When Sasquatch was found face down on a dual carriageway

the world united in a quiet and shameful silence.

He was moved to a secure location and subjected

to a live autopsy on the Discovery Channel revealing,

like a huge rose, circulatory, muscular and skeletal systems

much like our own but with all the predictable differences.

His stomach contents proved him to be a gentle vegetarian,

foraging on low ground, particularly enjoying

varieties of berries usually poisonous to humans.

A reconstructive video demonstrated how he would have

walked, run and rested.

They put photos of his hands, feet and closed eyes

on the news and as part of an extensive ten-page spread

in a memorial edition of The Times.

He was auctioned off to an anonymous bidder.

After public outcry, the anonymous bidder

entered into negotiations with the British Museum.

Plans were put in place to ensure that he would be interred

in such a place to be viewed by the public,

who came in droves to see this thing so long denied to them.

Breathing on the glass and touching

the animatronic model beside the glass case

despite the signs thanking them for not doing so.