Chapter 6

 

Lillian

 

“It doesn’t look good,” Mr. Jones said, pinching the bridge of his narrow nose. “I’m not going to lie, my lady. You gave me a chance when no one else would, and you deserve honesty.”

“Are you implying you’re not honest with your other clients?” I teased.

He gave me a small smile.

I had to jest. It was either laugh or cry. In this tiny office near the docks, with only one window to allow a stifling breeze, it was hard for me to breathe. But my tight chest had nothing to do with the lack of air, and everything to do with the anxiety that was constantly tapping at my shoulder. Alice clasped my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“What do you mean, Mr. Jones?” I asked. Even though Ali had arrived with me for comfort and companionship, I felt utterly alone. I was utterly alone. No one could help me.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, the wood squeaking in protest. The handsome man with the round glasses had arrived from New York three years ago looking for respect and work. I’d been only too eager to help, having known his cousin years ago. Unfortunately he fit into London society about as well as I did, even though he was loyal to a fault. At times I wondered if the fact that I was his client, hurt him more than helped.

“Sir William and his brothers have spoken with the ship yards and have encourage the men into banning you from purchasing any overseas tickets.”

The reality of my situation came crashing down, leaving me stunned and frozen. I suddenly felt buried alive, trapped. The corset I wore dug into my ribs, cutting off my air supply. I wanted to tear open the high neckline of my gown.

“He can’t do that!” Alice cried out, so infuriated she surged to her feet. “That’s illegal!”

“Legally, of course he can’t keep you here.”

“However,” I started in a voice that didn’t quite sound my own. “He and his brothers have the power to make it near to impossible for me to leave.”

Ali’s face flushed, her hands fisting. There was nothing she hated more than injustice. “We will find a way.”

“William is a respected war hero,” Mr. Jones continued, looking more than uneasy. “If he wanted…”

There was a soft knock and the door opened. Mr. Jones’ companion, Mr. Rye, stepped inside with a tea tray. “I thought you might like refreshment.”

We all grew silent. I didn’t miss the way Mr. Jones stood and moved toward Mr. Rye. Both men were young and handsome and at one time I wondered why neither were married.

“You do know they are intimate,” Ali had told me two years ago after escorting me to a meeting with Mr. Jones.

“Intimate? Whatever do you mean?”

Her laughter still rang through my befuddled mind. I’d never known a man and a man to be in a relationship. Watching them…the lingering touch as Mr. Rye handed Mr. Jones his tea cup, his smile in appreciation…I knew it as truth. Despite the fact that they lived in secret, I envied them.

Feeling as if I was spying on a private moment, I stood and moved to the window. To have that sort of trust, that sort of love. I swallowed hard. William had never trusted me. Never would. I had loved him; had given up everything for him. In payment, he would make my life a living hell. I sighed, so very, very tired of it all. Mr. Rye left, stirring me from my thoughts.

“I suggest, if you do plan to make an escape, you do it sooner rather than later.”

I nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Jones.”

He sighed. “I wish I could do more.”

I took his hand and squeezed. “You’ve done all you can.”

“Come, dear,” Alice said.

I left the office with my worst of fears confirmed. William had threatened me and he was true to his word, at least. As I settled in the carriage, I took my lower lip between my teeth, nibbling. What would he do if I told him the truth? The carriage started down the road, away from the docks and toward more respectable townhomes.

I’d tried, tried so many times to tell William what had happened, but he hadn’t been interested. Did it even matter any longer? He’d threatened to take my children, something Charles had done repeatedly throughout our marriage. Something I couldn’t forgive. Perhaps the cousins were more alike than I’d realized.

Besides, if I told him what I knew, perhaps he’d hate me even more. Perhaps his urge to be rid of me would be justified. After all, I was the only one left alive who knew. What would keep him or his brothers from trying to get rid of me for good, in order to keep their secret safe?

“Shall we walk some?” Ali knocked on the carriage ceiling. “I feel the need for a stroll. Perhaps some shopping.”

I was barely aware when the carriage pulled to the side of the street. Barely aware when the footmen helped us from the coach. I’d thought I’d fallen for the noble William, while Charles had been so vile. Perhaps they both were reprobates, swimming in the same evil blood.

“If you wish to leave London, We will find a way,” Ali said softly, stopping in the middle of the footpath. “I know people, Lilly.”

I looked at her curiously, the rims of our bonnets hiding our features from the public. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something I haven’t told you.” She looked hesitant, unsure. “You see—”

“Lady Brennon! Lady Cavendash!”

Mrs. Jamison was headed our way, a look of arrogant delight upon her face, but it was Oliver at her side who startled me. I froze, my heart leaping into my throat, even as I knew William had already uncovered the truth and had probably told him. Would he make a scene? Would he call me out in front of Mrs. Jamison, a widow who loved to gossip?

“Lady Brennon.” Oliver bowed low. And then his gaze was on me. “Lady Cavendash.”

My face heated as I gave him a nod of acknowledgement. So he knew my true identity. There was nothing to do but wait and see how he would handle our sudden meeting as new acquaintances.

“Mrs. Jamison, Oliver.” Ali gave them both a tight smile. “I didn’t realize you two knew each other.”

I wasn’t the only one to read the note of censor in her tone. Was Ali jealous? Mrs. Jamison noticed it as well and smirked at the woman. Oliver was handsome. Perhaps the most handsome of all the brothers. It didn’t surprise me that other women would be interested.

“We know each other very well.” Mrs. Jamison batted her lashes at Oliver. “Don’t we?”

Oliver shrugged, looking highly uncomfortable. “It depends upon your definition of well.”

I had to bite back the sudden urge to laugh. The entire situation was utterly ridiculous. Ali and Mrs. Jamison were fighting over a man who, by the looks of it, couldn’t care less. Were all men the same, and were women too damn naive to realize?

“Well.” Ali gave them a tight smile. “It’s good to see you both again.”

A line of carriages raced by, stirring dust into the air and preventing us from crossing the road to escape.

“Did you get a chance to read the book I recommended?” Mrs. Jamison asked excitedly. “It’s all the talk. So emotional. So devastating! I was one of the first to read it, of course.” She turned toward Oliver. “You do remember how I spoke of it? A Devil’s Deal.”

I froze. A flush of pleasure whispered warmly through my body. Merely hearing the title sent a shiver of excitement and pride through me that I couldn’t deny. I’d written that book to prove to myself that I could. But I’d had it published for William.

Oliver gave the woman a tight smile. “How could I forget since you’ve spoken of nothing else.”

Mrs. Jamison didn’t even notice his sarcastic comment, but that’s how it was with women like her…they were so interested in their own thoughts and opinions that they barely noticed anyone else’s, nor cared.

“A man who kills his abusive father, and the woman who sells her soul to the devil to save him?” Oliver’s gaze met mine and held. “Quite thrilling indeed.”

I wasn’t sure why my face grew heated. I wasn’t sure why I reached out and silently squeezed Ali’s hand. Surely there was no possible way Oliver knew I’d authored the book. So why did I blush?

Understanding my silent command, Ali reached for Mrs. Jamison. “Come, my dear, and offer your opinion on this parasol. You do have such fine taste.”

“Everyone does say so,” Mrs. Jamison replied with a sigh, as if it was a heavy burden to bear.

I waited until the two were near the shop window. “How long did you know?” I whispered as Alice talked to Mrs. Jamison. “How long did you know I was Lady Cavendash when I arrived that year ago as Mrs. Watson?”

He clasped his hands behind his back and studied me as if I was a scientific specimen. “From the beginning.”

It took a moment for me to process what he said. Mrs. Jamison started to turn back toward Oliver, but Ali caught hold of the woman to ask her another question on fashion. I had only a few minutes left to talk to Oliver. “Why?”

“Why did I allow it?” He smiled. It wasn’t a malicious smile, but almost…kind. “Because despite what William and Rafe believe, I never did think you the harlot that tossed William aside for money.”

My lower lip quivered, tears of appreciation burning my eyes. It was silly, but I was so grateful to him. “How do you know that for sure?”

“Because I don’t think with my emotions. I am a man of science, a man of facts and mathematics. It didn’t add up. And once I saw you with William…well…” He actually blushed. “I knew I was right. Not surprising, I usually am.”

“Unfortunately, you can’t force William to believe you.”

He looked suddenly sad, although he was quick to cover the emotion. “I can’t. My brothers can be very stubborn.”

They weren’t the only ones. I had a feeling Oliver was the most stubborn of the bunch, although I wouldn’t dare say as much. “Then what do you suggest I do?”

“The truth, Lady Cavendash. I find that when all else fails, the truth is usually the easiest route.”

 

****

 

William

 

The house had grown quiet not long after the sun had set. Rafe and Oliver had gone to see about their respective interests…women and science. James was living in wedded bliss with his wife in the countryside. And I was threatening the mother of my children.

Disgusted, I sank into the chair near the fireplace, staring moodily at the flames. I didn’t know what I would do with Lillian. Threatening to take Caro and Ben from her didn’t sit well with me. What a hero I’d become. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they took away my medals. My father would certainly be proud.

I rested my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands. I couldn’t seem to control myself when she was near. A variety of emotions bombarded me all at once, leaving me feeling desperate and foolish. Despite my feelings, it was obvious she was a loving mother. She had protected them from Charles all these years.

Perhaps that was what angered me most of all…that I hadn’t been there for my children. My own flesh and blood had been living in hell, and I should have been able to protect them. If only…if only she hadn’t been so damn selfish. Marrying Charles had been her biggest mistake.

A sudden knock rang through the townhome. I slumped back in my chair. Most likely Rafe had forgotten his key. I closed my eyes, visions of Lillian flashing through my memory. Despite the fact that I worried about my children, it was their mother I dreamt of when I slept at night.

Lillian and her soft lips as we’d made love in the moonlight those many, many years ago. Her lush, warm body. The way she’d reacted so desperately to my touch. I swore I remembered every detail.

Perhaps she hadn’t wanted to marry me, but she wanted me. Even still after all these years, she wanted me. I released a harsh laugh. Perhaps as much as I wanted her.

“Sir William,” a footman called from the door.

I lifted my head to glare at the young man shifting nervously upon the threshold. “Did I not say that no one was to disturb me?”

“My lord…sir…Sir William.” He gulped loudly, his narrow face pinched with unease. Had I ever been that cautious? That terrified? Perhaps when I was very young and in my father’s presence. “There are…people here to see you.”

“Well, thank God they are people.” I surged to my feet. “Instead of, say, dogs, or god forbid, rats. Who are they?”

“They won’t say.”

Frustrated, I brushed by the man and out into the main hall. Ben and Caro stood in the foyer, huddled together like two orphan children begging for a morsel. Startled, I drew up short. Damnation, I’d wanted nothing more than to see them, to be in their lives, know them. Now, as if by magic, they had appeared.

“What’s wrong?” I demanded. “Where’s your mother?”

Blast it, if my first thought wasn’t to worry about Lillian.

“She’s out with Aunt Ali,” Ben admitted. He tilted his chin, glaring defiantly at me. “We snuck away when the nanny wasn’t watching.”

I paused a few steps away, studying their pale faces. Despite their bravado, I could see the truth in their eyes. They were terrified. Hell, anything could have happened to them on the streets of London. “You came here on your own?”

“Yes, Sir William,” Caro whispered, peeking up at me through her lashes. That red hair matched her mother’s but those blue eyes were mine. She was mine, and it was my duty to protect her. “We used a hired hack.”

The lass had been so brave when we’d first met in the countryside that year ago. What had changed? I didn’t want her afraid of me. I didn’t want her nervous and timid. I wanted her bold, eager to speak her own mind, as her mother had been when I’d first met her almost ten years ago.

“Sam, get the children warmed chocolate.” I rested my hand on their shoulders and led them toward the parlor as Sam hurried to the back of the house. I prayed they didn’t notice the way my hands shook. “Come with me.”

The children followed reluctantly. It was obvious they trusted me about as much as I trusted their mother. They settled in the same chair, smashed together as one, too nervous to sit alone. I saw in them the closeness that I’d had with my brothers. They might not have had the ideal childhood, but they had each other, at least.

Slowly, I sat in the chair across from theirs, afraid I’d startle them. As I rested back, I studied all the fine details in their perfect faces. From the shapes of their eyes, to the slant of their noses…I tried to piece together the clues that made them mine.

“Why are you here?” I finally asked as the minutes stretched by.

“Please, Sir William,” Caro started, clasping her small hands together in front of her chest. “Don’t arrest our mother.”

They were not here because they knew I was there father. They were here because they knew about my threats toward their mother. Annoyed, I leaned forward. Had Lillian told them? “Why do you think I would?”

Caro’s large blue eyes filled with tears. “We heard Aunt Ali and Mother speaking.”

“Please don’t, Sir William,” Ben added, more grudgingly. It was taking all of his pride to beg, but he would do it for his mother’s sake. “Please.”

I sighed, rubbing my hands over my weary face. “I’m not going to arrest your mother.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You’re not?”

“Then why do you make her cry?” Caro asked. “Why ever are you being so cruel?”

Why indeed? Hell. They believed me to be a monster. What would they think when they realized I was their father? Or was it Lillian’s plan to never tell them the truth? “Everything will be alright. You trust me, don’t you?”

They hesitated. I didn’t blame them.

A sudden pounding on the door startled the children. Their small hands clasped onto each other like they were in a fairy tale about to be eaten by a goblin. They were distrusting, easily anxious. I had no doubt they knew what Charles had done to Lillian. Hadn’t I known about my father and mother’s abusive relationship no matter how hard she tried to hide it?

The pounding sounded again. This time louder, more agitated.

“I can imagine who that might be.” I stood, preparing myself to see Lillian. Hell, I couldn’t deny the tiny whisper of excitement at the prospect of being in her presence. Blasted lust. “Wait here.”

As Tommy met me in the hall, the maid behind him holding a tray with hot chocolate, I waved them away. I didn’t need the servants to witness my confrontation with Lillian. Tommy returned to the back of the house while the maid went into the parlor.

The pounding sounded again. Frantic, desperate. I opened the door. Lillian stood there without hat, without gloves, as if she’d raced from her home. Her brilliant hair fell in disarray around her shoulders, her beautiful green eyes frantic. I should have felt guilty…I didn’t.

She spared me only a glance before darting around me and into the foyer, bold as you pleased. “Where are they?”

I shut the door. “In the parlor, awaiting their hot chocolate.”

She whirled around to face me. Gone was the shadow of fear, replaced with a rage that made her eyes sparkle. Her delicate hands fisted at her sides. “How dare you!”

“I had nothing to do with this.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

I gripped her elbow and led her across the hall toward the library, where we wouldn’t be overheard. “I mean it, Lilly, I don’t lie.”

The moment we entered the library, she jerked away from me, as if my touch was repulsive. Surely I hadn’t imagined the way she’d kissed me back the other day. The way she’d arched her naked body into me. “Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a bastard all the same.”

I quirked a brow and folded my arms over my chest.

She brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen across her right eye. I took ruthless delight when I noticed the way her hands trembled. I wanted her bemused, unsure. I wanted to be the one who held the power. “I know you’ve forbidden anyone from selling me passage aboard their ships.”

I released a harsh laugh as I strolled to the sideboard. “And how would you know that, unless you had tried to leave?”

“You can’t keep me here.”

Yet, she could steal my children away from me? I gritted my teeth, resisting the urge to threaten her once again. Our anger would get us nowhere. With an unsteady hand, I poured a sherry. “You don’t want me to take your children. I, however, want to be in their lives. I do have a solution to our problem.”

I turned to face her, the drink extended between us. She ignored my offering, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring up at me. Damnation, if she wasn’t pretty when she was angry. And even I realized how absurd that thought was.

“What do you want from me?” she demanded.

“You and I,” I continued. “Will marry.”

It was a ridiculous comment, one that slipped from my lips without thought. Yet, once the words were out they seemed…right. Hell. I was so damn tired of trying to fight the attraction.

She released a manic laugh. “Do you honestly think I will place my hands in your power, after how you’ve treated me? After how your family has treated me? Go to hell, William.”

“Mummy,” Ben called out, stepping into the doorway, Caro behind him. “Is that you?”

“Come,” she said, scurrying toward them, as if the very devil was nipping at her heels. “We’re leaving.”

I bit back my response, not wanting to fight in front of the children. As the door slammed shut, I realized it was going to take a little more than threats or pleasant conversation to get what I wanted. And hell, if I didn’t want her. After all she had done, after so many years…I still wanted to marry the blasted woman. With a groan, I drank the sherry, then moved to the sideboard to find something stronger.

It was time to remind her that I wasn’t one to give up easily.