10

Alone Time

I have read a lot lately about celebrity suicide: gifted people who lose all hope. When there is nothing left, no hope, the alternative of killing yourself comes into play. You are so lucky, because with all that was about to happen, many people might have lost hope. You will consider suicide at one point, but thankfully decide against it. Because beneath all that difficulty and conflict, you believed something positive was in your future.

Morten gave you that hope, or at least allowed you to see that there were different alternatives from the ones you had thought of, even if it was originally the discovery of polyamory that had instilled the idea of “limitless possibilities” in your head.

Practice makes perfect, and this holds true of hope. Practising hope means you can carry on even when the world seems to be crashing around you. Maybe a miracle will happen. It will be, at the very least, another lesson. And that might be the same thing.

Until that moment, you hadn’t been sure if you wanted children. You weren’t sure how it would work out if you were also the breadwinner of the family. After all of your childhood experiences, you felt that you, above all people, needed to be an active, present and caring mother — to prove to yourself that you could parent differently. But you needed the right partner to do it with. It’s a beautiful love story. But there’s something else. Something deeper.

After that weekend, you started to idolise Morten. Sure, all that nice oxytocin and dopamine helped. The problem is that the mind likes to polarize people, events and stories. Morten became the “goodie” and Gilles became the “baddie.” Morten was the prince who rescued you, and Gilles was the person who had trapped you. In your own head, Morten was the future and Gilles…well, he was the past. You hadn’t realised that? No, I didn’t think you had.

The risk when we have unfulfilled dreams and unrecognised needs is that we look for people who can satisfy them. Those who represent the “greener side” of the grass. The negatives about such people become more negative, and the positives become more positive. Morten could do no wrong. Likewise, Gilles could do no right, and like many prophecies, yours eventually came true. It was not just because of you, of course, but remember this: without you, there would be no relationship. You are each one hundred percent responsible for your relationship.

But I’m not here to teach you what could have been, because what-ifs don’t help us now. I am here to reveal to you that you cast roles for your two partners intentionally, if not consciously. You got exactly what you wanted through your emotional responses and your unconscious encouragement of their behaviours. Yet you could not have done that alone, since every person has agency in their lives (even if this lesson is not for them, it is universal in its application). So in this case, what you intended was that Gilles should be a disappointment to you so that you could justify your growing love for Morten and your increasing dissatisfaction with Gilles. And so it came to pass. That’s a lesson you didn’t expect, now, isn’t it?



You have an extraordinary power to unconsciously influence others to manifest whatever it is you intend. And you won’t always like it, nor will you even always know what you intend.