January, frosty month,

the Challenger explodes 74 seconds after lift-off.

A motorway in Bavaria closes for 7 hours

after a lorry turns over

and spills 24 tonnes of noodles.

February, the month of cakes,

a perfect black tulip is grown in Holland

after 25 years of failed attempts.

February 9th, new moon.

March, boisterous month,

the American wonder lemon is harvested,

producing an eggcupfull of juice when squeezed.

Halley’s Comet travels in a huge orbit

around the sun

and won’t return again until I am 76.

April, the opening month, fool’s May –

the Royal Mint is 1100 years old,

Texas is 150 years old,

the Biro is 40 years old,

the Berlin wall is 25 years old.

April 24th, total eclipse of the moon.

May, blossoming month,

poor weather wipes out over half of Britain’s beehives.

From this month onwards all new phones

will have push buttons rather than dials.

A radiaoactive cloud

from Chernobyl reaches England.

June, dry month,

the rarest buttercup in Britain goes on show.

Admiral Horatio Nelson gets ready

to have his face washed.

The pier at Southend is sliced in two by a sludge ship.

July, the yellow month.

July 6th, new moon.

For her 100th birthday,

the Statue of Liberty has her nose rebuilt

and her insides cleaned with sodium bicarbonate.

2,000 lobsters escape

when a lorry turns over at Bere Regis, Dorset.

August, month of harvest,

5 large teddy bears fall off a lorry on the M3

and are taken into custody at Basingstoke police station.

Southend Pier is mended.

September, barley month, holy month,

new moon September 4th.

Hundreds of people in Paris

demonstrate outside the pets’ cemetery

which is threatened with closure.

October, month of the winter moon,

over 3 tonnes of mixed biscuits block the road

for 7 hours in Markeaton, Derbyshire,

after a lorry turns over.

The Jonagold apple, a cross between a Jonathan

and a Golden Delicious,

is voted most eatable apple of the year.