SHOCK TURNED SARA’S insides to ice, and all she could do was stare at his stoic, noncommittal expression in disbelief. The flame of hope, kindled by the connection she felt to him, his actions toward her, waned to a flicker in the face of his words. “What?”
“I believe it’s the logical thing to do at this juncture. What started as a simple business contract has become something far more complicated, and I think it should end, before we find ourselves in a situation neither of us wants.”
The little flicker of hope died, leaving Sara cold. So cold she had to clench her teeth to make sure they didn’t chatter.
When she didn’t reply, Farhan continued, in the same matter-of-fact voice as before, “It’s not as though we ever intended our arrangement to last very long. It’s just been cut shorter by circumstances, and I’ll consider your side of the agreement fulfilled.”
Rising, she set Coco on the floor and turned her back on Farhan. The little dog whined, coming to lean on her leg, as Sara clenched her fingers together across her stomach. The brief respite from being under Farhan’s unemotional gaze steadied her, allowed her to control the thoughts whirring in her brain.
When she unclasped her fingers before turning to face him, the blood rushing into her abused digits gave her additional strength.
“And what if our slip last night has unwanted consequences?”
An unreadable expression flashed across his face and then, just as swiftly, was gone, leaving Sara to wonder if it had even really existed.
“We’ll wait to make a final decision until we know whether that is the case or not.”
Carefully bracing herself so her trembling legs wouldn’t betray her, Sara tried to maintain an air of cool reasonableness, even though inside she was dying slowly, bit by bit.
Pride wouldn’t let her argue. Especially not in the face of his emotionless, arrogant stance.
Yet hadn’t she already discovered he was often at his most emotional, his most vulnerable when he cloaked himself in haughtiness? When his chin tipped up and he looked down his nose?
She glanced at his hands, saw the white knuckles where he gripped the rock crystal glass, the bulge of the other hand fisted in his pocket.
What was he really feeling? Worried she’d make a scene? Upset his plan had fallen apart? Or was there something else?
There was no way for her to know, so all she said was, “If that’s what you want.”
Again there was a flash of emotion, in his eyes this time. Then he looked down at his glass as it rose once more to his lips, and it was lost to her.
There was nothing more to say, was there?
She’d turned toward her bedroom, Coco at her heels, when he said, “In case you’re wondering, I’ll compensate you as though you were here for the year.”
Something snapped inside her. Perhaps it had always been there, this resentment, needing only this final nudge to be released.
Did no one want her just for herself? For the person she was inside?
The King saw her as a means to reclaiming his family honor and giving Kalyana an heir.
Her sisters saw her as a means for them to keep drifting through life.
Even her parents, who she knew loved her, saw her as an emotional, and sometimes financial, prop.
And now Farhan couldn’t see past her usefulness to the woman who loved him, would do anything for him, if he could only love her in return. Had the nerve to speak to her as though she were nothing but a hireling.
She deserved better than that, from all of them, and as rage built inside her, determination to get her due rose with it.
Spinning around, she glared at him.
“Don’t you dare speak to me about money right now. It’s bad enough knowing your father wanted to pay me to carry your baby, without you getting into the act. If you want the damn money back, I’ll work the rest of my life to make sure you get it, even what you deemed my ‘inheritance.’ I don’t need anything from you. Ever again.”
He paled, took a step toward her, but she backed away from his outstretched hand. Her chest was tight with anger, pain like a band around her heart.
“No, I don’t want it back, Sara. I’ll not accept it. Please, hear me out—”
“No! I could forgive your father for thinking throwing money at me would be effective before he met me, but I’ll never forgive you for degrading my time here, as though money was all I was in it for. I guess it just goes to show I’m better off leaving, since you clearly don’t know me at all.”
She heard him call her name as she spun around, but ignored him, controlling her steps so as not to run, keeping her head straight, so he couldn’t see her tears.
The best days of her life had just turned into the worst, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
Yet, despite her pain and anger, Sara sat on the edge of her bed a week after the confrontation with Farhan and cried, as she realized her period had come.
There would be no baby from her last night of bliss with him.
In the days leading up to this moment, she’d come to the realization that if she were pregnant, staying in Kalyana would be the right thing to do. She’d seen carrying his child as an out, of sorts; a way to do what she really wanted to do anyway, but without taking responsibility for the decision.
A cowardly way of dealing with the problem, which had now been taken away.
And she’d spent no time planning for her departure, ignoring the coming eventuality as though to do so would make it go away. Now she had to consider how to get not only herself but her grandfather and Coconut back to Canada too.
She’d have to ask Farhan, but he’d retreated into the stern, stoic man she’d first met; unfailingly polite but cool and distant, and Sara tried to be the same.
It was the hardest, most heartbreaking situation she’d ever been in, but she knew leaving was really for the best.
She didn’t want Farhan’s friendship, his companionship, or protection alone. She wanted his love as well. And nothing less would do.
Throwing herself into work at the hospital was an outlet for the nervous energy inside, and it became lifesaving, allowing her to focus on something other than her dumpster fire of a life.
Just went to prove that being royalty, and rich, didn’t make life all rosy.
Additional pressure from her sisters didn’t help.
Mariah called to ask whether Sara was sending extra money home.
“It’s the least you can do, to help Mom and Dad,” she said.
But Sara wasn’t falling for that. The time to stand firm with everyone in her life had come, finally.
“I’ve made arrangements to buy Mom and Dad a house, and I’ll be taking care of the house expenses, but beyond that, I’m not taking responsibility for all of you anymore.”
Even if it meant working herself to the bone to make sure they were secure, while also paying Farhan back. Despite his saying he wouldn’t take her money, she was still determined to do it.
When Mariah spluttered and started trying to guilt Sara into more, she put her foot down.
“Listen,” she told her sister. “You need to get your life together, and I’m willing to help you do it, but I’m not indiscriminately throwing money your way. You and Cyndi need to grow up and start taking responsibility for yourselves. You deserve more than you’re allowing yourself to achieve.”
That was the furthest she was willing to go, and she was drawing a line in the sand.
She couldn’t bring herself to be as firm with her parents, but she’d noticed there were fewer calls and texts since Nonni had accepted the nurse and things had settled down for Aunt Jackie. Sara knew their dependence on her had been her own fault and she was resigned to continuing as she’d started, but maybe because of the distance they were finding their own way.
When she went back, it wouldn’t be to London anyway. It was time to use her new-found assurance to advance in her career.
Now, drying her silly tears, she went to wash their tracks off her face, to make sure Farhan wouldn’t know they had ever been there. Their breakfasts together were sporadic. She’d gotten into the habit of checking his schedule to get an idea of what time he’d be departing for the hospital in the morning. That way, sometimes she left earlier than he did, or vice versa, neither wanting to spend more time with the other than necessary. This morning, however, she planned to let him know there was no chance of them having conceived, glad it would mean her time with him, here, was up.
Staying in Kalyana was breaking her heart. It was as though love was all around her, yet just out of her reach. Her feelings for Farhan hadn’t changed, even knowing Farhan didn’t even care enough about her to truly get to know her, the way she felt she knew him.
Yet, did she really know him? She could have sworn there was more between them than just sex, or even friendship, but, then, what did she know? Thirty-one years old or not, in the end she’d turned out to be a silly virgin, falling for the first man who’d shown her any attention.
The thought was dismal, made her doubt some of the very attributes she prided herself on, like the ability to read people, to get a true sense of who they were. Damn him for not only breaking her heart but for making her doubt herself too.
Then she shook her head, knowing she’d done those things to herself, when she’d let herself fall in love with him.
Bracing herself, she left her room about the time she thought he’d be finishing breakfast.
Walking into the dining room, she saw him in his place at the table, reading a newspaper, and her heart stumbled over itself.
He was so handsome, even with slight bags under his eyes, and weary lines, which hadn’t been there before, bracketing his mouth. He’d taken on a heavy surgical load, and the stress of doing that, along with his royal duties, showed.
Perhaps her news might lighten his load a little. It would be one less thing to worry about.
Taking a steadying breath, she walked to her chair. Hearing her footsteps, Farhan raised his head, and then stood.
“Good morning,” he said, in his cool, measured way.
“Good morning,” she replied, taking her seat. The attendant brought her tea, and she thanked him, then told him she would serve herself from the array of food on the sideboard. He melted away, knowing he would be summoned if needed thereafter.
“Will you still be going to the airport today?”
Farhan was looking back down at his newspaper as he asked, as though he couldn’t even be bothered to meet her gaze while they spoke. It made her unbearably sad.
“Of course,” she replied. “Is the flight still scheduled to arrive at ten?” Her grandfather was due to arrive from the south; arrangements Farhan had informed her of by text the day before. It was one more thing to worry about. How was she going to explain to Grandfather that, just as he’d come to live with her, she would be leaving?
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“Kavan will take you there. Will you be here, or at the hospital?”
The thought of mooching about the palace for three hours didn’t appeal.
“At the hospital.”
“I’ll inform him.”
“Thank you.”
She turned her attention to her tea, depression settling like a cloak on her shoulders. Even in the beginning, when they’d hardly known each other, there’d been more ease between them. Now she felt as though Farhan had excised her cleanly, surgically, from his life in every important way there was.
Suddenly she was fiercely glad it would soon be over. To spend the rest of her life trapped in a marriage to a man she loved but who treated her with cool disdain would be intolerable.
Sara took a deep breath, knowing she should tell him but suddenly not wanting to, anxiety chewing at her insides at the thought of his no doubt cold reaction.
“I thought you should know, I’m not pregnant.”
His head came up, and an expression she couldn’t interpret crossed his face. His eyes flashed, as he stared at her, and then the stoic, controlled mask was firmly back in place.
“Thank you for telling me,” was all he said, before looking back at the paper, leaving her breathless and bereft.
Farhan stared at the newspaper, the print dancing in front of his eyes, making no sense.
If he was honest, once Sara had entered the room he’d been unable to concentrate, reading the same lines over and over, the words having no meaning to his muddled brain.
Disappointment twisted in his belly, and he clenched one hand into a fist on his lap. She’d stated it so simply, without inflection, leaving him at a loss, unable to tell how she felt about the issue, left adrift on his own acidic sea of pain.
And for all his plans never to be a father, his surety he would turn out unfit for the task, regret ate at him now, and her words, when she’d accused him of never knowing her at all, still haunted him.
Locking it all away, the way he always did, had become almost impossible. She was on his mind almost every single waking moment. And now he faced the fact there was no reason for her to remain in Kalyana.
They should discuss her departure, all the plans that needed to be put in place for it to happen.
Instead he folded the paper and stood, leaving his half-eaten breakfast on the table.
“I’ll let you know if there is any delay in Mr. Raj’s flight.”
By the time she said, “Thank you,” he was already going out the door.
His cellphone rang as he was crossing the living room and, although he didn’t feel like talking to anyone, he answered.
“Yes, Maazin?”
“I thought you should know, Cyclone Blandine has strengthened, and the meteorologists are beginning to think it will come this way.”
Farhan stopped, forcing his full concentration on what his brother was saying. Kalyana was usually outside the path of storms in the Indian Ocean, but this one had formed further south than usual, and they’d been keeping an eye on it for the last couple of days.
“Do they have a prediction of when it might hit?”
“They’re still not completely sure it will. There’s some debate about whether wind shear will slow it down and eventually change the path, but I think we should continue making preparations.”
“Yes,” Farhan replied. They’d already put the emergency plan into action, but there was so much else that needed to be done. “By the time they know for sure whether the islands will get hit or not, it would be too late to get everything done otherwise.”
“I’m putting together a further action plan right now, and I’ll email it to you. Are you operating over the next few days, or will you be available to help?”
“All my scheduled surgeries are elective, so I’ll cancel them. Better to not take the chance of having a patient with unexpected complications swell the ranks of the hospitalized. I’ll get started on checking with the other hospitals, and making sure they’re following emergency procedures.”
“Good.” Maazin was in full commander mode, his armed forces training kicking in. “Go over the emergency management plan, so you’re fully briefed by the time you get the further action plan.”
As he hung up the phone, Farhan was already thinking two steps ahead, although he was relatively sure Cyclone Blandine wouldn’t come anywhere near them. Every few years there was a scare like this, but the prevailing winds usually kept the brunt of the storms offshore, with little or no landfall. And even when Kalyana was affected, it was just outer bands bringing rain and moderately high winds.
But it was better to take all the precautions and not need to than to be caught flat-footed.
“Farhan.”
He turned to find Sara standing in the doorway from the dining room. Her face looked pale, and he could see how she gripped the doorjamb, as though to hold herself up.
He was about to ask if she was okay when she said, “Please make arrangements for me to leave, and for my grandfather to follow, if he wants to. As soon as possible.”
Then, before he could reply, she walked away, her back straight, head high, leaving him suddenly unable to catch his breath.