Why are we going to these people’s house again?” Hazel asked, her voice resonating with annoyance as they drove to the ferry.
“Because they are dear friends of mine, and they want to celebrate my birthday tonight,” Kaitlyn said in her most patient voice.
“But your birthday isn’t until Monday,” Hazel said.
“Aw, you remembered my birthday?” Kaitlyn said, glancing over at the passenger side. Hazel’s response was the tiniest head tilt that might have meant, Yeah, so what?
“I get to celebrate again next week with you and Gram.” It was true that the Langdons were a second family to her. With their encouragement, she’d taken over her grandfather’s café at age twenty-four, something she never would’ve had the courage—or know-how—to do otherwise. Dr. Langdon and Rachel had given her advice and encouraged her to take a few business classes—but it was their moral support that had made a huge difference. And they’d loved her like a daughter.
She was only too aware that her relationship with this family that she loved was about to change big-time. Once they found out about the baby, there would be no turning back. She feared they would go full-court press to convince Rafe to marry her, and she didn’t want that. She would never force a relationship on him. It was enough he had to adjust to being a dad when he’d made it clear that was not what he wanted.
Thank goodness Rafe wouldn’t be there this weekend. Soon, they would have to tell their families the news, but she didn’t want to think about that just yet.
For the next twenty-four hours, she wanted to focus on Hazel. On giving her the experience of a kind and loving family and trying to loosen her up a little so they could actually communicate.
Speaking of communicating, Kaitlyn hadn’t told her sister about the shoplifting. She knew she should have, but Nikki was so anguished about everything—wanting Hazel to be all right, trusting that Angel Falls would be the place to turn her around.
Kaitlyn couldn’t fail at helping Hazel. She planned to put all her efforts into helping her. And for just this one weekend, focus on getting their minds off their problems and have a little fun.
As they approached the gravel lot at Crystal Lake, the low, deep bleat of a boat horn sounded. Opening the car door as she scooped up her mittens and purse, she said, “We’ve got to hurry. Captain Jake is getting ready to pull out and that’s the last ferry until tomorrow.”
Kaitlyn pulled her thick multicolored knit cap down over her ears and handed Hazel her scarf. “I know it’s freezing, but would you want to go out on the deck and see the sunset?” she asked, her boots clanging on the metal stairs as she walked up to the open deck.
“Freezing is an understatement!” Hazel said, accepting the scarf and twining it around her head and neck. The skyline over the lake had turned a fiery salmon color that took Kaitlyn’s breath away. Or maybe that was the icy wind that was blowing full force into their faces. “Isn’t that beautiful?” Kaitlyn exclaimed, pointing to the horizon. “There’s nothing better than a winter sky at sunset.”
Kaitlyn drew in a lungful of the cold, crisp air. She closed her eyes against the wind and tried to concentrate on the fresh air filling her up, blowing away all the negative thoughts and worries of the past few weeks. For a moment she let herself get lost in the beauty of the brilliant sky. If Rafe were here, he’d say it was orange, and she’d say no, definitely salmon. Then he’d quote the old sailor’s saying, “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight” and tell her all the explanations behind why that was more than just an old saying.
Suddenly she found herself smiling at the thought of Rafe explaining that to a child. He had so many qualities that would make him a great dad. She saw that so clearly, even if he couldn’t.
“How can you smile in this weather? Can we go inside now?” Hazel asked, her teeth chattering.
They spent the rest of the time inside the enclosed seating area with about ten other people, most of them scrolling through their phones. Kaitlyn bought them each a hot chocolate, a tradition on the ferry. On the way back to Hazel, Kaitlyn did a double take. There, on one of the interior walls of the seating area, was a poster of Mr. December. Rafe in his Santa pants, the contours of his perfectly sculpted chest on full display, a killer smile on his face showing off his perfect white teeth. Kaitlyn squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to block the too-handsome image out of her mind.
Kaitlyn suddenly realized that she didn’t like the Mr. December shot—it was man candy, a sexy, flirtatious Rafe for anyone to enjoy. And it was gorgeous, because Rafe was a gorgeous hunk of a man. But it was only one side of the Rafe she knew. Sadly, it was the side he put forward to a lot of people. Especially women. She preferred the side he didn’t show very often—the one she saw when he looked at her sometimes when he didn’t think she was looking, the one that popped up when they were watching TV or talking about their fun childhood memories or just hanging out.
Kaitlyn handed Hazel her hot chocolate and they sat by the windows sipping it and listening to Christmas carols in the growing dusk.
“So are you and Rafe a couple?” Hazel asked. “He’s pretty cool. I totally get why you sneak around with him.”
Sneak around? Oh, that sounded…awful. “What do you mean…sneak around?” she asked.
“Gram told me about the baby,” Hazel said, glancing up and then out at the water. “I think it’s cool you and Rafe are getting together.”
“Well, we’re…we’re actually not getting together in that way.”
“Oh,” Hazel said, a frown creasing her forehead. “I’m confused.”
Kaitlyn was definitely not getting the role-model-of-the-year award. “Hazel, I’ve known Rafe a long time. I grew up with his sisters and he was always…around. But when I moved back to town after college and took over Grandpa’s café, I started to look at him…differently.”
“I can see why. He’s hot.” Hazel flapped her hand in front of her face like she was fanning herself.
That he was. Kaitlyn bit back a smile, because what she needed to tell Hazel was serious. “Well, Rafe’s never been interested in me that way. After I broke up with Steve, we started to hang around more, but he’s always made it clear he’s wanted to just be friends. What happened at the wedding was…an impulsive mistake. On both our parts.”
“Oh.”
“We used birth control. Two kinds. As you always should, not that you’re ever going to have sex, but…but it’s really important to do that. But somehow…” She bucked up her courage. “Somehow it failed. And here we are. Rafe is still getting used to the idea of being a father. This has been kind of a shock to everyone, and we need some time to get used to the idea before we tell his family. He’s not going to be at the lake house, so we don’t have to worry about things being awkward.” So there you have it…She was the worst aunt in the world. Her sister would probably kill her, having sent Hazel to Angel Falls for guidance and good examples. But what else could she do but tell the truth?
“So…I’m actually excited about this baby,” Kaitlyn said. “I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but I was afraid it would never happen. And I’m working to make the Bean even better, and I plan to prepare in every way I can to give this baby the best life ever.”
Hazel flicked another glance in her direction, but this time it stuck. A small smile lifted one corner of her mouth. “I think you and Rafe will be great parents,” she said.
Oh, she hoped Rafe would be a good parent. Because she wanted him to want this baby, not just for her sake, but for his own. Rafe had such a big heart—if only he wouldn’t be afraid to open it.
“And I think you’re handling all this stress pretty well, considering,” Hazel continued.
“Oh.” Wow, that sounded…beyond her years. “I’m trying,” Kaitlyn said with a smile, giving Hazel a side hug. Did Hazel just pay her a…compliment?
“Yeah and…I could help you more at the Bean. If you’re sick or tired. Just let me know.”
“Thanks. The best way you could help me is to…be happy. Find your direction.” Kaitlyn worried about sounding parental or being obvious about sneaking in the preaching after she’d spilled the complications of her own life. But she needed to let Hazel know she mattered. A lot. “We love you and want to help you. That means I’m happy to listen anytime. You know that, right?”
“Right,” Hazel said dismissively, suddenly standing up and walking over to the windows and pointing. Kaitlyn could see the lights of the dock ahead. “Are we almost there?” Hazel asked.
Kaitlyn was aware that the window of opportunity to reach Hazel was now closing, and she had no idea if she’d gotten anywhere. “Almost there,” she confirmed, pulling out her phone and texting Gabby with their ETA so someone could come pick them up, to which Gabby texted back, Got you covered.
Then suddenly the boat docked, and they got caught up in the rush of people exiting, arms full of overnight bags and satchels and, in her and Hazel’s case, sacks of food as well. Hazel didn’t complain when Kaitlyn handed her a bag, but she did crinkle up her nose and ask, “You have to cook your own birthday dinner?”
Kaitlyn laughed. “No. But I thought the least I could do for our hosts is bring the coffee and dessert.”
“What kind of dessert?” Hazel asked, poking her head inside the bag.
“Oh, just something chocolatey and warm and delicious,” Kaitlyn said with a smile.
“Have a good weekend, folks,” Jake said, as they exited the ferry.
“You too, Jake,” she said, waving. Because she wasn’t looking, she nearly ran into Hazel, who’d stopped dead on the last step. “Whoa. What’s the mat—”
“Well, Aunt Kate,” she said, talking over her shoulder but looking straight ahead, “it looks like your baby daddy decided to come after all.”
Baby daddy? Oh good grief. As Hazel pointed, Kaitlyn’s gaze shifted over to a lone lamppost at the end of the dock. The wave of people rushed by, hauling bags, packages, and suitcases, chattering to waiting family and friends who’d met them. Surrounded by light flurries of snow, a man leaned against the pole, bathed in white light. His height made him slightly intimidating, as did the stoic expression on his face and his stance, hands in pockets. He wore a red-and-black hat with earflaps, looking tall, formidable, and handsome enough to be a J. Crew model.
Her heart leaped at the familiar sight, and a flush of heat suddenly infused her core and spread through her limbs despite the freezing temperatures. Rafe. He was here? Before she could process that, he caught sight of them nearing him and waved. The shock of seeing him caught her off guard, and she actually slipped on an icy patch on the gravel. He immediately stepped forward, his strong arms steadying her, his gaze grazing over her and making another flare of heat rise up inside. It seemed to take forever before she could catch her balance and step away.
“I thought…I thought you had to work this weekend,” she said, holding him at arm’s length.
He pulled back and casually shrugged, averting his eyes. “Change of plans.”
* * *
Kaitlyn looked shocked to see him, which oddly pleased Rafe. He felt the same pull as ever at seeing her, even though she was bundled in an almost comical ski hat with a huge pom-pom on top and her nose was red from the cold.
“Rafe?” he suddenly heard her asking. “You can—let go of me now. I’m fine.”
“Oh sorry,” he said, dropping his hands.
He’d been thinking about her—well, as far as the baby went—a lot. He was over the initial shock. And he wanted to rewind and start again. Tell her he was okay with it. More than okay. And that he would be there for this baby, do everything possible that he could.
Except…could he love it?
He honestly didn’t know if he could get there.
But he’d do anything for Kaitlyn, and right now he needed her to know she wasn’t alone in this.
“Why are you here?” Kaitlyn was asking. And she looked…confused.
“I—misread my work schedule and realized I could come out for your birthday after all.” Which was not true—he’d switched his shift. He’d been a part of her birthday celebrations, voluntarily or otherwise, since she’d become friends with his sisters long ago, and he wasn’t about to miss one now. Especially not now.
He placed a hand on Kaitlyn’s back to steer her toward his truck, which he’d brought over on the ferry. Much to his chagrin, that light touch through a thousand layers of clothing seemed to burn straight through his gloves. “You ever been to Crystal Lake?” he asked Hazel to distract himself.
“Nope,” she said, looking around at the dock, the nearly vacant parking lot, the forest of pine trees. “But it sure looks exciting.”
“You’ll like it,” he said with a friendly wink, more for Kaitlyn’s benefit. He knew how worried Kaitlyn was about this girl.
He opened the door of the truck for Kaitlyn, and she climbed in. He always tried to keep it neat as a pin, the firefighter in him, he supposed, since they spent so much time cleaning the station, their gear, the trucks. He’d even hung a little tree air freshener in a Christmas pine scent, something he thought Kaitlyn would appreciate as him getting into the Christmas spirit.
Instead, she choked a little and crinkled up her nose.
“I thought you liked fresh pine,” he said.
“I do like fresh pine. It’s just very…potent.” She waved her hand in front of her face.
“Oh.” He reached up and snapped the air freshener off the elastic thread and tossed it out the window.
“That’s littering,” Hazel said.
“So is vomiting in someone’s clean truck,” he said in a low voice as he pulled out of the lot.
The deep frown Kaitlyn tossed him made him want to laugh, but thank goodness he didn’t. One glance over at her showed she was putting her head between her knees.
“Lose something?” he asked in a tone that was far more casual than he felt.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” she said, taking a big breath. She opened her bag to reveal an enormous box of saltines. “Would anyone like a cracker?” she said with false cheer.
“Sure, I’ll take one,” Hazel said from the back seat. “Everything okay up there, Aunt Kate?” She took a cracker from Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn seemed to be struggling—hard—not to upchuck. He opened the car window a crack and rubbed her back a little, just to let her know he wished he could do more.
He needed her to know he wanted to do more. Right now. “I just want you to know—I’ve got your back,” he said quietly to Kaitlyn.
She glanced sideways at him, her head still between her knees. “You don’t need to rub my back,” she said.
“No, I mean—” He paused. She definitely wasn’t getting what he was trying to say. What he’d come here to let her know. “I want to be with you every step of the way.”
“Okaaaay.” The look she flashed him was not relieved or grateful—it was—suspicious. Like she didn’t believe a word he was saying.
“We’re going to work this out,” he continued.
“Work what out?” she asked, trying to sit up but thinking better of it.
“I’m going to help you with”—he sneaked a quick glance back at Hazel, who was engrossed in her phone—“the baked goods in your oven.”
“I have perfect control of my own oven, thank you very much,” she said. “I can handle all the baking myself.”
“Okay, fine,” Rafe said. “But I want to help. You shouldn’t have to bake alone.”
“You guys are weird,” Hazel said. A glance in the rearview mirror revealed she was still playing on her phone. “Also, I know about the baby so you can stop speaking in code.”
“Did you see the sunset on the boat? It was orange,” Rafe said, changing the subject.
“Salmon,” Kaitlyn said, popping her head up for a second.
“I beg to differ. Definitely orange.” He glanced at Kaitlyn and was relieved to see she was smiling. He took it as a sign that maybe she’d forgiven him for the stupid way he’d responded to the baby news.
Now he just had to pretend that he also wasn’t worried about the thousand things that could go wrong during a pregnancy—because they could. But he didn’t want to ruin her joy over the baby with his tangled-up feelings about the past.
“Aren’t they, like, the same color?” Hazel asked. “Orange and salmon?”
“Whatever you want to call it,” Rafe said, “it means no snow.”
“How the heck do you know that?” Hazel asked.
“It’s an old sailor’s rhyme, and it’s true. If the dusk sky is salmon”—he glanced at Kaitlyn to show her he wasn’t beyond compromise—“it’s probably going to be clear the next day. Good sailing. We tend to watch the weather pretty closely out here because of the ferry. You don’t really want to get stuck for days if you have to be at work on the mainland.”
As he pulled the truck up to his parents’ lake house, he was hoping to catch Kaitlyn alone, but as soon as the car stopped, Kaitlyn was out of there, running to the front door just as it opened and most of his crazy family flooded out of it. The shake-sided house was decorated with wreaths and a single candle lamp in every window. He felt certain, knowing Rachel, his stepmom, that there’d be a giant tree inside too. Rachel greeted Kaitlyn with a huge hug, and his dad joined in too while Rafe hauled all the bags into the house. His sisters and Rachel were chattering and exclaiming over how Hazel had grown up since they saw her last, but the girl stayed awkward and stiff even under all that hugging.
His nonna gave him a squeeze before he could even put down all the bags he was carrying. “What a surprise, Raphael,” she said, patting his cheek. “We weren’t expecting you.”
“I’m here,” he said. “And I’m hungry.”
“Now that Kaitlyn’s here maybe you won’t mope around anymore,” his sister Gabby said.
“The only reason I’m going to mope is if there’s no chili left.” He escaped Nonna’s perusal by walking into the big farm-style kitchen. Rachel followed him and started examining the bags Kaitlyn brought. “There’s a chocolate cake in there,” she exclaimed.
“Yes, and I need to heat it up in the oven. It’s served warm and it has a gooey middle.”
“I knew there was a reason we decided to invite you to celebrate your birthday this weekend,” Rachel teased.
“A gooey middle,” Gabby said, elbowing her brother. “Just like you, Rafe.”
“What does that even mean, Gabriella?” Rafe asked. Gabby was the sibling he argued with more than the others, but she was also the one who got him the most. Which suddenly bothered him more than usual.
“It means you act all tough on the outside but inside you’re a softie.”
“Not to you,” Rafe said with a wink. “How are you feeling, by the way? You look good.” Gabby and Cade had gotten married recently and she’d just learned that she was pregnant.
Gabby rubbed her nonexistent belly and gave Rafe a kiss on the cheek. “Six weeks already,” she said. “And I feel great, thanks. I thought you said you weren’t coming.”
“I cleared my schedule,” he said, hugging his sister. “How could I miss Katie’s birthday? Plus I heard Rachel made her chili.” His gaze slid over to Kaitlyn, who was placing a deep cake pan in the oven. “Of course, your birthday is far more important than Rachel’s chili.”
Kaitlyn closed the oven door and rolled her eyes.
“Happy birthday, sweetie,” Nonna said, coming over to give Kaitlyn a kiss and a pat on the back. “Did you bring some of that good coffee for us? I’ve been looking forward to it all day.” Nonna’s mild dementia made her forget some things but never excellent coffee.
“Of course, Nonna. I’ll make us some right after dinner.”
“Oh goody,” she said. “And did someone say chocolate cake?”
“Yep,” Gabby said. “And we’re going to put birthday candles on it.”
“Lots of birthday candles,” Rafe added, since Kaitlyn was, after all, three years older than he was.
Kaitlyn shook her head and laughed. Thank goodness she wasn’t holding against him the fact that he’d reacted like an idiot to the baby news.
“So, you’re getting the hang of things at the café?” Rafe asked Hazel, who stood leaning against the kitchen countertop picking the dark blue nail polish off her nails in bored indifference.
She stopped picking long enough to spare him a glance. “Yes, indeedy.” Then went back to picking.
Rafe met Kaitlyn’s concerned gaze over Hazel’s head, so he tried to engage Hazel. “You’ll be good when we play charades later,” he said, but Hazel wasn’t picking up the bait.
“Oh, I love charades,” Nonna said, clapping her hands. “When can we play?”
Hazel barely flicked her gaze up, but Rafe persisted. “You know why, don’t you?”
The teenager shrugged.
“See?” Rafe said, mimicking her gesture. “You win.”
There might’ve been the tiniest trace of a smile on Hazel’s face, but Rafe couldn’t be sure.
“Okay, everybody,” Rachel said, herding people out into the family room. “Chili’s heating up. Let’s go sit down while the men start the fire.”
He saw Kaitlyn swipe at her eyes as she carried some groceries into the adjoining mudroom.
“Everything all right?” he asked, following her in.
“I’m fine. Just a little…emotional.”
“Because it’s your birthday?” Please let it not be because of his behavior the other day.
“No,” she said in adamant protest. “Of course not.”
“Oh. Just wondering, because you are really old today.” He felt desperate to make her laugh. To make her see he cared and was sorry for his bad reaction.
“Shut up, Rafe,” she said, punching him in the arm.
“If I say it’s because you’re pregnant you’ll really hit me, right?” he said, rubbing his arm.
“Don’t even go there.” The warning look she gave him showed him she meant it.
He pulled her aside, out of everyone’s earshot. For a second, he caught her gaze, and what he saw there tore him up inside. It held that same suspicion and disappointment. He hated that he’d let her down. She didn’t deserve his…baggage. He’d hurt her because of it.
He took a deep breath and plunged in. “Look. I’ve had some time to think and I just want you to know…I’m really sorry about the way I acted. I—I want you to know I’ll be here for you. And for—the baby. One hundred percent. We’ll do this together.” There. He’d said it. He wanted to be upbeat and positive and there for her—in the best way he could be.
She scanned his face, seeming to look carefully for clues. Could she tell that underneath the calm expression he manufactured he was freaking out? He hoped not.
He responded to her reluctance by talking more. “I was shocked. Having kids wasn’t in my game plan but I’m…readjusting.” For her. For this coming baby, he would have to somehow readjust. He could manage responsibility, taking care of what was his, because that was who he was. But love, bonding, joy…those were other things entirely.
“I don’t want you to look at this baby as a chore or a responsibility,” she said in a tone that was clear there was no compromise. “Because I’m perfectly capable of taking care of this baby on my own.”
“That’s not going to happen.” He paused, hoping the matter was closed. “So why were you getting teary in the kitchen?”
“It’s just…everything’s going to change. Especially with your family.”
“No,” he said, using his of course not tone. “Nothing’s going to change. They love us.”
“You have no idea, do you?” she said, shaking her head. “They’re going to take this baby to mean there is an us. They are going to push for an us—hard. It’s going to be relentless.”
“Well, they’ve been doing that for the past few years. I don’t expect them to stop now,” Rafe said. “Trust me, they’ll be so thrilled about the baby they’ll be fine with whatever else we tell them—which, by the way, I think we should do right after dinner.”
“Tonight?” Her voice rose to an unnatural octave, and her pale skin turned paler. “Now?”
“Everyone’s here. Why not?” His family would only take this baby news as a source of joy. He knew it down to his bones.
“Because…because I’m not ready. Because…because we’re on an island with a ferry and the next one isn’t until tomorrow night!” She threw up her hands, clearly getting worked up.
He took her hands so she would stop flailing them. “Relax. Breathe. This is family. I say we do it now and get it over with.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head in a way that told him she was stressed. “Okay, we can wait a little,” he said. “We’ll do it when you feel comfortable, okay?” He’d caused her enough stress. He could do this the way she wanted to do it.
She blew out a big breath. “Great. Thanks. We’ll do it very soon, just not tonight.”
Just then Dr. Langdon came in from outside, stomping the snow off his boots. He was carrying four narrow brown bags, two in each hand. “Kaitlyn, my dear,” he said, “I’ve got an extra special surprise for your birthday.” He side hugged her and steered her toward the family room.
“What is it, Dr. L.?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at Rafe, who gave her an encouraging thumbs-up.
Yes, his family certainly loved Kaitlyn. Looked like his dad had made her a batch of wine.
Wine. Something she could not have. Rafe followed close behind them as they left the kitchen.
“You know about my wine-making hobby, right?” his dad said. “Well, I made a special vintage just for your birthday. It’s called ‘Kaitlyn 2019.’”
“Nice name,” Rafe said. “But four bottles, Dad?” Rafe’s heart sank, for Kaitlyn’s sake. He knew she was nervous about telling his family, and the wine issue would force it for sure.
“I’ve got more in the shed if we run out,” his dad said. Turning to Kaitlyn, he asked, “Are you surprised?”
Kaitlyn’s gaze drifted reluctantly over to his. He knew her too well not to see the dread, fear, and panic there. Rafe knew exactly what she was thinking—that the “surprise” was going to be on all of them, and there was no way to stop it now.