Last Heartbeat
“The rebellion ended quickly. We never stood a chance against the Khan’s troops. I watched all my men and all my allies fall, and I nearly died with them. I still remember lying wounded on the battlefield, among all the corpses. Perhaps I could have stood up then and fought until my last breath, but I had made a promise to Erniké to come back. And so, I lay down, pretending to be dead and waiting for the battlefield to quiet down.
“Once the Khan’s troops left, I made my way to the woods and bandaged my wounds with patches I tore off my clothes. I was a fugitive now, an enemy of the state. I couldn’t immediately return home and draw the enemy to my family. I had to lie low until things quieted down. Perhaps the Khan would one day pardon me. If not, I would have to live in hiding. Perhaps my family and I could leave these lands and look for a home elsewhere. After all, this new Christian state would no longer be my home.
“I found a small river in the woods and drank the cool water. I had no food except for berries—I had no strength to hunt, and I feared lighting a fire to cook the meat. I needed to find shelter if I wished to recover from my wounds.
“A thought occurred to me—Sinion, my late sister Savera’s husband, could give me shelter. His refusal to join our rebellion had angered me, but now it turned out to be a blessing. He had remained loyal to the Khan, so he would be out of suspicion and his house would provide a safe hiding place.
“I made my way back to Pliska, taking the small, hidden paths once I entered the city. The streets were busy, soldiers patrolling up and down. A terrible cry sounded from one of the houses. Had the troops caught a fugitive from the battle?
“The sun was going down, and the light was growing dimmer, and so I stayed out of sight until I reached my brother-in-law’s large house. The front gate was ajar, and, silently, I made my way inside.
“My throat twisted in a silent scream, and I fell to my hands and knees, landing in a pond of blood.
“Sinion’s servants—men, women, and children—lay on the stone floor, their clothes soaked in blood, their eyes open and unseeing. Dead, every single one.
“A choke threatened to escape my lips, and I pressed a hand against my mouth. There, close to the wall, I had spotted Savera’s two sons, my nephews, both dead. And not far from them lay their father, with a terrible gaping wound in his heart.
“I choked, unable to draw breath. Anger and grief warred inside me. Who would do such a thing? And how could this have happened in the middle of the day, with no soldier coming to aid the victims? Unless…
“No. There was no way the army itself had done this. Sinion had been loyal to the Khan. He had stayed out of the rebellion. But if not the army, who could commit a murder so massive, so ghastly?
“An ugly scream tore me out of my thoughts, and at first I thought someone else had stumbled into the house to see the blood-chilling sight. But the scream was coming from far away, and was soon joined by another. The entire city was crying, drowning in terror and pain.
“Horror gripped my heart. I had to go back home. I had to find my family and take them away.
“I no longer felt the pain of my wounds. I ran to the stables like a man possessed. At least the horses were still alive. I mounted one and rode off, not caring who saw me. I rode through the busy streets, but everyone was occupied with their own tasks, and, in too many cases, with their own grief. My whole beloved city was one big open wound.
“My throat tightened when I found the door to my home wide open. I jumped off the horse and ran inside, my guts twisted into a knot.
“I nearly stumbled into a pile of white and gold lying on the ground, and, unable to stop in time, I had to jump over it. I stopped and turned back, and my blood left my face when I saw it was Desislava, lying facedown. I knelt next to her and carefully turned her over.
“A bright red wound was on her chest, the blood soaking her white dress. Her blue eyes stared past me. I sobbed and raised a shaking hand to close her eyes. I laid her gently down and stood up on unsteady legs.
“I walked down the corridor as if in a dream. My mind had shut down—it could no longer process what was happening. I saw more bodies on my way, my guards, my servants, and Roxana’s mother, who had come to help with the household while we were away and had decided to stay for a few more days to spend more time with her grandchildren.
“I kept walking, as if unable to stop, as if my legs had a will of their own and were carrying me wherever they pleased. On my right was the door to my father’s sickroom, left ajar.
“I stopped. A lump formed in my throat, and my head spun. I touched the door and gave it a gentle push, and it opened fully, revealing the scene inside.
“My father and mother lay on the floor in one last embrace. She who had been against this rebellion, and he who could not understand what I had chosen to do. They who had paid the price for my arrogance, for my foolish belief that I could change the inevitable course of history.
“I leaned against the wall and retched, but my stomach was empty and there was nothing to throw up. I struggled for breath and ran away from this room that stank of death.
“I ran forward, seeking my bedchambers, although a part of me wished to run to the woods and hide and never come back. I ran through the gaping doors and stopped at the foot of my bed.
“On top of it lay my heart, my little girl, my nine-year-old Asmara, in a sky-blue dress that made her look like a small child. A wound ran across her small chest, so deep she was nearly cut in two. And next to her lay Roxana, my love, my wife, my life, my everything.
“I tried to scream, but my throat no longer worked. I held her in my arms and begged her to speak to me, to come back to me, over and over again. I was certain that if I begged long enough, and fervently enough, she would somehow hear me. She could not be gone. It was simply not possible.
“Strong hands gripped me from behind, so small, barely larger than a child’s. ‘Come. You need to leave,’ a voice said, the sound clear and beautiful as a bell. Something was wrong here, but I could not comprehend what it was. Surely, I had to be trapped in a bad dream or a vision, for none of this could be reality. Yes, it all made sense now. I was still in the mountains, next to Roxana’s ritual fires. I had fallen into a trance next to her and was witnessing a possible future that I had to avoid. Roxana would pull me out of the trance at any time, and I would go home to my family.
“‘Come,’ the voice said again, soft and gentle like a caress. ‘The Khan’s troops will come back.’
“I realized what was wrong. How could these hands be so small and yet so strong? They gripped me as if they were iron shackles, and I could not move.
“‘Let me go,’ I said. ‘I have to wait for Roxana to come back to me. She will pull me out of this dream and will take me back home.’
“I heard a sad sigh behind me. The hands released me, and I felt strong, thin arms around my throat. I tried to struggle, but they pressed on tighter and tighter. Roxana’s lifeless body was the last thing I saw before the world turned to black.”
“I woke up in the woods, tied to a tree. A fire burning next to me was the only light in the starless night. And next to the fire, dressed in red, stood Callisto, the strange woman I had met what seemed like lifetimes ago.
“‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘There was nothing I could do, for I never interfere in the affairs of men. All I could do was save you. The Khan’s troops were coming back.’
“Save me from what? From where? Memories returned to my tortured brain, figments that must have been a part of a bad dream. ‘Bring me back,’ I demanded, my throat raw.
“She knelt in front of me. ‘You are not listening. The troops are returning to bury the dead. The Khan ordered them to do it. The dead of each house will go in one barrow. They will be buried with all honors, according to your custom—facing the rising sun, with their weapons and their horses’ heads and legs by their side.’
“A darkness fell over my soul. ‘They are burying Roxana? They cannot! She is not gone. She will come back to me. Let me go!’
“Callisto placed a hand on my forearm. ‘Your family is gone. All you can do for them now is live on and remember them when no one else will. Live on forever, until the end of the world itself.’
“‘I don’t want to live for a moment more,’ I said.
“‘You wish to die?’ she said. ‘Good. I will kill you. And then, I will grant you eternal life.’
“I was surely dreaming. ‘What happened?’ I asked this strange creature. Was I still up in the mountains, next to the ritual fires? Was she a vision from my trance? And how could I wake up?
“‘The Khan wished to eliminate all possibility of a new rebellion,’ she said. ‘He wanted to bring Christianity once and for all, and never let it be challenged again. He wished to end any further unrest before it had even begun. And to do this, he was ready to cut off a whole leg to heal a gangrened toe.’ She squeezed my arm. ‘All of the fifty-two boílas who rebelled had their entire households and extended families executed. This is why your family died. This is why your brother-in-law and your nephews died too—they were related to you.’
“‘No,’ I whispered, barely audibly. ‘No.’
“‘But you can live on,’ she said and stood in front of me, the fire illuminating her blood-red dress from behind. ‘You know I am no human. I am a creature of the night, and I feed off the blood of men. And I can make you just like me. Leave this death behind. Die as your family did and rise again.’
“What she was suggesting sounded no more unnatural than anything else that had occurred this night. ‘Good,’ I said. ‘I thirst for blood.’
“She frowned and shook her head. ‘No. I will not grant you this gift so you can have your petty revenge. You will gain superior strength, but you cannot use it irresponsibly. And you can never use it to change the course of the future. You can never kill leaders of men.’
“She had to be insane. And I was insane, talking to her. ‘You tell me you will grant me magical strength, and I cannot use it to kill Boris?’
“‘There are rules,’ she said. ‘This world does not belong to us.’ She gestured to her right, where the lights of Pliska flickered through the trees. ‘It belongs to them. We may enjoy it if we can, but we can never interfere or change it to our liking. We live in the fringes of society and always stay in the shadows. You cannot reveal yourself to humans. If you wish to fight in their wars for your own enjoyment, you can, but as a man, with a man’s strength. You should never use your abilities to shape the world into what you want it to be.’
“‘You wish me to live passively in the shadows?’ I said. ‘You wish me to let the current carry me whenever it will and never swim against it? Is this the life you offer me? You have seen enough to know this is not who I am.’
“She walked closer to the fire. It caught on the hem of her red skirt, and she watched it turn black. ‘I have, and I know you are not the kind of man to let history run its own course. But I believe you have the willpower to learn and change. This is not the life I offer you. This is the death I can give you.’
“‘I am already dead,’ I said. ‘It will make no difference.’
“She knelt on the grass. ‘Then I will give you this gift. But you must promise me you will never hurt the Khan and his family.’
“His family? Did she think I would harm Boris’s children to hurt him as he had hurt me? Who did she think I was? ‘As you say,’ I replied, not caring and not wishing to argue any further.
“She grabbed my arm and bit it. The pain that shot through me was sharp and surprising, and I gasped. She bit her own arm and pressed our wounds together. ‘Swear it!’ she said. ‘This blood oath may hold no meaning to you now, but it will once you become a vampire. Say it.’
“I shuddered. I wanted this torment to end. All I wished was to close my eyes and never wake up. ‘I will not harm the Khan and his family. I swear.’
“She smiled and bit my neck. I gasped and tried to fight it on instinct, but a strange sweetness engulfed me and I relaxed in her arms, letting her drain the life out of me. And when the light of the fire had grown dim before my eyes, and I was too weak to speak or move, she pressed sweet magic against my lips, and I devoured it as if it were the only sustenance I had ever known.
“‘Sleep,’ she said, and I exhaled a long breath as I heard the very last beat of my heart.”