I sit on the beach, staring at the water and thinking about all that’s happened. Maybe I rushed things, and maybe I just let myself get my hopes up too soon. What was I thinking? Did I really believe this would just all work out?
There were so many warning signs with Reed. It was clear from day one he wasn’t willing to invest, to be a part of this vision I had for my future.
Maybe some men just aren’t ready for the kind of love I’m craving. With Reed, I don’t know if he’ll ever be ready.
“Looking for company, stud?” a voice says, and I look up from my spot on my towel to see Jodie. She slinks down beside me, sidled up against me on the towel as the sun rises. We take in the view.
“You look a little rough,” I say, referring to her hair and her crumpled clothes.
“Yeah, well, I’m guessing things got a little rowdy last night. Don’t remember much. But I do remember you going home without a certain someone. What happened?”
I sigh, looking out into the waves. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Oh, please. Have you seen my love life in the past week? Try me.”
I shrug. “I just don’t think Reed will ever be ready to invest in us completely. He can’t even acknowledge how he feels. It’s like he wants to be with me, but he also wants to keep us hidden. And you know I’m not like that. I’m not about having a hidden heart.”
“Truth. The man who wears his heart on his sleeve,” she says, leaning against me.
“I guess it isn’t a good asset, huh?”
“No. I think it’s actually a really good asset. You have a big heart, and a lot of love to share, Lysander. I want you to be happy. But here’s the thing. Is Reed really special to you?”
“I thought he was.”
“Stop overthinking. Stop thinking logically. Think with your heart. Is he special to you? Does he matter to you?”
I think about all of our moments together, a montage painting itself in my head. “Yeah. Hell yes. I hate thinking about not being with him. I think he could be the one.”
“Then what are you doing here, alone? What are you doing thinking it’s over? When you find the one, Lysander, you fight. When you find what you want in life, you don’t give up. Look at your mom. So many people probably thought her dream was impossible, that the life she was chasing was a waste of time. And now look at the beautiful thing that came from it because she didn’t give up.”
I shake my head. “A restaurant is a bit different than love.”
“Yes and no. If Reed’s your passion, if he makes you feel alive, then you need to hang on to that. Sure, things aren’t perfect. Hell, they might even be complicated. But here’s the thing. If he makes you happy, if he’s the one you can picture your life with, then it’ll be worth it. So he has a difficult past. So he has trouble committing. So maybe he has some issues admitting who he is. Who cares? In the long run, it’ll work out. You’ll help him see that it’s okay to love you. And you know what? He’ll show you that love is worth the patience.”
“You sound like a hopeless romantic. Since when did you start believing in commitment?”
“Oh, hell no. I don’t. Not for me. But I know you do. And that’s the thing. I think Reed does, too. He just doesn’t know how to go about it. I’m not sure what secrets he has in his past or what’s making him so nervous. But I do know it must be something powerful because he clearly loves you. Whatever is getting in his way must be a mountain. I also think, though, that if anyone can help him overcome it, it’s you.”
I stare at the waves crashing, thinking about it all. Thinking about how life and love aren’t easy. I also think about what Mom would say if she were here. She was always full of good advice.
But she’s not here. Jodie is. And Jodie’s words seem to stick, swirling in my head.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say, looking at her.
She scoffs at me. “Maybe I’m right? Darling, don’t you know by now I’m always right?”
“Let’s not get crazy. Now come on,” I say, yanking her up by her hand.
“Where are we going?”
“To get in a morning swim. Nothing like killing a hangover with some cold, salty water.”
“I’m not feeling it,” she says.
I stare at her, weighing my options.
“You know, Jodie, you’re right. Sometimes it’s just worth the risk.” And with that, I scoop her up, fling her over my shoulder as she squeals and pounds on my back, and run into the surf, dragging her right into the water with me.