Finally Mack knew what it felt like, really knew what it felt like to be like one of the cool kids in the movies, walking down the hall in slow motion. She had woken up with a smile on her face, lips still tingling from the night before. She danced and sang as she got ready for school and now as she walked through the halls, sunglasses over her eyes, Mack didn’t care who was looking at her or whispering about her.
She had kissed a girl. A pretty girl. A cheerleader.
Something Mack had never thought would happen had finally happened. And it exceeded her expectations completely.
Beth’s lips were so soft and she tasted like candy. And she was so warm. Mack remembered tentatively tracing Beth’s curves with her hands and felt a surge of pride. Mack’s head was held high and she had a smirk on her face that couldn’t be wiped away.
She nodded at a girl who glanced at her until she ran into someone, sunglasses falling off her nose. Mack stumbled and looked up to see Lila standing in front of her.
“Why do you look so smug?” she asked, looking Mack up and down. Mack was at Beth’s way past curfew the night before and had to keep herself from calling Lila as soon as she left her house. But she wanted to see the look on her face when she told her what went down. Mack pushed her sunglasses on top of her head, her grin widening as they continued to their lockers.
“You were right about Beth,” Mack said twirling the lock to her locker.
Lila hit Mack’s arm hard, mouth open in excitement. “I knew it! She’s gayer than Kristen Stewart!”
Mack shushed her and looked around to make sure no one was listening in. When she was satisfied, she put her books back in her locker. She couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips when she put her English book away.
“You totally hooked up with her, didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t answer my texts last night,” Lila whispered, eyebrows wiggling. Mack nodded and Lila squealed, leaning against the lockers. “How was it?”
Mack sighed dreamily, “It was…nice. Actually. Beth is really sweet and I like hanging out with her.”
She watched as Lila’s face fell a little. “Wait. You actually like her?”
Mack shifted self-consciously. “Well…not like that. I think.” She paused for a moment. Did she like Beth? No. She had barely spoken to her before last night. There was a small pull in her belly when she thought of her but…no. “I don’t know. We could be good friends I think. Friends that…make out.” She shrugged, trying to play it off, even as she felt her stomach flutter at the thought of kissing Beth again.
“Is that weird?”
Lila looked at her for a moment before shaking her head. “Um. No. Not weird.”
Mack had been looking forward to English class all day. It was the only class she had with Beth and she’d only seen her briefly during the day. When she did it was always just as one of them was going into a classroom and they couldn’t even chance a glance at each other.
But Beth was already sitting in her seat when Mack got to the classroom. Her heart fluttered as she slid into her seat next to Beth.
“Hey,” Beth said softly with a shy smile.
“Hey,” Mack said breathily.
Ms. Inkelbam stood at the front of the classroom and the chatter died down as she began to teach. Mack kept glancing over at Beth every few seconds, their eyes meeting. Beth hunched over her desk for a minute and straightened up. She waited for the teacher’s back to be turned and held her hand out toward Mack, who hesitated a moment before reaching over and taking Beth’s hand. She took the crumpled piece of paper Beth held, tingles running all the way up her arm just from the simple touch of their fingers.
Hey. :)
Just the simple word made Mack’s stomach flip. She’d never written a note to a girl before. Not in this way. Mack leaned forward and responded.
Hey. I had fun last night. :)
She passed the note back quickly and Beth passed it back after responding.
Me too. I told Meghan we made out.
Mack felt herself panic when she read it and looked up at Beth, but she was just looking straight ahead at the board. She quickly scribbled back a response.
What did she say?
She said I probably caught the gay and should go to confession about it. I told her that wasn’t possible because she would have caught the gay from her bf who I totally saw making out with the janitor. Then she threatened my Beanie Baby collection. So she’s a hippo.
Mack blinked at the letter as she tried to sort through everything that Beth had said. She quickly scribbled back.
A hippo? Like the animal?
No like a hippo. Someone who says one thing and does another.
Mack chuckled to herself. Hypocrite. God, Beth was cute.
Well I’ll make sure she doesn’t get to your Beanie Baby collection. ;)
That’s sweet. Thank you. :) They’re insured like Mariah Carey’s legs.
Mack snorted in laughter and tried to hide it behind her hand. She looked over to where Lila was staring at her with a frown. Mack just shrugged and went back to the note.
I bet they’re worth more than her legs.
Mack rolled her eyes at herself as she passed the note. She needed to get better at this…flirting thing. If that’s what she was doing. Were they flirting? Was she flirting with a girl? In class? Her suspicions were confirmed when Beth wrote her back.
Can we meet under the bleachers? At lunch?
Yeah. :)
Mack bit her lip and slid down into her seat with giddiness. Something in the back of her mind told her these feelings, the way her heart would flutter, wasn’t normal for just a friend thing. But she was sure it had everything to do with Beth being the first girl she kissed. Things would calm down the more girls she kissed. She was sure of it.
“You were passing notes with Beth in class? The ancient version of texting?” Lila asked as they put their books in the locker.
Mack cleared her throat and shrugged. “Yeah. We’re friends,” she said nonchalantly, “We’re meeting at lunch.”
“Guess I’ll just eat by myself then. Or just watch you two make out under the bleachers.”
Mack cringed and put her hand on Lila’s arm. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Okay?”
Lila rolled her eyes and continued putting things in her locker without even a glance at Mack.
“Top Model rewatch tonight while eating shitty pizza?” Mack asked with a smile.
Lila finally looked at Mack and sighed. “Fine.”
“Thank you!” Mack hugged Lila briefly before adjusting the backpack on her shoulder. “I’ll see you after lunch.”
She walked out of the school and tried to look as casual as possible ducking behind the bleachers. Beth wasn’t there yet so Mack set her backpack on the ground and leaned against a pole. She wanted to look as cool as possible. But nonchalant. Like she wasn’t trying to be cool, so leaning seemed like the best option.
She had just arranged herself against the pole when Beth rounded the corner and appeared under the bleachers. Mack smiled widely before slipping off the pole and hitting her head.
“Ow! Shit,” she said, cheeks heating as she rubbed the growing lump on the side of her head.
Beth, clearly holding back a smile, bit down on her lip. “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” she said reaching for Beth’s hand. She mentally patted herself on the back and entwined their fingers together. Beth blushed a little and Mack counted that as a win. She took a deep breath; the overwhelming urge to kiss Beth was becoming too much. She looked around to make sure no one was watching before she pressed a kiss to Beth’s lips. But she got cheek instead. When she opened her eyes, Beth was looking down with trepidation written all over her face.
Mack’s entire face heated and she shook her head. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry,” she said letting go of Beth’s hand. “I…Is it my breath?” She breathed into her palm to smell her breath, but Beth took her hand back before she could determine if that was a factor in Beth’s rejection.
“Your breath is lovely,” Beth sighed. “It’s not that. I just…have some things I need to figure out.”
Mack squeezed Beth’s hand and took a step closer. “Is everything okay?” Beth nodded and Mack ducked her head to catch Beth’s eye. “Does it have to do with your Beanie Babies?”
Beth put her hand over her heart. “No, thank goodness. I’m just…confused.”
Mack felt dread spreading through her stomach. “Is it…Does it have to do with kissing me?”
With a shuddery sigh, Beth nodded. Mack should have known. She should have expected this. It was a fluke getting to kiss Beth. Her brain searched for something to say. She thought back to when she finally realized she was gay and what she wished someone had said to her.
“It’s okay. You’re probably going through gay panic,” Mack said calmly. “It’s totally normal. I went through it a few years ago and tried to convince myself I had a thing for Justin Bieber.” Mack paused for a second and frowned. “Looking back that was probably one of the gayest things I could have done.”
Beth giggled and put a single finger over Mack’s lips to stop her from rambling. She smiled against Beth’s fingertip. It felt so soft and so…intimate. Just a simple gesture. Mack wanted to gather Beth into her arms, but she was going to follow Beth’s lead on what kind of touching was okay right now. Plus she was sure that Beth would be able to feel the way her heart hammered against her ribs.
“I promise you this has nothing to do with Justin Bieber.”
“Then what is it?” Mack asked as Beth’s finger fell from her lips and played with the gold cross around her own neck.
“I just have some things to think about. Reflect on. You know?” Beth’s eyes remained glued to a random spot behind Mack. She took Beth’s hand away from her necklace and gently pulled it down to her side, hoping to get her attention again.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Mack asked with a hopeful smile. “I’ve kind of been through this whole, ‘oh shit, I’m gay’ thing before.”
“It’s not just about being gay. It’s about…well…the things they said in the assembly the other day. I just started thinking about it after last night while I was reading Dickinson. You know, I actually kind of like her.”
Mack felt like she’d been dunked in cold water and quickly dropped both of Beth’s hands like she’d been burned. Right. The assembly. This entire fucking school that told her and everyone else that being gay wasn’t okay. That it was a choice you were supposed to ignore despite your heart. She didn’t know why she’d thought Beth would be immune.
She was so distracted she couldn’t even spend time registering that Beth actually read the homework.
“Oh, right,” Mack said, picking at the skin on her thumb.
Beth quickly took Mack’s hand back. “I’m not going to turn on you. If that’s what you think.”
“But Father Jorge—”
“He has his beliefs. It doesn’t mean they’re mine,” Beth said firmly. “I need to talk to Jesus and come to my own decisions.”
Mack shifted uncomfortably and muttered under her breath. “If you’re talking to Jesus, I’m pretty sure I know where that conversation is going to go.”
“Hey,” Beth tugged Mack’s hand, and Mack stumbled forward a little. Beth put her hand on Mack’s cheek and caught her eyes. She placed a gentle kiss on her other cheek with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. Okay? You’re still the nicest and best kisser I’ve ever met.”
Mack couldn’t help the pride that inflated her chest, reaching up to her mouth and planting a cocky smile there. Just the simple kiss made all of her worries melt away. Beth wasn’t going to turn on her. And for whatever reason, Mack believed her. Beth was a lot of things, but Mack never pegged her for a dishonest person.
“Yeah, well,” Mack said through her smile, “it can only get better.”
Beth rolled her eyes, “You’re making it really hard not to kiss you right now.”
“Maybe that’s the point.”
Beth frowned good naturedly before kissing the corner of her mouth. “Let’s go back to the cafeteria. They have tater tots today.”
Mack found herself daydreaming in History class. How could she not? She tried to focus on her notes about the Black Plague but her mind kept wandering to Beth. The slide on the board changed to a close up of a bloated leech and Mack snapped out of her daydream with a cringe.
“Bloodletting was a device often used in this time to drain a patient of their ailments,” the teacher droned as people took notes.
Mack had a nagging feeling someone was looking at her and turned around to see Meghan staring at her. She was twirling her ponytail around her finger and frowning at Mack like she was trying to figure something out. Mack shifted uncomfortably and turned back to the front of the classroom with an unpleasant shiver.
She kept finding reasons to look over her shoulder, and every time Meghan was staring at her. Mack wondered if there was some kind of hit put out on her. Mack packed her bag before the bell rang, ready to run out of the classroom as soon as they were dismissed to avoid Meghan. The last thing she needed was to be cornered.
The bell rang and Mack leaped up from her seat before it even ended. She was the first one out of the classroom and she sighed, relieved. She opened her locker and was getting her books for the rest of the day when—
“Hey.”
Mack jumped about a foot in the air, hand on her chest where her heart threatened to escape. Meghan was standing next to her, perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised into her hairline. It felt like she was a foot taller than Mack.
“How the fuck did you get here so fast?” Mack gasped.
“Language,” Meghan chastised as if she were bored. She looked down at her nails briefly before looking back up at Mack. “I need you to come over tonight.”
Mack blinked at her for a moment. “What?”
Meghan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Listen. I need you to bloodlet me.”
“That’s illegal,” Mack squawked. “I’m not a licensed doctor.”
“Not literally, dumbass. I…” She rolled her eyes again and said quickly, “I kissed a girl at Chad’s party last week, and I need you to kiss me again to get rid of the gay.”
Mack frowned, “That makes no—”
“It makes perfect sense. We just learned about it. It’s like one cancels the other out. At least that’s what Josh said.”
“Josh? Your clearly homosexual boyfriend?” Mack said incredulously.
“He’s not gay.”
Mack held her hands up in surrender and shrugged. “Why me?”
“Look around. You see any other lesbians hanging around? Plus, I thought you wanted to like…kiss all the cheerleaders or whatever.”
Mack sighed and shifted uncomfortably. She did have a point. Mack had forgotten about her plan as soon as Beth had kissed her and here Meghan was basically offering herself on a silver platter.
“Um…okay,” Mack said with a shrug, trying to look more confident than she felt. “I’ll be there at six.”
“Seven,” Meghan said before walking away. Mack watched her for a moment, eyes wandering down to watch Meghan’s hips as she left.
“What was that about?” Lila asked. Mack turned to her and shrugged.
“I guess I have a sort-of date with Meghan tonight.”
Lila shook her head. “So no hanging out tonight?”
Mack cringed. “No. I’m sorry. But this is good, right? Part of the plan. It’s finally coming together!”
Lila smiled tightly and slammed her locker shut. “Yeah. It’s all coming together.”
Mack changed her clothes when she got home and went through the routine of splashing water under her arms and brushing her hair and teeth. She got to Meghan’s right at seven and the cheerleader ushered her into her room like she was smuggling something in. Mack stood at the doorway of her bedroom and looked around. For someone so frightening, her bedroom was fairly normal, though Mack wasn’t sure what she was expecting.
Mack hit the side of her thighs with her hands awkwardly as she looked around. Meghan went to her closet and pointed vaguely at the bed. Mack sat down on the edge, hands fiddling nervously in her lap.
Meghan came out from her closet and marched over to Mack. Her eyes got wider as Meghan approached, heart beating uncontrollably as she came to a stop in front of her. Meghan’s thighs bumped Mack’s knees and an excitement started low in her belly, slowly taking over the fear.
“I have to kiss you now,” Meghan said with a bored sigh. She held Mack’s face between her hands and squashed it. Mack blinked up at her, waiting for Meghan to make the move. Without warning she surged forward until her face was a hair’s breadth away.
Suddenly Meghan’s eyes got wide and she pulled away. “I can’t do this. This is ridiculous. I mean, you’re wearing white after Labor Day! Who does that?”
Mack looked down at her white shirt and shook her head. “I’m not…It’s not that bad.”
“You’re so convincing.”
“I guarantee you I’m the best kisser you’ll ever have the pleasure of encountering,” Mack said, unsure of where her surge of newfound confidence came from. Probably from the fact that she was so ready to kiss another girl—even if that girl was Meghan, who terrified her.
Meghan frowned. “Why should I believe you? Why should I kiss you?”
Mack thought for a moment, licking her lips. “Because…because you want something from me. And I want something from you. It’s just mutually beneficial. I won’t tell anyone this happened.”
Meghan studied Mack for a moment and she squirmed under her gaze. She put a firm hand on Mack’s chest and pushed her back so that she bounced against the mattress. Meghan climbed onto the bed and straddled Mack. It felt like all the air left her lungs.
“What?”
“I need you to bloodlet me,” Meghan said, her face so close their noses were touching. “Make me bleed out the gay.”
“O-okay,” Mack said resting her hands on Meghan’s hips. Suddenly she pulled back again.
“Are you kissing anyone else?”
Mack flushed, stomach twisting uncomfortably and she thought of Beth. Funny, sweet and sexy Beth. “Um…no. Why?”
“Because the bloodletting wouldn’t work if you were. You’d just be replenishing the gay.”
Mack frowned as she tried to follow Meghan’s reasoning, but it didn’t matter when Meghan leaned down and connected their lips.
Mack’s entire body felt like it was on fire in the most pleasant way, tingles going all the way down to her toes. Her hands tightened on Meghan’s hips and all thoughts of Beth and Meghan’s motivations flew out of her mind.