Chapter Twelve

Niva

He reacted more to my kisses across his face than he did to me sucking his cock.

Sure, he obviously felt the orgasm; his body instinctively climaxed from what I did to him, but I could tell with me straddling his face that all his pleasurable sounds were from him tasting me. Not from what I was giving him.

I’m a little perturbed and a lot disappointed, and I’m struggling not to be angry. It’s not his fault he’s the first person not to fall on his knees in praise of my oral skills, probably ever. I give great head. The best. And I put my all into him; I wanted to repay him for his exquisite tongue skills.

And he didn’t even notice it.

I have to keep my cool. It’s not his fault.

I reach my hand down and hold his cock, which, even half-hard, overfills my hand. “You still have no sensation here, do you?”

He freezes and gives a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

“It’s okay. I suspected, but I thought I could help.” I poured my power into him from my mouth while I sucked on him, and it did nothing.

“It did some. On the inside.” He reassures me. “I actually feel some pleasure from the orgasms now rather than nothing. That only started happening from you last night.”

I trace the flesh of his cock—which I am quite fond of and have had nowhere near enough of. But if he can’t feel anything, I’m afraid he won’t want any more from me. “I don’t understand why my power isn’t working. I’ve never come across anyone I couldn’t heal before.” If this happened around the Fellamana, the information would ruin me. People would start to wonder if I was really touched by the divine. They’d question whether I was truly the possessor of the Exstare. It could create headline news and result in a societal panic.

“Hey, hey.” He scoots closer and cradles my face. “This isn’t your fault. I don’t think you understand how much you’ve given me already. Niva…” He kisses me, one of his sensitive, lingering kisses. “Just being here with you, getting to sit beside you, is beyond my wildest dreams.”

“But I’m supposed to heal you. That’s what I do. I’m nothing if…” I trail off, disbelieving what I was just about to say.

“That’s not true, and you know it,” he scolds. “You are worth the infinity of the universe whether you help someone else or not. Whether you ever give another orgasm in your life. You are…” He gulps, struggling for words as he always does.

I wait on tenterhooks for what he might say, trying to let go of my personal identity crisis. I must be failing because he’s human, since I’ve never healed one before. That must be it.

Maybe my power doesn’t fully work on humans. Koviye never told me if it was possible.

“You are magnificent,” he whispers and kisses me again. “I wish I could express…”

“Maybe you don’t need words.” I press a hand to his chest. “Can you open to me? Show me how you feel.” His aura is still blocked, but I’m wondering, if he intentionally lets go, whether it will free him more.

“You can see my emotions, can’t you?”

“Yes.” I cup his cheek. “Show me?”

He closes his eyes and seems to search inward, looking inside the place in his chest where I helped his heart beat stronger. His aura clears from the riot of too many emotions to decipher. It focuses and pulses around his chest in deep crimson and…

I gasp and can hardly believe it.

Stronger than the ruby red desire swirling around him is an intense royal purple: loyalty.

It’s true about these humans. They attach so easily. I don’t think he knows it, but he would commit to me, make me his only lover, here and now if I asked him.

But if I did that and rejected him, as I must, given my polyamorous nature and profession, I would hurt him irreparably. With the vulnerability he’s giving me, when I leave him the day after tomorrow, it will hurt him far more than it will hurt me.

What can I do? I have to leave him. My life’s commitment is to my people. But he feels the way he feels. I can’t change it. He can’t change it. Emotions are what they are. We can experience them and ride them only while they last, until they change.

Maybe his overwhelming loyalty to me is temporary. Maybe in two days it will dissipate. It has to. I’ll have to help him separate from me.

Maybe I should do it now, before he becomes too attached.

But viscerally, my gut rejects that. I couldn’t let him go right now any more than he can me. I don’t stop to think about how weird that is for me. Temporary. That’s all it is.

“I know what it is,” I realize with a bolt of clarity.

“What?”

“My nulba, I have to come on you directly. That’s why it worked on your face.” It makes perfect sense now. “My power doesn’t work to heal your skin’s sensation with my hands or my mouth. It has to be directly from my orgasmic center.” Of course, why didn’t I think of it? My power comes from my orgasms; the other places and other times, it’s just residual, what my body has stored up. His skin requires direct contact from my power’s source to heal.

It makes perfect sense.

“You’re saying that…” His eyes light up with the same clarity and some mischief. “I just need your magic pussy.”

I bite back a laugh and fail completely. I snort and chuckle, and he joins me.

“What I’m saying is… What do you humans call it?” I straighten my face and lower my voice into my most seductive tone. “We need to fuck, Graven.”

His mouth gapes, and I can feel the rising heat radiating off him. His cock swells before my eyes, and I’m certain he’s about to toss me on my back and indeed fuck me good and hard.

But he does the opposite.

He gets up, grabs his soaking wet uniform bottoms and stalks away from me, back to the lake shore.

“Graven!” I shout after him, stunned. “What’s wrong? Why won’t you—”

“I’ve had enough firsts for one day, Niva,” he calls without looking at me and goes up the path toward the house.

Enough firsts…

I gasp and cover my mouth. I should’ve known from last night. I should’ve figured it out this morning. I’ve had more than enough clues to deduce what he hasn’t had the courage to admit.

He’d never even kissed anyone before me, today.

He’s a virgin.