I WAS MARRIED for sixty-eight years. That is a long time to be together. Sometimes it felt like a century, sometimes it felt like a nanosecond. We had a wonderful relationship; the hows, whys, and whens of it are too private and painful for me to relay at the moment, having recently lost my darling.
I met Carl Apfel very briefly while I was on a vacation at Lake George. A few weeks later, I had lunch at the Plaza with my mother and an old beau who was the buyer of haute couture for Neiman Marcus in Dallas. As he walked me back to my office that afternoon, we passed by Bonwit Teller on Fifth Avenue. We stopped for a while to talk about what caught our eye in the window.
That night, as I came home, the phone was ringing off the hook. It was Carl.
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“I loved the hat you were wearing today,” he said. Then he went on to compliment my wonderful suit, my bag, my shoes—the whole outfit. Then he asked me out.
I couldn’t figure it out at first, but then he explained he had been stuck on a bus that had broken down on Fifth Avenue in front of Bonwit Teller at the time I happened to be standing there.
We had a whirlwind courtship.
We had our first date on Columbus Day.
We got engaged on Thanksgiving Day.
I got blinged on Christmas Day.
We were married on Washington’s birthday, February 22, 1948. I wore a strapless, pink lace dress. I sketched it, and a woman—a couturier whom my mother used to make special things—made the dress. It was fitted with a full skirt, and it had a little cape, which I wore for the wedding. I kept it to wear on formal occasions. I thought spending a lot of money on a wedding dress only to wear it once and put it in a box was pretty impractical.
We were married at the Waldorf Astoria. The ceremony was held there, with cocktails and dinner. It was a small affair, 120 people, but it was beautiful. And it was a pink wedding—I couldn’t have the decor clash with my dress!
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Iris Apfel
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Iris Apfel
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Iris Apfel
THE SECRETS OF
A LONG and HAPPY MARRIAGE
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Iris Apfel
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME what the secrets of a long and happy marriage are. I don’t know the secrets, but here are some things that come to mind.
1 I list this first because it’s always what I seem to say first whenever anyone asks: have a sense of humor because that will get you through bad times and make good ones even better.
2 Respect each other.
3 Give each other space; don’t get in each other’s face all the time.
4 Accept that you won’t always agree, but trying to stay more or less on the same wavelength is very productive.
5 Don’t sacrifice who you are. And accept who your partner is. You may be a couple, but you are not one person.
6 Don’t be petty. Most couples fight about stupid little things that they’ve blown out of proportion. And there’s nothing more annoying than nit-picking.
7 Have a sense of adventure; do new things together.
8 Accept that you won’t always like the same things and people.
9 If you like to do something and your partner doesn’t, do your thing anyway! And once in a while, also do the thing your partner loves to do that you don’t.
10 Be creative. Sharing new interests keeps a relationship fresh.
Photo Credit: Ernie Leyba/The Denver Post/Getty Images