MiDDLEWORD

There are two sides to everything, even things that actually have three or more sides.

Take a coin … actually, give it back. I only meant that figuratively. Thank you. Now, this coin is like a regular coin, only one side is a deep-fried, Gorgonzola-stuffed Twinkie triple-dipped in dark chocolate, then rolled in coconut, almonds, hazelnuts, candy corn, and toffee bits, and the other side is half a stale rice cake with all the salt licked off.

One side of this admittedly odd coin is all about padding who you are. But, though you think you’re insulating yourself from the cruel world around you, you’re really trying to hide away from yourself: the nougatty center of your soul that others have convinced you isn’t worth a used ketchup packet. On the other side, it’s just the same, only the opposite: forcing you to twist, fold, spindle, mutilate, and slenderize your body so that it fits into the narrow little space the world has carved out for you.

Insecurity flips this coin, and only you can call it heads or tails. Better still, just swipe the coin while it’s still in the air and invest it. That way, you can buy the homes of all the kids who made fun of you and evict the whole jeering, mocking lot of them! Ha! Not so funny now, are you, fending for yourselves out in the unpleasantly cold or uncomfortably warm?!

Okay, maybe it’s not a coin. Perhaps it’s more of a rope. A tug-of-war. On one end of the rope are those who want you to get bigger. To always want more. Filling you full of food until food is all that makes you feel full. On the other end of the rope are those who want you to get smaller. To always want less. Depriving you of fullness so that emptiness is the only thing that makes you feel full. And where are you in all of this? In the middle: stretched like taffy, jerked like chicken, until you’re ultimately pulled apart like pork. But you know what also happens? The tuggers fall. They need the tension of the rope. Without it, they’re just on the ground, in the mud, left holding the rope….