Rafe entered the room and sat down next to Kaitlyn, smelling like fresh piney air. He didn’t look at her or speak to her, which made her both relieved and irritated. Looking around, she saw that everyone seemed to be more into eating chocolate cake and coffee than noticing there might be something off with them. It seemed to Kaitlyn that the fact that she’d just kissed Rafe was written all over her face. Or that he’d kissed her. Oh gosh, they’d definitely kissed each other. Rafe focused all his attention on the kids, praising their drawings and threatening to bring back the child-eating lion, which brought squeals of mock horror.
Then Dr. Langdon stood up and looked at Rachel, who gave him a reassuring nod. Someone had plugged in the giant tree, showing off strings of multicolored lights, awaiting decoration.
“Now that everyone’s sitting down,” Dr. Langdon said, “I want to say how excited I am that you all could be here tonight.” He poured a few glasses of wine and passed them out, first to Rachel, then to Nonna. “Rafe,” he said, handing him a glass, “glad you made it this weekend. Hazel”—he gave her a glass, looking over at Kaitlyn to get her approval—“you’ve grown into a lovely young woman, and we’re so happy to have you join us.”
Hazel looked a little shocked at being given a glass of wine, but it was a tradition in this big Italian family, and Kaitlyn wasn’t going to make a big deal of it.
Dr. Langdon poured seltzer for Sara and Gabby, but for Kaitlyn, he poured a generous glass of wine, full up to the rim. Sara got a weird expression on her face, like she was going to turn into the doctor police if Kaitlyn tried to take a sip.
Kaitlyn’s heart began to knock hard against her chest. Panic rose, clogging her throat, making it hard to swallow. Next to her, Rafe seemed oblivious of any impending doom, reclining back on the couch, the picture of relaxation. Except for a tiny muscle in his jaw, which kept twitching.
They hadn’t really discussed what to do once that wine got poured. That’s what happened when you were too busy kissing to discuss important matters. She prayed that one sip would make Dr. L. happy and buy her more time.
Finally, Dr. Langdon raised his own glass and turned to Kaitlyn. Everyone in the room followed suit. “Kaitlyn, we consider you our fourth daughter.” Dr. Langdon looked over at Rachel, who nodded in agreement.
“We’re so proud of you—as a hardworking entrepreneur, a capable business owner in our town, but mostly because you’re you—kindhearted and beautiful inside and out. We’re proud of you, we love you, and we wish you an amazing upcoming year.”
“So, sweetie,” Rachel said, “here’s to a big year to you and the Bean.”
It was going to be a big year. Except the bean Kaitlyn was thinking of was a tiny little speck. A little bean. Not a coffee shop.
Little Bean. Big year. Yes, on both counts.
“We couldn’t be more proud of you, sweetheart,” Rachel said.
“Cheers,” Dr. Langdon said.
“Cheers!” everyone echoed.
“Salute,” Nonna said, lifting her glass.
Kaitlyn took a tiny sip of wine. So tiny, in fact, she wasn’t sure if she even tasted it. Her throat had dried up so badly she could barely swallow, and her hand was shaking.
“This is awesome,” Colton said. “Sorry you can’t have any, honey,” he said to Sara, who frowned.
“We’ll drink theirs for them,” Cade said, clinking glasses with Colton.
“It’s really smooth,” Rachel said. “Very nice, Walter.”
“Delicious,” Kaitlyn said. “Thank you so much for the special wine.”
There, she’d handled it. That wasn’t so bad. Everyone was tasting the wine and exclaiming about it, and now it was over. The fire was blazing, and the tree was huge and brilliantly lit. Everyone was chilled out and relaxed, the picture of holiday calm. Crisis averted. All that worrying for nothing.
Rachel came around, handing out round straw baskets to the adult kids. Kaitlyn looked a little puzzled when Rachel handed her a basket.
“These are all Rafe’s ornaments that he made in grade school,” she said.
Rafe rubbed his neck, a sure sign of embarrassment. “Oh, how sweet,” Kaitlyn replied, carefully picking over the various Popsicle-stick creations and glittery treasures and viewing the elementary school pictures that were glued to many of them.
“Oh my gosh, look at this one!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “Rafe, you looked so cute with glasses. And check out that sticking-up cowlick!” She picked up another. “Look at this buzz cut. And this one—no tooth!” She pointed to her own teeth to demonstrate to him where the gap was, and he flashed her a look of death.
Just wait until she got to the beanpole, gawky-looking middle school ones. Unable to bear it any longer, he tugged the basket from her hands. “Let’s look at the girls’ ornaments. They’re prettier,” he said, then hid it behind the couch.
“Hey, I was enjoying making fun of you,” she said. Seeing him squirm made her feel a little better.
“Wow, look at this one,” Colton said, dangling an elaborate glass ball covered in sequins and sparkly beads. He grinned at Sara, who was sitting next to him on the couch. “An overachiever, even back then.”
“I was very…focused,” Sara said. “Gabby’s and Evie’s look even better,” she continued with a smile. “They got the artistic genes in the family.”
While everyone was exclaiming over the ornaments, Dr. Langdon came up beside her. “You’ve barely had any wine,” he said. “Go ahead, sweetie, take a real swig and tell us what you think.”
The smile slid from her face. She was aware of Rafe shifting his position, sitting up straighter, clearly aware of her discomfort. She blew out a breath and steeled herself, then stood. “I—I have something to say.”
Rafe stood too. He flashed her a tight smile, then took up her hand.
“We have an announcement.” He looked around the room. “A big announcement.”
Rafe’s warmth seeped into her, and she felt the absolute strength of him. But she didn’t dare even consider borrowing that. She had her own strength, thank you very much.
“Kaitlyn and I are going to have a baby,” Rafe said.
For a second, the room turned deadly quiet. A log on the fire snapped, and sparks flew up in the grate like mini fireworks. Rocket gave a quiet snuffle as he stirred in his sleep.
Gabby let out a shriek, which woke up Rocket, who hopped down from Nonna’s chair and began zooming around the room.
“Oh my goodness,” Nonna said, clutching her chest. “Walter, more wine.”
In the distance, a wineglass dropped. Someone, maybe Evie, gasped. Rachel exclaimed and cheered.
Through it all, Kaitlyn was aware of Rafe’s hand encircling hers. She had to admit, it was a comfort. But she didn’t need him to watch out for her or protect her—or take over their announcement.
She worked her hand free. Startled by the movement, he turned to her.
“You okay?” he asked.
“You hijacked the baby announcement,” she whispered.
“I wasn’t hijacking it,” he whispered back, fully facing her now and looking irritated. “I was helping you.”
“Helping me? Helping me? It’s your announcement too.” What the heck?
Oh no. They were getting into a fight, right in the middle of the baby announcement. And the funny thing was, they almost never fought.
Why was that? Probably because in the past, she’d let him get away with this kind of thing. Because she’d had stars in her eyes. And yes, he was trying to be kind, trying to “save” her…but she didn’t need to be saved.
And she needed to let him know that. Because things were different now. She was going to be a mother, which meant that she needed to stand on her own two feet. For herself and the baby.
Around them, commotion had erupted. “Praise Baby Jesus,” Nonna said, lifting her hands in the air and coming over to give Rafe a big kiss on the cheek. “You two are finally getting married!”
Kaitlyn had just opened her mouth to respond when Rachel clapped her hands, looking completely thrilled. “Oh my gosh, that’s wonderful!” she said as she ran over and hugged and kissed them both.
Evie burst into happy tears and threw her arms around Kaitlyn. “When’s the wedding?” she asked. Everyone was crowding around and talking animatedly. Even Rocket was barking up a storm, and there wasn’t a second to get a word in edgewise.
Gabby ran over to hug her. “We must be due around the same time,” she said.
“I’m due in June,” Kaitlyn answered.
“Wait—we’re July.” Gabby’s eyes grew wide. “You’re due before me! I can’t believe it! How did that hap—oh my gosh.” She clapped a hand over her mouth. Dropping her voice, she whispered. “The wedding? You got pregnant at Stephanie and Everett’s wedding?”
Kaitlyn only had time to shrug when Sara walked over. “Our babies will all grow up together,” she said. “Except mine will be the oldest,” she added pointedly.
Gabby smiled and shook her head. “Sara, is your kid going to be as competitive as you are?”
“Hope the baby looks like Kaitlyn,” Colton said, clapping Rafe on the back.
“This is a very fertile family,” Gabby’s husband, Cade, added, looking a bit taken aback by all the commotion.
Gabby laughed and put her arm through Cade’s. “It’s about time these two got together,” she said. “Finally!”
Evie joined all the huggers and congratulators. “I just realized I’m the only woman of childbearing age in this family not pregnant,” she said.
“And that’s just fine with me, honey,” Joe said hurriedly.
“You two!” Rachel said. “Making everyone believe you were just friends. You had us all fooled.”
Kaitlyn met Rafe’s gaze. He looked a little panicked as he rushed to say, “Yes, well. About that…”
Rafe’s dad stood. “I’d like to propose another toast.”
“Walter, no,” Rachel said. “Fifty percent of the women in this room can’t drink.”
Oh no. They had to tell everyone the whole truth right now. “You’re the one who wanted to make an announcement,” Kaitlyn whispered to Rafe. “Say something. Tell them the rest of it. That we’re not together.”
He gave a mock bow. “No, please. Feel free.”
Suddenly Nonna was at Rafe’s side. “When is the wedding?” she asked.
Rafe glanced at Kaitlyn then at his grandmother. “We’re not getting married, Nonna,” he said in a low voice. Thank goodness. They needed to put an end to this before it spun out of control.
Nonna cupped a hand over her ear. “What did you say?”
“I said, we’re not getting married.”
Nonna looked confused. “What do you mean you’re not getting married?” she asked. “Don’t you love her?”
“Of course we love each other, Nonna,” Kaitlyn said hurriedly. “As friends. We’re going to raise this baby as friends.”
“Friends?” Nonna said in an exasperated tone. “Friends don’t make babies together.”
“Trust me, Nonna, we’re better as friends,” Kaitlyn added. “Neither of us wants to get married.”
Rafe cleared his throat. “Hey, everyone. Listen. We’re still getting adjusted to this big news. Kaitlyn and I need some time to process this. We aren’t getting—”
“Oh.” Nonna stood up, a blank look on her face. “Ooooh!” she exclaimed. “A baby…is always good news,” she said, her voice fading a little toward the end. Suddenly she clutched her chest. “Oh my,” she said. “I-I feel a little dizzy.” She swayed a little, coming dangerously close to the Christmas tree.
Rafe quickly moved to Nonna’s side just as she wobbled again, lost her balance, and face-planted into the tree.
The tree rocked precariously, lights and all, and seemed to cushion her fall. Pine boughs swished as the tree crashed to the floor. Glass balls shattered, ornaments tinkled, and some rolled away, Rocket in pursuit. Rachel let out a little cry.
Rafe’s father and the other guys rushed over to help. Together, they pulled Nonna gently out of the tree and laid her down on the carpet as everyone gathered closely around. An ugly purple bruise on her forehead was starting to swell.
“I’m going to get her some ice,” Rachel said, moving to the kitchen.
“Those needles hurt like the dickens!” Nonna said. “I told you we should have bought that pretty white fake tree on sale after Christmas last year.”
Rafe knelt by his grandmother’s side. “Are you still having chest pain, Nonna?”
“Oh my chest!” she said, almost as if with all the commotion, she’d forgotten. “Dio mio! Feels like a semitruck ran over it.”
Rafe and his father exchanged knowing glances before Rafe pulled out his phone. “We’re going to have to get a medevac team out here,” Rafe said, dialing 911 as he took Nonna’s pulse, in full paramedic mode now.
“The volunteer squad will take her to the ferry parking lot,” his dad said. “The helicopter can meet us there.”
“Oh no,” Rachel said, her voice pinched and panicked.
“It’s okay, Rachel,” Nonna said, lifting her head. “I’ve always wanted to take a helicopter ride. I just wish it wasn’t nighttime so I could see better. But do I have to go? I think I’m fine now.” She looked up beseechingly at Rafe and his dad.
Rafe’s dad gave Rachel a reassuring look. “Nonna,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, “we’re going to take you to the hospital to make sure you’re okay.”
“I could be having a heart attack,” she said solemnly. “Or a stroke.”
Rafe patted her arm, clearly struggling to stay calm himself. “Well, those are the worst things. But we’ll need to get you checked out, okay?”
“Okay,” she said. “Hurry, I feel faint.”
Sirens sounded outside. “The squad will be here in a minute,” Rafe’s dad said. “Let’s give them room.”
Rachel handed Kaitlyn ice wrapped in a towel, and she passed it to Rafe. As he took it, they looked at each other. Now was not the time to tell the family they weren’t together, no matter how badly they wanted to set everyone straight.
* * *
Rafe was sitting with the family outside the ER several hours later when his father walked into the waiting room with news of Nonna’s condition. Rafe had ridden with Nonna in the medical helicopter while the rest of the family had gotten the ferry captain to make an emergency trip back to town. By the time they all made it to the ER, it was the middle of the night. Everyone was sitting on the uncomfortable vinyl chairs drinking coffee or dozing, including Hazel, who’d seemed very worried about Nonna and was lying down across two chairs she’d put together, covered by Dr. Langdon’s and Rachel’s jackets. Kaitlyn, who was sitting next to Rafe, had fallen asleep, her cheek on his shoulder. He stayed as still as he could to not wake her. Feeling her weight against his arm and hearing the soft, rhythmic sounds of her breathing were oddly calming.
“Nonna’s fine,” Dr. Langdon said. “She’s doing great. No heart attack. No broken bones.”
Everyone let out collective murmurs of relief. Hazel rubbed her eyes and sat up. Rafe let out a huge sigh. Kaitlyn, awake now, suddenly hugged him, whispering, “Thank God.”
“Yeah,” he said, trying not to register the feel of her in his arms, her silky hair grazing his neck, her sweet scent enveloping him. “Thank God.”
“Don’t get too happy,” Rafe’s dad said. “She’s asking to see you. Insisting, more like.”
Rafe got up immediately, running an agitated hand through his hair.
“You too, Kaitlyn,” Rafe’s dad said.
Kaitlyn looked startled. She should be, Rafe thought. He had a very bad feeling about this.
As Rafe passed his father, he said, “The good news is, she wants ice cream and to watch her ‘stories.’”
“That sounds like Nonna,” Kaitlyn said, sounding relieved.
“Yes, very encouraging,” his dad said, frowning and looking sternly at both of them. “They didn’t find anything wrong, but they’re still going to do a full cardiac workup to make sure nothing’s happening with her heart. So whatever you do, don’t excite her any more. Or upset her.” He dropped his voice. “She’s worried for some reason that you two aren’t going to get married. So whatever you tell her, keep her happy. Lie a little if you have to. Okay?”
“We won’t upset her,” Rafe said. Telling her that he and Kaitlyn were going to raise the baby as friends clearly had. He’d steer clear of any talk about the baby this time.
“Thank God she didn’t break anything when she fell,” Kaitlyn said as they walked down the hallway to Nonna’s room.
“And that she didn’t have a heart attack.” Rafe felt terrible. What if she had because she was unhappy about them not being together? He never would have forgiven himself.
Nonna was sitting up in bed wearing a hospital gown, a cardiac monitor suspended above her beeping out a regular, reassuring rhythm. An IV bag hung half-full on a pole, making her look small and more than a little frail.
She looked up from scraping the bottom of a paper cup of ice cream and set down her spoon. “You two. I’m glad you’re here.” She gestured them over as though she were holding court. “Kaitlyn?” she said, extending her skinny arm, which looked all the more pitiful with the IV tubing and a big bruise from an attempted needle stick.
Kaitlyn took Nonna’s hand and helped fluff her pillow.
“Rafe, give me your hand too,” she said, extending her other arm. “I may not have much time.”
“Nonna, you have plenty of time,” Rafe said. “You’re doing great. You’re going to be able to go home really soon.” Hearing Nonna talk like that was…scary. He didn’t even want to think of that.
Nonna looked from Kaitlyn to Rafe and back. “I’ll say this quick. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the two of you together—finally. If I die right now, it’s my final wish to see you two marry. Promise me you will.” She joined their hands together in front of her. “Promise me,” she repeated solemnly.
“Nonna, I—” Rafe halted midsentence as Kaitlyn gave him a singular look.
“Promise me,” Nonna insisted, looking from one to the other and squeezing both their hands with considerable strength.
“Yes, of course, Nonna,” Kaitlyn said, ignoring Rafe. “Anything.”
“My heart feels better already just knowing you’ve created a new life to bring into our family. Now I can die a happy woman.”
“Nonna!” Kaitlyn said, squeezing her hand back. “Don’t talk like that. You’re not going to die.”
“Kaitlyn’s right, Nonna,” Rafe said. “You’re going to be fine. The doctors said—”
“Hush!” Nonna said. “I always knew it would take someone special to make my Rafe open his heart to love again. And I’m so glad it was you. I’ve always loved you like a granddaughter.”
Rafe’s breath caught. It was the again that got him. Nonna never mentioned his past, but this was clear evidence that she thought of it. She had strong opinions about what she believed he needed. And he did not want her to go there.
He didn’t want to agitate Nonna, but he also could not outright lie. Surely she could accept that they would raise the baby as friends. “Nonna, we all love Kaitlyn, but I have to tell you—oomph.” Rafe grabbed his side where Kaitlyn had drilled him a hard right jab with her elbow.
“You’re like a grandmother to me too,” Kaitlyn said.
Nonna set her gaze on Rafe with laser precision. “Get married now. Soon. Pronto. Promise me, Raphael.” She tapped her fingers impatiently.
Rafe took a few breaths. One look at Kaitlyn told him that she was on board with playing along, crazy as it was. He could not risk upsetting Nonna again. At least his grandmother’s short-term memory was terrible, and she’d forget it all soon enough. “Okay, sure.”
“Say it. In complete sentences.”
Rafe shuffled. “Okay, fine, Nonna. We’ll…get…married.”
“Say ‘I promise I will marry you as soon as possible.’”
“Nonna, I—” He recalled promising I will not talk in church and I will not hit my sister among his past penances.
“I think my heart pain is coming back.” Nonna’s voice got weaker as she clutched her chest.
Rafe turned to Kaitlyn.
“Don’t forget to take her hand,” Nonna said.
As he did as instructed, Kaitlyn whispered, “Just do what she wants.”
Looking down, Rafe was struck by how small Kaitlyn’s hand was compared to his. And that brought out an elemental urge to protect her and their child. But protecting and marrying were two different things. “I promise. To marry you.” He said it quickly enough that the words slurred.
“And now a kiss,” Nonna said, waving her hand in the air. “On the lips.”
For a second, Rafe scanned Kaitlyn’s face. She looked tired, and her hair was a little mussed on one side from sleeping sitting up in the waiting room. But she looked…she looked—beautiful. One hundred percent determined to do anything for Nonna. In that moment, he was full of some kind of feeling—gratitude, maybe—that Nonna was okay, that Kaitlyn was okay, and that somehow despite all this craziness, everything was going to be…all right.
He kissed Kaitlyn full on, intending a quick peck but getting lost in the feel of her lips, soft and pliant beneath his, the taste of peppermint gum, and the fact that she was definitely kissing him back. Kissing him back—not clamping her lips together, not backing away.
That simple kiss broke every rule he had about not feeling, not thinking, not wanting. Because every time he touched her he felt all those clichéd things that people talked about…fireworks, sparkles, explosions behind your eyelids. The warmth spreading everywhere, the quickening of his pulse, the knowledge that this one kiss would never be enough.
He must have gotten a little too caught up in that kiss, because suddenly Kaitlyn was pulling back, clearing her throat, and looking a little flustered. Which brought him back to reality and made him wonder what the heck he was doing. It was fine to promise to be there for the baby but marriage? This was going way too far. Even for Nonna.
Nonna sat back and crossed her arms, blowing out a deep breath. “Well. Now I can relax. Rafe, will you scoot that tray table over here? I want to finish my graham crackers.”
Rafe did as he was told. “And can you change the channel before you go? Real Housewives of something-or-other starts in five minutes.” She reached up and patted his cheek. “Now that I know you’ve found true love I can rest.”
They left her happily watching her show. In the hallway, Rafe walked a few doors down and leaned up against the wall. “Whew. That was a little crazy.”
“Yeah, crazy,” Kaitlyn said, touching her lips as she stepped back. “I mean, could you imagine us getting married? We’d be a disaster, but I’d say anything for Nonna’s sake. I just hope she doesn’t remember anything about this tomorrow.”
Disaster? Something deep within him bristled. Not that he would ever want to get married but…a disaster? Was the thought of being with him that awful?
“I’m sure by tomorrow it’ll be completely out of her mind,” he said. But Rafe wasn’t so sure. Nonna had been very adamant—the most stubborn he’d ever seen. “It wouldn’t be that bad…would it?”
“What?”
“I’m a pretty good catch. In general, I mean.” He had a great job and he did a lot to support their small-town community. And while he might have come to terms with the idea that he wasn’t cut out for marriage…Kaitlyn thinking that and calling him out on it? He was not okay with that.
Kaitlyn glanced down the hallway. Sara and Hazel had gone into Nonna’s room. “Come on,” she said, “let’s go tell your family what we’ve agreed to so they can play along in front of Nonna.” With that, she started to walk ahead of him down the hall.
They barely got back to the waiting room when the whole family flooded the doorway.
“There you two are!” Sara said. “Nonna just spilled the beans!”
Rafe caught Kaitlyn’s eye in time to see her wince.
“What took you so long to tell us?” Gabby asked, squeezing his hand. “Congratulations!” She grabbed him and Kaitlyn by the elbows and dragged them back to Nonna’s room, the whole family in tow.
“A birthday and an engagement, all on the same day,” Dr. L. said, hugging Kaitlyn.
“Hey, everybody,” Rafe said, “Nonna is just getting a little carried away…”
“She certainly is,” Sara said. “She called me on her cell and told us all to get right in here.”
“I’m so thrilled,” Nonna said, looking very pleased. “This is the best day of my life.” Oh no. Getting her a cell phone had been his idea.
“Now you’ll be our legal daughter,” Rachel said to Kaitlyn as she hugged her, “not just the daughter of our hearts.”
Kaitlyn, surrounded by his family, stole a look back at Rafe, and what suddenly struck him was that he could see the panic in her eyes.
Panic over getting stuck with him. Ouch.
Nonna was holding court and everyone was congratulating them and exclaiming and there was no way he could set everyone straight right now.
“Hey, congratulations,” Colton said, slapping a hand on his back. He scanned Rafe’s face for a beat too long. “You okay?”
Rafe barely managed a nod, because at that moment, Sara hooked an arm in Kaitlyn’s and led her away, with Evie, Gabby, and Rachel close in tow. “We want to hit all the wedding dress places this weekend,” Sara said. “And Gabs and I still have lists of caterers and halls and bakers and photographers…We’ll fix you right up!”
Kaitlyn seemed to turn white under the bright lights of the hospital room. He saw her nodding and pretending to smile, but he knew by the way her jaw was clenched that she was not happy. At all.
She was pale and drawn—clearly over the panic of suddenly being fake-engaged to him. Yet another feeling besides panic suddenly took hold of him—a feeling that wouldn’t leave him, and he’d finally figured out just what it was—disappointment.
Not about the fake engagement. That was still registering a 10 on the shock-o-meter.
It was just that he’d expected her to…to want him. That was it. That’s what was bothering him. Maybe even more than the fact that his entire family thought they were engaged. Even though he knew he had no right to be disappointed in her reaction.
She really didn’t want him. And that bothered him way more than it should.