“Oh dear…” said the Head. “Is everything all right now?”
“Yes,” said Barry. “Lord Rader-Wellorff gave them some money for a new tent. And said they could stay on his land for as long as they liked…”
“Oh well, that’s good.”
“And he even got Peevish to bring down a big hose to their field to wash off all the sick.”
The Head looked a little queasy at this.
“Couldn’t they have just jumped in the sea?” said Secretary One.
“I’m not sure all those chemicals would be good for the environment,” said Secretary Two.
“Yes, well, let’s not talk about it any more,” said the Head, who had turned a strange shade of green. “So, Barry… you’ve got one more go at it…” He turned over the last 24-Hourglass, the red one. “Better make it count,” he said.
Barry wanted to ask why. What happens if it doesn’t work out with the next set of parents either? But he knew that no one would answer this question. They would just mutter darkly and change the subject. Which meant all Barry knew was that what would happen was probably really, really bad.
He took out, for the last time, his list. It was EXTREMELY crumpled by now. He scanned it quickly. He knew it very well, having read it, it seemed, a million times since he’d been in this world. Being boring – tick; not being famous – tick; being poor – tick; not letting him play video games – well, he hadn’t done that one… but he didn’t think it was enough to say “parents who will let me play video games”. That should have been the Cools with their whole let-him-do-anything attitude, but they didn’t have any video games – or any electricity – and then he saw it, marked as if to remind him by a little splash of rainbow sick.
Number 7: ‘Being always much nicer to my twin sisters TSE than to me…’
“I’d like to try out parents… where I’m the favourite child, please.”
“Write that down, Secretary Two!” said Secretary One.
“I’m writing it down, Secretary One!” said Secretary Two, her pad already flipped over and halfway through writing down the word FAVOURITE (FAVOU she’d written so far).
“OK…” said the Head, opening his laptop. “So we’re back to parents with other children then. Because there’s not much point in being the favourite if you’re the only child, eh?”
“Write that down as well!” said Secretary One.
“I’m writing it down!” said Secretary Two, furiously scribbling the words OTHER CHILDREN.
While they were doing that, Barry had a thought. Number 7 was on his list because of the way he felt things were in his family. Because of the way his parents were when it came to him and his sisters. Now The Secretary Entity weren’t exactly The Sisterly Entity, but they were pretty close. And so Barry said:
“Actually… what about…?” He gestured with his head to his left.
“What…?” said the Head. He looked over. “Well. That’s not a bad idea. Secretaries!”
They both stopped writing and looked up.
“You’ll be all right if Barry spends his last day with your parents, won’t you?”
Both of them looked at him open-mouthed. Neither of them wrote down the words OUR PARENTS.