*With a last look at the freshly painted sage and purple buildings of their new craft centre, Daisy climbed into her car. It was coming up beautifully. Now the sign was up, it looked like it was really about to happen. WYVERN FAIRE, named for the river, but with that added mystical dragon suggestion. Her friend Sade had done a beautiful job with the sign, the dragon’s eye seeming to flash in the bright sunlight as he draped himself around the lettering.
She headed to her sister’s place. It was a nice little home, a single-bedroom unit in a block of six built on a corner allotment that included an older house dating from the fifties. Too small for her to be staying, but it was only temporary.
The house was not as old as Connor’s place, a homestead on a farm on the edge of town. He’d kept ten acres beside the river with the homestead and the hill and developed the rest of the land as a housing estate, partnering with Malcolm Forster. Mal had done the building side of things. It was a good investment considering the new shopping centre was close by.
Pulling into the visitor’s car park, she wondered again how long she’d be able to stay with her sister. Molly wasn’t supposed to have permanent tenants. The units were designed to house singles or couples. There’d already been some trouble when Lara was born, the owner not being keen about having a baby in the complex. Saying babies and pets were too disturbing for other tenants.
It probably didn’t help that she was a single mother with no partner in sight. The landlord probably thought she was a party girl. “Circus people” had been his usual sneer when he wasn’t happy. Usually when Molly wanted him to fix the plumbing.
“I’m home.” She kept her voice low in case Lara was asleep, closing the front door carefully.
Molly looked up from her exercise mat, one leg poised in the air. “She’s asleep in the bedroom.” She finished the movement with smooth grace and folded her legs in front of her. “Are you really back for good now?”
Daisy collapsed onto the overstuffed fake leather couch. “Finally.”
“You look tired.”
“A bit, but I’m okay.” She hesitated a moment. “I saw Connor today. He was on the boardwalk near the cupcake shop.”
Molly hissed out a breath. “How did that go?”
“It was fine. I guess. I had Cory and Joss, and Sade and Mal’s kids with me, so it’s not like we could have a full-scale argument.”
“Did you have an argument?”
“No. It was all very civilised.”
“What did you talk about?”
Daisy thought back to the conversation. “Nothing really. I can’t remember anything much at all.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“I don’t know. He was strange. Not himself.” She sucked in a breath. “I noticed he had a limp. I would have thought he’d be better by now. When was it when he broke his leg? Three years ago?”
Her sister looked uncomfortable. “Longer than that. It wasn’t exactly his leg. He had a fracture dislocation of his hip. The bones of the pelvis were involved. It was pretty bad. He had a couple of surgeries and couldn’t weight-bear for months. A stress fracture in the femoral head that must have been there beforehand, from when he was in the army, complicated it. The doctors think he’ll probably always have a bit of pain, especially as the joint will most likely develop osteoarthritis.” Her mouth twisted. “A candidate for an early hip replacement.”
Daisy swallowed back the bitter taste in her mouth. Molly had studied that sort of stuff as part of her ballet training, understanding the way the muscles worked, so she knew what she was doing … saying. It must have been horrible. He’d gone through all that and she hadn’t known. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Why would they? You’d been gone for over a year by then, maybe two. I imagine they didn’t think you’d be interested.”
“You could have told me.”
“And get my head snapped off for my pains? You hated it when I mentioned anything about him. Besides, he didn’t want you to know.”
“He told you that?”
“Sort of. It was more like ‘don’t give your sister any reason to gloat’.”
Pain slashed through her chest, tightening her throat. She forced herself to take a deep breath. “I wouldn’t. I know we parted badly, but I would never wish for anything horrible to happen to him.” Maybe he was more worried about her rushing back and taking advantage of his weakness. Though after that last of the three times when he’d come down to see her, he’d indicated he was done.
She’d told him she’d made a new life and to leave her alone, and he’d agreed to do exactly that. It hadn’t hurt that one of her customers had dropped in while Connor was there the previous time, and he’d been a very attractive surfer dude. Connor couldn’t wait to leave after Bash had lived up to his nickname and bashed Connor’s ears about the joy of living in Byron. Not to mention raving about how he couldn’t live without Daisy.
Not that it had been personal. Bash was a re-enactor and Daisy did all the leather work for his Viking costumes. But Connor hadn’t known that. She’d hoped for a third-time lucky, but that last time had been a disaster.
“I still wish you’d told me. I can’t imagine how he’d get an injury like that playing football. He is … was … so focused on the field.”
Molly shrugged, but before she could say anything else, Lara woke up, her voice piercing the bedroom door in a loud wail. So the conversation was over. She might have been imagining it, but her sister looked relieved at the interruption.
They went to the barbeque in Molly’s older model Ford Focus in a metallic blue. It was easier, with the baby seat already installed in the back of the compact sedan.
This was the first social occasion Daisy had attended since they’d all moved home. She always seemed to be down at Byron, sorting out stuff, when anything was on. Losing the Spotted Cow had stolen the opportunity to meet the usual crowd in a casual setting. That the barbeque was at the Tolleys’ place made it so much worse, but Molly had said she wouldn’t go unless Daisy came, too. She seemed to think Daisy was being overly dramatic.
The Tolleys were hospitable people and, when she was younger, Daisy had split much of her leisure time between their place and the O’Brien residence over the years. Her friendship with Cory wasn’t deep, but they’d always been there for each other as schoolfriends. Later on, when they’d both had reasons to leave the Crossing, they’d done it together.
Cory hadn’t blamed Daisy for what happened, but she’d always been tight-lipped about Naomi. The rest of the family probably hated her for what she’d done. Kissing Ewan had been stupid, a one-off, but she’d never expected it to blow up the way it had.
The main Tolley homestead was as big as Connor’s place, a sprawling building that looked a little careworn. There were fewer stairs, the property situated well away from the river and the risk of flood. She mentally slapped herself around the head as she climbed out of the car. Every thought shouldn’t lead back to Connor. She grabbed the cooler bag with the cupcakes and Lara’s nappy bag and headed to the front stairs.
Her glance around at the cars lined up had nothing to do with checking to see if Connor’s old troop carrier was among them. There were a couple of cars she didn’t recognise. A sleek Lexus and a big white Landcruiser. Cory’s silver SUV was there, along with her parents’ old brown ’Cruiser, so she knew the white one wasn’t theirs. It could have been Ewan’s, because she couldn’t see his battered old Toyota ute. He could have upgraded once the divorce went through, but she doubted if he’d have the money.
Molly joined her at the top of the stairs and, almost immediately, Cory appeared. “Come on through to the back. The guys have started up the barbeque and the rest of us are hanging.”
At first, it seemed like a crowd, but that might have been because of the kids running around. Ewan’s boys were on the swing set, and his daughter Miri was with two other young teens playing with Joss, Cory’s son. He was out of his pushchair on the grass, busily sloshing water in a blue clamshell along with two little girls. She guessed they must be Cory’s younger Aldridge nieces, born in the last five years. It was dizzying, the number of changes five years could bring. If things hadn’t gone pear-shaped, she and Connor might have had a little one playing alongside them.
Miri looked up, and the smile on her face turned into a scowl. Well, there was one person who still held a grudge. Naomi would, too. Five years ago, she’d reamed Daisy when they’d bumped into each other at the supermarket, in front of her children and half the town.
That was when Daisy had decided she had to get out of Kurrajong Crossing. She’d been debating telling Connor she was pregnant, but with the eyes of the town on her after the incident in the pub, she couldn’t face one more condemning person. Connor would blame her for the pregnancy. It had been her mistake after all, and she remembered what he’d said about Naomi and Ewan getting married, because Naomi lied about being protected.
Not that it had been the same thing. She’d been sick with a tummy bug a day or two before. While she’d known in principle it could be risky, she’d forgotten the condoms she’d bought to tide them over until the next cycle. Only the once. They’d used them every other time. In the back of her mind, there was also the gossip about her and Ewan. With all the talk, he might have wondered if she was trying to pass off Ewan’s kid on him.
The familiar pain hollowed her stomach. It shouldn’t still catch her that way, but it was the futility of hoping that kept it raw. Nearly five years on and she was still stuck, unable to see a future with any of the admittedly wonderful guys she’d met in that time.
“Daisy. So good to see you. I’ll take that.” Deb Tolley took the bag with the cupcakes from her limp grasp. “I’ll pop these on the verandah with the desserts.” Her welcome left Daisy breathless. Deb should have been angry with her. She didn’t understand why she was so nice. Deb must have seen her confusion. “Ewan explained. We are solid, so don’t worry about us.”
Pulling herself straight, Daisy looked around for Molly. She’d seated herself next to Ewan’s older sister and Daisy dropped the nappy bag beside her chair. Fran had a baby with the distinctive Tolley colouring on her lap. The infant was around the same age as Lara, so it was clear why the two mothers were friendly. Ewan had joined them and had Lara on his hip. He looked comfortable, but he’d always been good with his own kids. Daisy didn’t think she could stand all the baby talk. There had to be another group she could join. Except there wasn’t, really.
Daisy was the odd one out in the crowd. The only one without children. Except for Connor. Her breath stalled as his familiar copper brown hair caught the late afternoon sunlight. He was here, manning the barbeque. A surge of resentment clogged her throat. There was no way she could avoid him without giving up so many of her friendships.
The anger faded as Daisy remembered she was the outlier here. Connor had been a local all his life. She’d been away for years. Even before that, she hadn’t been a local, not arriving in town until she’d been twelve. She’d made friends, for sure, but often, she’d been aware of being the new person in town. Missing so much school hadn’t helped her maintain those friendships. It had been Moira’s persistence that kept their friendship strong.
And then she’d met Connor. Because of Moira. She’d thought he’d been the one. The stable person in her life who might love her enough to ride the waters, through rough and smooth with her, like that song he sang with the band.
She’d been wrong.
*
Connor nudged the freshly cooked sausages to the side of the plate. Kev Aldridge scooped them from there into the big baking dish with his fancy barbeque tongs. Ewan’s brother-in-law was serious about his barbecuing.
He’d seen Daisy arrive with Molly and his body had prickled with awareness. He’d expected her to settle right in, but she was hovering on the edge, as if undecided which group to join. She knew most people here. The kids would have grown, a couple were new, but the only new adult would be Moira’s fiancé, Gio, and there was his teenage daughter, too.
She was watching the group of children playing in the water and he swallowed at her expression. His fault for not being there for her. He handed the tongs over to Ewan as he arrived to take over and went to the tap at the corner of the verandah to wash his hands. Ewan slotted into his place, adding freshly made beef patties to the grill.
Daisy might not want him near her, but he could at least make sure she found herself with someone to talk to. That last meeting at Byron hadn’t been erased by the non-discussion they’d had earlier today. She had to be as conscious of the awkwardness of those memories as he was. Her reaction five years ago had shocked him, and it had been eighteen months before he’d understood why she’d been so upset. He hated secrets. Nana was right: only being open could heal the past and stop it festering.
Walking away had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. To give up visiting Daisy, hoping against hope that the next time her eyes would light up, that she would be ready to talk to him, had been heartbreaking. Sade had persuaded him after that final visit to step back. Let Daisy make the first move. It had made sense at the time. More sense once he realised why her friends had been so protective. He had agreed to be patient. He hadn’t expected to still be waiting five years down the track. Yet she’d finally come back to the Crossing. That had to count for something.
He dried his palms on the back of his jeans and sidled over to her, dodging one of Ewan’s boys who was heading into the house. “Have you met Gio Tsiarkas?”
“The guy with Moira? No. But I’ve seen the movie of one of his books. That’s a bit intimidating.”
“Come and meet him. Moira is happy as a pig in mud.”
“Pigs are very clean animals.”
He raised a brow, and she actually smiled. His throat caught. She hadn’t done that much. Not in his direction, anyway. Not for a long time. He steered her over to the group. “I’ll take your word for it.”
Moira’s face lit up as they approached them. “Daisy Litton. Why haven’t you come to see me?”
Daisy looked a bit hunted. “I’ve only arrived back permanently this week. Besides …” She glanced at him. “I didn’t know exactly where you live now you’re with someone.”
She hadn’t wanted to intrude. Of course, she hadn’t. He had never convinced her she was always welcome, even after years of being part of his family.
There was an awkward pause and Gio leaned in, extending a hand. “Hi, Daisy. I’m Gio. Moira’s told me a lot about you.”
She took the hand, smiling up at him. “It’s nice to meet you. I absolutely loved your movie.”
“Good. There’s another one on its way.”
Her eyes brightened. “With Callum McGuinness?”
Gio grinned. “Wouldn’t think of doing it without him.”
“Is he directing again, too?” Connor remembered that Daisy had always had a bit of a crush on the Oscar-winning actor. She’d watched all his movies when they’d been together, insisting on driving to Bialga to see them on the big screen. She’d left behind a box of DVDs in his storeroom when she left. To be honest, he’d been jealous. The guy had been the classic tall, dark, and handsome. There’d even been talk of him being offered the James Bond role and turning it down. Gio said it wasn’t true, but it was the kind of rumour that had an element of believability to it. He was good in action roles. If Daisy was any indication, it would attract a large following of women.
The conversation was off and running and Connor left them to it. She’d be okay now she knew Gio wasn’t intimidating, and Moira was there.
He headed into the house to the television room off the kitchen. Ewan’s dad, Dave Tolley, was in his riser armchair, watching the footy.
“Hey, Connor. The score is six-four. Nothing in it so far. Not bad for a team that hasn’t won a match in a decade.”
Connor flopped down in a nearby armchair, picking up the beer he’d left there before he went to help with the barbeque. “Not long to make up the difference.”
The beer was heading toward lukewarm, despite the maroon cooler. He’d been longer than he planned, taking the time to get Daisy sorted. He chugged it anyway. There’d be plenty of time for it to work through his system before he headed home, especially if he filled up with a burger. He’d stick to soft drink for the rest of the evening.
Dave turned to look at him when the ads came on. “Is your Daisy here? It’s been a good while since I saw the girl.”
“Yeah. She was talking to Moira and Gio when I came inside.”
“Are you getting back together?”
“Not likely. She hates me.”
“I doubt it. She’s not the type. A nice girl, your Daisy.”
Connor wished Dave wouldn’t keep calling Daisy his. But he was curious about the man’s attitude to Daisy, after the town blamed her for breaking up his son’s marriage. “You aren’t worried about her coming here, with Ewan and everything?”
Dave’s brows rose, looking odd given he’d lost his hair due to the cancer treatment. “That was unfortunate, but the divorce wasn’t Daisy’s fault. If it hadn’t been that it would have been something else. Naomi and Ewan were itching for a fight. Looking back, I think we did the wrong thing, encouraging them to get married. It would have been easy enough for us to help her with Miri while she did her studies. Her parents were keen for the marriage. They were high up in their church, so I suppose it was logical for them. For their pride, anyway.” Dave had never subscribed to any church, apart from the cult of football, so he wouldn’t understand.
The older man fixed his rheumy gaze on Connor. “Ewan could have followed you into the army and got his trade skills and a chance to see a bit of the world before settling down, like he planned. Build up his bank account, so it wasn’t a constant struggle. That kind of thing breeds resentment. Naomi was a fool if she thought more children would keep Ewan with her. It only made the other problems worse. Having kids is no way to keep a man who doesn’t want to be with you.”
He seemed a little breathless after the speech and Connor was grateful the ad break finished. “Absolutely. Kids can make or break a relationship.”
He looked up and saw Daisy in the doorway, a stricken look on her face. She shuttered her expression immediately, but he knew she’d heard. She hesitated, as if she might turn away, but Dave saw her and beckoned her in. “We were talking about you. Are you glad to be back at the Crossing?”
“It feels strange. I guess I’ll get used to it.”
“You’ll settle again. We’re all glad to see you back. You didn’t have to go, you know.”
Colour spiked on Daisy’s cheeks. “It wasn’t only that. There were other reasons.”
Dave looked at her with his faded eyes. He looked a lot older than his seventy-odd years with the ravages the cancer and chemo had taken on his once-robust body.
“Well, we’re glad to see you back.” He glanced at the television. “Damn. Threw away another couple of points. This is just going to annoy me. I’ll come out and have something to eat.” He pointed the remote at the screen and it displayed the brand logo briefly before going blank.
It was painful watching Dave use the riser on his chair to get up and Daisy grabbed his walker.
“Is there anything you need, Mr Tolley?”
“I need you to call me Dave. I’m not that old. Speaking of which, a new body would be good.”
He laughed at his own joke and made his way out to the end of the verandah to the new ramp Mal had built a few months ago. Once it was clear Dave would struggle for a while, it had been necessary. Nobody wanted to think about the treatment not succeeding, but the man was on his third round, and it was knocking him about every time.
Connor kept back as Dave and Daisy bantered their way down to the paved barbeque area. That would do the man more good than his own solicitude.
Ewan looked up from the sausages and nodded. He’d asked Connor to come specifically, knowing his father would enjoy a different person to talk footy with.
It must be Ewan’s turn for the kids this weekend, and he was glad to see Miri, the eldest, there. For a long time, she wouldn’t come here, punishing her father, not realising she was punishing her grandparents when they needed family.
Connor had learned that lesson long ago. He hadn’t talked to his dad for a long time after his mum died giving birth to Cormac. He’d blamed his father for her death, for the pregnancies that had eaten away at her vitality. It wasn’t until his grandmother took him aside when he was a teenager that he’d learned the facts. The knowledge made him determined never to put a woman in that position, even if she wanted it. It was too dangerous. Especially for someone with such a slight build to have big O’Brien babies. Like Daisy.
Not long after that, he learned firsthand about the kind of guilt his father lived with. It had cemented the attitudes that over the years had become the rock Daisy beat herself against that day she’d talked about wanting a baby. He should have expected it. Yet he hadn’t had an inkling. He’d been more concerned with the other issues between them and whether they precluded a future he desperately wanted.
Her determination to be totally independent, especially financially, had made him wonder if she saw them as a permanent thing. Her attitude gave him the impression she was preparing for a time when he wouldn’t be there to share the everyday costs of living. The only thing she would freely accept from him was his body. Not that he minded that part of it. He was a guy, after all. But he’d thought the baby question had been settled years ago. Maybe if he’d been more prepared, read the room, he wouldn’t have ballsed everything up like he had.
He went back to take over the barbeque, so Ewan could help his dad. The man hated women fussing over him, though he seemed to be happy enough with Daisy adjusting his pillow and fetching him a drink. The light chatty talk probably helped. She was good at that kind of thing. Her parents had both been invalids before their deaths not long apart, leaving the two girls alone, with Molly still at school.
That acceptance from Dave seemed to make the difference for Daisy. She lost that self-consciousness and had sat and chattered with the others at the big wooden table Ewan and Dave had made when Ewan had still been at school. Connor joined them at the other end of the table from Daisy, next to Kev, who had plenty to say about most of what was going on around town. And they said women were gossips.
It was all good. Daisy was finding her feet back in town, and that was the most important thing to consider.
As if she’d known she was in his thoughts, she looked along the table and gave a half smile and a nod. A thank-you for pushing her into talking to Moira, maybe. He couldn’t be sure, and she’d already turned back to her discussion with Moira about something he couldn’t quite hear from his end of the long table.
He wasn’t sure if she was avoiding him after that, but somehow, they never crossed paths. In the end, he went inside with Dave and Kev to watch the main game. When it finished, Molly and Daisy were gone.
So were Moira and Gio and their daughter, but somehow it was Daisy’s absence that left the hollow feeling in his chest. Dave hadn’t asked her why she’d left town and Connor had been relieved. He’d always known it hadn’t only been the thing with Ewan.
She’d wanted to get away from him. Him and his rigid clinging to a decision about having children he’d made when he’d been a kid. Of course, she wouldn’t want him to know she was pregnant after the way he’d mouthed off at her.