why they went well. These events could be big or small, and the important thing is to write them down consistently every night without fail. Research has found that this exercise practiced for six months significantly increases happiness in life, even if the writing task is stopped after six months (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). A second method is to consciously think about a downward comparison every time we experience envy. To help us make these downward comparisons, we could prepare a “gratitude list” in advance and keep it on our phones or in our wallets to be consulted when required. As with any new habit, the earlier we start practicing downward comparisons the better, since early habits are easier to pick up and last longer than habits developed later in life.
Gratefulness is a gift that keeps on giving. Research on the halo effect has shown that gratefulness brings positive feelings to mind (Nisbett & Wilson, 1977). Other research shows that happy people are unaffected by the success or failure of others, whereas unhappy people are negatively affected by the superior performance of others (Lyubomirsky & Ross, 1999). Downward comparisons not only make us feel better about ourselves, they also increase our generosity towards others (Schlosser & Levy, 2016). Helping others, in turn, creates a virtuous cycle of stronger relationships and increased happiness in life.
Another step towards better comparisons is to take a more holistic view of cause and effect. When thinking about bad events in the past, people naturally focus on causes that were under their control (Roese & Olson, 1997). For example, when we think about an awkward date, poor job presentation, or burned dinner, we tend to think of things we did to cause these events without giving enough consideration to alternative causes such as others’ behavior, bad luck, or poor advice. Of course, our actions can contribute to failures and we should learn from our mistakes. But it is useful to remember that many factors beyond our control also influence outcomes in life, and we don’t naturally think of these factors when the chips are down. Making an effort to think of alternative causes will give us a more balanced view of our capabilities and increase our self-confidence in the face of life’s disappointments. Ironically, even while we need to think less about our own influence on past events, we need to think more about how we can proactively influence future events. Focusing on what we can do to influence events in the future will increase our sense of control and thereby our motivation to work towards desirable outcomes.
Yet another useful step is to turn hot comparisons into cold comparisons. We have seen that upward social comparisons often create feelings of envy. “Hot” emotions such as envy dissipate slowly over time, leaving behind the “cold” factual comparison with others as a residue. For example, initial envy prompted by a colleague’s promotion might slowly be replaced by a more rational comparison of job performance between yourself and your colleague. It is this rational or cold comparison with others, in the absence of emotions like envy, which helps us take the necessary steps to improve ourselves. Thus we should revisit our upward social comparisons after a day or two has passed and then write down a list of actions we need to take going forward. It is important to spell out our planned actions in writing rather than simply thinking about them. Research shows that writing down plans increases the likelihood of follow-through because the act of writing constitutes an initial commitment that our minds tend to stick to (Cialdini, Kallgren, & Reno, 1991; Shah & Kruglanski, 2003).
Another useful approach is to adopt a high-level construal in our thinking. Research shows that we can construe or view our environment in one of two ways – either with a high-level construal where we focus on ultimate outcomes, or with a low-level construal where we focus on intermediate processes (Trope & Liberman, 2003). For example, when planning a future vacation, we could adopt a high-level construal and think about ultimate outcomes such as relaxing on the beach or learning about a new culture. Alternatively, we could adopt a low-level construal where we focus on intermediate processes such as the flights we need to take or the budget we need to make. Research shows that people’s construal level depends on three factors: temporal distance, physical distance, and social distance. Temporal distance refers to time – events in the near future or near past are viewed with a low-level construal, whereas events in the distant future or past are viewed with a high-level construal. Things that are physically close to us are viewed with a low-level construal, while those that are far away are viewed with a high-level construal. And people who are members of in-groups (i.e., social groups we already belong to) are viewed with a low-level construal while those belonging to out-groups are viewed with a high-level construal.
How can construal levels help us make better comparisons? Adopting a high-level construal keeps us focused on the big picture and thereby diminishes the significance of any one event. Thus, for example, a high-level construal might reduce the sting of upward comparison with a richer person by reminding us that money by itself does not buy happiness. We can adopt a high-level construal by working through the three drivers of construal level – we could take a longer-term view of decisions; we could distance ourselves physically from the decision context; and we could choose to think about people in out-groups rather than in-groups. For example, we could ask ourselves, “How much will this matter in three years?” or “What advice would I give someone else who was facing this situation?” The more broad and long-term is our thinking, the better social comparisons we will make.
Finally, we can benefit by adopting a satisficing rather than maximizing mindset. As discussed earlier, we can approach our decisions in two ways – with a satisficing mindset where we choose the first option that surpasses a threshold of acceptability, or with a maximizing mindset where we seek the best available option (Iyengar et al., 2006; Schwartz et al., 2002). Research has shown that satisficers are less likely to engage in upward social comparisons than maximizers (Schwartz et al., 2002). Participants in this study completed a questionnaire measuring the extent to which they were maximizers or satisficers and then reported the frequency of upward social comparisons in daily life. The researchers found that satisficers made fewer upward comparisons than maximizers for products as well as people in their lives. We too can reap this benefit by adopting a satisficing mindset, which will minimize the negative emotions generated by upward social comparisons.