Although she deprived me of kindergarten, my mother went out of her way to teach me please and thank you. She made me write thank-you notes and say hello and good-bye to my friend's parents when I visited their homes. But one thing I missed out on growing up was eating in restaurants. As Italians, we believed eating “out” meant inferior food at a higher cost. What's the point in that?
This lack of restaurant experience led to two embarrassing moments for me: the first incident occurred at senior prom, and the second while I was working at Jo-Ann Stores. My prom dinner with a date and two other couples was going okay until there was a problem with the check. Being a cool customer, I called the waitress over and said, “There's a problem with this check. We were charged for gratuity, and none of us ordered the gratuity.” Trying not to laugh, she explained that gratuity means tip, and the restaurant always added that in for parties of six or more. It was a new vocabulary word for me. In my defense, we never had gratuity at home. Isn't that French?
If that's not embarrassing enough, my next opportunity to make a fool of myself came when I was the director of applications for Jo-Ann Stores in 1998. We were at dinner with a large group, and I was seated next to Betty Rosskamm. Mrs. Rosskamm is Jo-Ann royalty. She's the daughter of the co-founders and the mother of then-CEO Alan Rosskamm. She also worked at the company. It was a prix fixe menu, and when it was my turn to order, the waitress asked me if I wanted “chicken, pasta, or beef, well-done.” I was savvy enough to know you don't order well-done beef in a restaurant, so I said, “I'll take the beef, medium.” The waitress repeated back to me, “Beef-well-done?” I was lost. Sparing me from my misery, Mrs. Rosskamm said, “She's saying Beef Wellington.” Ahh, Beef Wellington! Another food I had never heard of. I had the chicken.
Knowing that a gratuity is a tip and that Beef Wellington is a tenderloin wrapped with prosciutto and puff pastry is a good start. Other tips for being professional at dinner are learning which forks to use, waiting for others to be served before eating, being kind to the waitstaff, and chewing with your mouth closed. It's wise to eat a snack before a business dinner, so you don't devour a loaf of bread and all the appetizers. If you're on somebody else's tab, don't order the three-pound Maine lobster and the Château Lafite-Rothschild. In addition to table manners, here are some important traits a leader needs to exemplify,
It's okay to complain about work if you complain to the right people. If you complain to your subordinates, you demean them and yourself. Being a victim is not a strong leadership quality. When there's a problem, tell someone who can do something about it: your boss.
Rumors are always worse than the truth. If your organization is rife with gossip, it's probably because there isn't enough communication flowing from leadership throughout the rest of the organization.
The military uses a type of missile called fire-and-forget. Such a missile is programmed to find the target on its own. Once it is launched, it will find its way. The pilot can move on to the next task without worrying about the missile. This needs to be you. When you get an assignment from your boss, get it done—every time. If it's taking more than a week, proactively provide status. If it turns out to be a bad idea, let your boss know. Don't just drop the ball. We've all had subordinates we needed to follow up on. This adds stress and workload to the leader. Create a good tracking system, and follow through every single time.
Loose lips sink ships and companies. Confidentiality is a must for executives. I have an age-old trick I'm going to share with you on how to keep a secret. Ready? Here it comes:
Got it? The moment you tell your trusted friend, your parent, or your spouse, you did not keep the secret. If you told one person and the secret gets out, how do you know it wasn't your fault? If you fail to keep secrets, you'll be left out of the loop and, therefore, left out of the room. Your goal of earning a seat at the table will be thwarted.
If every other word out of your mouth is an f-bomb, you've rendered the value of that word down to nothing. Sparsely using expletives can be an effective technique. Be the leader who seldom curses, and when you need to get someone's attention, it will be there for you. Side note: if you run into a wall or stub your toe, let loose. Science has proven that cursing can lessen pain.43
A more effective approach than losing your temper is to express your disappointment. If someone screams at me, I'll become angry and defensive. However, if my boss tells me that I let her down, that hurts me to the core.
Imagine if everything you said and wrote was read aloud on the news each evening. Your family and friends would tune in as the reporter read your email rantings. Would you be proud or embarrassed? Would it be suitable for children, or TV-MA? Before you hit Send on that next email, close your eyes and use this filter to decide if you want to send it. This is not just an exercise; corporate emails often become public. Adopt the mantra no negative emails. If you need to have a tough conversation, do it in person.
Mark Cuban said the most valuable employees are the ones who reduce stress.44 “If you are a stress reducer, you're going to do well. If you're a drama creator, you're not going to do well,” Cuban said. “Anybody who reduces my stress becomes invaluable to me. I never want to get rid of them.”
The best way to be professional without being a pretentious, out-of-touch snob is to take a just a little bit better approach. If the norm at your company is to wear jeans and a polo shirt, then be sure you wear high-quality jeans and a pressed polo. Don't show up in a formal suit—dress just a little bit better than the norm. You'll fit in and demonstrate professionalism. If your boss is in the office from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., consider working from 8:25 a.m. to 5:35 p.m. For an extra 10 minutes a day, in your boss's mind, you are always at the office. If the company norm is to show up at meetings right on time, arrive two or three minutes earlier. Being just a little bit better will make a huge impression.
Professionalism is important, because like it or not, everyone is watching. In the next chapter, we'll discuss why professionalism is a full-time job.
https://www.wired.com/story/the-science-of-why-swearing-physically-reduces-pain/.https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/mark-cuban-says-best-employees-are-smart-driven-curious-but-1-skill-matters-much-more-and-makes-them-invaluable.html.