“Eena, me needs yours help.” Carter Rand peered his big brown eyes up at Lena Rebel as he lifted the marker to her. “Pease.”
He smiled, a look of such hopefulness on his face that Lena knew she’d break. Where had the tough, no-nonsense woman gone—the one who didn’t put up with strife from anyone? Where was the soldier who’d pushed herself to be the best, leaving men in the dust as she did? Where had the army medic disappeared to that had busted her chops to the top, earning an assignment with the special ops team? The one who would throat punch a man for an off comment just as quickly as she could staunch a gushing artery ripped open from enemy fire?
“Pease, Eena?” Carter batted his incredibly long lashes and leaned into her leg.
Oh, right. The big, warm eyes that reminded her of the color of moose hide and the sweet, squeaky voice that often spoke phrases that cut right to her steel heart had blown the woman she knew to smithereens. She hadn’t wanted this assignment, but Zeke had insisted that the Rand boy needed an undercover bodyguard. Being the only woman on the Stryker Security Force qualified to protect the precious toddler made her the perfect one to play nanny. Or so Zeke said. Her insistence that the whole Manny thing was rising in popularity, and one of the guys could just as easily take the job, hadn’t swayed Zeke’s decision.
She should’ve tried harder.
“Okay, Carter.” She sighed as she pulled him onto her lap, uncapped the marker, and flipped her notebook she’d been writing the morning’s report in to a blank page.
She ran a hand over his downy hair as he scribbled on the paper. Over the last two months, Lena had found her carefully welded casing that she’d placed around her heart had chinks. A certain little boy had an uncanny way of seeping through the faults, softening her.
Making her weak.
She couldn’t afford weakness … vulnerability. She’d allowed that in once when she’d fallen in love with Ethan Stryker, the man who saw past her tough, Alaskan-bred exterior to the woman within who harbored hopes of finding a love like her parents had. The day he’d died, the hole in his chest as he’d lain lifeless on the helicopter deck had mirrored her own. When the fog of despair had lifted and she’d reluctantly come up for air, she’d started meticulously reinforcing the defenses around her shattered heart.
One look at Carter’s blond hair that stuck up wildly like Ethan’s had proved she hadn’t worked hard enough at closing off her heart. Hadn’t she already known that, though? Her time at Stryker had verified she still had feelings and could care, even though she wished she couldn’t. Her need to push the soft-hearted Kiki and toughen her up had been more about Lena’s own need to protect her friend than Kiki’s desire to learn self-defense. Lena had to shield those powerless against life’s travesties so they wouldn’t end up wrecked like she had.
She glanced down the hall, anxious for Mr. Rand to get there. She’d be having a nice conversation with him about keeping her in the dark. She couldn’t keep Carter safe if she didn’t have all the intel, and from Mr. Rand’s sharp tone, something had gone down.
Carter softly sang “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” the words skipping and getting jumbled as he tilted his head and scribbled away. Lena added her voice to his, causing him to peek back at her with a toothy smile. He returned to his drawing and sang with more gusto. Lena’s mouth lifted slightly at the corners as she glanced around the living room of the rented townhome.
She shook her head and schooled her expression. She wasn’t Carter’s nanny. She couldn’t forget protecting him remained her sole priority, even though the last two months she’d been here had the action of her mom’s quilting circles—nothing but a bunch of gabbing and pointless work. Protecting the adorable child wasn’t pointless, but she had seen no indication that this assignment was anything more than the inflated imaginings of a man with too much money to throw around––until today.
Marshall Rand didn’t need her here twenty-four seven, practically sleeping in the same room with Carter the way the bathroom connected her room and the boy’s. It wasn’t like someone could sneak into the secure mansion back in Kentucky that the Rands lived in. Heck, even the townhome he’d rented for his trip to DC had enough security that she wasn’t needed.
She still didn’t understand why Mr. Rand had insisted that Carter, and therefore Lena, come with him to the capitol. He’d been wrapped up in so many meetings over the week that he hadn’t come home until well after Carter’s bedtime. She still could hear Mr. Rand’s low comment that Carter went where he did, when she’d asked why the family was being dragged to Virginia.
Not that they were a family.
Far from it.
Though sometimes she wondered if what she experienced on the assignment was what most families’ lives were like. The father leaving for work early in the morning. The kids doting on their fathers, never understanding why the man they admired most ran off each day instead of staying to play. The mother left with an aching loneliness that warred with accusing anger when left day after day to raise the kids with the husband coming in as the hero late in the night.
Lena shook her head. What a depressing thought and so unlike her own parents’ marriage that she couldn’t imagine being trapped in such a relationship. While it angered her when Mr. Rand came home too late to tuck Carter into bed, she had no say in how he ran his life. Which was fine by her.
If she’d known who the assignment was with in the first place, she probably would’ve told Zeke to find someone else. In fact, when she’d found out she’d be working for Marshall Rand, the ex-congressman who had flipped his vote on the bill that ultimately killed her fiancé, Ethan, she’d been ready to tell Zeke he had a week to find someone else. How could she possibly work for a man that could so carelessly leave soldiers ill-equipped?
How could she keep her disdain in when all she thought about was that spin in his moral compass that had been firmly pointing one way until the day of the vote?
She knew all about the bill that supposedly created stronger borders, but only by making the troops in the field abroad weak with lack of support and proper equipment. She’d read the bill front to back, scoured the news and public documents associated with it, watched the debates, and researched all who had voted the bill through. The flip of Marshall Rand, and another congressman from Montana not showing up when the voting happened, had pushed the bill through. If Mr. Rand, uber-conservative representative and ex-Air Force member from Kentucky, would’ve just stuck to his guns, Ethan would still be alive. Lena would be married and probably have a child of her own sitting on her lap, scribbling indiscernible pictures while singing sweet songs.
Lena sat up straighter, horrified that her nose stung with unshed tears. She really should have followed through with telling Zeke to send someone else. Yet, she’d spent her days with Carter, and a week had tumbled into two that flowed to eight. She couldn’t imagine being comfortable leaving his safety to anyone else, whether or not the risk was real.
Which meant she was more screwed than she wanted to acknowledge.
She glanced around the room at the toys scattered on the floor and the ragged teddy bear Carter hauled everywhere. Warmth spread through her as the morning fun rushed back to her. The joyful feeling brought an unease that started in her toes and inched up her body.
She couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t allow herself to be compromised again. Even being with Stryker Security had been a bad idea. She cared too much … felt too much. When Mr. Rand finished schmoozing whoever it was he spent his days with, and they all returned to Kentucky, she would give General Paxton a call. He still needed people for his covert team bent on bringing down the organization responsible for the corruption that led to Ethan’s death, the organization Stryker had too many run-ins with over the last year.
They were still trying to follow trails that connected June Rivas’s mad dash across the country with Sosimo last fall with what Kiki’s mom had disclosed after the entire fiasco in Colombia. There were so many threads to pull that Lena wondered if one of them, once untangled, would lead to Mr. Rand. Why else would he change his vote so suddenly? Maybe it was best for her to stick around and dig a little deeper.
“Eena, ook!” Carter leaned to the side and pointed at the scribbles that vaguely resembled bodies. “Me made us. At’s you, me, and Daddy. We happy.”
“That’s nice, Carter.” Lena squeezed the praise through her tight throat.
Who was she kidding? There wasn’t enough evidence to suggest Rand was involved, and she couldn’t stay on this assignment any longer. Not with the way her heart became entangled with Carter more and more with each passing day.
Instead of helping take down those who had killed Ethan and ruined her life, she helped the one who had betrayed his countrymen, giving up a piece of herself with each cheerful smile and heartwarming hug she received from Carter. Her warring emotions left her weary and on edge. Maybe she shouldn’t wait until they returned to Kentucky. Maybe she should contact the general and set up an interview while they were here. Her heart picked up speed with the thought, and she couldn’t tell if it was in anticipation or dread.