Kaitlyn plopped down a giant hunk of chocolate cookie dough on the island in the Bean. It landed on the metal surface with a big thunk. She pounded down the dough and flattened it out, then tore off little balls and threw those onto the island too.
She was angry baking.
This was the last batch of chocolate dough she was going to make for a long time. She just had to test the amount of baking powder because she couldn’t tell if her grandfather’s t on the paper was little t for teaspoon or big T for tablespoon. All the other quantities—the chocolate, the cocoa powder, the butter and fat—were all decided.
And she’d modified the secret ingredient, using a special espresso blend she’d mixed herself. Just this one last batch for testing, then she’d have the recipe ready to submit for the contest.
But while the cookie recipe was coming along well, the rest of her life was falling apart. How could Rafe want to call off the fake engagement? By text. How many times had she told Hazel not to trust any guy who breaks up with her by text?
Wait…could you even call off a fake engagement? She’d been too shocked to respond to his text about breaking off the engagement, but she wasn’t shocked anymore. Now she was just angry.
She pulled out another giant batch of cookie dough from the fridge and tossed it onto the island, pretending it was Rafe. Or at least her anger toward Rafe. She punched and poked at it a little. Sadly, that did not make her feel any better.
How could she have believed that their playing house was real? How could she have believed they could all live happily ever after, her and Rafe and the puppy and their baby?
That thought made her cry.
She’d totally let down her guard. She’d let him into her heart. Stupid, stupid her.
Rafe had managed to open his heart, she knew it. She’d felt it. But her pregnancy scare had made him slam it shut again. He’d been scarce for days, leaving her alone in his house with the dog. She couldn’t even go home to her apartment.
And now…this. Wanting to tell everyone the truth.
She swiped away her tears. This was it. He’d tried, but his memories were too painful, his fear too great. She was back to square one.
No. No, she wasn’t. Things weren’t all bad. She had the recipe. Hazel was doing really well. She had a puppy who was going to be a wonderful dog and companion for her baby.
And she’d really, really tried to show Rafe how good their life could be together. That’s what hurt the most. Because the two of them together had been so good. How could he not see that?
She heard the side door creak open and Hazel walk in. “Hey, Aunt Kate,” she said. “Whatcha doing?”
Kaitlyn rallied for Hazel’s sake, wiping away her tears with her apron before Hazel could see. “Hey, sweetie. I’m baking my very last batch of cookies before I submit the recipe to the contest.”
Hazel sat down and snatched a ball of raw cookie dough, taking a bite. “Delicious,” she said. “So anyway, there was this contest at school that my business entrepreneurship class teacher kind of made me enter.”
“What a mean teacher,” Kaitlyn said, smiling.
“I know, right?” Hazel said, laughing. “It was a fashion design contest. You had to enter a piece with the theme of color and nature. I entered a dress that had all the colors of the sunset. I guess I was inspired after the weekend at the lake.” She picked away at another bit of cookie dough. “Anyway, I won.”
Kaitlyn stopped rolling dough into cookies and looked at her. “Did you just say ‘I won’?”
Hazel looked up and smiled. So widely it reminded Kaitlyn suddenly of when Hazel was a little kid and Kaitlyn used to take her down the street for chocolate ice cream, and Hazel would smile from ear to ear from pure pleasure, even as it dripped down her chin and all over her clothes. That was the kind of smile she wore now. And it was glorious.
Kaitlyn walked around the counter, wiping her hands on a paper towel before hugging Hazel. “Oh, honey. I’m so proud of you.”
“I know,” Hazel said. “Because I won.”
“Nope,” Kaitlyn said, swiping at her eyes and drawing back to look her niece in the eye.
“Because I’m not stealing stuff anymore?” She stared at the floor, and Kaitlyn gently tipped Hazel’s chin back up.
“No—I mean, yes, but beyond that. You’re pursuing your dreams. So you won’t have to rely on anyone else for them to come true.”
Hazel seemed to puzzle over this, a fine line creasing her brow. “But you have Rafe. You guys are going to get married and you’re going to rely on him.”
“Well, I think when you marry someone, you do rely on one another. But it’s important to be your own person first—and keep being your own person.” Kaitlyn didn’t want to lie. Especially since it was all going to come out anyway, and Hazel would only feel betrayed if Kaitlyn kept the secret. It had taken a long time to regain her trust, and she didn’t want to jeopardize that. But she didn’t want to spoil Hazel’s moment with her sadness. “Look, Hazel, the bottom line is, I’m so proud of you. You made a life here—a really good one. You turned things around. And I couldn’t be more proud.”
“I never felt like I belonged anywhere. But here…I feel like things are turning around.” She didn’t sound sarcastic or cynical, just honest. And hopeful.
“Your hard work turned them around, sweetie.” She gave Hazel another squeeze. “Keep up the good work. If I wasn’t so full from tasting chocolate cookies, I’d suggest we get some ice cream.”
Hazel laughed and held her stomach. “I love you, Aunt Kate, but I am getting really sick of chocolate cookie dough. Rain check?”
“Rain check,” Kaitlyn said, offering a fist bump.
Just then Gabby flew through the door. “Hey, are you still baking those cookies? Geez! Wrap it up, we’re all heading over to Nonna’s tonight.”
“Right now?” Kaitlyn asked. “Is something wrong?”
“Nonna’s been doing great, but ever since Rafe stayed with her the other night, she’s been a little blue. We thought we’d go over there and bake her favorite—well, our favorite—Christmas cookies. Want to come?”
“Sounds like something we all need,” Kaitlyn said. She meant it—she loved making Christmas cookies, as long as they weren’t chocolate snowcaps. As soon as she agreed to go, she realized Rafe was probably going to be there too. She really didn’t feel like baking Christmas cookies with him. And had he told Nonna about them? Was that why she was sad?
Kaitlyn shoved her very last two batches of cookies into the oven. “See you over there, Gabs,” she said. Maybe it would be good to be with the family. And sooner or later, she’d have to face Rafe anyway. “I’ll bring all these along too. I need a final focus group of taste testers.”
“See you over there, Aunt Kate,” Hazel said, tagging along with Gabby.
This should be fun. Baking cookies and telling everyone they weren’t engaged. She couldn’t wait.
* * *
Rafe walked into Nonna’s living room to find her hugging Hazel. The last few days had been exhausting—he’d worked a twenty-four-hour shift, gone home in the morning and slept, then he’d worked that entire night for a local ambulance company. Normally he didn’t schedule himself so tight…all this avoiding Kaitlyn was exhausting him.
That’s why the last thing he’d wanted to do was bake cookies, even if it was to cheer Nonna up. Especially with Kaitlyn there. But Gabby wouldn’t take no for an answer. At least he and Kaitlyn would be able to set the record straight before the holiday so the lie wouldn’t continue over Christmas.
“Congratulations about the contest, sweetie,” Nonna said. “That’s wonderful news. I’m so glad that old sewing machine came in handy.”
“Thanks, Nonna,” Hazel said, looking pleased.
“I found a whole other bag of material bolts and odds and ends in my attic,” Nonna continued. “You’re welcome to it. And you can come and sew in my sewing room any time you want.” She gave Hazel another big hug. “It’s so much better to make things than steal them, isn’t it?”
“Nonna,” Kaitlyn said quickly, coming over just in time to see Hazel’s horrified look. She gave Hazel a reassuring smile and a squeeze. “We sure are proud of Hazel,” she said, waving a plate of chocolate cookies in front of Nonna. “Would you taste one of these and tell me what you think? It’s my grandfather’s recipe and I need the opinion of an expert baker.”
Kaitlyn. Rafe’s heart lurched at the sound of her voice. Seeing her filled him with a confusing mix of excitement and guilt. And he missed her. Yet he was happy for her—happy for the recipe, happy for Hazel. And he loved how she’d included his grandmother. This was what Kaitlyn did. Make everyone feel special and wanted.
Nonna took the cookie, but she didn’t immediately take a bite. She inspected both sides first. “Hmmm,” she said. “Perfectly baked.” She felt the weight of it in her palm. “Nice and hefty but not dense.” Then she took a dainty bite and rolled it around on her tongue.
“Rose, you should’ve been a sommelier,” Rafe’s dad said, smiling. “What’s the verdict?”
Rafe could tell even from across the room that Kaitlyn seemed to be holding her breath.
Nonna appeared ready to pronounce her verdict. “The coating on the outside is not too crisp. And the inside is chewy and a little bit cakey. The chocolatey taste is all over, but I also taste something rich—like melted bits of it. And”—she held up the cookie—“is there coffee in here?”
Kaitlyn threw up her hands. “That’s the secret ingredient. But Nonna—how does it taste?”
Nonna set the cookie down on a napkin. The entire room went quiet. Nonna walked over to Kaitlyn and broke out into a huge smile. “I think you’ve got yourself a winner, honey.”
“Well, there you have it,” Sara said to Kaitlyn. “Nonna has spoken.”
“Go forth and enter that contest,” Gabby said.
Everyone cheered and hugged Kaitlyn. Rafe went to hug her too, but they sort of knocked into one another and she ended up awkwardly bashing her nose into his chest. Her hair smelled really good. It reminded him of when she’d gotten out of the shower and put on those flannel pj’s and that silly reindeer robe and…
“Rafe?” his dad said. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Everyone was chattering about the cookies, how good they were, and how Gabby had brought over six balls of sugar cookie dough that were ready to be rolled out.
“Sure.” Rafe followed his dad into Nonna’s living room, but he didn’t stop there. Instead, he walked outside onto the little covered porch.
“Have a seat, son,” he said.
Rafe’s heart began to pound. His dad’s tone was very serious. In fact, he hadn’t seen him this serious since Rafe told him he’d decided not to go to med school.
Rafe sat on the porch swing, bare now of cushions. His dad sat for a moment but was soon up and pacing the porch, clearing his throat and swiping at his eyes.
“Geez, Dad,” he finally said. “Are you okay?”
His dad clapped him on the back and took a deep breath. “Son, I can’t tell you how proud you’ve made me.” His voice even cracked a little, causing even more guilt to seep into Rafe’s bones. If his dad only knew what he was really like, he wouldn’t say any such thing.
“Dad—”
His dad held out a hand to stop him. “Let me finish. I’m very proud of the man you’ve become, Rafe. I know life dealt you a hard blow, but I’m overjoyed to see you’ve overcome it. I—I don’t talk much about losing your mother but I—it was hard. I always like to think she had something to do with sending Rachel to our family. The point being, love comes to us in different ways. And living on after tragedy strikes is hard but worth it.”
His dad walked to the porch railing and looked out over Nonna’s cozy little street, full of old clapboard houses, picket fences, and tidy little yards. Christmas lights were getting turned on and someone was out walking their dog.
“I proposed to your mother right here on this porch.” He glanced up, and Rafe could see his dad was somewhere else, remembering.
“I had planned something a little better at a fancy restaurant, but I got so excited I couldn’t wait. I was just bursting to ask her.”
“I never heard that story before.” His dad had always struck him as logical and regimented. The spontaneity in the story surprised him. “So what happened?”
“Well, look down. What do you see?”
Rafe followed his dad’s gaze to the painted wood-slatted floor. He knew it well, because last summer he’d resanded and repainted it for Nonna. “The flooring?”
His dad nodded. “Your mother jumped into my arms and the ring flew out of her hand and…”
“No,” Rafe said in disbelief. “It didn’t.”
His dad nodded and pointed at his feet. “It fell right through that crack between the slats.”
“So then what did you do?”
“Well, she told me I had to go down there and get it, and I told her I’d never find it in the dark. But she said after three years of dating all through my residency, Nonna wouldn’t believe we were really engaged unless she saw the ring on her finger.”
“So you crawled under there and found it, right?”
“With a flashlight. I’ve never seen so many spiderwebs in my life.” He chuckled at the memory. “Your mom had a way with humor, just like you. I know she’s looking down on us, so proud of you too.”
A lump formed in Rafe’s throat. What would his mother think of him now?
His dad reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a little box. Rafe knew exactly what it was. Nonna had shown it to him before, and he knew his dad had been saving it for him. This time, tears pricked behind Rafe’s eyes.
He had to come clean. He couldn’t accept his mother’s engagement ring when there was no engagement, when he couldn’t even bring himself to go back to his house and talk with Kaitlyn. “Dad, I—”
His dad motioned toward the box. “Just open it.”
Rafe didn’t want to, knowing seeing it would only remind him even more of all his faults. But the expectant look on his father’s face had him cracking the box open.
The ring was a simple diamond solitaire, round cut, with a gold band.
“Of course,” his dad said, “times have changed, so you might want to mount it differently or surround it with tiny diamonds like they do now, or make it a white gold band…”
“It’s beautiful, Dad,” Rafe said. And it was—simple and elegant, just like Kaitlyn. Remorse swept through him, to have his dad put such faith in him, to say he was proud.
He didn’t deserve any of that. But the least he could do was tell his father the truth. “Dad—”
“Hey, Doc,” Colton said, sticking his head out the door. “We brought down the other…thing. Everyone wants you two to come in now.”
“We’ll be right in, Colt,” Rafe’s dad said. He turned to Rafe. “You chose a great woman. She’s brought out the best in you. I love you, son.” He hugged him and gave him a slap on the back. “We’d better get inside. It’s cold out here.”
“Thanks, Dad. I love you too.” Rafe pocketed the ring and followed his dad inside, where they found everyone already gathered around the living room waiting for them. The little tree was lit, and someone had put Frank Sinatra Christmas songs on, and the place smelled like baking cookies. It was a setup for a great family holiday. There was an empty spot next to Kaitlyn on the couch, which Rachel urged him into. As he sat down, Kaitlyn subtly moved over so their bodies wouldn’t touch. He tried to make eye contact, but she was busy laughing at something Gabby had said.
Rafe’s dad looked excited and pleased as he carried a large, heavy object wrapped in Christmas paper over to Kaitlyn and set it at her feet.
“What is it?” She turned to him, trepidation in her voice.
“Open it and find out,” he said. She looked radiant, and he felt a stab of longing for her. And a lead weight of regret for messing everything up between them.
“All righty. Here goes.” She tore the last paper away to reveal a solid oak cradle. “Oh, it’s beautiful,” she said, running her hand along the smooth surface. Examining the rockers.
Rafe swallowed the lump in his throat. “My grandfather made it for my mom when she was a baby. We all used it.” He stood to give his dad a hand clasp and hug. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Your mom would want you to have it,” he said. “So would your grandfather.”
“What about the girls?” Rafe looked around at his sisters.
“We already used it for Michael and Julia,” Evie said, “and now it’s your baby’s turn, Rafe.”
Sara looked at Gabby, who gave a nod. Then Sara said, “Dad asked us and we all thought you should have it.”
He hugged his sisters and sat back down next to Kaitlyn. His throat was tight and all he could think of was that one day there’d be a baby sleeping in this beautiful, sturdy cradle that his grandfather had made—his baby. If only he could be more worthy of that baby and this woman.
“It’s stunning,” Kaitlyn said, and as he looked over at her, he saw that she was crying.
He went to put his hand over hers, but she subtly moved it away. “I’m okay,” she said. Of course she was.
Nonna stood up, holding a paper-wrapped bundle. “Now I have something for you.” She handed it to Gabby, who was sitting next to her on the couch. “Will you be a dear and pass that over to Kaitlyn?”
“Maybe Rafe should unwrap this one,” Kaitlyn said, once she held the soft package.
“No, you,” Nonna said. “You do it. I made it while I was convalescing in the hospital.”
It was a crocheted baby blanket, done in pastel hues with a very soft, fuzzy yarn. “Ooh, Nonna,” Kaitlyn exclaimed, holding it up for everyone to see. “This is gorgeous.”
Rafe felt the blanket. “Really soft. Thanks, Nonna.”
“I wanted to make it pink, but Rachel discouraged me.” She held up a hand. “Even though I am always right in my baby predictions.”
“This feels like a baby shower. Thank you so much,” Kaitlyn said, swiping at her eyes.
“It’s not a baby shower,” Rachel said. “Because I’m planning a shower for all three of you couples. So if you all aren’t registered, get on that.”
Registered? He exchanged glances with Kaitlyn. She looked a little hesitant, and like so many other times, it seemed he could tell what she was thinking. His stomach was churning as he bent forward. “I can’t do it now,” he whispered. “I can’t tell them the truth.” How could he, after his dad had given him his mom’s ring and the heirloom cradle?
“I agree,” she said, shaking her head. “Not today.”
He couldn’t help the feeling of relief that washed over him, even though he had no right to feel it. He stood up and addressed his family. “I wanted to say thank you all so much for welcoming our baby,” Rafe said. “We couldn’t be happier.”
Kaitlyn spoke too, still maintaining her distance. “We’re thrilled,” she said, smiling a little too widely, although no one would pick up on that but him. “Thanks, everybody!”
Then Gabby jumped up to take cookies out of the oven, and the women headed in to decorate them while the guys all got beers and turned on a game, promising to wash all the dishes as long as they didn’t have to decorate any cookies.
Before Kaitlyn could head to the kitchen he stopped her. “I got the report from the asbestos inspector today,” he said. “Your apartment’s been cleared as safe.”
“You mean I could go back and live there?”
“Yes. One more inspector has to do a walk-through in the morning, then you’re good to go. But—but you don’t have to leave my place.” He didn’t want her to feel pressed to leave, no matter how awkward things were between them right now. “I mean, it’s good for Bandit to have a yard for potty training and—” His words sounded so lame. Was he really using the dog as an excuse to have her stay?
She heaved a big sigh of relief. “No, no, that’s terrific news about my apartment. I’ll move my stuff out first thing in the morning.”
He scanned her face. She looked glad to be done with him. He should be relieved that she was leaving too, but instead he felt out of breath, unable to suck in air, as if someone had just punched him in the gut.
“Come on, Kaitlyn,” Gabby called from the kitchen. “You’re the only one who knows how to ice these professionally.”
“Coming,” she called to Gabby. To Rafe, she said, “Thanks for letting me know,” giving him a smile that never reached her eyes. “See you later.”
Kaitlyn went to join the women. Rafe went to the fridge to get a beer and paused by the kitchen door on his way out. His sisters and Rachel were sitting at the kitchen island, mixing different colors of icing. Kaitlyn laughed hard and loud at something Sara said. Rachel poured Nonna and herself a glass of wine while Evie said she was too full of cookies to drink, and Rachel joked that they were saving a ton of money on wine because no one could drink any.
Rafe was filled with a strange mix of regret and longing despite knowing that he’d failed Kaitlyn in every important way. But he couldn’t change who he was. He couldn’t be the man she needed.
Just then Kaitlyn glanced up and caught him looking at her. He took a swig of his beer and looked quickly away. Then he walked back into the living room to hang out with the guys.