Chapter Fifteen

 

 

Kim took her seat at the conference table and tried not to think about how nice the morning had been. She’d woken up to the smell of bacon cooking and the sound of her son giggling. Then she’d heard Ezra’s voice, and for a single moment she’d feared she would open her eyes and be back at the fort, back in her tiny room looking out over the Mediterranean, and it had all been a dream. Finding Beck, coming to the States, being free.

For that moment, she’d felt a panic that still echoed through her brain hours later.

And that wasn’t good.

“Hey.” Charlotte slid into the seat across from her, a mug of coffee in her hand. “I heard Beck had one of the bodyguards pick up Ezra and drive him over to your place for breakfast. At first Ian was worried Beck was going to murder Ezra and bury him in the backyard, but I saw him earlier and he looked alive.”

Ezra had been sitting at the breakfast table laughing with Roman when she’d walked out, and Beck had placed a mug of coffee in her hand. He’d been standing at the stove, turning bacon and looking so handsome in the early morning light that her heart had done a stupid flip-floppy thing.

She was in serious trouble. “Apparently they talked last night, and they seem a little better. I don’t know. Part of me doesn’t trust it. Beck’s always been so angry. It has to be somewhere in there waiting.”

“I don’t know. He’s done a whole lot of therapy in the last seven years,” Charlotte countered. “Almost all of it centered around dealing with his anger. Men are weird. Women are taught to handle their anger from a young age. Men are taught to punch things.”

“Punching things used to work for me.”

“Shooting things used to work for me,” Charlotte replied with a chuckle. “I think Beck is into breathing now. I drink a lot of wine. And it helps to not be so angry. How are you dealing?”

“Well, I’m hoping we find something that leads to Levi dying in prison.” She’d thought about the mysterious Reva when she wasn’t thinking of how much better it would have been to sleep wrapped around her husband. And he wasn’t her freaking husband anymore, which was precisely why she was in trouble. “And not like he dies of old age, if you know what I mean. I’d like for him to be hard-core shanked and die in a puddle of his own piss.”

“We all want that. Though I suspect Ian would like to do the shanking.” Charlotte glanced back at the door as though trying to make sure they were alone. “I wasn’t talking about being angry with Levi. That’s easy. The anger you must feel toward Beck has to be harder.”

“Why would I be angry with Beck? He’s apologized. He’s been good with Roman. What more should I ask for?”

Charlotte’s eyes went wide. “Kim, he upended your life not once, but twice. Some might even argue it was three times. He divorced you.”

She shrugged and shoved the emotions that threatened to well down deep. That was where it all belonged. “Yeah, well, I was lying to him. I hid his brother from him for years.”

“According to Ezra that was the only reason he didn’t hurt himself,” Charlotte pointed out. “He didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. You saved him. You got him in touch with people who could help him and put him on a path he seems to genuinely love.”

“Well, he helped me out later. I wouldn’t have gotten through my pregnancy without him.” Any anger she’d felt at Ezra, she’d dealt with a long time ago. She’d made her choices and she lived with them.

“I doubt that seriously. I think you’re one of the most capable women I’ve ever met. But that’s another point. He left you alone to raise a child.”

Kim wasn’t sure why Charlotte felt the need to grill her, but it made her antsy. The night before and this morning weighed on her. Not because they’d been bad, but because of how comfortable she’d been. The truth of the matter was she was waiting for it all to fall apart, and there was a piece of her that wanted it to, wanted to get it all over with so she could move on. “I left him. I didn’t give him the chance to be Roman’s dad.”

“Yes. You fled in the middle of the night while a psychopath was looking for you. That’s not the actions of a pragmatic operative. That tells me he did something awful that night.”

“He said some words. He was angry.” Those words still echoed in her mind. She heard them every single time she worried she wasn’t a good mom.

“Words can hurt way more than punches sometimes. Especially when they come from someone we love. I should know. I did a lot of things to Ian I’m not proud of. In the beginning, that is. I hurt him quite badly. I thank the universe that my husband is actually pretty good at expressing himself and processing his emotions. Oh, he’ll tell you it makes him vomit, but he’s good at it. We had a shot because he let us work it out, and not just in bed, though there was a lot of that. He let me apologize.”

“I told you, Beck apologized. We both did bad shit. Some marriages aren’t supposed to work out.” That was precisely why she was so antsy. She believed that. They’d been through too much to start over. She was done being angry with him, had let go of that emotion altogether, and it was good to feel…numb. God, was that what she was afraid of giving up? The safety of the cocoon she’d woven around herself? She wanted to get up and walk out and not talk about this another second. Instead, she forced herself to smile. “There’s no need to worry. I’m good. Beck and I are in a good place. And I’m glad he’s talking to Ezra again. Now if we could solve our Levi problems, I think we could all get on with our lives.”

“What does that involve? I ask because if you’re planning on staying here, I can give you information on the best schools,” Charlotte offered and sat back. “The elementary school close to your house is fabulous.”

An image of her and Beck walking Roman to school whispered across her brain. “I’ll keep that in mind if I decide to move here. I’m pretty established in Europe.”

“Ah, so I should start thinking about who can take Beck’s place,” Charlotte mused. “It’s been nice having him around. He doesn’t mind traveling and he doesn’t mind working with different partners. You wouldn’t believe how rigid some of our guys have become. And by guys, I mean Erin.”

“Why would Beck quit?” It was a dumb question. He’d already said he would, but she felt the need to ask it, to force an answer from someone else. It was illogical for him to uproot his life since they weren’t going to be together.

“He’s going to want to be with his son,” Charlotte replied. “He can’t do that from here if you’re back in Malta. I was hoping offering you a job here would tempt you to stay, but if you’re taking Roman back, I know Beck will go, too.”

“It’s not as easy as that. He can’t simply move to Europe. There are a lot of hoops to go through.” She knew Beck had said he would move if she forced the situation, but she hadn’t truly believed it. Except he seemed to want to be a dad.

If he wanted to be a dad, then he shouldn’t have pushed her away. He didn’t get to waltz back in seven years later and dictate what happened in her life.

Damn it. Maybe there was some anger down deep.

Charlotte was looking at her like she wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t think a bunch of red tape will deter him. He’s been searching for you for seven years. He’s not going to let his lack of proper paperwork keep him away from his son.”

The door opened behind her and Charlotte’s face lit up as her girls strode into the room. Tasha was carrying a couple of packets of creamer in her hand. She placed them in front of Charlotte. “I found some in the storage room, Mom. I refilled the break room, but I knew you would miss it.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” Charlotte said, patting her oldest daughter’s hand.

“Mom, there’s something wrong with Mr. Kent’s brother,” one of the twins said with a frown on her face. “He’s weird.”

For a second she’d been scared, but Ezra was weird. “What did he do?”

The girl with strawberry blonde hair turned toward her, one brow arched over her eyes in an amazing imitation of her father. “He overheard me talking to Kenzie about this girl in camp last year who was mean to me and how I’m not taking it this year.”

“You didn’t take it last year,” Charlotte pointed out. “You punched her.”

“She punched me first,” the girl who was definitely Kala announced. “And Mr. Kent’s brother told me I should turn the other cheek. Why would I do that, Mom? Do I want her to hit my other cheek?”

“I believe he’s talking about the Christian principle of nonviolence.” Charlotte winced. “We need to go to church more often. You see Mr. Kent’s brother is a priest.”

“I thought that was his cover,” Tasha said, her arms folding over her chest. “I heard he was a criminal on the run.”

Charlotte was the one arching a brow now. “Where did you hear that?”

Tasha flushed slightly. “I’ve just heard rumors around the office. I wasn’t eavesdropping. Uhm, Uncle Alex is loud.”

“Your Uncle Alex said Father Ezra was a criminal?” Charlotte asked.

“I didn’t hear him say that,” Kenzie replied. “I heard him say that it was good we had a priest around now because someone should make Kala exercise.”

Kala’s eyes rolled. “He said he wanted someone to exorcise me.”

“What did you do?” Charlotte asked.

It didn’t get by Kim that Tasha had retreated to the door.

Kala shrugged. “I put a couple of bugs in Cooper’s lunch box. Or I thought it was Coop’s box. Turned out Aunt Eve used it, and she does not get a joke. They weren’t real or anything. They were plastic.”

Charlotte leaned over and put her hands on Kala’s shoulders. “You are never going to get Cooper to like you by playing practical jokes on him, baby.”

Kala made a gagging sound and backed away. “Like I want him to like me. I don’t even like boys.”

“You keep that up, baby girl. Boys are stinky and gross and bad for you.” Ian Taggart walked in and winked Tasha’s way. “Any chance I can get you on the no boys train?”

“Sure, Dad.” Tasha gave her dad a hug. “After all, you smell stinky lots of the time.”

Ian simply chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “True. And that’s what you’re in for. Now go, my daughters. I’m paying you. You gotta work before you go to camp.”

The girls all rushed out.

Ian raised an arm and gave himself a sniff. “I’m not stinky. I took a shower and everything.”

“I don’t think your daughter likes me very much.” It was good to have something to distract her from her previous thoughts. Not that it was a problem for her. She’d had lots of people not like her, but she usually had to do something to them first.

Tag waved a hand and took a seat by his wife. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Kala doesn’t like anyone.”

“Except Cooper,” Charlotte said.

Tag flinched. “I reject that notion.”

“I was talking about Tasha.” There was something going on with that girl. “Does she have a thing for Beck?”

Ian’s whole body shuddered. “No. Ewww. That is a sweet baby girl we are talking about, and she doesn’t like boys much less super-old dudes who haven’t smiled in seven years.”

Charlotte frowned and glanced out the conference room windows. “She did seem a little off. I’ll talk to her. I’ve never noticed her paying Beck any attention. Not more than she pays any of the adults. I would be less surprised if she had a crush on the younger guys. We’ve got some attractive bodyguards.”

“And they’re smart, too, because none of them would be interested in fourteen-year-old girls,” Tag said and then seemed to get serious. “Has Tash been rude? That’s not like her. She’s the sweetest of my kids. Probably because she doesn’t actually have any of my DNA. I swear Kala got a double shot.”

“I wouldn’t say she’s rude exactly.” Kim shook her head. “Or I’m being paranoid. It’s been a long time since I hung out in an office. Forget I said anything.”

“She’s a teen. They’re all on the moody side.” Charlotte nodded as the door came open again. “And honestly, she gets a bit emotional any time the fact that she’s adopted comes up. It’s why we don’t talk about her dad often.”

Tag sobered. “When she’s ready, we’ll tell her everything.”

“God, don’t.” Beck had a grin on his face as he held the door open for his brother. “Sasha could be on the wild side.”

Beck was smiling like nothing was wrong. Like everything was going right in his world. The man who hadn’t smiled for seven years.

Well, she hadn’t been the one who pushed him away. She hated that she was suddenly having these thoughts. They’d crept up on her. Or perhaps they were leaking. Perhaps last night had exposed some cracks in the walls she’d built, and years of pain were beginning to seep out.

She needed to patch those up and quick.

“Hey, you need anything?” Beck asked as he set a folder on the table, claiming the seat beside her. “Coffee?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m good. Thank you.”

He settled in as Ezra took his other side. “So, Tag, what’s the word? Did you hear back from your DPD contacts?”

“It was Beck’s bad driving, right?” Ezra asked.

It was odd to sit here with them. She hadn’t thought about it before, but it had been so very long since she’d been with the both of them. Even back when she and Beck had been married, Ezra had been deployed or on assignment, or Beck had been out of the country. They hadn’t spent much time together as a family. They hadn’t all sat around the breakfast table making jokes and enjoying the morning.

Had she ever truly had that? What would it be like to have it and lose it?

Was that what she was setting Roman up for? Even back in Malta her uncle had spent a lot of time traveling. It was usually her and Roman and Ezra in the mornings.

“I wish I could agree with you.” Tag sat back. “Adam did a deep dive on your officer yesterday. I don’t like the situation. Derek Brighton is our police department contact and he told me that Officer Gates has been bragging that he’s going to get a job with the feds. According to Adam, he’s been in DC recently.”

“Any overt ties to Levi?” Beck asked.

For her the fact that he was applying for a federal job was all the ties she needed. “He wanted to get a look at you. I would bet he had his body cam on the whole time. We have to assume Levi now knows Ezra is alive. The question is how did he even know to look? We know for a fact he didn’t see Ezra in Malta.”

“Do we?” Beck asked. “I know if I’d been Levi I would have had someone use their phone to tape the helicopter rescue.”

“It was rainy and Owen got pretty low.” The walls to the upper fort were high. “I don’t think that’s where he saw Ezra.”

What she didn’t say was how worrying it was.

“It’s possible that Levi was trying to figure out if you’re staying with Beck,” Charlotte mused.

“Why pull me over?” Beck slid a look her way like he was coming around to her way of thinking. Or trusting her instincts. “It would be far easier to put someone on surveillance. We’ve been coming and going. We’re not hiding. Ezra is, and we need to consider that Levi won’t be happy he’s alive.”

“But why would he even think to check if I’m alive?” Ezra asked. “Unless he saw me or someone told him. I’ve been in Europe for years and not once have I thought someone was looking for me.”

“I can assure you he thought you were dead,” Kim said. “If he hadn’t, he would have moved heaven and earth to kill you. You’re a loose end, and Levi doesn’t like those. You could potentially testify against him.”

“Ezra and I talked about this.” Beck sat back, looking thoughtful. “We decided he shouldn’t try to testify. He isn’t the best witness because of what he was doing back then.”

Ezra held up a hand. “Drugs. I was doing drugs. I’m betting there aren’t many people who would listen to me. There’s also the fact that I didn’t really interact with him. I remember his face, but he talked to my CO and my CO relayed his orders.”

“That sounds like Levi.” She needed to start thinking like an operative again. “I want to do some homework on the missions you went on back then.”

“That’ll be hard,” Ian pointed out. “I’m going to assume most of them were classified.”

“Yes, but I think if Ezra can tell us where he was and what he was doing, Kim and I might be able to piece some things together,” Beck offered.

“It was a lot of running guns, especially in North Africa, but I suspect those guns found their way to the Middle East.” Ezra fiddled with the mug of coffee in front of him. “There were a couple of rebel forces the Agency wanted to support.”

She knew the play. “Yeah, they’ll arm everyone to see who comes out on top. They do it quietly because Congress almost always has a problem with us fucking around in other countries. Levi’s bosses loved to do that. The question is can we get enough proof?”

“We would need something that made everyone above him nervous.” Ian proved he knew how to play this game.

All they needed to do was get the higher-ups scared enough that they threw Levi Green to the wolves. It was a sad fact of their world.

Which was why she didn’t want to have anything to do with that world again. Even McKay-Taggart felt too close. One good thing about having those seven years away had been not being worried every day that she was doing the right thing, that she was being part of the solution instead of the problem. She’d forgotten that knot in her stomach that she’d been forced to live with.

“If there’s anything we’ve learned from history it’s that the big dogs will let someone like Levi take the fall.” Beck seemed to be thinking the same thing she was. “If we can prove he was involved with evading Congress’s oversight, they’ll either quietly ship him to prison or take care of the situation.”

“You mean they’ll kill him,” Ezra said solemnly.

Beck turned to his brother. “I’m trying to save you and make sure that asshole never comes after my…after Kim and Roman. Make no doubt. He’ll use Roman someday. He’ll find a way to put him in a bad position. Just like he did with you.”

Ezra held his hands up as though conceding the point. “I get it. Hey, I’m all for this plan. I’m a priest. Not a saint. I wish there was another way though. Are we sure I shouldn’t go to the press? I know it’ll cost me a lot, but if it helps…”

“Not a saint? You’re looking to be a martyr, Father.” Tag shook his head.

“I’m not.” Ezra took a long breath. “I don’t want to go to jail, and I definitely have no interest in being assassinated, and those are likely my two options. But I cannot sit by if I can help. I wouldn’t do it to a stranger. I’m certainly not going to do it to the most important people in my life. Kim saved me. In so many ways. Roman gave me purpose and hope. My brother was the single most influential person in my life. I cannot fail them.”

Beck stared at the conference table before reaching out and patting his brother’s arm. “I don’t think we’ve exhausted our possibilities, and even when we do we’ll need to really think about our chances that it could work. Levi is in a different place than he was back then. He’s on far more solid ground.”

“After President Hayes left office, a more Agency-friendly administration took over,” Charlotte explained.

“Helped along by Levi, who used intel he found in the documents Tucker smuggled out of Kronberg,” Ian continued. “I saw those papers. That same year we had a candidate drop out six weeks before the election citing health reasons, despite there being no rumors before or after about his health. That candidate had ties to Kronberg.”

“I’m absolutely certain Levi used the information from Kronberg against him.” She could still remember that day in the limo. “He told me he was going to do it. So he’s responsible for this president being in office, and he’s marrying the VP’s daughter. I think he’s made himself bulletproof.”

“Unless we find a specialized bullet,” Beck mused. “No one is untouchable, and Levi’s made mistakes. It’s all about finding the right mistake. Have we figured out who sent the message Kim got in Malta? I find the timing interesting.”

“I’ve tracked the package back to Berlin.” Charlotte had her cell in hand as though she was waiting for something to come through. “Now the interesting thing is Levi himself was in Berlin up until that very day. I think we’re dealing with someone inside the Agency.”

“My contacts aren’t so great there anymore,” Ian admitted. “I backed the losing side.”

The losing side being her and Beck.

“I thought you still had some contact with Drake,” Beck prompted.

“A bit, but usually when he needs help from us,” Ian explained. “When Levi moved into a more powerful role, he brought Drake with him. Look, Drake’s been helpful, but he’s also close to Levi. If he for some reason sent this note to Kim, we can’t count on him to follow up. If he did it, this is all the help we should expect from him.”

Charlotte slid a glance his way. “We could have Sandra call him. He’s still got a soft spot for her.”

A slow smile spread across Ian’s face. “Well, she did teach him everything he knows. Damn, I miss her.”

Beck leaned over. “He’s talking about Roni’s mom. She worked here for a couple of years, but then left to be closer to her grandkids.”

“She now owns the rowdiest bar in Wyoming,” Charlotte said with a chuckle. “But at one point she was pretty close to Drake. He might listen to her.”

“We’ll hold that in our back pocket.” Ian made a note on his phone. “We don’t even know Drake was in Berlin. I need a list of everyone in that group. If he was there, then I’d like to reach out to him.”

“Why would Drake put himself at risk now?” She wasn’t sure it mattered who’d sent the note. And that proved she was out of practice, too. In the past she would have obsessed over the hows and whys of that tip. Now she just wanted it all to be over so she could concentrate on what was important.

Roman. Putting her life back together. Figuring out where to go from here.

“No idea,” Ian admitted. “He’s always been a bit of a mystery to me. But I think whoever sent us the lead was on to something. Hutch is downstairs with Adam and Jax and the other Lost Boys right now. They’ve been up all night working on finding this Reva person. He’s supposed to come up and fill us in.”

“He found Reva?” She should have been the one searching for the mystery lady, but no, she’d been playing around in Beck’s bed instead of doing her damn job.

And that right there was another reason she’d found some peace when she no longer was working. She was a control freak, slightly paranoid about anyone else doing what she thought she should be responsible for. It was one more reason they called her Solo.

She liked to work alone, be alone, be on her own.

She didn’t want that life anymore.

“I think there was definitely movement on that front.” Charlotte glanced down at her phone and then she was sitting up straighter. “They’re on their way up.”

She leaned toward her husband and they started to whisper.

Beck did the same toward her. “Hey, are you all right? You’ve been quiet all morning. I’m worried I was rough with you last night.”

She rolled her eyes his way. “Yes, you were so rough.”

His eyes narrowed. “I can be rougher tonight.”

She wished that didn’t send a shiver of anticipation down her spine. “I’m fine.”

“I doubt that.” He frowned. “I want to hold your hand, but I don’t think you want that right now.”

The desire to sit in his lap and wrap her arms around him was almost overwhelming. But she forced herself to sit in her own chair. They had specific parameters, and that was all she could be comfortable with right now. Any feelings she had for him could only be indulged during those hours they’d agreed on. Anything else and she would drown. If she let herself, she would end up marrying him all over again and living the life he wanted to live.

Or you could figure out what you want and ask him to go with you. You knew all those years ago you should get out and try something else. You knew it would make you miserable. You stayed because he was there and then you stayed because that damn job was the only thing that connected you to him. Let him make the sacrifice this time.

“I’m fine. Just worried, but I think I have every right to be.” She kept her tone calm and it was an effort because she found herself restless. Things were happening fast. Faster than she was ready for.

“You’ve got that look,” Beck said. “The one that lets me know you think it’s all about to go to hell.”

The conference door opened, and Hutch had the brightest grin on his face. He held up a thick stack of papers. “We got him.”

Yep, all the pieces were falling into place, and that was when everything exploded.

 

* * * *

 

The conference room was full of smiling faces, with the exception of one. It was the grim expression of Kim’s that made Beck wary.

“Okay, explain this again with actual words people outside of the computer world use and slower,” Ian instructed Hutch. He glanced Adam’s way. “How much sugar did you feed him?”

Adam grinned. “A lot. I had to keep him going.”

Hutch was practically vibrating. “So it took me a couple of hours, but I managed to get in contact with Reva. She’s in hiding. Changed her name and everything.”

“Is she hiding from Levi?” Kim asked with a weariness that made his heart ache because he didn’t think she was tired from lack of sleep.

She was tired from all the intrigue, exhausted from people pulling her one way or another. She’d been Levi’s chew toy for years.

And he himself had done a lot of damage, too.

“She didn’t know his real name, of course, and everything they did was online.” Hutch seemed to force himself to go slower. “But after the job was done some scary stuff started to happen, and lucky for us like many hackers, Reva’s completely paranoid. So to put it plainly, Levi hired a hacker to get into Kronberg’s systems and upload material he wanted there. At the time Reva needed the cash, and it didn’t seem to be such a crazy thing to put a couple of names in a pharmaceutical company’s backlog of investors. She admitted she didn’t read a lot of it. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she considered it to be rich people fucking each other over.”

“When did she figure out it was something more?” Ezra asked.

“Is she safe?” Kim asked at the same time. “You said she had kids.”

“Answer Kim first, please.” Hutch would likely answer the question that interested him first, but Beck wanted Kim to be comfortable.

Hutch stopped and looked Kim’s way. “Reva’s good. I don’t even know where she is. She’s changed her name, moved, and she told me she feels comfortable that whoever hired her back then doesn’t know where she is.”

“Then why is she willing to come forward?” Kim asked. “She would have to testify.”

“Ah, but she won’t,” Hutch said. “Because she’s got this, and she’s still got the original.”

“And what is that?” Beck was pretty good with computers, but even he didn’t quite understand all the tech stuff Hutch and Jax and Adam had spewed in the first frenzied moments after they’d walked into the conference room.

“She basically took a snapshot of Kronberg’s systems before she touched them. She’s got everything. It’s a beautiful job,” Hutch said with excitement. “She didn’t leave anything behind. It proves what she put in and what was real. This was as much a cover-up as it was a reveal.”

Damn, he’d worried about that. “If he could prove some of it was true, he could slip the lies in and no one would question it. That’s what he was trying to do with Kim. The question is how we use it.”

“We use it to fuck Levi over,” Tag announced with a shit-eating grin. “This is what our Berlin guy was telling us. Do you understand how close we are to another election? How this could bring down his soon-to-be father-in-law? He’s running and he’s probably going to be his party’s candidate. If the Agency has to pick between a potential president and a man who could bring them all down, I know who they’ll choose.”

They would choose the candidate who was ahead in the polls, and then hold it over his head and serve themselves.

“Or we could expose them all,” Kim said.

“If we expose them all, we expose McDonald’s drug.” Charlotte got to the point of the problem. “If we do that, none of us is safe. I understand the impulse. In a perfect world we could do it and justice would be done.”

“In the world we live in, it puts targets on the Lost Boys.” He had to be honest. There was a reason they hadn’t taken the whole thing to the press in the beginning. McDonald’s work had to stay in the dark. “There would be agencies who would think experimentation might lead to discovery.”

He didn’t want to state it blatantly since Jax was sitting right there. There might be people out there who would take a chance that the Lost Boys themselves held the secrets of McDonald’s drugs. And those experiments would be painful and lead to the death of the patient. He couldn’t let it happen.

“I think I can speak for all of us when I say we would prefer our names didn’t get leaked,” Jax said solemnly. “We’ve talked about this over the years. It might be braver to put it all out there, but it would also open doors none of us could close again.”

Kim’s eyes had gone wide. “We can’t let anyone know. They could come after their families, too.”

Now he did what came naturally. He reached out and offered his hand. She clutched it like a lifeline.

“But we can send this intel to someone in the Agency. We can let them know someone has to be held accountable,” Ian explained. “I have a friend who handles oversight at a very high level. He’ll take care of it. They’ll do one of two things.”

Beck knew exactly what Tag was talking about. “They’ll take care of the problem or they’ll interrogate him, find out everything he’s ever done, and then they’ll take care of the problem. Either way, they won’t put McDonald’s research out there and we’ll be safe.”

Kim’s hand came out of his and she sat back. “All right. We do this and then we hope they arrest Levi in order to cover their own crimes, and then we all go back to our corners and the mutually assured destruction sets the balance again.”

He understood her frustration, but this wasn’t an easy situation. This wasn’t something they could simply shine a light on and the problem would burn away in the sun. Unfortunately this problem would burn a lot of people they cared about if it was put in the light.

It would lurk in the background. It would be something they would all have to live with the rest of their lives. He missed the comfort of her hand in his.

“All right. I’d like to take a look at the data.” Kim seemed to pull herself together and Solo was back in the house. He’d come to think of her as essentially two people—his Kim and the Agency’s Solo.

She’d had to compartmentalize to do her job, to survive in the harsh world they’d lived in for so long. Even here at McKay-Taggart there were hard calls to make.

Had she found a softness in Malta that she missed? This was the first time since he’d seen her again that Solo had come out. How hard was it to bring back her cast-iron persona?

“I can walk you through it all,” Jax promised. “It really is good news, Solo. If Levi’s out of power, there’s not much he can do to you. Given the fact that we can prove he manipulated this data, I can’t imagine a scenario where he keeps his job. Not only did he threaten to point a finger at some people who did support McDonald, he implicated people who didn’t. And he hid the actions of people who could help him, including his future father-in-law. The current VP not only had stock in Kronberg, he met several times with McDonald herself and had a close relationship with McDonald’s father. He’ll dump Levi like a hot potato.”

Kim got quiet. “He’ll dump Levi and move on with his life. In the end, Levi was nothing to him.”

“He made his choices,” Ian said softly.

“Of course he did. He deserves every fucking thing he gets. And more. When you think about it, he’s getting off easy.” A bit of his old anger bubbled up. They were still here. She still had some kind of feelings for the bastard even after all this fucking time. His old insecurities welled inside. “Do you even want to pursue this? I guess I should have asked. Maybe you want…” Fuck. He wasn’t doing this. He wasn’t falling back into this pattern. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

She stood. “Oh, but you did. I assume what you were going to say was maybe I want it. Maybe I want Levi to continue to come after me. Maybe I’ll miss having a sick stalker coming after me. Who knows? Maybe I’m some pathetic creature who craves his attention.” She sighed and turned to Jax. “Can we do this downstairs?”

“Kim, I’m sorry.” He knew he’d been an ass, but he didn’t understand what she’d meant. She’d looked like she felt sorry for the bastard. “Let’s go to my office and talk. Please.”

She was already at the door. “No need. I’ll see you later. After all, we’re still going to Sanctum tonight. Or maybe I should ask Levi.”

Damn it. He’d fucked up. “We’re still going unless you want out. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I made a deal. I keep my deals. I don’t break them when I get my feelings hurt,” she said and strode out the door.

Every word felt like a kick.

Jax gathered up his papers. “I’ll go and show Solo what we found. Adam, you can handle walking the rest of them through it, right?”

“Sure,” Adam offered. “Though if I’d known I was getting a show, I would have popped some corn.”

“Why don’t we take a break before Adam starts his presentation?” Charlotte stood up and sent her husband a look.

Ian sighed. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Adam shook his head, but he was already out of his chair. “You guys are no fun. Anyway, I should go and make sure we’ve got eyes on Levi if we’re doing this today.”

“As long as Solo and Beck are good, we’re a go,” Tag replied. “I say the sooner we get Operation Summer’s Eve underway, the better.”

“We’re not calling it that,” Charlotte said with a groan.

“It’s because he’s a douche, baby,” Tag replied.

Ezra stood up and moved close to him. “You want to take a walk?”

He stared up at his brother. So much had gone wrong, but it might have started with him. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. I don’t know how I would have reacted back then, but I know I would have still loved you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, and then I let too much time pass. I’m sorry I had a part in what happened between you and Kim,” Ezra said softly. “She doesn’t care about Levi. She loves you. She always has. Maybe you should go downstairs and try to talk to her.”

Before he could answer, Ian was leaning forward. “I need a word with Beck, Father. If you don’t mind.”

Ezra put a hand on Beck’s shoulder and nodded Tag’s way. “Sure. I’ll go check on Roman.”

It had felt good to say those things to his brother. Why couldn’t he and Kim do the same?

They all filed out and he was left with Tag. He knew exactly what was coming. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“And yet you did. I thought you were past this.”

He felt sick but he forced himself to breathe. “I did, too.”

Tag sat back with a sigh. “Thank god you’re not, man. For a while there I’d thought you’d become some weird perfect therapy patient. Kai was walking around like he’s some guru because he fixed you. I always knew deep down that you were as fucked up as the rest of us. All you needed was one specific trigger.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. “Kim is not a trigger.”

“She is totally a trigger for all that anger festering inside you,” Tag insisted. “See, you have to fix that. Me, I got a million triggers for my rage. Assholes who don’t drive the speed limit. Assholes who go way over the speed limit. Assholes on skateboards, unless they’re falling off their skateboards and then I think they’re hilarious. Asshole hipsters who say they won’t listen to anything but vinyl. Asshole…”

He held up a hand. “You don’t like assholes. Got it.”

Tag sobered. “The point is I’m angry all the time.”

Beck knew how that felt. “I’ve learned to control mine. It was a slip.”

“No, it was a trigger, and she needs to be the opposite of a trigger,” Tag countered. “She needs to be the button you push when you need to calm down. She needs to be the one thing in the world that can wash away all the bad shit. She and your son.”

He would have said she was, but once again their relationship had proven to be complex. “You know it’s not that simple.”

“It’s not simple for her either. She’s at a serious crossroads, and you need to help her make a choice that’s good for her and Roman and not that’s simply a reaction to you being an asshole.”

He didn’t want to push her away again, but he hadn’t imagined what had happened. “She was feeling sympathy for that bastard.”

Ian’s head shook. “No, she was feeling empathy because she could easily have become Levi Green. Any of us could. Why do you think I got out? I got out because I met my Charlie and even though I thought she was dead, I knew I couldn’t become the raging pit of darkness that I would become if I stayed in. Some people can do it. Some people can compartmentalize so well they can have a family and feel love and compassion and still walk into that office and move people around like chess pieces. I couldn’t. But if I hadn’t met Charlie, I think I would have. It’s so tempting to be in control every second of the day, to know you don’t have to be afraid because you’re the monster.”

“You’re saying you feel bad for Green?” It was hard to comprehend.

“My ability to see the hows and whys of Green won’t make me gut him with any less enthusiasm,” Tag promised. “Do I understand him? Yes. Do I understand that he had no one growing up, that he was a pawn to his parents? They threw money at him, and then there wasn’t any more money and he was totally on his own. With the exception of the money being gone, who does that sound like?”

He sighed because he knew where Tag was going with this. “I know it sounds like Kim.”

“She knows damn straight that she could be in Levi Green’s place,” Tag replied.

“That’s bullshit.” She wasn’t like that. Yes, she’d made some hard calls, but she wouldn’t have sold her soul.

“No, it’s not.” Tag obviously wasn’t backing down. “In this, I understand her far better than you can. You’re one of those people who can’t be moved. It’s not in you to do the wrong thing. You’ve proven that time and time again.”

“I’m not freaking Captain America. I’ve got blood on my hands, too.”

“When killing a person meant saving others, yes, you did,” Tag agreed. “You put your job on the line to take out someone who was killing his own people when you were ordered to work with him because it was in the best interests of the United States. You’re the guy who can’t stand by when someone is being hurt. Not for any reason. It’s why you should always have been on the civilian side.”

He sat back, a lot of what Tag was saying settling in. Had he not spent so much time with Kai, he might have dismissed it all and hung on to his anger. “So what you’re saying is Kim sees herself in what’s going on with Levi. There’s a part of her that understands why he did the things he did. He wanted to belong. He wanted to be important. He did everything his bosses wanted him to and more, and they are going to ruin him for it. But she wouldn’t have done any of it.”

Tag pointed his way. “That’s your righteous self doing the talking. You don’t know that. She’s chosen her job over you before.”

“Because I pushed her away.”

Tag sat back. “I do think you’re the difference, but Solo knows she could have gone down that path given the right circumstances. And just for a second, she felt bad for him. It doesn’t mean she loves the asshole. It means she knows what it feels like to be left adrift. And the part at the end about going to Sanctum was about you being a whiny man bitch who didn’t honor your marriage vows.”

“I never cheated on her.” He hadn’t even thought of another woman when he’d been with Kim. Hell, even when he wasn’t with her, he barely seemed to think of anyone but her.

“No, but you left her,” Tag pointed out. “For better or worse, my man. If you can’t honor that, let her go and find someone who can because that woman could have found you with a gun in your hand standing over a dead body, and all she would have asked was how she could help. Maybe you need someone a little less dark than Solo.” Tag started to stand.

He didn’t want to leave things like this, and if there was one person who knew how to handle some darkness it was Tag. “I love her. She’s the only woman I’ll ever love, and I worry that the minute she’s safe, she’s going to leave me again. I’m worried she won’t let me back in and the only connection we’re going to have for the rest of our lives will be Roman. I love my son. I didn’t even know I could love someone the way I love that kid, but I want to be a family. I want my wife back. What do I do to get her back? How do I prove to her that I’ve changed and I won’t leave her alone again?”

It had been the worst thing he’d done in his life. He’d abandoned her when she’d needed him. Maybe if he’d stayed with her she would have trusted him enough to tell him about his brother. Maybe they wouldn’t have wasted all those years.

Tag stopped. “You really want her? You have to stop the bullshit with Levi. He’s the bad guy. He’s on the other side and she’s not in the middle, man. She never was. For years you treated this like a love triangle. She can’t be in a love triangle with her fucking stalker, and she can’t trust anyone who thinks she would. So let that go.”

He felt a bit weary. Why had he opened his stupid mouth? He knew her deep down. “I have. I know I had a moment of weakness, but I see it now. I can be dumb.”

“It’s good that you acknowledge that. The second thing you have to do is all about anger.”

Beck shook his head. “I’m not mad at her.”

“No, but she’s furious with you. I don’t think she knows how angry she is with you. She won’t acknowledge it.”

“I know.” He felt it every day. The only time she’d truly softened had been when they’d made love the night before. “She needs to let it out. She needs to yell at me and call me every name in the book and tell me how much I fucked up.”

Tag nodded. “Yeah. Until she does, it’s going to eat her up inside.”

“She doesn’t want to talk about it.” Every time he tried to gently broach the subject, she shut him down.

“She doesn’t feel safe talking about it. So make her feel safe. Give her what she needs to let it out.” Tag tapped the desk with the folders in his hands. “Sanctum is the sight of many a primal scream, my man. If you need to game plan, I’ll be in my office this afternoon.”

If he could get her to open up, they might have a chance. He sat back and played out the possibilities in his head.