Kaitlyn was one of those people who always suffered a gut-clenching case of anxiety before doctor’s appointments—complete with sweats and cold, clammy hands. Not to mention she also felt like she was about to throw up, but honestly, she was actually getting used to that feeling.
It wasn’t just that she hated to see the doctor in general. Her doctor was her best friend. She loved her doctor! But her doctor also happened to be Rafe’s sister Sara. She’d desperately wanted to tell Rafe before this visit, but she’d gotten distracted by Selfie Woman. Which had drilled into her head what she already knew—that he was nowhere near ready for commitment, and certainly not with her.
But it had been so good to talk with him again too, especially after they’d done a great job avoiding each other the entire fall. He’d appeared concerned about her and encouraging about the recipe contest. And he truly seemed to miss their friendship, just as she had. But big changes were in order, and she had to get herself and her business together. With a resolute pang, she understood the hard truth that they could never go back to the easy-breezy friendship they’d had.
The waiting room was decorated with a tabletop fiber-optic tree that was softly twinkling its array of ever-changing colors. But it was side by side with a tabletop snowman that kept flashing Merry Christmas on its belly, a disconcerting sign that made her clutch her own belly and reminded her of why she was here. The practice’s longtime nurse, Glinda, startled her further by calling her name and motioning her back to the exam room.
Glinda was probably the only nurse left on the planet who still wore a white cap, but she wore it proud and she wore it well. But today the white cap was replaced by a festive Santa hat. They passed the countertop of the reception area, laden with several large trays of Christmas cookies, reminding Kaitlyn she had to get on that cookie contest. As they passed the reception area, she patted a poster taped to the edge of the counter. There was Rafe’s gleaming smile beaming at her from under a tilted Santa cap jauntily set on his head, his cool gaze following her every move as she turned the corner to the exam rooms.
Wasn’t it enough that Mr. Hottie Firefighter filled every waking thought? But seeing his image here was just…disconcerting. Geez.
Glinda led her into an iceberg-cold exam room. Why were exam rooms always so freezing?
“Hello, dear,” Glinda said, pulling the blood pressure cuff from its wire basket on the wall and preparing to wrap it around Kaitlyn’s arm. Kaitlyn automatically lifted her sleeve. She knew the drill. “So you’re here for your annual?” Glinda asked as she put her stethoscope in her ears and inflated the cuff.
“Yes.” She could not bring herself to tell Glinda the truth. She was saving that for Sara. She’d lived in this town long enough to know that today’s casual conversation could easily turn into tomorrow’s gossip, regardless of HIPAA rules.
“Still taking your birth control pills?” Glinda asked, holding an electronic tablet and ticking down a list.
“Um, I stopped. I was going to talk to Sara about that.”
“Okay,” Glinda said, typing that information into her tablet. “When was your last period?”
“Um, a few weeks ago?” Try two months ago. Oh my gosh, she was lying. In a doctor’s office. On her medical record. Could you be arrested for that?
“Any new sexual partners since last time?”
“Nope. No. Definitely not.”
“Any burning, itching, discomfort, discharge?”
Just pregnant. “No, no, nothing like that.” Please, let this be over.
Glinda closed the tablet. “How’s everything at the Bean?”
“Business is great.” Passable, anyway. But she would need it to do even better to secure her—and her baby’s—future. And help steer Hazel in the right direction.
“Back in your grandfather’s day, everyone sat down and had coffee. Now people grab it and go. But Gabe would’ve loved that you made it a welcoming place to sit and chat and kept that same sixties feel.”
That “sixties feel” was only because she couldn’t afford to replace the old furniture…yet. And her one full-time employee, Gwen Hardy, had been there nearly as long. She was a little quirky but she totally got the Bean’s friendly, small-town vibe. “I wish he could be here to see it too,” she said. That was the great thing about living in a place this size…people remembered. They still spoke fondly of her grandfather, and that touched her and reminded her that she was determined to carry on his legacy. Make him proud of what she was doing to keep the Bean successful. She hoped she’d inherited the same innovative head for business that he’d had.
Glinda gathered her tablet and opened the door. “Put on the gown, sweetie. The top goes on with the opening in the front. Doctor will be with you in just a minute.”
“Thanks, Glinda.”
Kaitlyn busied herself by checking her phone and then, to distract herself, considered the office décor. The office had been remodeled recently and the walls of the exam room were painted a nice, soothing gray with tasteful art prints that were supposed to be calming. One was an abstract painting of a colorful spiral. But staring at it for more than ten seconds made her feel like she was falling down Alice’s rabbit hole.
She sort of had, now that she thought about it. Funny how everything seemed so normal, but just by uttering a few little words—I’m pregnant—her life was going to be changed forever. That included her friendships with Rafe’s sisters and the rest of his family, whom she really regarded as her own. Not to mention what her mother would say and how her teenage niece would see her…
Kaitlyn made herself sit up straighter on the exam table. Which was really hard in bare feet, dressed in a too-small paper top she had to hold closed and another rectangle of paper she had wrapped around her bottom half like a towel. All her pride and dignity had been stripped away with her clothes. And the fact that she would have to tell Sara the buck-naked truth.
Well, so be it. At least Sara wouldn’t judge her…or would she? Rafe was her brother, after all. Gabby, Sara’s younger sister and Kaitlyn’s other best friend, had suspected something had happened with Rafe that night at the wedding because Kaitlyn and she had roomed in a cabin together. But Sara…Kaitlyn wasn’t sure what she knew.
The worst thing was that Rafe didn’t even remember what had happened between them that night. He’d said so himself. Yes, they’d had a few drinks. But she remembered, all right—every touch, every kiss, everything.
And now she needed to erase those memories from her mind. So that she could finally, finally move past the ridiculous fantasy she’d been harboring that maybe someday they’d be more than friends. There’d been times when he’d looked at her and she’d seen something wonderful there—something that made her believe over and over again that there was a chance for them. But now she knew…she’d been wrong.
A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts as Sara, four months pregnant herself, walked in, smiling. Marriage to the Angel Falls chief of police had been good for her. She was radiating contentment and happiness. Kaitlyn wished she could borrow just a little.
“Hi,” Sara said. “I almost called you to ask you to bring me some of that good decaf you made me last week, but then I thought maybe that was being a little diva-ish. How are y—”
It all suddenly felt like too much. Kaitlyn bit her lip to keep from crying, but it wasn’t working, and she suddenly burst into tears.
“Kaitlyn. What is it?” Sara grasped Kaitlyn’s hand and squeezed. “What’s wrong?”
Kaitlyn swallowed and cleared her throat. If she was going to be a mother, she would have to learn to be brave.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted.
Sara’s expression went from concern to disbelief to wide-eyed surprise in seconds. “You’re—pregnant?” she echoed.
“That’s what the stick told me. But I came in to make sure I was doing all the right things. I’ve already started a prenatal vitamin and—”
“Have you told Steve?” Sara asked.
Kaitlyn bit her lip again. “It’s not Steve’s,” she said levelly. It would be so easy if it were. She’d dated Steve, a teacher and coach at the high school, for a year and a half, the longest she’d ever dated anyone. He’d been campaigning for them to get back together ever since she broke up with him last year, as Sara knew all about.
“Maybe you should sit down,” Kaitlyn said.
Sara sat on the wheeled doctor’s stool. “You’re scaring me a little. Look, if you had a one-night stand with someone, I swear I won’t judge you.”
Did a one-night stand after years of trying not to act on her attraction count? Technically, it was a one-night stand. But to tell Sara that when she knew how Kaitlyn had always felt about Rafe…gah.
“Rafe is the father.” There. She’d said it. But she felt anything but relief. Her heart was pumping crazily, making blood whoosh loudly in her ears. She had one more really hard thing to say. “Whatever happens, please don’t—please don’t stop being my friend. I couldn’t bear it if that happened.”
“Oh, Katie,” Sara said, getting up and wrapping her in a big hug. No one ever called her Katie, except her grandfather. And Rafe, who actually called her that quite often. But when Sara said it just now, it brought more tears to Kaitlyn’s eyes. Or maybe that was just the fact that suddenly it felt really good to share the burden of her secret with someone. Or terrible. She couldn’t quite decide.
“You’re like my sister,” Sara said. “I would never stop being your friend.” Judiciously, Sara paused. “Does Rafe know?”
“I tried to tell him last night, but some woman kept trying to text him.”
“Oh dear.” Sara looked…horrified.
“It’s all right. I know Rafe is the world’s greatest commitmentphobe. I knew better, but I slept with him anyway.” That night, it hadn’t seemed to matter, but now the stakes were much higher and it did matter. A lot. “I plan to tell him as soon as possible.” As soon as she got up the nerve again.
“Rafe really cares for you,” Sara said gently. “I can see it in the way he looks at you. But he’s never been the same since Claire died.”
“I’ve tried to get him to talk about that, but every time I bring it up, he shuts me down and I’ve never pushed him.”
“I know,” Sara said. “We’ve all tried to get him to talk about it, but he just won’t. We can all see he’s avoided getting involved with anyone since the accident.” She sighed. “I’d hoped things would be different with you.”
Inside, Kaitlyn’s heart broke for Rafe, who had lost so much at a very young age, but she forced herself to keep her tone matter-of-fact. “I stupidly thought he was past that because he never talks about it. But who could ever get over something like that?”
Sara gave a shrug. “Rafe’s going to have to if he wants to really live his life.”
“Well, I’m not holding my breath,” Kaitlyn said resolutely, sitting up straighter on the exam table. “I’m prepared to raise this baby on my own.”
“Oh, honey. You won’t be alone.” Sara squeezed her hand. “And I wish I could say Rafe will step up, but I…I just don’t know.”
“Don’t worry about me. I—I’m happy about the baby—about being a mom.” Just saying those words melted her fear a little. A baby—something she’d feared she’d never have. “I’m trying to focus on that part, you know?”
“How far along do you think you are?” Sara took a little cardboard wheel out of her pocket, a pregnancy calculator of some sort, and began lining up numbers and dates.
“It happened at the wedding…in September.” Kaitlyn had accompanied Rafe to his cousin Stephanie’s wedding, and it had been a blast. Clearly, too much of a blast.
“But…but Gabby and I talked to Rafe about behaving himself that weekend. We…”
“It’s not his fault any more than it was mine. We were having so much fun, and we’d had a couple of drinks, then the blackout happened…” That sounded insane. Irresponsible. But if Kaitlyn was anything, she was not irresponsible. “I’ve never missed a pill and we used a condom. What are the odds of this happening?”
“Are you sure you’re pregnant? Of course we’ll repeat the test today, and…”
“I thought I had a period in October but it was weird, you know? And nothing since. Plus I’ve been throwing up at least twice a day and I can’t stand the smell of perfume, onions, garlic, spaghetti sauce, make that just about all food…”
Sara gazed at her with compassionate eyes. “Okay. Let’s do an exam, and blood work, and I can bring the ultrasound in here and we can get an idea of dates and check the heartbeat.”
Kaitlyn felt the blood drain from her face. An ultrasound? Seeing that little speck—teeny tiny, barely visible—would make this real and…well, and once she saw that, there would be no mental turning back. She was going to have a baby.
Sara, who must have seen her hyperventilating, squeezed her hand again. “One step at a time, okay? And you have my word that I won’t say a thing to anyone.”
Kaitlyn nodded, unable to speak. She squeezed Sara’s hand back to let her know how grateful she was.
Because she was going to need all the friends she could get.