Inside the Hansel and Gretel suite was a room unlike anything Lina could have imagined. She had expected a normal hotel room – a bed, a dresser, a little bathroom – but it was nothing like that at all. For starters, it was narrow and impossibly long. Longer than the whole hotel. Benches lined the sides, many of them empty, and pillows spilt from the coat cupboard. The bathroom, presumably once a place for brushing your teeth and washing your hair, was a swirling vortex filled with stars, its entrance guarded by a sweating harpy with a handbag.
‘The gump,’ Lina whispered, mesmerized by the beauty of it.
‘Take a pillow!’ the harpy snapped at Odge.
She obliged, plucking a plump pillow from the cupboard. Lina noticed each pillow had a number scrawled on it in what looked like lumpy toothpaste. She followed behind as Odge made her way to a seat, very carefully, while an almost-invisible Ray crouched close behind her, making it look like the fluffy part of his head was Odge’s hat.
‘You can’t go through before your number is called,’ Odge muttered out of the corner of her mouth to an invisible Lina. ‘New evil harpy rules. It shouldn’t be too long a wait, given there’s hardly anyone here – only a few types of magical creature are allowed through the gump now. The harpies believe the Island is theirs and they should control who lives there. They claim that hundreds of years ago harpies were there first. Seems a strange argument to me. Imagine someone racing into this room from the past and saying, “I sat in that chair you’re sitting in first, hundreds of years ago, and so you have to move”. And I’d say, “But I’m here, sitting in this chair now, and it doesn’t belong to you or me, plus you’re hundreds of years old, and so this all seems kind of irrelevant”.’
‘You make a good point,’ Lina said.
They sat in silence for a moment, watching the harpy with the pigeon-feather hat pick something out of her teeth with a talon.
‘Normally this waiting room would be full,’ Odge said sadly.
The harpy fixed her eyes on the blank space where Lina sat. Lina held her breath, unsure whether or not the harpy could see her. Perhaps she had overheard Odge’s not-at-all-subtle chat with her about chairs.
‘Isn’t it marvellous to see such an empty room with only the right kind of creatures in it?’ the harpy said.
Odge swallowed hard, seemingly pushing down what she really wanted to say. ‘Yes, glorious,’ she managed.
‘NUMBER NINE, WE’RE ALL FINE. THAT’S NUMBER NINE,’ chimed the sweaty harpy guarding the gump.
The harpy sitting across from them checked the pillow she was holding. A large number nine was scrawled on it in minty toothpaste. She flew off, her head held high.
‘Bleugh,’ Odge said as soon as she was gone. She scraped her tongue with her finger as if to remove the word she’d just uttered. ‘It is not glorious.’
Lina watched as the little harpy stepped on to the edge of the gump and straightened up her hat. The stars inside the vortex grew blindingly bright before the gump whipped her off her feet and pulled her inside, folding in on itself momentarily as if it were digesting her.
‘NUMBER TEN, mmmwellenwhen. NUMBER TEN,’ the harpy called.
‘She can’t rhyme anything with ten,’ Odge said, rolling her eyes. ‘Come on.’
Lina reluctantly followed as Odge wobble-walked towards the gump, struggling to keep Ray in line with her head. Lina wondered how it would feel to fall through the gump. Would it be like tumbling down a hill or being shot into space? She obsessed over the details, watching the stars inside it swirl, and wondering if one could potentially poke her eye out.
The harpy guard eyed Odge’s ‘hat’ suspiciously. ‘WAIT!’ she cried, spraying Lina with spit. ‘That on your head – I know what that is.’
Lina’s legs turned to jelly. If the harpy discovered Ray, it was all over.
‘I can explain—’ Odge began, but the harpy held up a spindly talon to silence her.
‘You can’t get past me with that. It’s a floating hat, and I do believe floating hats are banned.’
Odge shot Lina a worried glance as the harpy consulted her rulebook. ‘Hats … hats … hats … Ah, here we go—’
‘It’s not a floating hat,’ Odge protested. ‘Your eyes must be wonky. You’ve been working too hard.’
The harpy kicked Odge, sending her tumbling. The fluffy tufts of Ray’s head stayed firmly in the air.
‘See – it’s floating,’ the harpy said, running her talon down the rulebook. She snapped it shut, as disappointment flashed across her face. ‘Ugh, you can go through. It’s talking hats that are banned. Floating ones are fine.’
Odge turned to Lina as she stepped on to the swirling edge of the gump. ‘Mist is calling,’ she said with a wink.
Different gumps deliver you to the Island of Mist in different ways. Every magical being and human in on the secret knows that the gump on platform thirteen at London’s King’s Cross station is the one to take if you prefer a gentle sail to the Island. The one on Tokyo’s Shibuya street crossing is the best option for those who like to arrive by cloud. And the gumps in Vienna are perfect for those who enjoy tunnelling underground.
Despite its frantic swirling appearance, Lina was surprised to find the fall through the gump was gentle. (The speed had been altered many years ago after the Witches Society of Teeth Fixers – fondly known as the Maggot Teeth Twelve – protested against the speed of the gump, claiming that at least 4,000 witch teeth a year were lost as a result of its reckless swirling. You’d think teeth fixers would be delighted with that – more teeth to fix – but the problem is that witches’ teeth are unique and almost impossible to replicate. So the Teeth Fixers had to replace them with human teeth bought at an extortionate price from the Corporation of Tooth Fairies. Understandably, the tooth fairies protested against the protest against the gump speed change, but they were smaller and harder to hear, so they lost.)
How long does it take? Lina wondered as she fell gently down next to Odge and Ray, passing stars and streams of mist as she went. She wished it would last forever. The air around them began to thicken, and then came the smells of salty seas. A deafening roar of thundering waves grew louder and louder until they landed with a squelch on a mattress of strange jelly creatures.
‘That’s how long it takes,’ Odge said, peeling herself off the slimy lump before helping Lina to her feet too.
Lina prodded one of the slimy creatures with her finger, making it wriggle away. They reminded her of edible jellies – all you would have to do was remove the eyes and replace them with a crown of whipped cream, and the resemblance would be uncanny.
‘What is it?’ Lina whispered.
‘Oh, are you from the north of the Island?’ Odge asked. ‘That’s a brollachan – they’re everywhere in the south. Such gentle creatures, and excellent for breaking falls or hiding secret entrances.’
‘A brollachan,’ Lina repeated quietly.
It was dark where they’d landed, save for a few small lanterns hanging on the wall, and all Lina could make out was the rocky walls of a narrow tunnel. A little arrow scratched into nearby rocks read:
Lina could see the words ogre, wizard, mermaid and fairy had all been scored out, as if someone didn’t want those sorts finding their way there at all. It wouldn’t be the most pleasant welcome, she imagined, if you were one of those creatures.
Up ahead, Lina could just make out the harpy from the waiting room earlier. She was walking slowly, her back hunched.
‘No flying is allowed in the tunnels,’ Odge explained when she spotted what Lina was looking at. ‘Health and safety.’
The harpy clawed onwards, hitting the wall angrily as she did.
‘They’re terribly lazy and hate to walk,’ Odge said. ‘Not many harpies take the Vienna gump. Actually, not many harpies take any gump – they like to stay put on Mist and pretend it’s the only place in the world.’
A strange sensation spread up Lina’s legs, as though she were being dipped in sticky rice.
‘Ah,’ Odge said. ‘You’re coming back. The magic of the Island wipes away fernseed fairly quickly. But never mind – we’re almost there.’
Lina wasn’t so sure – the tunnel weaved on for what looked like miles, and the harpy wasn’t nearly at the end yet. She felt a tug on her backpack and fell sideways, straight through a wall of slimy brollachans.
When she opened her eyes, she saw nothing but Odge’s boots.
‘Welcome,’ the hag said, hoisting her up and revealing the crowds of magical creatures, ‘to the most hidden part of our island, and your home for the next few days. Welcome, dear Lina, to the Undermist!’