8 Resoluteness

Why not aspire to greatness?

— JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN

The Eighth Parami: Resoluteness

The Pali word aditthana, which we translate as resoluteness, is used to designate the eighth parami in Buddhist texts. It means determination in following an aspiration, and is also described as unwavering, faithful.

Instructions: Buddhists with Biceps

“One example of this parami comes from the days when I was mountain biking,” Joseph says. “When I was just beginning, I would be biking with friends that were quite a bit better than I was. We’d be going up hills, and a lot of them I would have to walk up. They were just too steep for me. And I really had a kind of . . . dread is too strong a word, but,” he laughs, “I did not like going up those hills. It was a struggle. Yet as I kept on and got a little stronger, at a certain point the whole attitude changed, and I began to actually look forward to the difficulty of going up the hills, because it felt like it was strengthening and challenging. That change of attitude about what was difficult is resoluteness — appreciating what can be developed when something is difficult. There are so many situations like that in life. One of the meanings of, one of the qualities of, the enlightenment factor of the fifth parami — viriya, or energy — is that somebody with viriya is somebody who is energized by challenge.”

“Right. I remember it well.”

“So it is that energy that is called upon in resoluteness, not being daunted by challenges. This is the same thing.”

“In business you see this a lot. There are people that head companies, such as myself, who describe loving the challenges. They’ll say to their staff, ‘Bring it to me! Let me help. I’ll figure it out!’ They really love facing new challenges, like you describe with the steep hills.”

“Yes. So it is that quality. And the good news is that we can practice our resoluteness. We can strengthen our resoluteness. Maybe we start with small things. Maybe we find ourselves walking up the hills. But what is important here is to really investigate that quality of resoluteness for ourselves.”

“I see, because it’s so easy at that point where it becomes challenging to say, ‘Those guys are just better than I am. Here I am having to walk my bike up the hill. This is no fun. This sport probably isn’t for me.’ That can so often be our tendency when that first big hill comes up.”

“Right. Exactly.”

Joseph’s Instructions: Working with Resoluteness

The eighth component of integrity, resoluteness, is also defined as tenacity or determination. Resoluteness includes the aspect of carry-through. It is connected to achieving one’s aspiration. What is needed is to investigate what is required to realize one’s aspiration.

  1. Set one to five things a day, or a week, that you aspire to. For each aspiration, be as truthful as you can about what is needed to achieve it. We must be really honest with ourselves. There can be many misconceptions here. As the aspiration takes shape, precision and clarity are needed to see what is required to achieve it. And this can change over time. Periodically asking what is needed helps give focus to the mind state of resoluteness.

• So we ask ourselves, “What is this day’s, or this week’s, aspiration?”

• Then we ask, “What is needed or required to achieve it?”

• And we begin paying attention to what happens around that aspiration.

  2. Another way to practice with this parami is to:

• Focus on learning to recognize the quality of resoluteness.

• Learn the ways you might manifest it. You must investigate this for yourself.

• When you notice you are experiencing resoluteness, pay close attention to the various ways it manifests. Become familiar with what can cause it to arise.

  3. Now we begin to look at what can undermine our aspirations.

• Notice the times you do not follow through with an aspiration.

• Investigate what is happening here. If you do not achieve an aspiration, ask, “Why not?” What undermined the original resoluteness?

Parami = purification of the heart. The application of resoluteness can be practiced on a wide range of things. And remember: we can have all these good intentions, but what is important is

• the carry-through element

• not giving up

• understanding that difficulties are part of the path

• and when we do give up, simply beginning again

Joseph adds, “Remember, for something to be considered a parami, rather than just a wholesome state, it needs to be practiced with an aspiration for awakening. If the larger aspiration of enlightenment seems unworkable or overwhelming, work with these smaller steps. It is all related to one’s clarity about the aspiration and about investigating what is needed to achieve it. Even if one is practicing resoluteness with small things, if done with an aspiration of awakening, then one is on a wholesome, skillful path, the path to enlightenment. For example, you can practice generosity as a wholesome state simply to achieve lightness and happiness, or you can practice it as a parami, a component of integrity, with the aspiration to achieve letting go of greed completely.” He laughs. “This is a good practice for me because of my inclination toward ease.”

There are times when I specifically choose the difficult option as opposed to the easy one as an antidote to my tendency, or as a way to explore new options for relating to difficulties when they do arise.

— JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN

What we are doing is seeing clearly into the cause of our suffering, so that the resolve to change habits of mind becomes spontaneous.

— JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN

Working with Resoluteness: Set an Aspiration and Ask What Is Needed

And so I begin: setting an aspiration and asking what is needed. Aspiration sounds significant, and I really need to do my taxes today. Is this an aspiration? I struggle with definitions, then select three aspirations for the day:

Aspiration 1: Meditate. This is easy, because I already did.

Aspiration 2: Exercise. What is needed? Schedule it. I am overseeing the house being power washed today. I will go for a long run after they leave, late afternoon.

Aspiration 3: Do my taxes. Perhaps not a proper aspiration; it seems a bit mundane. But deadlines are pressing, and well, this is the day for it. I am stuck at home for most of the day with the power washing. OK, what is needed to achieve it? Suddenly I have an insight. What is needed is also what suddenly makes it feel like a more worthy, engaging aspiration. My third aspiration becomes “Enjoy doing my taxes!” What a concept. But it’s true — this is exactly what is needed . . . for me. This is in fact the only way, truthfully, that I am going to get through it — if I am also enjoying the task. So what is needed to enjoy doing my taxes? Now this is certainly a more uplifting question. And my answer? To enjoy the process, not complete the project. It is a revelation.

I set up everything on the dining table, where I can gaze out over the water, and put on some sing-along music. I certainly don’t need a lot of concentration to add up numbers. I have a piece of chocolate as a reward upon completing the itemizing of checkbook entries. I follow that with a cup of chai after tallying the credit card statement. And I am also enjoying the process. So, no surprise, I keep at it. When interrupted (water suddenly blasting in through gaps around an old window, the painter with questions, a phone call) I remind myself the goal is to enjoy, not complete. Interruptions are clearly out of my control. I would only be adding suffering into the mix if I made completion the aspiration. The realization that I am doing the best I can under the present circumstances is tremendously energizing. Yes, it seems obvious now, but I am clear my normal process would have collapsed by the third interruption. It is much easier to achieve the aspiration to enjoy the process, and so I just continue. I keep checking in on the attitude, reminding myself I don’t need to rush or complete. I just need to muster resoluteness and carry on. I am enjoying not pushing. I watch restlessness arise briefly with each interruption, then somehow just drift away as I turn back to the task.

And I do it! I actually enjoy working on my taxes, the task goes remarkably smoothly, and I finish the project just before 2:00 p.m. I feel splendidly, massively resolute. Wow. If I can complete and enjoy doing my taxes in one morning, with interruptions, what else can I accomplish?

I begin the second half of the month considering, Do I follow through, and if not, why not? What undermined the aspiration?

It is Wednesday. Last night I was sitting at a table of women from our tennis club. The topic was untidy spouses! One woman’s husband had recently retired. We were all laughing as she described coming home from work each day to find little cast-offs of his day spent at home — a mug in the guest bathroom; a sweater draped over a dining room chair; newspapers, magazines, books on tabletops. I offered that Ron says he doesn’t understand why we have to keep the house so neat when we are not expecting anyone. “Because it soothes my soul to have it that way,” I say to the group. “It’s not just about having guests over. It’s for me!” The women nod, understanding.

This is true. And because it is more important to me, and Ron and I have shared a home for twenty-five years, I just tidy up things I feel need tidying up for my own peace of mind. Ron definitely does his share of chores around the house. It may be a universal conundrum, but as I sit listening to the criticisms, I am inspired to summon resoluteness and be kinder with my spouse. I don’t want to sound like these women, complaining. I understand I can do better here, and we will both be happier for it. I often say I don’t know what God was thinking when she thought men and women could live together. She overlooked, it seems to me, some significant tweaks she could have easily made early on.

Does having a relationship with someone automatically dictate we must abide by, adopt, and embrace the other’s preferences? Does it include the right to blame or cajole or get angry at them for not doing their share of something we want done? I think not. Again, another’s willing participation lies out of our control. It only causes suffering for everyone when we insist on their seeing the situation as we do. It is our problem, not theirs. This is not the outcome I had envisioned working with this resoluteness aspiration. This feels like all the paramis at work: a generous spirit, an ethical striving to be honest, renunciation of my own tight-fisted desires, wisdom, viriya in looking more deeply under the muck, patience with myself, and understanding that these thoughts and feelings are impermanent — not mine, not even true! Then we just season the mix with enough resoluteness to carry onward with a cheery disposition. This is investigating with an intention for awakening. And enlightened is exactly how I feel right now. I stand leaning on the broom I am sweeping with outdoors, grinning at the results of my hard work — a clean-swept yard and mind. It really is a beautiful day to be out of doors, released from a constricting attitude.

As mentioned, that steadfast, perseverance quality is one I have an abundance of much of the time. Mostly my edge is not pushing a task into drudgery. Still, I can also begin projects that appear simple, then add a (strong) preference for perfection into the mix, stir madly, and soon find myself overwhelmed, sliding toward crankiness.

This Saturday I decide to further hone my resoluteness understanding and skill by tackling a long-avoided project: my bookcases. I now have books stacked on top of books. There is not one book-sized hole left in which to wedge one more book. Shelves supporting solid, hardcover books on all four walls of my little home office, weigh heavily on my mind as I sit quietly contemplating where and how to begin. I would surely die under a giant mound of books if I am in here during an earthquake.

And so I begin, as usual, with great energy, enthusiasm. Windows open to spring, birds singing, opera on the stereo. I am lighthearted, my mind bedazzled by glowing visions. I even have a few magazine photos of how to arrange things in the open shelving I will soon have. I also have asked, in preparation, “What could undermine this resolution?” And my answer was “Zealousness.” That should have been my clue, the caution flag waving. But no, I tumble in with fierce gusto and totally unrealistic expectations.

I shouldn’t, but I take all the books off all the shelves, slowly placing them in teetering stacks by subject. No more searching for books. Hours later I collapse on the floor of the hall, as there is now no floor space left in the office to stretch an aching back. Books are heavy! I may have begun this project with shining visions of a well-ordered library, of gleaming open space on the shelves, but now I am stuck fast in a goopy tar pit of lethargy and doubt. For a while I lay on the floor of the hall totally unwilling to even look at the chaos I’ve created. And then after a while I do get up, go back in the room, sit on a stack of books, look around. New fiction. Classics. Buddhism. Poetry. Health. Gardening. Reference. Whose crazy idea was this? What was I thinking? This is taking order to the extreme. I’ll never finish this. How many Saturdays will this take? But now, of course, I can’t abandon the project. Other things begin tugging for attention. I need to buy groceries. Return emails. I literally just sit and watch myself turn cranky.

Now I remember that resoluteness included an understanding that zealousness might undermine it, and that my practice also was to include periodic check-ins on current state of mind, which of course has been sliding into fatigue and overwhelm for some time now. I trampled right over the initial squeals of doubt from a tiring mind. The magic ingredient, so clear to me now, is stopping to ask, “What is happening? What is needed?” in the moments before overwhelm and disillusionment. Didn’t we just go over this? Sigh. This was profoundly obvious, and successful, when doing my taxes. Here I could have paused many times, gazed out the window, stretched my back, called my sister for a chat. I could have started with one wall of books. Yup. And I didn’t. Can’t help but love a mind so full of enthusiasm, like we had at the start. Something to appreciate there, I think. That spirit of resoluteness. And so sometimes, as now, resoluteness entails gently turning away from the chaos. I leave the room, close the door, and go for a long run.

Several hours later I return to the stacks of books, body refreshed, mind still reluctant, but clearer. I see I can make the job much easier by selecting which books should go into the donate-to-the-library boxes. And I just begin again. Did I complete the project that Saturday? Oh, no. I lived with stacks of books on the floor for several days. It took two Saturdays and a bunch of evenings to complete the task. But I did place clean books onto polished shelves with a wiser mind. Slowly. And now? I know where any book is when I want it, and I found lots of interesting new books to read in my own little bookstore that I had forgotten were there. I also donated over three hundred books to the Sausalito library. They were thrilled. I am thrilled to see my walls again. I now have family photos among the bindings. It is lovely and comforting to sit at my desk and gaze around the room. Resoluteness and wisdom accomplished this, any lingering untidy mind states swept away with the dust balls. I honestly feel the spaciousness of the room mirrors a new spaciousness in my mind as I regard my handiwork. I promise myself that I will listen more skillfully, and I honestly believe I understand how to go about it now.

Buddhism offers the possibility that very ordinary everyday tasks and conversations can be undertaken with an aspiration for enlightenment. This understanding can be a source of much joy and much ease. I have been inspired by this aspect of the teachings for many years. I believe it is a significant contributing factor in the lighthearted, carefree nature seen in people such as Joseph Goldstein and the Dalai Lama. The idea that it is enough just to attend to whatever is up at the moment with attention and a welcoming heart is so awesomely radical to one who can tend to press long after my welcoming heart has had enough, closed down shop, and gone home. Could this really be what’s important? Not completing the task? It sounds so simple, so easy . . . and so compelling!

The Dalai Lama says, “My religion is kindness.” We can be intrigued and inspired by just the possibility that this could be true. The idea that attending to the moment with a welcoming, kind heart, including for ourselves, is really all that matters can offer us tremendous relief from our tendency to discount our efforts, minimize our worthiness. I can also confirm that living this way is not always simple or easy. Still, I have found it to be powerfully good news. And I have tasted its sweetness again and again. We all have experienced this when we respond simply with an open, loving heart to whatever is arising. In those moments, when we can remember, Ah, this is all there is to be done, we may feel remarkable peace. For me the idea has been life-turning. It’s not the grand stuff. And we know it. It’s the everyday stuff that nicks and scratches and dents us, entangles us, brings us down from loftier aspirations. This is where a life of integrity gets crafted — moment by moment, day by day, strengthening each of the parami factors of integrity, of freedom. And this is where the bliss of blamelessness arises. This is the source of that carefree, joyous, and kind response that is, for most of us, our deepest yearning.

What is important is not giving up. And there will be times when we do give up. Then we just begin again.

— JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN

What’s needed is to continually reflect on and check in on what is required to realize the aspiration.

— JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN

Check-In Conversation: A Vision of Where We Are Heading

Once again I am chatting with Joseph after dinnertime on the East Coast, in what has become our customary check-in time. This time, Ron and I are up in the mountains for the weekend. Joseph is at home in Barre.

“OK,” I begin. I am stretched out on the couch watching snowflakes gently floating down from clouds that seem to be perched in the treetops. This is a surprising late spring snowfall, and it is particularly entrancing. I pull my gaze from the dance out-of-doors and direct it onto my page of notes.

“So I decided to work with being resolute about doing my taxes, which of course I had been putting off and putting off, probably like most everyone else. It definitely felt like a project in need of some resoluteness to get completed. And I asked myself what was needed. And I decided I needed to set up a time I would do it, be prepared for interruptions, and reward myself for little bits and pieces as I finished them. But I was still doubting the aspiration-worthiness of doing my taxes . . .” (Joseph laughs) “until I had the idea that the most important piece was not saying ‘getting my taxes done’ but saying ‘doing my taxes and enjoying the process.’ Now that was an aspiration I felt I could get myself enrolled in. I was clear there were a lot of other circumstances that could contribute to not completing them that were outside my control. But I did feel I had control over enjoying the process, not to mention the better chance they would get completed if I were enjoying the process!” I laugh. “For some reason, which sounds a little silly as I am telling it, that aspiration felt more worthy, as in using wisdom to create a way that I would be more willing to stay the course. And in fact I did enjoy doing them, and I did finish! Was that skillful?”

“Well, I think what you’re describing is an individual component of aspiration and resoluteness. This addresses the point that each person needs to discover their own individual aspects. So I wouldn’t make your insight necessarily universal. That’s what you discovered for yourself was needed to achieve your aspiration. Maybe for somebody else the satisfaction would come from getting it done.”

“Ah, yes. And they wouldn’t need it to be fun, or need to have the aspiration to try to make it fun.”

“Exactly.”

“OK. That’s a good distinction. I can see that.”

“Right. Again, it is different for different people. That is why it is so important to really investigate this for oneself.”

“I do love the word ‘resoluteness.’ I like it a lot. I don’t think it has much excess baggage, you know, like ‘determination’ or ‘tenacity.’”

“Right, it doesn’t have negative connotations,” Joseph says.

“And it also doesn’t have an overly aggressive tone. It feels more like an inner strength, an inner process.”

“Right. And resoluteness includes the quality of carry-through, which is an important piece to remember.”

“Yeah. You once mentioned that it isn’t your strong suit, but you said it’s my strong suit. And it certainly is. But for me the edge is not pushing too far too long, you know? It feels like I can tend to be too resolute. I can get all enthused, hurl myself forward, then keep at something without much investigation, perhaps pushing long past the value in it. I especially like how you tie resolution into aspiration. Being really clear before one begins.”

“Right. What’s needed is to continually reflect on and check in on what is required to realize the aspiration.”

“Oh, yes. This was very much on my radar both the times I remembered and continually checked in and the times — much later — when I discovered I had not checked in and barged right through into fatigue, unclarity, and then ill humor.”

“Yup,” he says as we both laugh.

“There is another unclear and tricky edge in here for me: discerning the difference between making anything I am doing fulfilling by merely being present versus working skillfully with a more worthy aspiration. Because in so doing, I can find myself, sometime later, blazing blindly down a path that perhaps is, or has become, not ultimately worthwhile. Do you know what I mean? Help me here.”

“Yes, well, one of the measures for that assessment is to investigate if what you are being present for is onward-leading. Is it cultivating the paramis? This is a big one to ask oneself, to check in on. A key here is wisdom. When one is holding the highest aspiration and is being present with whatever one is investigating, this leads to the development of wisdom. A criteria for onward-leading can be to ask, ‘Is development of wisdom present here?’ Go back to our notes on working with the wisdom parami. Explore how to work with developing wisdom while cultivating resoluteness. You can do the same with the other paramis also.”

After a long pause, he continues. “One basic understanding that can also be useful is that of the three characteristics, which we discussed previously: impermanence, suffering, and selflessness or non-self. For example, you could be working on strengthening your generosity, but without wisdom present, you could tumble into a lot of selfing. You know, ‘Look at what a generous person I am.’” We laugh. “In meditation, people often don’t notice that wholesome mind states are also arising and passing away, that they are also impermanent and therefore ultimately unsatisfying. We can all be seduced by the wholesome states.”

“Oh, now I’m thinking about rewarding myself at certain junctions in the tax preparation . . . not so much wisdom there.”

He laughs. “Rewards can give rise to more greed. You don’t need rewards. The parami work itself purifies our motivations.”

“I remember you once spoke of the way people approach meditation practice, depending on what they want out of it. If they just want to chill out, that equals a certain amount of practice; if they want deep concentration, that is a different amount of practice; and if they aspire to awakening, that’s still another amount of practice. Does that sound right?”

“Well, the amount of time and effort extended is a factor, but of course the quality of that practice is also a factor.”

“Yes. So with each aspiration, then, quality would mean being honest and truthful about what is needed?”

“Right. And there can be many misconceptions here. As the aspiration takes shape, precision and clarity are needed to see what is required. Asking what is needed really helps give focus to the mind state of resoluteness.”

“I find myself wishing I’d had this parami at the beginning! It’s so helpful to have resoluteness as my focus when working with an aspiration, any aspiration, or with any of the paramis, like an aspiration to be more generous or more ethical. That critical step of asking what’s needed is so crucial. Previously, I might have an aspiration, run after it, not check in, get off track, run out of steam, become totally discouraged . . . and quit.”

“Right. Right.”

“So that piece has been really important for me. I keep imagining you pushing that bike up the steep hills.”

He laughs. “Yes.”

“OK, Joseph, asking what’s needed was key. And then also to investigate — if I didn’t follow through with something, to ask, ‘Why not? What undermined it?’”

“Right.”

“And I think, like you said, it feels important to discover and understand that for ourselves. It can be so different for one person than for another.”

“Exactly.”

“Also watching closely for what might undermine the aspiration. I would ask your question, ‘What is needed?’ Then I would add, ‘What might undermine it?’ Because after a while I knew only too well what might rise up to undermine the original intention. It was abundantly, almost ridiculously, clear.”

Joseph laughs. “Yes.”

“And I found that working with resoluteness in those really ongoing, active ways was energetic, with very clear comprehension. Really no doubts. And that pursuing and succeeding at the aspiration brought with it its own satisfaction. So I admit you’re right. Looking back, I see that I didn’t need to reward myself.”

“That’s good,” he says, chuckling.

“You also said that it’s good to awaken in people the idea that the ordinary things we do can be in the service of liberation. I just continue to love that concept. It describes so well what we’re doing with the paramis.”

We are quiet for a while before I speak again. “So I have another question. We have talked about this so much that I hesitate to bring it up. For something to be considered a parami, instead of just a wholesome state, it needs to be practiced with an aspiration for awakening, even when practicing with the smallest of things. You used the example of how one can practice generosity to achieve lightness and happiness or one can practice it as a parami and achieve letting go of greed.”

“Right.”

“So I continue working with desire. I stopped for a while, but this month seemed ripe for doing so again, resolve being such a good support for renunciation. I’m now almost a full month into a new aspiration of not buying anything,” I sigh, “and no surprise, it continues to be a juicy path for me. This time I used the questions and asked what was needed. No browsing was the first answer, which I discovered previously. So I have not been browsing. I don’t put myself in temptation’s claws. But now, up here in the mountains for the weekend, Ron suggested we cruise the village, which you know I love to do . . . especially with you!” Joseph laughs. “And Ron looks in a store window and says, ‘Oh, you should try that on. That would look good on you.’ And so I did, and sure enough, it looked great. But I felt no interest, no desire. Very curious. Not buying is my aspiration, and it seems to be working. And this is really different for me, as you well know!” Joseph laughs.

“What was your feeling when you let go of the wanting?” he asks.

“Uh, the wanting never really arose . . . or at least that is how it felt to me. It was curious, and certainly different. In answer to what is needed, for me,” I say, chuckling, “in addition to no browsing, clear comprehension is needed. I was standing there considering the impulse to buy, not how great the coat looked on me! The coat looked great. I imagined it hanging in my already full coat closet. Wearing it. Loving it. And then the eventual passing of its allure. I saw very clearly the impermanence of its allure. From beginning to end. And I understood I already have enough! Impermanence and enough. Two words that helped me hang the coat back up.”

“And how did that feel?”

“Oh, I felt tremendous relief! To just release the impulse to buy, let it float away and not continue to gnaw on it as we kept walking through the village was awesome and uplifting!”

“Yes.”

“There was a little pride in there too, of course, but mostly relief. I felt I was able to browse — you know, throw myself into temptation’s lair — with a clear mind. As we continued, I’d see a store and think, I know there’s probably something I might like in there. And then I could feel I didn’t even want to go there. Not just into the store, but into desiring.”

“Right.”

“And get all caught up . . .”

“Right. Exactly.”

“And la-di-da, la-di-da,” I say, laughing. “I adored just floating on by, not ruffled, not caught in any sticky desire.”

“Maybe you should make it more than a month,” he says, laughing.

“Yeah, I actually feel right now that that would be fine.”

“Yes. It’s more peaceful not to want than to want.”

“Oh, infinitely.”

“And that, I think, is what you’ve been talking about,” he adds after a few moments. “That’s the point.”

“I see that. I was holding the aspiration of not getting caught up in desire, in the larger context, in the context of liberation and purification of” — I make choking, gasping sounds — “the stranglehold of desire.”

He laughs. “Exactly.”

“It’s just been the best, Joseph. I keep working with each parami like using another key, each unlocking a different aspect of my nemesis desire, and I can really feel a loosening happening. A much clearer and deeper understanding is maturing here. And then even when I forget and tumble back in, I am also watching the way that works, how desire unfolds, grabs, lingers. In a way, I’m choosing to . . . choose it. I am not being sucked in. It is amazing and getting richer and deeper all the time.”

We are quiet for a few moments, a pleasant ease between us, both greedy types, understanding well this dance with desire.

Then I continue. “I’d also like to ask for clarification: You said one can practice with small things, you know, like to have the aspiration to have one cookie instead of two, or really big things, like enlightenment. And I think you said something like small aspirations over time can lead to enlightenment and big aspirations over time can lead to enlightenment. Is that what you said? Because of course I thought,” I am laughing now, “Well, if that’s the case, I’m just going to go for the one cookie over two as my aspiration. Forget the tougher, bigger aspirations! I think I might have something wrong here.”

He laughs. “Well, in a way that example ties in to the renunciation parami we were just discussing. You know, like not taking the second cookie or not buying something new. If one is really conscious of the force of the desire, of the wanting, then when the wisdom mind comes in and says, ‘No, I don’t need this,’ one actually lets go of the desire, not just the cookie or the coat. There’s awareness of that whole process, as you were just describing. So then I think that is in the service of the higher aspiration of liberation.”

“Ah. Of course, the awareness . . . like browsing a store, watching desire arise, and then simply passing on as if walking past a barking dog.”

“Right. It’s more than just not taking the second cookie.”

“So with that awareness, with that understanding present, it doesn’t really matter what the thing is you’re doing.”

“Yes. Exactly. It is utilizing all of these everyday situations in the context of really understanding what’s being developed in the mind and what’s being abandoned in the mind.”

“I can feel that. There’s real wisdom there,” I say slowly.

“Oh, yes. Indeed.”

“You used another example, which I think is a little different than what I was describing with my library. On retreat when you’re having difficulties, you have said to yourself, ‘Joseph, just sit (meditate) and walk. Just sit and walk.”

He laughs. “Right.”

“You said to yourself, ‘Surrender to the Dharma. Just do it no matter what.’ And that’s a little different, don’t you think, from what I was describing? It’s doing it in spite of or no matter what else arises.”

“Right. That is the persevering aspect of resoluteness. As you said before, not giving up. Just doing it, even if one is not seeing the results right away.”

“I guess that would be like living with the stacks of books on the floor for days until I finish. That is skillfully resolute.”

“Right.” We are quiet for a while.

“And then there have been those times,” he says, “that have been so vivid and alive that I didn’t want to waste a moment. Those are moments of pure resoluteness.”

“Ummm, yes, I think I know that place. Where you’re in the groove. I’ve experienced that in concentration practice, especially when on a retreat, where I don’t want to get sucked out of that deep concentration state into anything else that might be happening around me. No interest. I’m staying right here!” I laugh. “Right?”

“Yes. And it can be with anything. It can be with the concentration practice. It can be with the moment-to-moment continuity of mindfulness. Clearing books out of a library. Or anything. Just really staying on track.”

“As with renunciation of desire!” I add.

“Exactly,” he says, laughing.

“So I also found that what seemed particularly useful was asking what was needed. Simple. But I’m used to setting lots of resolutions and never following that up with the idea of asking what is needed. I really love that. It really helped to clarify the resolve — asking what was needed to achieve it. It strengthened not giving up at the first difficulty, while also recognizing there will be times when I am irresolute . . . and not giving up then either!” I laugh.

Joseph adds, “Or then, just beginning again.”

“Ah. That’s better.”

“I mean, there will be times when we do give up.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“But,” he says slowly, “the important thing is recognizing that, and then when we do recognize it, and the energy is there, we just begin again. That is also a very important part of resoluteness.”

“Yes. Which would certainly not be giving up.”

“Right. But it’s not giving up in the more macro sense, because there might be sittings, or situations in our daily lives, where we do give up — for a period of time. We notice this, and then we don’t let that be discouraging. ‘For whatever reason I did give up, but I’ll begin again now!’”

“Oh! I don’t think I’m always that kind to myself. I love that. Sometimes I may just need to step away, refresh the mind, and then begin again. Like I am slowly doing with the library. It is wonderful in ways I never could have achieved even had I pushed to do it all in one day.”

“Exactly,” he says, chuckling.

“So not changing the channel, but just doing something else for a while, while holding it within the scope of the aspiration. That’s a little different spin on it, but it allows me to return to it refreshed, renewed. You’re saying that would be skillful?”

“Oh, yes. Definitely.”

“And here’s my last question.” I sigh, and Joseph chuckles.

“Yes?”

“This is something I struggle with sometimes: Can you talk about expectation versus aspiration?”

“Well, expectation is feeling that things in the moment should be a certain way. You know, we can have an expectation of a concentrated sitting, or whatever. But,” he laughs, “things are largely out of our control. And so expectation is a setup for disappointment.”

“Oh, for sure! I know this one really, really well.”

“Whereas aspiration,” he continues, “sets up a larger goal, or vision, of where we are heading. But still, in that journey,” he laughs again, “there will be a lot of ups and downs, things that we might not want or appreciate, but that are there nevertheless. It doesn’t have to deflect us from our goal or aspiration. But if we have an expectation that it should be one way or another, then it is a problem.”

“So an aspiration would be more like . . . not a goal, but something that almost doesn’t have . . . ?”

“No, I don’t have a problem with the word ‘goal.’”

“Oh, OK.”

“I think aspiration is a goal. But some people have a hard time with that word ‘goal.’”

“They do! Aspiration is a much better word, I think.”

“I never understood why the resistance to the word ‘goal,’” he says, “but you can use that word, or you could use the word ‘vision,’ or ‘aspiration.’”

“Hmm, ‘vision’ is nice, but I think ‘aspiration’ is such an uplifting word.”

“Yes, right. That’s why I use it. It implies a bigger picture. Expectation has to do with some kind of immediate result that we want. And so that’s just a very different thing.”

“Yes, and like you say, it doesn’t take into account that we don’t have total control over what’s going to happen next.”

“Exactly.”

“So an aspiration might be to meditate daily. Right?”

“Yes, or one might have an aspiration to develop loving-kindness . . . or to get enlightened! Or to make a lot of money! I think people have all kinds of aspirations. And from day to day, people will be more or less successful, but that has nothing to do with the validity of the aspiration.”

“Ah. That deeper understanding, that perspective, is what helps one stay encouraged.”

“Exactly.”

“And that takes resolution. I got it. OK. We did it. Resoluteness manifested. That’s awesome, Joseph.”

He laughs. “I like the spontaneity of these conversations. We sit down and I have no idea what I’m going to say and it all comes out and I’m surprised at how easily it flows out.”

This makes me happy. I hold an aspiration to contribute to Joseph’s well-being and happiness. This aspiration arises quite spontaneously when I am with him.

Just as the word ‘mindfulness’ has infiltrated our daily language, so too has the word ‘loving-kindness.’ The Dalai Lama, Western Buddhist teachers, scholars, and now many self-help book authors use the term freely. We know the feeling of loving-kindness that can arise, quite spontaneously, in response to another’s suffering. Loving-kindness is our next parami. I could have used a little loving-kindness for myself and my foolhardiness, I think as I remember walking into my small office and stepping gently around all those piles of books

Without integrity, mindfulness is morally meaningless. Without integrity, metta is wishful thinking or a spiritual bypass. Both mindfulness and metta require the actions of conscience motivated by an ethical barometer.

— LARRY YANG, SPIRIT ROCK NEWSLETTER
(SEPTEMBER–DECEMBER 2019)