Birth

The power and intensity of labor pull us right into each moment. Each labor is unique. Like life itself, you never know how things will unfold. Every labor has its own rhythms, its own tempo. Sometimes labor and birth have a quiet, holy feeling. Each person does his or her part, and the labor steadily progresses and builds until the baby is born. But labor and birth can also feel a bit like a wild comedy when labor is progressing rapidly and the atmosphere is bustling and intense.

Birth is such an all-encompassing experience that it can force us to put aside our expectations and judgments and be open to whatever comes up in each moment. We may have had positive images of being massaged and stroked during our labor, only to find that when we are actually in labor, we don’t want to be touched. We may have made plans to have beautiful music playing and many friends in the room, only to find that we want quiet and only a few people with us. We may have had an image of ourself as a serene madonna laboring quietly, only to find we are angry or frustrated, at times cursing or complaining, and making all sorts of outrageous sounds.

Labor gives us an opportunity to take off the quiet, kind, thoughtful, neat, taking-care-of-others, “good girl” mantle so often adopted by women in our society, and allow ourselves the freedom to be whoever and however we find ourselves, completely free to be inwardly focused and fully engaged in the work at hand. If those around us can accord us our own way, our own sovereignty in this miraculous process in which we play a central and critical role, birthing can be a powerful affirmation and a powerful healing of our own psyches, an initiation into a new domain of being.

If you have been using the breath to cultivate mindfulness during your pregnancy, by the time labor begins you will have some familiarity with how it can help you to be more present, relaxed, and focused. As labor becomes more intense, you can focus on the feeling of the breath moving in and out of your body to open to the pain and the demanding moment-to-moment work of birthing. Regardless of how your labor actually unfolds, and as intense and painful as it can sometimes be, a ferocious moment-to-moment awareness, conjured up as we face this huge and unknown process, can help bring the experience into the realm of full acceptance and ownership. The result is not only a new baby to welcome and nurture, but also a powerful experience we will carry with us our whole lives.

To cultivate mindfulness during labor, we can remind ourselves to keep the breath slow and deep as we feel the intensity of the contraction building, using the inbreath to stay with the intense sensations, and using each outbreath to release any tension or holding back that we feel in the body. The end of each contraction always brings a rest, no matter how short, giving us an opportunity to change position, have a drink, a hug, a laugh, or just stay focused on the breath. Being aware, being present, we are better able to see or sense what we need in each moment.

Using awareness of the breath to be fully present during labor, to breathe into any pain or discomfort, takes less energy than either trying to distract ourselves from it or fighting against it. The body has its own inner wisdom. Resisting and tightening up can make it harder for our bodies to do the work of opening and birthing. Breathing slowly and deeply, working with what we are feeling by changing our position, having a support person apply pressure or hot compresses, expressing our feelings, our frustrations, holding on to our partner or friend, all can help us to be more fully present as we labor.

Women often find that their fear of the pain of childbirth is worse than the pain itself, that if they intentionally experience each contraction without worrying about how long it is going to last, or thinking about the next one, then they have more positive energy to give to the work at hand in this moment. Being fully present from one moment to the next in this way during labor and birth requires courage, concentration, and the love and support of the people around you.

We are used to associating pain with pathology. The pain of labor and birth is the healthy pain of an intensely physical process, as the uterus contracts to first open the cervix and then push our baby out. Women can bring positive “believements” to labor by associating the power, the intensity, and even the pain they are feeling with images that we intentionally evoke in the mind, such as our cervix opening like a flower, or the baby slipping and sliding lower and lower down with each contraction. Making open ooh and aah sounds with each contraction, which allows our throats to open, and associating in our mind’s eye the opening of the throat with the opening of the cervix and vagina, gives us another way of working intentionally inside the very intensity of our labor.

Birthing is a process in which, like parenting, each situation and, veritably, each moment brings a different challenge. At times we meet it fully. At other times we may retreat, close down, go on automatic pilot. There may be times when we completely lose it, or find ourselves complaining and cursing and rejecting what feels like a miserable and overwhelming experience.

When we find ourselves retreating and shutting down, it can help to gently bring our attention back to the breath. This brings our focus back into each moment and allows us to work with it as it is. Each moment truly is a new beginning, and new beginnings are exactly what is called for after each contraction, especially if one is feeling spent, anxious, or discouraged. Our willingness to embody new beginnings mirrors the biggest new beginning of all. After all the preparation and hard work, the child is born, and with it, the mother… and a new family constellation.

Sometimes in birthing, as in life, what occurs is unexpected. We cannot anticipate or control everything that may happen. Birthing is a time when it is important to be gentle with ourselves. When our expectations of ourselves and of the birth are not being met, for whatever reasons, our strong attachment to wanting things to be a certain way can cause us a great deal of suffering. We may be fiercely committed to having a “natural” birth, yet find ourselves asking for pain medication or in a situation that requires medical intervention. At those times, our expectations for the “perfect” birth or the “perfect” baby can get in the way of our ability to respond to what is actually happening to us. There is nothing passive about being mindful in the face of the unexpected. Even in very difficult circumstances, we can trust our feelings and our intuition and do the best we can to make the necessary, often spur-of-the-moment decisions.

Working with whatever arises and letting go of our strong expectations for things to be a certain way is not easy. It involves giving ourselves permission and time to fully experience all our feelings—frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, grief. Feeling compassion for ourselves, for our difficulties, for our efforts, for our limits, for our humanness, is an essential part of healing and restoring ourselves.

We spend most of our energy while we are pregnant focusing on the birth of our baby, and it is not until our baby is born that we truly understand that the birth is just the beginning. But the inner work we do during pregnancy and birthing is good training for mindful parenting, and as we give birth, the power and immediacy with which we are pulled into the present moment and are forced to let go of our preconceptions puts us in touch with the essence of mindfulness practice. In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.