Four Mindfulness Practices for Everyday Life

1. DROPPING IN ON THE PRESENT MOMENT

This is the core practice to cultivate mindfulness in daily life. Whenever you care to, no matter what is happening, you can always experiment with dropping in on yourself in the present moment. Can you be still, even for a moment, and simply take in what is unfolding inwardly and outwardly?

You might start by becoming aware of the feeling of the breath moving in and out of your body. Sometimes touching base in this way, even for one inbreath and one outbreath, can help you be more present. If you like, you can always extend it to a few breaths or even longer… It is a way to “befriend” the present moment and hold it gently in awareness.

You can then expand your awareness to include a sense of your body as a whole, including that it is breathing… noticing any salient sensations… any tension or tightness…

Experiment with expanding the field of awareness to include any thoughts that might be arising… recognizing and acknowledging them as thoughts, as events in the field of awareness, like clouds coming and going in the sky…

Notice as well whatever moods or emotions may be present, and whether they are pleasant or unpleasant or neutral… putting out the welcome mat for them, as best you can, without judging them. If you do find yourself judging them, just notice that, as well…

Where, if at all, do you feel these emotions in your body?…

At this point, simply resting in awareness as best you can, moment by moment by moment… experiencing life unfolding here and now…

When you see that your mind is carried away by thinking or anything else, which of course will happen frequently, just notice what is on your mind, whatever it is, becoming aware of it, and then, gently redirecting your attention back to your experience of the breath and the body in this moment… resting in awareness once again…

2. AWARENESS AND PRESENCE WITH A CHILD OR CHILDREN

Choose a time in the day to experiment with bringing your full presence and attention to whatever is unfolding. It could be waking your children up in the morning or helping them get ready for school, or the transition when they first come home from school, or bedtime, or diapering or nursing, or any other time.

The most important thing is to simply experience what is happening in this moment and to be fully present for it without having to have anything happen next… just this timeless moment as it is…

If you get lost in thought, as happens at times for all of us, you can always return to the sensations of breathing and of the body as a whole to ground yourself in the present moment, and then bring your attention back to your child or children. Each time you notice that your mind has gone off to one thing or another, or has become distracted or preoccupied, notice where it has gone and gently bring it back to the present moment. Work with this practice as frequently as you care to.

3. PRACTICING ACCEPTANCE

You may find it useful to pay particular attention to the inner landscape of the “judging mind” whenever it arises—the mind that is attached to ideas and opinions, black-and-white thinking, the urge to hold on to what you like and push away what you don’t like. Whenever you notice the mind engaged in judging, just note the content of the thought and then gently bring your attention back to the breath, to the present moment in all its fullness, and to whatever is happening in that moment, with your child, with your partner, at work, whatever.

Remember that mindfulness can be described simply as the awareness that arises when we pay attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally. That doesn’t mean you won’t have judgments. Of course you will—plenty of them! We all have. But for once, we won’t judge them, and instead we will simply see them as thoughts, often coupled with strong emotions of one kind or another, again, like clouds moving across the sky, coming and going or sometimes lingering, but nothing we need to oppose or struggle with, or judge in this moment.

You can choose a time in each day when you intentionally work with accepting things just as they are (children, yourself, what is happening in that moment)—and practice letting go of having to have things be different or change in any way. Experiment with bringing an openhearted and discerning presence to this “accepting” time.

4. RESPONDING VERSUS REACTING TO OUR CHILDREN

It can be very helpful to distinguish between the times when you react automatically and unconsciously to something a child says or does, and when you respond with greater mindfulness and intentionality. Can you bring attention to what is happening in those moments when you find yourself reacting mindlessly? Such reactions can involve a range of thoughts and feelings, from mild irritation and annoyance to being emotionally hijacked by anger, frustration, fear, and the like.

At times like these, you might take a moment to settle yourself by becoming aware of your body and your breathing. This can include bringing a curious, open, “affectionate” attention to whatever thoughts and feelings may be coloring that moment. Can you notice whatever is arising, and experiment with breathing with the thoughts and emotions that are present—neither holding on to them nor pushing them away, nor thinking more about them—but simply, as best you can, embracing them in awareness and with some degree of kindness. While this can be quite challenging in emotionally charged moments, over time such a practice can lead to new insights and openings.

Accepting the intensity of this moment, can you see some way to respond that is less automatic, and more appropriate? It can be particularly helpful and even illuminating not to jump to fix or change the situation, even if you have the strong impulse to do so. You might try to see things in that very moment from your child’s point of view. What might he or she need from you in this moment? Can you find a way to stay connected, listening to the feelings behind their words, perhaps acknowledging what you are seeing and sensing from them, and as best you can, residing in your own groundedness, an island of some stability amidst these momentarily rough seas? Perhaps it will become clearer what is actually called for in this moment, if anything.

If you find yourself bewildered or confused about what to do or how to respond to a challenging moment, consider not doing anything—at least for now.

If you become reactive and find yourself carried away emotionally and unable to change course, you might try taking a few moments afterward to reflect on what happened. As a parent, you will be given many opportunities to practice breaking out of habitual patterns.