It was Tuesday morning, and Jenna had to remind herself that the past few days weren’t a dream. The early morning sun peeked in through the blinds of the carriage house bedroom as she stretched under the cozy blankets.
She’d been with Ben and Kate nonstop and could barely remember what her life was like before them. Warmth surged through her body fueled by absolute happiness. But then, like a reflex there to protect her heart, her defenses kicked in along with the punishing soundtrack.
They’ll only hurt you in the end.
The rapid beating in her chest and the sheen of sweat on her brow were jarring reminders that a lifetime spent protecting her heart couldn’t be so easily erased.
Jenna closed her eyes. She took in a breath and slowly exhaled.
You can do this. Remember what Neil said and choose.
She focused on her breathing and let her thoughts drift back to their time together on Memorial Day. Her group therapy appointment with Judith had been rescheduled for Tuesday, due to the holiday, which gave her the entire day to spend with Ben and Kate.
It was a gorgeous day, and they’d spent hours riding their bikes around Lake Boley. Exhausted from the exertion of racing home, Ben had rolled out an old quilt in the backyard, and they plunked down like three sleepy sacks of potatoes.
With Kate lying between them, they stared up at the clouds drifting languidly through the sky. Every so often, one of them would point out a cloud that resembled an animal or some object. Ben and Jenna laughed when Kate had sworn she had seen a two-headed unicorn.
Holding on to Jenna’s hand, Kate produced a howling yawn, then wiggled to use Ben’s shoulder as a pillow. Her chattering voice had grown quiet except for the occasional softly spoken reference to a cloud or a passing bird.
The gentle breeze had brought with it the far-off rise and fall of voices from a barbecue a few houses down that lulled them into a late afternoon nap. But before closing her eyes, Jenna turned toward Ben and found him looking at her.
“This is...” was all he said, his eyes warm and sparkling blue, before reaching his free arm over Kate and taking Jenna’s hand into his.
She shifted, and their joined hands were now resting on Kate as she napped contentedly between them.
Jenna knew what Ben meant. What they had together, this was special. This was real. And this could be forever.
Jenna nodded. “This is the click,” she murmured, a soft smile lingering on her lips.
Their clasped hands moved with the rise and fall of Kate’s breathing. Jenna closed her eyes, feeling safe and at peace.
Now Tuesday morning, Jenna needed to get a run in to clear her head and ready herself for group therapy with her mother.
As she slipped on her sports bra, she ran her hands down her torso while delicious thoughts of her run with Ben flooded her mind in a wave of near-tangible desire. She could feel him all over her, inside her, consuming her.
She closed the carriage house door and braced herself against the garage to stretch. There was a palpable shift in the air, and she sensed Ben behind her even before she felt the warmth of his body. She released the wall and leaned back, melting into him as his strong arms encircled her waist. He pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, eliciting shivers that had nothing to do with the temperature.
“Good morning,” he whispered into her ear.
She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled and gazed into his deep blue eyes. Her hands found the place that was starting to feel like home—her fingers entwined in the hair at the nape of his neck. But then she remembered Kate and tensed, hesitantly looking past Ben’s shoulder and into the house.
“Kate’s brushing her teeth,” he chuckled, bending down to kiss her nose. “And she’s the reason I’m here. Kate wanted to see if you had time to walk with us to the rec center.”
“Kids Camp,” Jenna said, remembering that Kate spent mornings at the Langley Park Community Recreation Center and afternoons with her Grandma Kathy during the summer break. She didn’t need to think twice. “I’d love to.”
The Langley Park Community Recreation Center was only a short walk from the house. Located at the corner of Baneberry Drive and Prairie Rose, it was situated next to the fire station and across from the Langley Park Public Library. Jenna had run past it almost every day since she’d arrived.
As they walked down Baneberry Drive, Kate positioned herself between her father and Jenna, and the trio walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand.
The little girl focused on their shadows and moved their hands up and down. “We look like we’re all stuck together.”
“We sure do, Jellybean,” Ben said with a smile in his voice, sharing a glance with Jenna.
“What’s going on at Kids Camp today, Kate?” Jenna asked.
“It’s Tuesday. We go swimming, and then we get to play trash.”
“Trash? That’s a game?”
“Finally! Something I get to teach you about kids.” Ben gave her a playful wink. “The goal is to get the balls, or trash, off your side of the gym and throw them over to the other team’s side.”
“We get three minutes and the team with the least amount of trash wins!” Kate chimed in.
“I see. So, no real trash like old banana peels or moldy bread?”
“Yuck! No way!” Kate squealed as they turned the corner.
“We could make our own version of trash in the backyard. We could use all my old tennis balls.”
Kate’s face lit up. “Could we do it today after Jenna and I play school?”
Jenna smiled. She loved that Kate didn’t see their work together as a chore.
“Sure,” Ben answered as the rec center came into view.
Jenna nodded, but her attention was drawn to the center’s entrance. “It’s a beautiful building. It reminds me of an old barn.” She admired the entrance with its white stone pillars connecting a large arch, created by using distressed wood. It even sported a copper weather vane with a rooster.
“I think that’s what they were going for. We may be more progressive in Langley Park, but we’re still in Kansas, Dorothy.”
“Daddy made it,” Kate said.
“What?” Jenna asked.
Ben met her gaze. “A few years ago, the building needed some structural updates and several spaces reconfigured. I was able to make the numbers work that also allowed us to renovate the main entrance.”
“It all goes together perfectly. It’s caught my eye each time I’ve gone past it,” Jenna said, glancing up at the arch that mimicked the clean lines and curves of a barn. The beautiful, distressed quality of the wood added subtle charm to the modern looking facility.
But before Ben could reply, Kate called out, “Hi, Madison,” and ran over to a little girl with long pigtails standing next to a willowy older woman.
“Hi, Lynn,” Ben said, shaking the woman’s hand. “Jenna Lewis this is Lynn Ramsay, Madison’s grandmother and—”
“My principal,” Kate added with enthusiasm, hugging the woman’s legs.
The adults chuckled, and Kate released her principal then went to talk with Madison. The little girls perked up when a counselor blew a whistle, signaling it was time for camp to start. The girls said their goodbyes in a flurry of hugs and kisses, and then they ran to join the other children preparing to enter the building.
“How’s your summer going, Lynn?” Ben asked.
“It’s going well, but I’m actually headed over to the school now. That’s the thing about teaching,” Lynn said with a grin, “there’s always something to get done even when the kiddos are out on summer break!”
Ben nodded. “Jenna’s a teacher.”
Lynn’s eyes lit up. “You wouldn’t happen to be Jenna Lewis from the Gwyer Reading Program?”
“I am,” Jenna answered, a bit surprised.
“I thought so. My teaching staff spent last year doing a book study on the Gwyer program. We watched your teaching tutorials on YouTube every week during our faculty meetings.”
“You’ve got a YouTube channel?” Ben asked with a wry grin.
“No, there are videos of me and the other trainers demonstrating different teaching techniques. They’re there to help illustrate how to implement the Gwyer teaching protocols,” Jenna said, catching a mischievous glint in Ben’s eye.
“You’re being modest,” Lynn said. “As a staff, Jenna was our favorite to watch.”
“I hope they were helpful.”
“Quite helpful,” Lynn said as an inquisitive look crossed her face. “Jenna, are you in town working with a school district?”
“Actually, no,” she answered. She wasn’t sure what to say next.
A beat of silence passed, but Ben was quick to jump in.
“Jenna’s in town visiting family and friends. She and Zoe went to school together.”
Lynn nodded. “That’s lovely. Langley Park is wonderful this time of year. I’d hate to take up any of your time during your visit, but if you ever have a free moment to grab a cup of coffee, I’d love to meet with you and pick your brain a bit.”
“Of course,” Jenna said, giving Ben a grateful smile. “Let’s exchange contact information. I’ve got my phone right here.”
Ben stepped back as the women pulled out their phones. He hadn’t really understood what Jenna’s job entailed and how many children and teachers she was helping. She was good at what she did, his daughter’s progress alone spoke volumes. But there was something about witnessing this interaction that made him feel like he was seeing a whole different side of her.
They said goodbye to Lynn, and Ben took Jenna’s hand in his as they made the turn onto Baneberry Drive and headed home.
“Busy day?” Jenna asked.
He looked down appreciatively at her running attire. Another little running skirt. “I’d love to join you for a run.”
“Would you?” she replied with a glint in her eye.
Ben’s face fell. “I’ve got to head out to Lawrence this morning. I have a meeting with a client, and then I was going to meet Zoe for lunch.”
“How about we try for tomorrow? We could walk Kate down to Kids Camp and go from there?” Jenna offered with a wicked grin.
“I’d like that.”
He felt like a lovesick teenager. He wanted to tell her that he’d like that for the rest of his life, but he didn’t want to scare her away with talk of forever.
He knew she wanted to be with him, wanted a life with him and Kate. He could feel this as real as the sun shining on his face. But he needed to tread carefully. Jenna had to figure things out with her mother, things he wished she would share with him.
They walked hand-in-hand as the familiar sounds of Langley Park waking up filled the air.
“I’ll see my mother this afternoon for family therapy.”
“At one?” Ben asked, hoping to ease Jenna into a conversation about her mother. He wanted to understand more about their relationship.
“Yes,” she answered.
“How’s she doing?”
“She seems to be doing well. It’s so strange, so surreal, seeing her after all this time. When I was a kid, even a teenager, I saw her so differently.”
“How so?”
“She seemed so much more powerful back then. I told you we moved a lot. But what I didn’t tell you was why.”
Ben pulled her closer, releasing her hand and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. A warm sensation filled his chest as her arm came around his waist.
“My mother was involved with this man. A man named Travis Mayer. It wasn’t a healthy relationship. They drank, partied, and argued all the time. Whenever they had a really big blowout, my mother would pack us up and leave town. We always rented furnished homes, so there wasn’t much to take. But Travis would always find us. It was like some kind of cat and mouse game to them. They both thrived on the chaos.”
“Were you always in Kansas?”
Jenna nodded. “Travis and my mother have a lot in common. Neither of them ever held a real job, and they both depended on family money to survive. Travis’ grandmother owned quite a bit of farmland in southern Kansas. She did well financially growing soybeans and wheat. But things really changed when they found oil. She’s been a very wealthy woman ever since. So, as long as Travis stayed close and played the obedient grandson from time to time, she kept him flush with cash.”
“And this Travis? He wasn’t a good guy?”
“No, he wasn’t.” She let out a shaky breath. “Can I tell you why I had to leave?”
“You can tell me anything, Jenna. Anything.”
“It’s not a pretty story.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I meant what I told you. I want to know all of you. I want everything.”
Jenna blinked.
1:13 a.m.
She blinked again. The number three on her digital clock changed to a four.
1:14 a.m.
She’d woken up to the sound of car doors slamming. Jenna shook her head, groggy from sleep and listened to her mother and Travis laugh, fumbling to open the front door in a drunken haze.
The door opened and slammed shut. Jenna flew from her bed and crawled over to the vent in the floor. She pressed her ear to the metal slats and listened. Her heartbeat raced as she tried to decipher the voices from down below.
This had become a ritual, laying on the floor, straining her ears as she listened to their drunken banter, trying to make out if she was going to be left alone. She didn’t know which was worse, the moments she spent on the floor listening or what often came next.
“Music! You know what I want to hear, don’t you, baby?” Judith slurred.
The slam of cabinet doors and the clinking of glass liquor bottles echoed through the vent.
“Make me a Jack and Coke, Jude. And yes, I do know what you want,” Travis answered.
Jenna listened to his heavy footfalls cross into the living room toward his newest toy.
Travis didn’t treat many things with care, but he treasured his Pioneer PL 400 turntable with diamond stylus needle. A recent gift from his grandmother, Travis had set it up in Judith’s house to Jenna’s dismay.
“Dammit, what happened to it?”
“What the Sam hell are you yellin’ about, baby?” Jenna’s mother cooed back.
“Your bitch of a daughter, Jude. Get her ass down here.”
Jenna froze. She crept back to her bed and crawled under the covers. Her mother opened her bedroom door and stumbled into the room.
She grabbed Jenna’s hair and yanked. “JJ, get up! We know what you did.”
Jenna looked up at her mother, fear pulsing through her body. “What is it?” she asked, trying to keep her face blank.
“What is it?” Judith parroted back, mocking her daughter’s words. “Did you break Travis’ record player?”
“No, I didn’t touch it.”
“Well, it’s not working. So, if I didn’t break it, and Travis didn’t break it. It had to be you.”
Jenna wanted to remind her mother of all the people who were at their house partying last night, all taking turns playing records on Travis’ new toy.
Travis loved the band The Police. Over and over again, the lyrics of “Every Breath You Take” and “King of Pain” echoed through the house. The notes drummed into Jenna’s mind as she tried to study for her calculus final, the last test of her senior year of high school.
“I promise. I never touched Travis’ record player, Mom.”
But before Judith could answer, Travis was barreling his way into her room. He flicked on the light and yanked her up by her arm. Then he tossed her, face down, back onto the bed.
“Hold her down, Jude. JJ needs to be taught a lesson. For such a smart girl, she’s pretty fucking stupid when it comes to showing some goddamn respect for other people’s property.”
Jenna shifted and tried to put as much distance between herself and Travis as her mother pressed her body into the mattress. But Jenna froze like a beaten dog when she heard a sound, that sound. The sound that had become all too familiar over the years.
The slight jangle of metal on metal, then a quick whoosh.
Jenna had a strange thought, lying there, torso pressed into the mattress, head turned to the side at an awkward angle. She could barely breathe with her mother pushing on her back and her face crushed into the side of a pillow. But at that moment, she realized she’d only ever heard the sound of Travis taking his belt off. She hadn’t a clue what it sounded like when he put it back on.
Travis hauled up her nightgown, holding the fabric near the nape of her neck. The belt cut a sharp hiss through the air as Travis landed the first blow across her back.
“You know you had this coming.” He punctuated his rebuke with a second hit that landed with a sickening slap.
Then the third strike and a fourth.
The coppery taste of blood invaded her mouth as she bit down on her cheek, willing herself to stay quiet. She’d learned long ago that any sound, even a whimper, elicited a more severe beating.
Her mother had left somewhere between the fourth and fifth strike, and Jenna wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating when she heard the first few notes of “Every Breath You Take.” The pause in Travis’ assault was the only indication he’d heard the music as well.
“Baby! It was unplugged. I fixed it!” her mother called, her voice light and jovial over the music.
The lashes on her back throbbed and burned, but Jenna tried not to move. She kept her eyes closed tight and counted her breaths.
Inhale. Exhale. One.
Inhale. Exhale. Two.
Travis stopped hitting her, but his hand still rested between her shoulder blades.
Jenna stopped counting.
Travis’ hand slid down her back, passed over her fresh lashes toward her buttocks.
“Looks like you didn’t break it. Let’s just say these lashes are for being such a jailbait cocktease.” His voice was thick with want as he slid his fingers along the waistband of her panties. “But wait a hot minute, you’re not jailbait anymore, are you, Jenna Jo?”
He was right. She had turned eighteen nearly a month ago. The day had come and gone as it always did, unnoticed by her mother.
Jenna couldn’t move. While Travis was cruel and would beat her, he’d never touched her like this. Just as his hand slipped inside her panties, she heard her mother call up from downstairs.
“Baby, come on down and have your drink. I’m bored all by myself.”
Travis dug his fingernails into Jenna’s buttocks, his grip bruising the tender flesh. “We’re not done here. I’m coming back for this pretty ass, JJ, and then I’ll be teaching you a real lesson.”