We find a vacant house close to the base for the night. It’s modern but impersonal with mostly blank off-white walls and ceilings. I like the place we stayed in last night much better. Sure it was small, but it was also much cozier.
We move a large desk from the back office to barricade the front window with. Soon we are having dinner to candle light while the sun sets. I hope we don’t become alcoholics. I think while revealing the bottle of cognac that I had hidden.
“A girl after my own heart,” Liam says in a cheery tone, with a smile. His comment only serves to reinforce my previous thought as I imagine us ten years in the future as lazy drunken zombie slayers who only shoot from the sitting position in a Humvee turret. This gives me pause for two seconds before pouring our glasses for a toast.
“To us, our one hundred thousand rounds, and the fact that we’re not afraid to use them,” Liam says raising his voice. “Tomorrow it’s time for some payback.” I am surprised by his words. He’s proposing that we go on a zombie killing rampage tomorrow. Up until now he seemed so reserved, careful and pragmatic. This is more like something I would say, not him. I hope that my own craziness isn’t wearing off on him, infecting his better judgment. Still my mind swims with the possibilities and I can’t help but support him in this endeavor.
“I’ll drink to that,” I say while clanking my glass against his.
We soon finish our canned meal and take our drinks to relax on the dark gray L-shaped couch. Our conversation starts off with us talking about the hundred thousand zombies we plan to kill tomorrow, what city we will hit first—the city where we met. We drink, joke and laugh. But still the question looms in the back of my mind. Why are there so few survivors? I need to understand it and I want Liam to help me figure it out. His mind is logical, even analytical and he stimulates my thinking process.
“I still don’t get it,” I say becoming more serious.
“Get what?” Liam says matching my tone.
“Why there are so few survivors,” I say. “Say there was ten percent who were smart enough to hide. That’s thirty million people in this country. What happened to them?”
“They made bad decisions,” Liam says, “or had bad execution of good decisions.” This is a good general assessment, but I need to go deeper.
“Most people didn’t have good weapons,” I say.
“Yes, finding a weapon is the right thing to do,” he continues, “but many people died trying to get them. I know I almost did.”
“Me too,” I say. “Melee weapons seem like a bad idea.”
“Right you are,” says Liam. “There are a few big problems with going hand to hand. First, the kill rate is too slow. Get attacked by more than a few at a time and you’re surrounded and bitten. Secondly, it tires you out too fast. Defending a choke point might be okay at first, but after thirty or forty swings you’re exhausted.”
“The zombies don’t get tired,” I say solemnly.
“Third,” he continues, “too much of their bodily fluids get splashed in your face. I don’t know if you can become infected by getting their blood in your eyes or mouth, but I sure don’t want to find out the hard way.
“I saw three brothers with metal baseball bats. They were as good as you can be with them and I still watched them all die. I talked with the oldest brother, Frank, before he died. He was a nice guy,” I say while the somber memory plays out in my mind. “He had a strange last request.”
Liam looks at me quizzically. “He told me to tell someone about him and his brothers Jimmy and Owen. So I guess I’m telling you now.” We both sit quietly for a few minutes, drinking and thinking.
“I saw a few people die myself,” says Liam. “There was this girl who I thought would make it, but she didn’t. I told her to stay put but she didn’t listen and ended up making a run for it at a bad time.”
“It’s almost as if certain people, lots of people, didn’t have the will to survive. It’s like they just couldn’t mentally handle it,” I say while Jack Nicholson emerges in my mind.
“Oh yeah, I saw those too,” says Liam. “I file them under the larger category of non-self-reliance; all those who can’t survive on their own without receiving help from others.”
“It seems like half of the population fell into that category,” I say.
“And the other half died trying to help them,” Liam finishes as I watch his sultry lips articulate the words. The more time I spend near Liam, the sexier he becomes to me. It’s getting to the point now where I’m in serious trouble.
“Shotguns and large caliber guns seem like a bad idea too,” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
“Yes, I saw a few die that way too,” he says, “not enough bullets.”
“I found three on a roof in Arizona who died from dehydration just days before I got there by the looks of it,” I say, “I still kick myself for not leaving sooner.”
“You can’t blame yourself for their mistakes, Ceres,” Liam says, “with a gun and ammo they would have been fine on a roof.”
“Yeah, they had a rifle, but ran out of ammo,” I say, “another five hundred rounds and they would have made it.”
“That’s another good point,” he says. “If you are trapped without ammo or a way to kill them then it’s only a matter of time before your food and water run out. The first few days were the hardest to get past. How much ammo did you have for your air rifle?”
“Two thousand pellets,” I say, “but I didn’t even use a quarter of that. What did you have in the beginning?”
“Just a .22 rifle with a couple hundred rounds.” Liam says. “It was a bit tense at times, but the nice thing about the .22 is that it’s the easiest ammo in the world to find.”
“Yep, and the rifles are easy to find too,” I say, “but they’re only good at a distance or against a limited number of zombies. Dual handguns give a much faster kill rate and are much better for close quarters combat.” Liam looks at me becoming serious.
“Have you considered that maybe you shouldn’t be in close quarters combat with the undead?” he says sternly while raising an eyebrow. There’s the scolding again. Maybe he only sees me as an insubordinate child. Maybe that’s why he’s not interested in me in the same way that I’m interested in him. I just wish that I wasn’t so smitten by him.
“Hey, they come to me,” I retort, “I just sort them out as best I can.”
“I would always find a defensible position, a place where they couldn’t reach me before starting a fight,” he says.
“Yeah, that’s the only time I would use my rifle,” I say. “I would have said that using rifles exclusively was a bad idea until I met you.”
“And I would have said the same thing about handguns,” Liam retorts with a grin, “until I met you.” The words sound like a jab, but feel more like a compliment coming from him. Then it starts happening again: the whole world fades and then brightens into an enhanced, rose-colored state as we begin to exist inside of our own newly formed magic bubble. I gaze into Liam’s sparkling green eyes flickering by candle light and wonder about the magical energy I see in him.
Could he be some kind of wizard?
“So back to the last ten percent who survived the first day,” I say attempting to snap out of my trance. “Half died from incompetence or as you put it, non-self-reliance. The other half died trying to save others or from bad execution including bad weapon choices, bad tactics, etc. What about those who did things right like us? Where are they?”
“It’s a good question. Even as orchestrated as it seemed to have been you would still think there were more than two of us for the whole country. There have been no radio signals since they first went off the air.”
“Yes, but we also haven’t sent any, either,” I say. “Maybe none of us know how to.”
“I do,” says Liam.
“That settles it,” I say. “Let’s find a station and start transmitting.”
“Deal,” says Liam. But he is already transmitting volumes of bandwidth to me. It almost overloads my senses as I watch his face in the candle light, how he moves his hands, how he cradles his wine glass between his fingers. I’ve never experienced chemistry like this before. I’ve also never felt so unsure of myself around someone I’m interested in—maybe because I’ve never been this interested before.
It was always obvious how guys felt as they were pursuing me in the past. This is the first time that I have to do the pursuing and I don’t know quite how to do it. I can’t tell if Liam is interested in me but I have to find out. Maybe he’s gay? No, that thought is quickly dismissed. Not him.
“So, were you married?” I say. Real subtle. But I don’t care anymore. Either he’s interested in me or he’s not. Either way I’m finding out tonight.
“No,” he chuckles, “I thought we covered this already?”
“Gay?” I say not quite believing I’m saying it myself.
“Do I seem gay to you?” he replies bewildered.
“No. It’s just that,” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. “You haven’t made a move on me yet and I was starting to wonder…” Now I’m starting to lose my confidence and my voice along with it. “If… if you’re even interested,” I stammer before my throat closes up.
I have never felt so vulnerable, so insecure around a boy before. I can’t quite fathom why. It may be because of the extenuating circumstances or due to the fact that he very well may be the last man on earth. No, it’s because he’s perfect in my eyes and I’m way too into him. I look down at my drink unable to make eye contact. I start feeling like an emotional basket case and I just want to run up stairs and lock myself in my bedroom for the night.
Stupid, stupid school girl.
“You can’t tell?” Liam says sounding surprised.
“No,” I say looking up at him.
“I thought I was too obvious,” he says.
“You’re about as easy to read as a brick wall,” I say. He looks at me as if I hurt his feelings.
“A nice, shiny brick wall,” I add trying to sound less mean.
“So you think I’m not interested in you?” Liam says. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” I know I’m no super model, but Liam’s words make me feel like I must be attractive to him. I just shake my head in response.
Maybe he really does like me or maybe we’re both just seeing each other through post-apocalyptic beer goggles. Whatever the reason, he damn well looks like a male super model to me, a sparkly one.
“I thought maybe you were just being nice to me, you know, showing pity on me for being the last guy on earth,” he says. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.” I realize at this moment that here before me may be the most decent man I’ve ever met. Decency in a package as attractive as his is so rare that I can no longer stay on my side of the couch. I get up, walk over and sit next to Liam taking his hand in mine.
“Have you looked in the mirror lately?” I say. His hand is warm in mine and tingles with Liam magic. I raise his hand and kiss the back of it, my lips tingling with energy when they touch his skin.
“Can you feel that?” I say almost in a whisper. He nods and I can tell by his face that he too feels the electricity generated by our touch. He opens my hand in his.
“Have you ever had your palm read?” I shake my head while Liam looks at my opened palm. “Your life line goes on forever,” he says. “It’s no wonder you’ve survived.”
“Really?” I say. “Show me.”
Liam puts his finger on my palm at the top and then slides it slowly down towards my wrist. The sensation is what a sparkler must feel like as it burns down on the fourth of July, as waves of heat spread from my hand throughout my body. We sit close enjoying the magic of each other’s company until we realize how late it has become.
When I motion for us to sleep in the master bedroom together Liam hesitates, which has me confused.
“It’s…” he says.
“Still too fast?” I finish for him.
“Just lay with me and talk,” I say and he agrees. He strips to his skivvies and me to my red underthings before we slip into the large king-sized bed. We lay on our sides facing each other. Liam’s face is as beautiful as ever in the flickering candle light and I study the features of his fair skin in a state of fascination.
“What if we’re no good?” he says.
“What do you mean?” I say.
“You know,” he says concerned, “what if it’s no good.” He has me truly perplexed for a moment before it comes to me.
“You mean sex?” I ask.
“Yes, what if we’re not good like that,” Liam says. The idea of this seems so absurd to me that it is the furthest thing from my mind. The magical chemistry I share with him is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I can’t imagine the sex being anything less than spectacular.
Still, I wonder which one of us Liam thinks might not like it. Liam’s mixed signals are so puzzling and mentally stimulating that he sends my thoughts racing in circles to find a solution. Finally I take his hand, open it and slide my finger down his palm like he did to mine earlier.
“Do you feel that?” I say. Liam nods. “That’s just our hands touching. How can we not be good together?” I move close giving him a second to prepare before kissing his lips. The magical charge generated from our lips touching is doubly intense and causes me to sigh. When I open my eyes again I see that Liam’s are still closed.
“We can’t be bad together, it’s not possible,” I say while pulling away.
“We can’t be bad together,” Liam repeats my words a bit dazed, maybe from the kiss, like I am. I think that I’ve proven the point to him, but I can tell that he’s still just not ready yet. “Can you keep a secret?” he asks.
“From who, the zombies?” I ask with a smirk. But Liam keeps his eyes lowered with a serious expression on his face.
“Yes,” I say.
“I was married…” he says wearily, “for four years. I thought I was happy. I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking only of her but she wasn’t… When she told me I thought she was just joking. She had met someone else and that was that. I had no clue. She moved out just a couple months before all this happened. I was in shock for a while and then went through all the other phases: denial, anger, and finally acceptance. The worst part was the why. I was happy but she wasn’t and I don’t know why. I don’t suppose I’ll ever know.”
“She’s an idiot,” I say, “and she never deserved you.”
Liam smiles. “All this time I thought I was the idiot.”
“Nope, definitely her,” I reply, “but still, I should thank her for being such an idiot.”
“Why?” Liam asks sounding perplexed.
“Because if she hadn’t left you when she did then you wouldn’t have survived,” I say, “and you would have probably died trying to save her dumb ass.”
He smiles. “Are you trying to inflate my ego or does it just come naturally?” he says softly.
“I’ve been around the block and have seen a few egos in my time,” I say, “Compared to them, your ego is almost non-existent, and you’re a much better person than they ever could be. In my book, you deserve to have a large ego.”
Liam smiles and gazes into my eyes. “You’re so…” he says then pauses. I could backfill the word for him, but I’d rather just keep looking into his green eyes. “Unexpected,” he finishes. I had almost forgotten that he was in the middle of a sentence. Unexpected is exactly how I feel about Liam, so him finishing his sentence this way is completely natural. Our reciprocal way of describing each other is so very curious to me. We can finish each other’s sentences, or just let the other finish, with fore-knowing, while enjoying the verbalization. Talking with him is like knowing the words of a song without ever having heard it before. How is this possible? It seems more likely that our minds are just so similar that we think the same words at the same time. Is this love or something more than love? Innate knowledge is more than just love, but what do you call such a thing?
“Have you noticed how quiet the world is now, in your mind?” I ask.
“Yeah, I didn’t know it existed until it was gone, that… buzz in your head,” he replies, getting louder.
“Exactly, like a tone that was always there in the back of your mind your entire life, until it wasn’t. What do you think it was?” I ask, wanting him to validate my own thoughts.
“People…” he says thoughtfully. “Some kind of human group consciousness. It’s the only thing that makes sense. When everyone died it went away.”
“Strange, isn’t it?” I say. Liam nods and we just lay thinking for an indeterminable amount of time until I start to feel tired. “Now let’s get some sleep,” I say then kiss him on the forehead, roll over and blow out the candle. I keep thinking about Liam who is just a few feet away from me. There is something very appealing about his hesitations, his guardedness. I’ve never known anyone quite like him. He’s an enigma who peaks my curiosity while stimulating me in ways that I don’t fully comprehend.
I fall asleep thinking about how different he is from all of the other guys that I’ve known. The others would have taken advantage of me already, but not Liam. His not taking advantage of me only makes me want him to more. I think about how hard it would be to explain the fascination I have for him to Dana. She would say that it’s just chemistry, but it’s more than that. I’ve had good chemistry before and this is something else on a whole new level. There would be no frame of reference to explain to her the magical current of energy that flows between us whenever we touch. It comes from our skin, but goes much deeper than that.
His failed marriage sheds some light on him, but Liam is still guarding something. He’s a mystery that I would very much like to figure out. I will figure him out no matter how long it takes. There’s no way around our becoming intimate now. The only way around is through.