Chapter Eleven

NÜWA WAITED UNTIL Julia had closed the door to wash her hands in the sink. The lemon-scented dish soap scrubbed away the scent of Julia. After drying her hands, Nüwa plucked the trash can from under the sink. She left the safety of the kitchenette and walked over to the bathroom. She squatted down to collect the broken bits of the tray.

A cheap souvenir from her travels, she mourned it briefly as she tossed the remnants into the bin. After she had replaced the trash can, Nüwa gathered her prescription bottles from the floor and placed them on the bathroom counter. She lined them up in the order she took them. A glance at the clock confirmed she had a half hour until her appointment with Doctor Henderson. She stared at the labels of the bottles, the chemical glue keeping her from flying apart.

Julia’s abrupt departure, the raw fear on her face after she encountered the hard evidence of Nüwa’s mental challenges, had ripped a hole in Nüwa’s heart. She had seen the look before, had lovers toss her mental health at her like a dagger during arguments. Knew what it most likely meant. In Julia’s eyes, Nüwa had now become a label, someone not to be counted on, or trusted because of her mental health.

Nüwa mulled their unplanned tryst. She had only meant to talk with Julia but, presented with her raw pain over her parents’ treatment of her and the loss of her sister, had wanted to soothe her, give what she could to make Julia forget the harshness of the world for a moment. Nüwa reveled in giving Julia respite from the burdens she bore. Julia had taken Nüwa’s gift, had consented, not used her safe word, and given her reactions, appeared to enjoy their time together. Her abrupt departure, the way she had bolted into the bathroom as if she couldn’t wait to wash away their time together, had stung.

Nüwa rewound their scene mentally. Had she had missed a clue? Or pushed too hard during their time together? Unable to arrive at any answer other than Julia had wanted, gotten what she wanted, and now was done. She had been ditched before. Maybe her mother was right? Maybe Julia would sell the information and sordid details of Nüwa’s kink to the highest bidder to solve her family’s money problems.

She picked her cuticles as doubts and worry washed over her. Now what? Nüwa was an expert at ghosting. After all, she had ghosted the entire world, her fans met with nothing but old clips and interviews and recordings she had made years before she had left the stage. Anxiety twisted through her, lodged itself firmly in her belly, as thoughts of having to leave the shelter of her apartment in her parents’ home because she had compromised her security raced through her head.

Nüwa stood and picked up her neatly folded underwear from the table. A wave of despair rolled over her as she remembered Julia’s rapturous expression as she reverently slipped Nüwa’s lace panties down her legs. What had happened? The way Julia shut down after their scene confounded Nüwa. She wasn’t a newbie Mistress. Julia’s comfort in revealing her family situation, and the loss of her sister, combined with falling asleep in Nüwa’s arms seemed to indicate she trusted Nüwa. Perhaps the scene had stirred up some unresolved feelings over her former Mistress. Nüwa rubbed her arms, already missing the feeling of having Julia next to her. She cherished aftercare as much as the scene and hated that Julia had left so abruptly.

From her dresser, Nüwa selected her softest lounge pants and favorite top. She slipped off her skirt, blouse, and bra before she placed them on top of the laundry hamper. She strode to the bathroom naked, the air from the window cool on her skin.

In the bathroom, Nüwa turned the shower on. The scent of eucalyptus from the bundle she kept hanging in the stall rose as steam billowed above the glass door. Nüwa stepped into the blazing stream, letting the hot water wash away her afternoon.

No regrets. That is what she said to Julia. And yet… If she had not sampled Julia’s exquisite submission, would she be as bereft as she was? Pleasure lingered in her body, fueling delicious fantasies, the knowledge of what Julia could bring to Nüwa’s life a bittersweet daydream.

Julia’s abrupt departure had stung, but how much more pain had Nüwa avoided? It would have been worse for her to continue, to give herself false hope she had found someone to cherish and explore the limits of their kinks. To have a lover who would understand, and revel in Nüwa’s need for absolute control.

The alarm on her phone chimed, the first of her reminder alarms for Doctor Henderson’s video visit. Nüwa shut the shower off, stepped out, toweled off quickly. She opened the door to the bathroom to let the steam out. The cool air hardened her nipples. She tugged her shirt over her head, before she jammed her legs into her lounge pants. Her wet hair dampened the shoulders of her shirt. She plucked a hand towel from the pile of clean towels on her vanity and took a minute to further dry her hair. Before she left the bathroom, Nüwa lined her pill bottles up neatly, noting which ones she would need refills on.

The sound of hammering rang in through the open window. Nüwa crossed the room. From the shadows she watched as Julia worked with her hammer and chisel. Back to work, her time with Nüwa had been what? A sex break? A chance to have the kind of sex Julia wanted without complications? Nüwa had told her she couldn’t promise anything, but she had still expected to provide aftercare, then Julia had bolted into the bathroom. She had seen the reality of Nüwa’s life. Nüwa glanced around her studio apartment, a luxurious cage.

She touched the healing scratch on her cheek. It had been wonderful to visit the maze, a reminder of the beauty beyond the four walls of her apartment. As Nüwa watched, Julia paused in her work. She looked skyward before she brought her gaze back to the house. Nüwa stepped close to the window, lifted her hand, and waved. A sad smile twisted Julia’s face as she returned the greeting. A male voice called Julia’s name. Nüwa stepped back into the shadows. A man appeared. Short, he was no taller than Julia, shaggy haired and bearded. Julia broke into a broad grin as the man hugged her, picking her up and spinning her around. He set Julia down and they stood close, talking to each other.

He passed Julia a thick envelope. She stuffed it into her back pocket as she continued to talk with him. Nüwa’s gut twisted at the obvious affection between them. She turned with him, and they walked away from the house with Julia’s hand on his arm.

No promises, Nüwa had said. No future. Her words came back to her as she watched the pair until they were out of her line of sight. Despair sucked her under. Julia had, by all appearances, been like so many others infatuated with the idea of Nüwa, but the reality of what they imagined could never live up to their expectations.

Rita Hayworth’s comment about people “going to bed with Gilda and waking up with me” bubbled up in Nüwa’s mind. Anger simmered. Her mother was right. Nüwa was a horrible judge of character. And now she might have to leave her home because of it. But where would she go? Her relatives in Singapore? A shudder shook her frame.

No. She would not be forced from her home. Not again. Anger, sharp and clear, hardened her will. A white-hot heat burned the fear from her heart. The peal of a hawk overhead echoed through the window. Nüwa turned away from the window, walked to her desk, and opened her laptop. She logged on for her session and waited for Dr. Henderson to connect. Nüwa had been honest with Julia, now she would be honest with herself.

 

“JULES!” NICO’S VOICE boomed across the yard.

Julia turned to face Nico, forcing a smile on her face. “Hey, what’s up?”

Nico picked her up and spun her in a circle. “Guess who made a sale?”

“Really?” Julia hugged her friend back. “That’s wonderful!”

Nico put her down. “I have something for you.”

“For me?”

Nico pulled a thick bank envelope from his back pocket. “It’s the money you loaned us. Plus, a little bit.” He blushed, his cheeks a dull red above his beard. “I didn’t think it would take this long to get it back to you.”

Julia shoved the envelope into her back pocket. “You didn’t have to do that.” She flicked a gaze toward the house. “Walk me to my truck? I want to lock this up.” She looped her arm through Nico’s and tugged him toward the driveway.

“Sure. It was the least we could do. You saved us when the dickheads at the bank wouldn’t let us borrow it.”

“What’d Tony sell?” Julia pressed her key fob to unlock the truck.

“The one with the gull perched on the group of three pilings.”

“Do you need help delivering it?” She placed the envelope into the center console of the truck.

“Nah. Thalia and her girlfriend will help. It’s all the way in Columbus so we’re going to make a day of it with them and Brianna.”

“The science center there is epic.”

“It’s one of Hannah’s favorite places.”

A garage door opened. Julia’s heart flipped as she imagined Nüwa opening the door, calling her back for another session. Fear gripped her. Nico was a friend but terrible at keeping secrets.

A black Lexus pulled abreast of them. Lian glared at them as she waited for the garage door to open completely.

Lian pulled into the garage slowly, the door closing after her.

Nico whistled sharply. “Damn, she could cut glass with that look. What’d you do to her?”

“I exist.” Julia shrugged.

Nico’s phone chimed. “I’ve got to go, or I’ll be late picking up Hannah.” He hugged her quick and hard. “Thanks again, Jules.”

“Anytime.”

 

A SHARP RAP at the door made Nüwa look up. “Sorry, Dr. Henderson. I’ll just be a moment.”

Nüwa strode to the door and yanked it open. “What?”

Lian stood with her arms crossed. “Who was that man?”

“I’m on with Dr. Henderson and I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nüwa shut the door and locked it, ignoring her mother’s sputtering and swearing, audible through the door.

“So sorry.” Nüwa slid onto her desk chair.

“Not a problem.” Dr. Henderson tilted her head. “What is going on with your mother?”

Nüwa signed and knotted her hands together. “She has some crazed idea the woman renting the cottage is really here to gather intel on my presence to sell to the tabloids.”

Dr. Henderson. “Julia?”

“You have an amazing memory.”

“I take thorough notes. Your mother’s paranoia is remarkable, and understandable.”

Nüwa nodded her agreement. “I get it. But it’s exhausting. And how she could suspect someone as kind as Julia is beyond reasonable.”

Dr. Henderson frowned. “You’ve been able to spend time with her?”

Nüwa flushed. “You could say that.”

“No judgement from me, Nüwa.”

Nüwa lifted her shoulders and let them fall. “We had a scene.”

“Are you distressed you did?”

“Not that we did, it was wonderful, but she left before aftercare. Just bolted into the bathroom with her clothes.” Nüwa shifted her gaze away from Dr. Henderson’s understanding expression, unwilling to give in to tears. “On her way out of the bathroom she knocked my pill tray off the counter in the bathroom and it shattered.”

“On purpose?” Dr. Henderson’s eyebrows rose to her hairline.

“No! Nothing like that. It was an accident. The blanket caught the edge of the tray I kept them on. I’ll need to find another.”

“Lover, or tray?”

Nüwa laughed despite her melancholy. “Tray. And she’s not my lover. It was a scene. As lovely as it was, I can’t even imagine a lover willing to deal with my issues, let alone my wacky family. Given the way she bolted afterwards, I don’t think she could imagine it either.”

Dr. Henderson lifted her chin. “Every family has issues, and there is not a person on this planet who doesn’t struggle sometimes. Don’t doubt yourself, Nüwa. You’ve come so far from when we first met. Two years ago, you would have never let anyone close enough to have any sort of interpersonal interaction. Everyone brings their past to an intimate encounter. A power exchange type of encounter is rife with moments that may bring issues to the surface either participant was not anticipating. Julia’s reaction is her reaction, no more, no less. If the scene was safe, sane, and consensual, you have no responsibility for her reaction afterwards.”

Nüwa nodded in acknowledgement. “The intellectual part of me knows the truth of what you say, but it still hurt. She could have at least stuck around for a conversation.” She knotted her fingers together and rested them on the desk. “I’m still processing how I feel about it and it’s raw, can we talk about something else?”

“Of course. It’s your session.”

“I’ve decided I’m going to walk to the maze every day.”

“Alone?”

“Yes.” Nüwa touched her cheek where the thorn had scratched her. “After my ill-fated trip in the rain, I’ve ached to go back. I spent hours there growing up.”

“Sounds like a plan. Let me know if you need to talk sooner than our scheduled time. I’ll send your refills to the pharmacy.”

“I’ve not used the sleep meds since the last time we talked.”

“Very good, then I’ll just fill the others.”

 

“THIS SHOULD HELP some.” Julia passed the dirt and sweat stained envelope to her mother.

“What’s this?” Joslyn placed the envelope on the table and turned to the stove.

“I had some extra.”

“Must be nice.” Joslyn ladled some soup into a bowl. “You want lunch?”

“Nah, I had a sandwich. I finished splitting and stacking the wood. Did you know the light over the garage is broken?” Julia washed her hands at the sink.

“Yes. Jason was going to fix it. That was two weeks ago.” Joslyn stirred the dented metal pot, the wooden spoon ringing against the metal.

“How’s Dad?” Julia pulled the worn wooden kitchen chair out and sat at the battered kitchen table.

Joslyn ladled some chili into a bowl. “Same. Sleeps mostly.” She placed her bowl on the table and sat across from Julia. “Sure you don’t want some?”

Julia inhaled the scent of her mom’s chili. “Is that Jason’s venison?”

“Uh-huh.” Her mom spooned some of the chili into her mouth.

Julia rose and pulled a small bowl from the cabinet. She helped herself to a bowl of dark-red chili and snagged a spoon from the dish drainer. Her mother continued to eat in silence, the envelope on the table between them.

After adding a dash of hot sauce from the bottle that lived on the table next to the salt and pepper, Julia spooned a bite into her mouth. The first bite of chili brought back childhood memories of nights the six of them crowded around the table.

As far back as Julia could remember, her mother had served chili for supper every Friday. The familiar taste and warm spices always seemed to sort her life. It had been the one thing Julia could count on growing up. Even if the rest of the planet was on fire, her mom’s chili was consistent, a bowl of love in a harsh world. They ate in silence. The tic-tic-tic of the electric clock measured the time.

Julia wiped her mouth with her napkin and rose from the table. She opened the refrigerator and found the iced tea pitcher. She poured herself a glass. “Did the tests come back?” She sipped her tea, avoiding her mom’s gaze.

“Yes.”

“And?” Julia turned and forced herself to meet her mother’s eyes.

“It’s not Parkinson’s.” Her mother leaned back in her chair, picked up her glass of iced tea, and took a long drink. Julia leaned against the counter. Her mother picked up her spoon and took another bite of chili.

Julia crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, what is it?”

Joslyn dabbed her mouth with her napkin. “MSA.”

“What?” Julia sat at the table. She shoved her hair back with her hands. “What is that?”

“Multiple Systems Atrophy.” Her mother’s gaze skittered away from Julia’s.

“What does that mean? Is it as bad as it sounds?”

Her mother turned in her chair and pulled a stack of papers off the counter. She tossed it into the middle of the table.

Julia pulled the stack of computer printouts toward her. She scanned the first few paragraphs, noting the symptoms, and the highlighted box with life expectancy from onset.

Joslyn rested her chin on her chest. “They recommend home hospice.”

The sensation of the floor shifting under her feet swept over Julia. “There’s nothing they can do?”

“No. It’s not curable. His traumatic brain injury masked a lot of the symptoms. Even if we had known two years ago, he wouldn’t have qualified for any of the experimental treatments.”

Julia stared at the papers unseeing. “Do Jason and Jenny know? Have you told them?”

“No.” Her mother covered her face with her hands. “I haven’t even told your father.”

Julia studied her mother’s hands. Thick ropey veins under skin bright red and chapped. Strong hands. Hands that had done so much in the six years since her father’s accident. “Would he understand?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t know who I am half the time. Told your brother last week he needed a boob job.”

“What?” Julia covered her grin with her hand. “What did Jason say?”

“Told your father he was saving up for it.”

Julia laughed as tears pricked her eyes.

Her mother lowered her hands. “I wish Jordyn was here. She always knew what to do.” Joslyn leaned back in her chair. “I’ll figure it out.”

Julia flinched. She stood up and scraped the remains of the chili into the trash. She washed her bowl and spoon. “I have to run. If you make out a deposit slip, I’ll take the money by the bank for you. I’ll bring my big ladder tomorrow and fix the light over the garage.”

“No. I’ll get Jenny to sit with your father later so I can go.” Her mother stood up and pushed her chair under the table.

Julia crossed the kitchen. She studied her mother’s face a moment. “If you want me to tell him or Jenny and Jason I will. Let me know. Okay?”

Her mom pressed her mouth in a thin line and nodded her understanding.