I’m sitting in this cute formal black dress at a table right beside the dock. My hair’s all natural, hanging down to my shoulders. I combed the little wigglies down and they’re neatly tucked underneath my curls. My face is dolled up and pretty for my lover. But I’m wearing really thick ugly glasses so nobody gets hypnotized by a stray glance.
Portofino è bellisimo.
I mean, right? The sky is clear, the stars are peeking through a purple-yellow glow lighting the horizon, and the classic yellow, pink, and red buildings by the Mediterranean Sea are turning nighttime yellow. All those yachts and fishing boats are brightening up too.
I sip white wine. Then I sigh. It would all make a wonderful vacation if I weren’t so worried about my friend.
“Not here yet?”
I tear my eyes from the gorgeous view. It’s my waiter, this clean-cut young guy in a suit and tie. I shake my head, quickly avoiding his gaze by looking down at the tablecloth.
“Would you like to order an appetizer, senora? Spiedino or caprese? Or perhaps oysters? È Buonissimo.”
He has an English accent. I don’t think he’s local, more like working for the tourist trade. You know this is a tourist town. Of course, I’m fluent in Italian.
“Prendo una focaccia al formaggio, per favore.”
“Magnifico,” he says, bringing his fingers to his lips.
This guy’s cute. He’s young and well built and the smile under his mustache reveals nice teeth. He leaves me looking at the harbor again. Many pretty boats are docked, and the purple-orange horizon is fading to black.
I’ve been here for half an hour. I really don’t care, just as long as my lover’s all right and I have this view. He went snorkeling like a normal human this afternoon.
A guy at another table looks over at me. His button-down gapes open, revealing part of his chest, and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. His blond date is sitting by him sipping champagne. She’s got a chignon and an elegant black dress. The guy is gazing right at me. I quickly look down. This is all I need—to make a scene freezing some stranger in the restaurant.
That happened to me in Paris once. It was a busy café, and two guys, sitting with their friends, were staring at me. Their mouths were gaping open for like thirty seconds, and people thought they were having a stroke or something. It was such a scene, with sirens blaring from an ambulance. Anyway, look away from Medusa. Look away.
I mean it. Don’t look at me!
An older couple sits at another table on the dock, not dressed too fancy, just enjoying the view like me. This couple looks cute together, but a bit too casually dressed. I love that.
I sip more of this delicious sweet white wine. In my periphery, the guy’s still looking over. Worse, he has a ring on his left hand. So does his wife, who’s now ignoring him, staring at the door to the inside of the restaurant.
I run a finger along the top of my wine glass. Then I sigh again. It’s such a lovely view. I regret not bringing one of my cheap, silly romance paperbacks from home to read while waiting for my man.
Finally, the table shakes as the seat across from me is taken. He’s here!
No… wait... This doesn’t smell like my boyfriend.
“Medusa,” a young girl across from me says. “It’s been too long.”
But she’s not a young girl. She’s that bitch goddess.
“No, it really hasn’t,” I reply. “It hasn’t been long enough.”
Unlike all the humans around us, I glare right into her bright blue eyes, now glistening in the candlelight. But I shake a little. This goddess hates me as much as I hate her. Her hair’s long and black, her olive skin is similar to mine, but that’s, thankfully, where our similarities end. Her hair is curled too much, like a perm. She’s wearing stinky perfume. She’s got her face caked in too much makeup. She’s trying to look older. She always has. She’s been trying to look older her whole damned eternal life. She always wants to look like her favorite sister, Athena, who she practically worships. The thing is, she’s always seemed like a cheap, immature copy of Athene. And, although both goddesses look young, this goddess’s features seem locked in teenagedom.
The little bitch’s infernal name is Diana. Once she was known as Artemis. She is the goddess of the moon, a very unfair appellation for such an ugly creature.
“What brings you to Europe, my pet?” Diana asks, glancing at the dock.
“I’m not your pet!”
She says that just to piss me off. And it does. All the gods know that I’m sensitive about being called an animal. Just like Arachne knew saying “led by a leash” would trigger me.
Diana twirls her fingers and her stupid gold bracelets clang.
“Last I heard, you were in America, Medusa. Florida, I discovered. I spoke to your champion recently. Athena sends her regards.”
“There’s no way you spoke to her.”
Diana leans forward and her eyes flicker red. “Oh, you’d be surprised what I’m capable of.”
“What do you want with me?” But I’m really not worried about me. I’m worried about my boyfriend.
“If you give me what I want,” Diana says with a shrug, “I won’t lay a hand on him.” Who said anything about “HIM”! “I really don’t care about you, Medusa. Just tell me why your master, Kore, sent you here.”
“No one sent me. I’m on vacation.” I point to the bay. “See?” Then I raise my glass of wine. “Holiday.”
She smirks. Then she wags a finger. Her stupid wrist full of gold bracelets rattles again. “She’s using you.”
Didn’t you notice, Gorgi, what she said? She said, “I won’t lay a hand on “HIM”!
“Senora, I see you have company.” The waiter’s standing over Diana. Diana looks up surprised. Apparently, she was too busy hating me to notice him come over. “Would you like a drink?” He smiles at her profile. Of course, Diana is stunningly beautiful. We immortals are all cursed with loveliness.
“Of course,” Diana says to the waiter. “I’ll have a Sidecar with cognac—cognac from the last century.”
“Sí, signora,” he says with wide open eyes. “I’ll check to see if we can accommodate. If not the last century, it will be of the highest quality, I promise. Dilizioso.”
“I should hope so,” Diana says. “This is the best restaurant in the Italian Riviera, is it not?”
“We shall satisfy your desires.” Then he does that cute kiss gesture with his fingers and darts off, happy to get her hoity-toity cocktail order. The goddess chuckles with conceit, checking him out as he walks back inside the restaurant.
“Pretentious bitch,” I say under my breath.
“Why were you sent here?” Diana snaps, turning back to me. She’s got Cora’s bright blue eyes. They’re pretty on Cora, but hideous on her. I swallow my delicious wine. It’s such a dichotomy to be in a beautiful restaurant with such a pompous young cunt.
“I wanted to say hi to my friend,” I reply. “I told her you guys are coming after her.”
Diana responds by shaking her head with more fake grinning. “What friend?”
“As if you didn’t know.”
“Where is she hiding The Scepter of Azure, Medusa?”
“Diana!” cries a woman’s voice. “I don’t believe it. You’re here too? What a small world.”
I jump from my seat. I’m so scared of Diana that my predator sense wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. A gorgeous woman in a long, flowing red dress, long blond hair, and large gold earrings, carrying a small diamond purse, glides over. She sits in a chair beside me and winks. It’s Cora, the goddess Persephone, my best friend!
Diana scoots her seat closer to the water, away from Cora. Actually, it looks like she’s ready to jump over the rail into the bay.
“What a treat that you’re in town,” Cora lies to the bitch. “Hi Gorgi.” Cora nods at me with a genuine smile. “Sorry I’m late. What a lovely night. The sky is clear and this bitch’s moon is nearly full.”
The waiter comes over and hands Diana her ridiculously expensive cocktail. “Last century,” he says with a wink. Diana doesn’t look like she believes him. “Focaccia al formaggio,” he says, handing me my appetizer.
“Would you like a drink, signora?” he asks Cora.
“I sure would. A vodka martini.”
He smiles and nods. Then he leaves us.
Cora leans over and glares at Diana. “So, what did I miss? What have you two been talking about?”
Diana turns uncomfortably to the dock. Meanwhile Cora glares at her. Diana’s silhouette turns a shade red, reflecting the light from my friend’s eyes.
“Why are you here?” Diana asks, sipping her snooty drink, with her back still turned to Cora.
“I’m watching over my friend,” Cora replies. “The important question is, what are you doing here? Last I heard you were caring for a private island off the coast of Spain. The owner just disappeared, didn’t she?”
“Is this really the place for a fight?” Diana snaps quietly.
“Who’s fighting?” Cora says with a laugh. “I’m hungry.” She reaches over and grabs some of my bread. I don’t eat any. I’m losing my appetite.
“The spider is my business, not yours,” Diana says, finally facing Cora. I shudder at her bright red eyes. “I get that you protect this snake. But the spider’s fate should not be your concern. She has no allegiance to anyone.”
“Arachne was changed by Athena too!” I snap.
“We saw you in the water last night, Medusa,” Diana says, turning to me. “She’s obviously down there. You didn’t swim alone in the middle of the night to see the monument. It’d save us a lot of time if you told me her exact location. Then I can just go.”
“I don’t even know,” I say. And that’s the truth. I was led on a route that’s far from the statue and then down a hallway to an exit with an impassible current. And there’s no way I’ll ever enter the way I exited.
“Did she have the scepter?” Diana asks.
“She didn’t tell me,” I say to both of them. “She said that even if she did, she’d never tell anyone.”
“Unlike you, Kore,” Diana blurts out, “even spiders aren’t interested in destroying the world.” Diana sits back in her chair and sips her snooty drink again. “If you want to know why I’m here, it’s to stop you from getting your hands on that weapon.”
“Liar,” Cora says. “I have no interest in it. Your friends do.”
“Anything that destroys our peace is in your interest,” Diana objects. “It’s in your nature as queen of the Underworld. It’s just a matter of time before your disease from beneath the ground is unearthed again.”
“How poetic, but untrue,” Cora objects. “You and your fucked organization won’t relent in screwing the world.”
“I’m not a part of Imada.”
“There’s another lie,” Cora says.
The waiter returns and hands Cora her martini.
Cora sips it and waits for the waiter to leave. Then she says, “I’m not planning to destroy the world, Diana. But I’m not going to let you hurt my friend.”
“Your destruction of my home proves you will, sister!” Diana says, hitting the table. “Your prophecy from your own lips says you will!”
All the couples and families at nearby tables turn. And their stares finally make Cora and Diana cover their red eyes. I catch a glimpse of that man who was ogling me. He’s furrowing his brow, and he and his wife are staring curiously.
“Shut up,” Cora snaps quietly. She and Diana shield their red eyes from everyone’s stares. “Stop making a scene. I thought only Athena was stupid enough to try to expose us.”
“You rile me up, sister,” Diana says with a shrug. But she’s talking more quietly. “You always did. You and your beastly husband have brought our family to ruin.” Then Diana turns to me. The red is shining through cracks between her fingers. “If you tell us where the scepter is, I’ll leave. I’ll even let the spider go.”
“Arachne won’t tell me,” I say. “She holds the same fears you do about Cora. Isn’t it enough to know that nobody knows where it is? If Arachne has it, she won’t ever use it.”
“Tell me,” Diana says, releasing her fingers from her face and staring at me. “If you don’t, I’m game for a fight.”
“Oh, you could never take me on, Artemis,” Cora says with a laugh. “And you’re not getting anywhere with Medusa and me here together.”
But then Diana smiles. She gestures toward the beach. A large group of black suits with shades are standing there. Two guys are talking into walkie-talkies on their shoulders. Their long black coats could be concealing guns. I’m just glad my boyfriend isn’t here.
But he will be! Which is why you have to leave now, Gorgi!
I know, Medusa. I know.
You have to quickly end this!
“I thought you weren’t a part of Imada?” Cora asks Diana, gazing curiously over my shoulder at her army. “What’s your plan? You want to kill a bunch of bystanders eating dinner? Why are you bringing them here?”
“That’s up to you. If Medusa fesses up, nothing will happen at all.”
“I told you, I don’t know!” I cry. “Okay. She didn’t say!”
Now I’m covering my green eyes in rage. I’m looking down and, with all the eyes staring down at our tablecloth, it’s looking like some sort of perverse Christmas decoration.
The cloth moves and the table shakes again as the last seat is taken. God, tell me it’s not my date!
“Am I late for this meeting, ladies?”
Diana looks up and her eyes look like they’re about to burst from their sockets. I recognize that awful voice. I’d recognize it anywhere. It’s Hades. He’s in a black suit and tie with short dark hair. It’s a wig. He’s naturally bald like Arachne. And he’s got a beard.
The sun’s down. There’s a lovely moon shining, and the stars are out. It’s quiet, because we’re all in shock. In the flickering candlelight, the setting is perversely romantic and perfect for my lover, but the strangest setting possible for an Olympic showdown.
My hair’s getting jumpy. I take a tie from my purse and quickly tie it in a bun. It’s the hardest bun I’ve ever tied in my life.
“Hello Kore, my lovely,” Hades says, sitting near me. “Medusa. Hello. And greetings to our criminal.” He wags a finger at Diana. “Diana, I haven’t seen you in years. What a wondrous reunion to see you here again tonight. I wonder why.”
Diana sends some kind of hand signal to the black-suited men that makes them disperse.
“Would you like a drink, senor?” the waiter asks Hades.
“Lasciaci, lasciaci,” Hades snaps, waving his hand dismissively at the waiter. Hades leans over the table. “Cut the shit, shall we, Diana? The scepter’s mine. I gave it to the nymphs, sure, but it was made for me. I own it and when it is found, it will be returned to me. You’ve always been a little girl looking up to the big boys. Well, I still hold your boss and—”
“Will you just shut up,” Cora says, rolling her red eyes. “We’ve got enough dicks blazing, we didn’t need the biggest one in the world to come here.”
“Looks like you did, Kore.”
“She doesn’t have it,” Cora says. “Nobody’s getting our scepter because Arachne’s not even telling Gorgiana.”
“Then why the fuck are they here?” Hades asks, pointing to the men in black retreating.
“I thought she had it,” Diana says with a shrug. She sips her drink. “I’m still not so sure she doesn’t.”
“I don’t know where the scepter is, okay?” I repeat, exasperated.
Where’s my date?!
There’s a shriek. It’s Diana. She nearly falls off her chair, pointing at the table with wide open eyes. In the center, crawling along the white tablecloth, is a large black tarantula. All the gods look at each other, even the ones who hate one another. Then they all smile. This can only mean one thing: Arachne.
But she can’t appear now! Not in front of them. They’ll hurt her. It’s nearly as bad as my date showing up.
“I didn’t come here for your stupid weapon, ’kay?” I cry, jumping up. “I came here because Cora told me my friend Arachne is in trouble. I wanted to help my friend. But you know what, Cora? I’m not even so sure she’s not in trouble because of you. Maybe Arachne’s right. Maybe there’s no side to be on.”
They all look up at me. All of them except Hades, who’s staring at the creepy spider.
“You hold the world’s wealth and power in your hands,” I rage on, “but you can’t get along for a second. Your family. All you do is bring down all the people around you. It’s what you guys have been doing forever. Athene changed Arachne because she couldn’t take anyone being better at making clothes. Just as she cursed me for my hair. You don’t act like people, you act like animals. You cursed me and then you cursed Arachne.”
“I really hate spiders,” Diana says, ignoring me and staring back at the creepy thing about to crawl over Cora’s salad dish. “Does this mean she’s here, Hades? Is she?” Then the bitch jumps and screams again. Another spider creeps up the tablecloth, near her hand. “I hate spiders!”
“Show yourself, Arachne,” Hades says with a grin, looking around the patio.
“Why can’t you just leave her alone!” I shout at Hades. This makes Hades finally turn to me. He’s got this infernal grin. “Diana, I left Athena alone. Okay? I don’t want to be anyone’s enemy. All you guys scare me—not for myself, I’m scared about what will happen to my friends! Leave Arachne and me the fuck alone!”
I stop. I’m breathing so heavily. My heart is racing. My whole body’s shaking, I’m so pissed. All the gods are silent, staring up at me. But that’s good because they’re ignoring the creepy-crawly arachnids. But then Cora points at my hair. The wigglies have burst right out of my bun and have turned into thick snakes, going crazy around my head.
A light shines from a cellphone by a nearby table. The phone’s being held up high from a guy’s outstretched arm, directed at me. I run as fast as the bulb of his cellphone flash, grab it, and smash the phone on the ground under my foot. Everyone in the restaurant gasps. Then I throw my high heels over the rail into the water, so I can run barefoot out of the restaurant while everybody stares. I run alongside the bay, away from Diana’s army, until I find a door to an emptier restaurant. Then I endure more gasps as another group of humans see me and my fucking hair.
“Get these creepy things away!” cries stupid Diana back at the first restaurant. I can still hear her with my predator ears. “They’re all over the floor!”
I run through an alley and make my way up the hill, moving as fast as I can because my hair is still in full-on snake mode. Did anyone else get a photo? Well, these days, it’ll probably be assumed to be fake. That’s the funny thing about our secrets. It’s rare that humans actually think we’re bona fide monsters.
“Where are you going, Kore?” Hades asks. I hear him with my super ears as I rush to my hotel.
“I’m leaving,” Cora replies. “I have to apologize to my friend.”
“Oh, and you?” asks Hades. “You going somewhere, Diana? I think you and I need to have a word.”
“You’ve got nothing on me, Orcus—unlike everyone else in the family whose lives you’ve ruined.”
“Stay a while. I’m sure I’ll find something.”
I maneuver around a building and into a dark alley. That’s good because everyone, like everyone, is staring at my hair. Finally, I’m far enough away to not hear their stupid infant banter. Their words turn into whispers and then…nothing. The sound of lovely silence.
I reach my hotel room before I know it. I dig in my pocket for the key card. I insert it and rush into my room.
My man is staring out at the view of the harbor, fixing his tie. He looks so cute in his formal black clothes. He swings around as I run into the room, but he knows to turn from my gaze.
I quickly check my head. Hair is back to normal. The snakes are moving a lot, but they’re deep inside.
I run into his arms.
“What’s the matter?” he asks. “I was just going to rush down to the restaurant. God, I’m so sorry, Gorge, I’m running late.”
I’m not. I couldn’t be happier. I kiss his cheek a few times and hug him tight.
“O-k-a-y,” he says with a chuckle. “Something wrong?”
“No. I just love you so much.” I back up a little and cover his eyes and kiss him on the lips. His face is a little green, but I’m calming down. “Can we just order room service tonight, babe? Is that okay? I decided I’d rather not go out.”
“Oh,” he says. “Is it because I got back so late?”
“No. I just really want to enjoy the view from our balcony with you alone.”
“Sure, I guess. I was excited for that restaurant, but there’s nothing more beautiful than this, I suppose.”
“Yeah. This view is so pretty. But you don’t have to change. We can stay formal. It’ll be, like, fun, right? Like a private fancy restaurant. I mean, the restaurant’s right on the water. We can eat up here instead and enjoy the amazing view. It can be like breakfast.”
“Why do I have the feeling you’re hiding something from me?” he asks.
I try to make things light by chuckling. I back up and look at his face. The green glow is gone. He still doesn’t look at my eyes because he’s too busy looking away. I’ve trained him well.
He sighs and shrugs. “Sure, Gorge. If that’s what you want.”
“How was the statue under the water, babe?” I am in his arms.
“It was so cool. It was incredible with the sun shining from above. I even held my breath and dived down near it. I’m really loving this trip. Thank you.”
“Even without the prescription mask?”
“Yeah, it was awesome.”
“I’m so glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
That makes one of us, at least.