You don’t find out who you are unless you work at it.
Photo Credit: Luis Montiero. Styling by Damian Foxe and makeup by Marco Antonio.
I NEVER TRIED TO FIT IN. It’s not that I went out of my way to be a rebel or do things that were not socially acceptable—unfortunately, I did have to learn how to play bridge when I was younger—but I learned early on that I have to be my own person to be content. If you try to be all things to all people, you end up being “nothin’ to nobody.”
The way I dress may be “different” or “eccentric” to some who feel the need to label, but that’s of no concern to me.
I don’t dress to be stared at; I dress for myself. When you don’t dress like everyone else, you don’t have to think like everyone else.
Here’s the critical part: I know I’m not an island, but rather part of the main, to paraphrase Mr. John Donne. I fit in, but in my way. I have never been much of a conformist on any front, actually, and it hasn’t hurt me yet in my ninety-some years, so I think I’ve been doing something right.
Somehow, I learned about the importance of fitting in very early in life. When I was six, my parents sent me off to summer camp in upstate New York for two months. I was the new kid and I learned very quickly not to voice my opinion too strongly in a group. I can’t remember what happened, but I must have seen something that someone did backfire on them. Whatever it was, I learned that if you make a point of bonding with the group and they accept you, they will actually like it when you do something original.
But if you don’t try to be part of things, forget it. That’s when your originality is going to work against you. Fit in first and then step out. There is a difference between being perceived as original and being accepted, even loved for it, and being perceived as different and resented for it. You can have your cake and eat it, too.