Making this job personal may have been the stupidest thing Lena had ever done. She breathed deeply through her nose to calm her still racing heart. She peeked at Carter sleeping peacefully on Marshall’s leg, and her pulse ratcheted right back up. What if she wasn’t good enough? What if she made a mistake that got Carter killed?
As the what-ifs wrapped fear tighter and tighter around her chest, doubt clouded her thoughts and made it hard to think straight. Why had she ever thought she could take this solo assignment? She couldn’t wait to get to Bjørn and get in the air. Maybe when there were ten thousand feet between them and their attackers, she could stop freaking out.
She turned into the dirt drive her phone indicated and pulled up to the metal hangar at the end of a private runway. Bjørn stepped from the building with another man and lifted his hand in greeting as he dashed to the helicopter and tossed in his pack. Her chest eased at the sight of him, and the relief pinched her pride.
She had trained hard for half of her life, if not more, for situations like what they had just gone through. She shouldn’t need anyone else. If she was good enough, she could do this on her own. But she wasn’t, and she didn’t know where that left her.
She threw the truck into park and turned the screwdriver to kill the engine. “Come on. Let’s get in the helo.” She opened her door but paused as she took in the huge lumberjack of a man with her brother. “Stay behind me until I assess the situation, okay?”
Marshall’s eyes widened as they bounced to the guys approaching the truck. “I thought you knew them.”
“I do, well, one of them.” She sighed. “Remember, I’m paranoid.”
She tried to make the comment light by adding a smile, but she feared it came off as more of a grimace. Snagging her pack and jumping from the truck, she hurried around the hood so she’d be in front of Marshall and Carter in case the worst happened. Her brother ruined her cautious plans when he raced up and grabbed her into a hug. She squeezed her eyes shut, relishing the physical connection that filled her tank that she wasn’t aware was bone-dry.
“Lena.” Bjørn set her down and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. “Are you kidding me? Do you know what I’ve been going through the last half hour?”
Her lip twitched up at the reprimand. “Sorry about that. I had to focus.”
Movement caught her eye behind Bjørn, and she straightened. How had she let her guard slip again? She had done it in the park when Carter’s joy had distracted her and allowed Tony to get the drop on her. Now she’d done it again with her brother’s welcome. Why was it so hard for her to keep her emotions under control? She’d never had this problem before, not even on the mission that killed Ethan.
Bjørn pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “You remember Tank from the Night Stalkers?”
Tank? As in Zac “the Tank” Smith who flew with Bjørn in the 160th SOAR for the army? She didn’t recognize him with his face covered in a thick, unruly beard and his long hair pulled back in a man bun. Lena hardly had time for the information to process before Bjørn was blazing forward.
“Hey, I’m Bjørn. Looks like I’m going to be your captain today.” Bjørn nodded at Marshall, still behind Lena. She snapped back to what needed done.
“Right.” She motioned to the Rands, pausing at the pinched expression on Marshall’s face. “Mr. Rand, this is my brother, Bjørn, and our friend Zac. Guys, that’s Mr. Rand and Carter.”
“It’s Marshall.” His face relaxed as he nodded, then fixed his gaze on Lena. “Just Marshall.”
Her chest heated, and she furrowed her forehead. Why was he suddenly informal? And when had she started thinking of him as Marshall? If she didn’t move this reunion along, her entire face might break out in a sweat. She had no reason to flush over Mr. Rand and his confusing expressions. Both of their emotions were running high on adrenaline at the moment, which meant she couldn’t put meaning into anything either of them did.
She pushed everything down but her irritation. That, she knew and was comfortable with. “Are you ready to go or what?”
“Bossy, bossy.” Bjørn chuckled as he motioned to the helicopter. “We’re ready. Just waiting on you.”
“We were here hiding out and were found.” Lena pointed behind her with her thumb in a move that mirrored Bjørn’s at the truck. Man, she’d missed being with family. “I had to borrow a truck.”
“She hotwired it with a screwdriver and a hammer.” Marshall’s awestruck voice slid like melted dark chocolate down her ragged insides. “She was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like what she did back there.”
“She’s a keeper for sure.” Bjørn’s smirk made Lena want to deck him. “Aren’t you glad I taught you how to do that all those years ago?”
“You taught me?” She rolled her eyes at the memory of their camping trip when Bjørn had somehow lost the keys to the truck and their father had had to start the vehicle like she had. She turned to Tank. “I’m really sorry to dump this all on you, but we need the truck to be wiped clean of any evidence of us being in it.”
He shrugged. “That won’t be a problem. I’ll make sure it’s clean before I park it somewhere.”
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and clicked on the app Rafe had installed that ran a kill code, erasing everything on the phone. She couldn’t take any chances that the phone had somehow been traced. She typed in the passcode, set the phone so it wouldn’t lock up, and handed it to Tank.
“Is it possible for you to take this down the road a bit?” She rubbed the back of her neck. “If they somehow traced it, I don’t want them coming here and bothering you.”
“Got it.”
“Just click on that execute button and the phone will wipe clean.”
He nodded and pulled her into a hug she wasn’t expecting. “Stay safe.”
Her throat closed with stupid, unshed tears, so she jerked her head in acknowledgment. She had to get herself under control. Had to get safely in the air so she could just breathe and lock everything that threatened to burst from her back into its rightful place. She’d let her feelings lead her once before and look where that got her—with a dead fiancé and a shattered heart. Hadn’t she learned her lesson?
She stomped after her brother, who was leading the Rands. Carter skipped next to his dad with Marshall clinging to his hand. The cute kid glanced back to her with such excitement shining from his face that her heart melted all over again. How would she ever put herself back together if she stayed with Carter?
If she didn’t, what other feelings would sneak in and bombard her heart?
Her eyes flicked to Marshall as the memory of his touch on her hand rushed back. The sparks that had shot up her arm had left her with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Problem was, she couldn’t tell if it was revulsion or attraction. It had to be the former. She wasn’t attracted to him. Well, she shouldn’t be attracted to him. He’d been part of what led to Ethan’s death. On top of that, he piecemealed his time and love out to his son like some fiendish guard at a concentration camp. The poor boy starved for his daddy’s attention, but never got enough moments to truly satisfy his hunger.
Her jaw ached as she clenched her teeth at the well-known bitterness that welled within her. She just had to keep all that fresh in her mind until she contained this situation and she could get another assignment. If she had any hope of pulling herself back to where she’d been comfortable, she’d have to distance herself emotionally from Carter.
“Come on, Eena.” Carter ran up and tugged on her hand, the motion wrenching open the chinks around her heart even further. “Me going on a elicoper.”
His big brown eyes, filled with such trust and love, beamed up at her. How could she cut herself off from the person who meant so much to her? Her indecision during the attack and the panic that had filled her threatened to fray her senses again. When his safety was on the line, how could she wall herself up so she could protect him better? It had everything to do with keeping him safe, and nothing to do with the confusing emotions churning within her. She helped Carter climb into the helicopter and swallowed the bitter lie.