by Ellen Dugan
I can only please one person a day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
—Familiar Saying
I realize that the title of this article may cause many readers to do a double take … or possibly drop this book in horror. Yes indeed, you read that title correctly. This article is about menopause and magick. So why in the world am I writing about this topic? Well, because I am living through this right now, and honey, let me tell you, going through the stages of menopause is one intense ride.
I think of menopause as a roller coaster. You are up. Then you are down. You are happy. Then you are sad. All you can do is hang on for dear life and ride out the wild mood swings, crazy periods, insomnia, fatigue, weight gain, intensely painful breasts, night sweats, hot flashes, and my personal favorite, the “no filter.” I mean no filter. As in none. Zip, zero, nada, the big goose egg, nothing. Whatever you think pops right out of your mouth. It’s kinda scary and liberating all at the same time.
You also have the attention span of a ferret with ADD, and your memory is shot to hell. I think there are more symptoms, but I forget. Either that or I have blocked it out.
As a woman staring down the barrel of the big 5-0, I honestly thought that I had more time before the dreaded menopause phase kicked in. But after going through several brutal years of perimenopause symptoms, I wanted some answers.
Now before we go any further, I am not here to give you medical advice. What I will do is share a little of what I have gone through and what I have learned along the way in how menopause affects your magick and your abilities as a Witch.
If you are experiencing medical issues, then please go to the doctor. Use common sense and get some support. I took myself to the “lady doctor”—who happens to be a woman—this past year. I had had enough, and I wanted some answers.
So there I sat (fully dressed) on the doctor’s table, and she breezed in. “Why Ellen, what brings you here today? Your well-woman visit is several months away.” She smiled and took a seat.
I took a deep breath, raised one eyebrow, and asked her seriously, “Do you want the short, snarky answer or the long, complicated, and thoughtful answer?”
My doctor grinned and settled back in her chair—she knows me too well. “Oh, with you? Give me the snarky!”
“Okay,” I replied in a serious tone. “I am here because I am tired of perimenopause making me its bitch.”
So, long story short, once my doctor stopped giggling, we talked about some options. After hearing my complaints, she suggested that I exercise my way out of the worst of the symptoms and to up the intensity of my workouts. I had joined a gym and had just begun working with a trainer on a trial basis, so she encouraged me to hire the trainer and keep at it. She gave me a frank discussion on what I could expect weight loss-wise during menopause and what other symptoms to anticipate. Then she ordered some blood tests to figure out exactly where I sat on the perimenopause-to-menopause scale.
A day later the doctor’s office called me to say “congratulations.”
I clutched my chest in horror and snapped at the nurse, “Have you lost your damn mind? The last thing a woman just shy of fifty wants to hear from a gynecologist’s office is ‘congratulations.’” Once the nurse stopped shrieking with laughter (apparently she had taken bets with the other nurses as to how I would respond), she informed me that my blood count had come back.
According to the test, anything that registers 25 to 50 on the test scale meant the woman was in perimenopause. Anything over the number 50 on that scale meant the woman was officially in menopause. My blood work came back at 67.
So, congratulations! At the ripe old age of forty-nine and a half, I was in menopause. Okay, now that I had it confirmed, I actually felt better. I knew that this had been more than perimenopause. This explained so much of what I had been going through. I damn near gave myself a high five. Validation is a beautiful thing. But I also had to wonder … what did that mean for me now personally as a woman and as a Witch?
The Menopausal Witch
I don’t cause emotions. I am one.
—Elphaba, Wicked
So, can a woman work successful magick while going through menopause? Absolutely! The first thing you need to know as a menopausal witch is that your emotions are extremely intense during this phase of life.
Let’s just be honest here. The words “extremely intense” are an understatement. I think volatile, dangerous, and explosive would be more realistic. So because of this, you will need to be much more careful with your spellcraft than usual.
The good news? You will see some spectacular results with your spellcasting because of the intensity of your emotions.The bad news? You may also see some spectacular magickal screw-ups due to the intensity of those same emotions. So while going through menopause, be extra careful when you work your magick. Make sure you have a firm grip on your temper before you cast.
Nope, I am not kidding about this. The same careful lecture you might give a hormonal, young, teenage witch applies to a middle-age menopause witch as well. However, it’s good to remember that, unlike a younger person, we have experience and a lifetime of acquired wisdom. So make darn sure you have yourself under control emotionally before you cast your spells. Use the knowledge that comes from years of practice as a witch and take a hard look at your honor, integrity, and your personal ethics.
My next suggestion for you is this: as long as you are in a calm mood—do the magick when you think of it. Because if you wait, chances are you will probably forget about it. Seriously. Either do it immediately or write yourself a note to work a spell later.
My husband doesn’t even flinch to come home from work and see a big-ass neon Post-it note on the fridge that says “Ellen! Work Full Moon Magick Tonight!” Or one stuck to the bathroom mirror that says “Ellen! On Thursday, Work Prosperity Magick!” Keep the notes short and sweet—if you write down too much info, you will just get distracted
My next proposal is to laugh, damn it! Sister, you better find yourself a sense of humor. Honestly, we might as well laugh because it takes several years to go through the process. Take a good look around. You are not alone. This is part of life, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Until you are standing there vigorously fanning yourself while sweat drips down your face in public while everyone else is either comfortable or a little cold, you have not lived. However, if there is another woman also going through the “change” in your general vicinity when a hot flash hits, you have just found a comrade.
Strangers become women united as you both stand there fanning yourself with whatever implement you can get your hands on: a pocketbook, a sales flyer, your husband’s hat, a package of lunch meat, or even an exercise mat.
Don’t judge me. I was desperate, and the big, red, foam mat worked! You just fold that thing in half and wave it with both arms toward your face. Sometimes menopause is funny. So you had better learn to laugh—and to roll with it.
Finally, when it comes to surviving menopause, put some of your focus onto yourself. Stop worrying so much about taking care of everyone else and concentrate on your own well-being. Now, I am not saying you should become self-absorbed during this time, but chances are your kids are adults now. Let them go about their own business and don’t try to hover over them too much.
Yes, It’s hard to break a habit of mothering—your grown kids, the pets, your covenmates, the partner/spouse—but while you go through the transition that is menopause, try focusing on yourself just as much as you do on your friends and family. This is the time to take some “me” time. You will probably also discover that this will lessen your stress tremendously. Think about what causes you stress. Now imagine turning that energy onto self-improvement and self-enrichment.
Explore this time of personal growth and freedom. Do something new, just for you. Take a trip, join a gym, take an art class, learn yoga, plant a garden, or start a home DIY project or two. Keep your imagination flowing and make yourself happy. Creativity is a magick all its own. Spend some time doing something creative that you love and watch your calm center return to you. Chances are if you are feeling good about yourself, then you will feel better all around.
Menopause is not the end. In fact, it is only the beginning of a new chapter of your life both as a woman and as a witch. This is a metamorphosis. So take a deep breath, stretch your wings, and embrace the changes in your world.