Matt took a few self-assured strides to the front of the table and stood next to Julia. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lena heading toward the wall across from the bank of floor-to-ceiling windows. She leaned back and crossed her arms over her flat chest, her expression as sour as someone who had just sucked on a lemon.
“It’s your show, Matt.” Julia fixed him with a mysterious smile. Then she turned back toward us, pointed a finger at the skimpy outfit and said, “Take a good look, ladies. This is FACR’s secret weapon. That’s why my whole team is female.”
Lena cleared her throat with such force, all heads turned in her direction. The expression in her eyes was as frigid as an iceberg.
Secret weapon? I locked eyes with Tucker, she shrugged, and we waited to find out what this was all about.
Matt grabbed the dummy and swung it around with a dramatic flair so we could see every angle of this stylistic farce. His voice matched his appearance—deep and smooth. Something about the twinkle in his eyes said, “Hey, it’s just something we have to do. Grin and bear it.”
He cleared his throat, and made eye-contact with me. “Some of you might look at this outfit and ask yourselves what you’re doing here.”
A nervous twitter circulated around the room.
“Hey, no problem. If I were one of you that’s what I’d be thinking. I know about manipulating people.” His casual attitude was obviously intended to get everyone to drop their guard. He flashed another congenial smile, giving it time to rest a moment on each hostile face. I had to hand it to him. He was good.
“One of our divisions makes clothing for the military, so we figured it would be a snap to have them whip these out for you.” He graced each of us with that magnetic smile. “Look around the room, ladies. Every one of you is a complete knockout. If you’re dressed in this new official sales uniform, what male contracting officer will be able to resist giving you the business?”
A redhead at the opposite end of the table had an angry edge to her voice. “Yeah, but what kind of business? Monkey business? That’s not in my job description!”
Emboldened by her protest, a blond named Nora spoke up. “Look, I’m sure you mean well, Matt, but I must say this smacks of gender harassment to me.”
All eyes focused intently on Julia and Matt, waiting for a reaction to this show of rebellion against their brilliant idea. It didn’t take long. Julia’s voice dripped icicles. “Nora, does your attitude mean I’ll be looking for another representative for your territory? This uniform is part of the job, take it or leave it.” She glared at quaking woman. “If you’re thinking about filing a harassment suit, good luck my dear, unless you’re prepared to be out of work for a long time. We do what we have to do in this dog-eat-dog world, and you’ll find it’s not all that easy to sue the government. So,” she locked her hands together and cracked her knuckles, challenging everyone around the table with her emerald glare, “what do you say?”
Nora backed down so fast, she could have won a 40-yard dash. Julia had drawn the line in the sand. To use a cliché, her attitude made it clear that it was “my way or the highway”—nothing in-between. Nora squeaked, “Well, I just thought it looks a little revealing, that’s all. No, Julia, you won’t have to replace me. I’ll wear it.” Julia had won without a battle. We were a group of kitty cats and she was a lion. Whoever said we were protected by harassment laws obviously hadn’t met Julia Harris.
Looking a bit sheepish, Matt continued. “Okay, that’s settled.” He took a deep breath, then another. I watched his broad chest rise and fall. “Anyway, you’ll all get to know me over the next few months and realize that sometimes my methods are a bit, um, unorthodox. Here’s the bottom line. This is a chance to use the great equipment God gave you to make a very good living.”
I thought the room was going to explode. From gasps to harrumphs, the effect of his statement was immediate.
“Wait. Wait. Before you go nuts on me, that probably wasn’t a great choice of words. Please, ladies. I wasn’t suggesting anything like prostitution, if that’s what you were thinking. Wipe that out of your minds. Relax. I simply meant men like to look at pretty women. And if the woman happens to wrap up an order with said guy, that means she will be visiting him on a regular basis because now he’s a valued customer. Strictly professional, you understand. After all, there’s nothing illegal or prosecutable about letting a guy wish. Hell, they’ll want to give you as many orders as they can, so you’ll keep coming back.”
Everything after that bombshell was anti-climatic. The shock from the unveiling of the official uniform was a tough act to follow. The next speaker was an engineer, who spoke in a monotone about technical aspects of electrical wiring in cubicles. We were really trying to stay alert. Not one head hit the table.
A hyperactive designer from Studio Innovation Partners, the contracted space-planning company for FACR, demon-strated the ergonomic features of a chair that had enough bells and whistles to fly to the moon. The thumping rock music in her slick Power Point presentation helped keep me awake. The closest I came to a faux pas was when I had to stifle a giggle because she couldn’t figure out which lever or button did what, and almost got stuck in the chair.
However, I must admit, before I saw the chairs put into so many positions, I had no idea what the word ergonomic meant. The instruction manual for this chair was like the Kama Sutra of seating.
By the end of the day, twenty pairs of bored eyeballs swung toward the clock every few minutes. Mercifully the day was finally over and we piled back on the bus to return to civilization. Even though, as Julia had so aptly pointed out, I could actually say I’d been to prison, at least I’d been on the right side of the bars!
When we got back to the office, Kate said, “Kimberly, Cameron, whatever happens next, we have to keep our friendship going. I’ve really felt good about myself since I met both of you.”
We did a three-way hug. Cameron said, “Yeah, meeting you two is probably the best thing to come out of this whole weekend. At least until I see the first big check.”
I cleared my throat, and said in sarcastic teasing, “Oh, so once you’re back in the bucks we’re expendable? What a friend!”
She shook her head vigorously, then raised her petite hands in protest. “No, no, the three of us are going to be like the Three Musketeers. That’s what we said, right? All for one and one for all.”
We joined hands and squeezed, almost like kids in a secret club. I was really sorry to see them take off for the airport. I would be on my own, but at least I wouldn’t be out there at some remote military base, wearing scraps of cloth designed solely to lead a guy on. Thank goodness I wouldn’t be waiting for a contracting officer to tuck his eyeballs back in his head so he could write an order.
Instead, I’d be safe in my office, keeping track of all the sales and expenses. I could almost feel the crisp new greenbacks raining down in the form of huge bonuses, whispering, “Spend me.”
Matt broke into my thoughts. “Hey, Kim—okay if I call you that —welcome to the rat race. My office is right down from yours, so if you need anything, just yell, but don’t let Julia hear you.
“Look, Matt, I’m not being snarky. I swear. But from the time I was a little kid I’ve hated people to call me Kim. I really do prefer Kimberly. Thanks for offering to help. I appreciate it.”
I must add that at that time I didn’t have a clue about what I’d actually gotten into.