Chapter 10

 

Lillian

 

The world was right.

Rain pattered the windows, thunder rumbled menacingly outside, and the wind howled in the chimneys. But the children were tucked warmly in their beds, and William slept soundly beside me, his warmth calling to me.

The world was right.

I should have been resting, but I’d never felt more alive. My muscles were tense with the desire to move, my skin practically itched. I wanted to wake the children and reassure them that everything would be well. I wanted to reach out and run my hand down William’s muscled stomach to make sure he was real.

I would be content. Content in the fact that we had a future. That we had hope. Perhaps it wasn’t exactly as I’d dreamt it would be. William hadn’t said he had forgiven me, hadn’t said he understood, he hadn’t said he loved me…but it was enough. Wasn’t it?

Disconcerted, I slid off the bed and pulled my nightgown on. I hesitated. Unable to stop myself, I paused to study William’s handsome features. He looked at peace while sleeping, the hard lines of his face eased. A muscled arm was thrown over his head, the sheet low at his waist. The dying light from the fire brushed warmly over his chest and flat belly, making him glow golden. He seemed like the young man I’d once known.

He hadn’t said he loved me.

His lips pulled into a frown. What nightmares plagued his mind? A sigh escaped my lips. Would he ever trust me enough to tell me? Wind rattled the windows. I picked up my robe. Everything was practically perfect. So wonderful it didn’t feel real. A dream. Yet…yet…he hadn’t said he forgave me. He hadn’t said he loved me.

I left the chamber, closing the door softly behind me. The house was still, waiting, watching. I should have felt at ease. Instead, I felt as if something was amiss. Off balance in some way. Quietly, I tiptoed toward the children’s room. I needed to see their pure faces, needed to savor their innocence.

I knew it would not be easy. Society would not look favorably upon our relationship. I was tainted, and I would bring William down. I moved across the bedchamber. There was no moonlight to light the rooms. The fire had long ago burned out and was mere glowing embers. But I owed it to my children. Yes, it felt right to be here. But it was a grim sort of rightness.

They slept in separate beds looking peaceful for the first time in months. Lightning flashed through the windows, highlighting their sweet faces. They would not sleep in the attic nursery, for I had always thought it cruel to force children to the top of the house like discarded furniture. Instead, they would have rooms like proper family members.

I bent down and kissed Caro, bringing the blanket up around her shoulders. Even in the low light, her hair glowed. My sweet, beautiful girl. Would she have a father who would protect her? Love her? The father she deserved?

Benny shifted, drawing my attention to him. While Caro slept curled into a ball, Ben slept with wild abandon, his arms and legs thrown across the bed. Would he have a father who wouldn’t mock him? Who would take him fishing and riding? Or would William ignore them as his cousin had?

“Mummy,” Ben mumbled, startling me. “Are we going to live here?”

I settled on the edge of his bed, brushing his sweaty hair from his forehead. How his eyes resembled Williams. That pout, those frowns. That grin. “Yes. Would you like that?”

“Yes.” He rolled onto his side. “He said he’d take me fishing tomorrow.”

The words surprised me, made me leery. I pulled the covers up around him. “When did he say that, dear?”

“You were bathing and we were having dinner. He came in here to see that we had what we needed. He told me that he would take me fishing tomorrow. When Caro told him that she didn’t like to fish…” He paused to yawn. “He told her they would read together every night.”

I swallowed hard over the sudden lump of emotion in my throat. Hope? Regret? I prayed he kept his promise. “That sounds wonderful.”

He frowned, tucking his clasped hands under the side of his face. The roundness of youth was fading. He was no longer my little boy. Most wealthy children his age would be living at school by now. I couldn’t quite let him go. “Father never took me fishing.”

My heart squeezed painfully. “No. He didn’t get a chance.”

His lashes fluttered down. He was exhausted, and I should have been as well. “He didn’t want to take me.”

The words were muttered softly, drowsily. I parted my lips to deny his accusation, but I couldn’t. Instead, I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Dream sweet dreams, my son.”

Everything was going to change. I had to believe that. Hope, once again, was all I had. I moved into the hall and was closing the door when I realized I wasn’t ready to return to William. In the daylight this house had seemed like home. Now, in the shadows and stillness, it seemed suspicious. Waiting to see what I would do next. What would I do next? Live cautiously with William for the rest of my life? Wondering if he’d ever let go of the past?

Wearing only my white nightgown and wrap, I moved down the steps like a ghost haunting the estate. This would be my home, but now I wondered if it would ever truly accept me. It was as if the estate and its owner where one and the same.

I stepped into the foyer. Not even moonlight filtered through the windows. Thunder rumbled once again. The chandelier above rattled. Had I thought this place charming when we’d arrived? Chilled, I crossed my arms over my chest and wandered into the library. I’d read to William in this room once, a year ago. I trailed my hands over the back of the chairs flanking the fireplace. The red embers glowed eerily in the hearth. I paused, attempting to find warmth in the hot coals.

Nothing seemed to help. A chill had settled in my body. A deep sigh whispered from my lips. I was tired. So damn tired. And cold. So damn cold.

The darkness that had haunted my steps was still there. William might not be angry, but there was something missing between us even now. I lowered to my knees and held my hands out to the glowing embers. Perhaps someday…perhaps he would love me again. For now…the fact that he was waiting for me in a warm bed…well, that was enough.

I surged to my feet, feeling the sudden need to see William. Had to feel his muscled and sure arms around me. Needed to hear him murmur my name. I started to turn when the back of my neck prickled. Someone was behind me. It could have been Ben or Caro, a maid, even William himself. I knew it wasn’t.

Slowly, I turned. The first thing I saw was the barrel of a pistol pointed only a breath from my forehead. Trembling, I dared to focus my gaze behind the pistol and to the man holding it.

Charles grinned manically through a bushy beard. “Hello, my lovely wife. Have you missed me?”

 

 

****

 

William

 

For a moment when I awoke and found my bed empty, I thought the last night with Lillian had been a dream. A wonderful, amazing dream. Surely I was not blessed enough for it to be real. But it was. I could still smell her scent upon me, in the air, on the sheets. Eagerly, I reached out. Her side of the bed was cold. She’d been gone for some time. Rain slashed at the windows, pattering against the glass. An angry, hurried sound that seemed to hiss in warning.

A shiver of unease raced over my skin. I’d felt the sensation before when in battle. I’d ignored it once and had nearly been killed. Slowly, I reached out and grabbed the pistol that was in the drawer of my bedside table. My gut tightened. I pushed the bed linen aside and picked up my trousers. Something was wrong.

Quiet as a cat, I moved into the hall. The corridor was dark, still. And then I heard it…the murmured sound of voices floating up the stairs as if I dreamt. Lillian, and…a male. A male voice I hadn’t heard in years, but I knew it all too well. My fingers tightened around my pistol, my body went cold. Charles had returned from the dead.

Gripping the railing, I moved stealthily down the stairs. My former blindness gave me an advantage in the dark, for I’d learned every step, every creaky floorboard.

“You’re going to honestly tell me you had nothing to do with this?”

“I didn’t, Charles. I swear.”

Lillian’s voice was calm, but then she’d had to deal with Charlie’s outbursts for years. I looked through the crack in the door. He’d yanked her hair back painfully. She grimaced. My hands trembled as I resisted the urge to attack the bastard then and there. He and his father had taken everything from me. Everything. They’d tortured Lillian and my children for years. No more.

He shoved his pistol against Lillian’s temple. “Someone put me on that ship sailing to the orient. Someone sold me to that captain.”

My heart hammered madly in my chest. What the hell was he talking about? The man was mad. One slip of his finger, one startled jump, and he might pull that trigger. I didn’t dare look at Lillian’s face. I needed to keep control, and seeing the fear in her eyes would do me in. Make me lose that steady calm when I needed to be coldly sure.

I heard the footsteps behind me and turned, pressing my finger to my lips as the housekeeper froze, standing in her night rail, a cap upon her head as if she’d just come from bed. If she’d heard the commotion, the children might as well.

“Sir William?” she questioned.

“Stay quiet,” I whispered.

She nodded, her eyes wide with curiosity and unease.

“Go back to the kitchen, send the footmen for the constable…now.”

She nodded and spun around, racing back to the kitchen. Charles continued to rant at Lillian in the parlor. I barely heard his words, focused on the pounding of my heart. I’d been in charge of hundreds of men, I’d been shot at, scarred, but never had I been so terrified. This wouldn’t do. Wouldn’t do at all. I took in a deep, trembling breath and slammed a cold, hard wall over my emotions.

Slowly, I moved into the room. They stood near the fire, the glow of the dying coals the only light. He held Lillian in front of him. I couldn’t get a clear shot. The bastard hadn’t noticed me yet but Lillian did. I didn’t miss the way her shoulders stiffened, the way her eyes flickered toward me.

Mine.

Anger roared through me on a heated wave of denial. How dare he touch her. I was going to kill him. Consequences be damned.

“I know you did this to me!” Charles roared, shaking her. “I’m going to kill you, then I’m going to kill your bastard children.”

He lifted the gun, shoving it into Lillian’s stomach.

My anger faded, followed by a cold wash of terror. Calm. I had to remain calm. I inched ever closer, as he shifted, swinging Lillian toward the fire. So close I feared the hem of her nightgown would catch flame.

“Hello Charles,” I said, my voice deceptively mild. “How are you?”

He jerked his head toward me. His appearance more than startled me, although I didn’t dare show it. My cousin, who had always been so concerned with his appearance, now wore a scraggly beard, while his hair was long and matted.

But it wasn’t his lack of hygiene that surprised me….it was his eyes. Wide, soulless, empty eyes. He was gone. Utterly mad. His dry, cracked lips turned up at the corners into a gleeful smirk. “Well, look who is here, the war hero.”

I moved slowly across the room, every creak of the floorboards as loud as gunfire. “Charles. This isn’t you. You seem unwell. Shall I call for a doctor?”

“Actually, it is me.” He cackled, wrapping his arm around Lillian’s neck. “That’s the jest of it all. You just never wanted to see me for who I truly was.”

“Don’t do this, Charles,” I continued, progressing step by step into the room. “What can you possibly gain? You’ll be hanged.”

He shook his head. “No! You see, thanks to your dear wife, who had me placed on a ship to China, I’ve toughened, thick skinned and all. I can survive even the harshest of environments, Will. I’m very good at escape.”

I stepped ever closer. “Perhaps you are.”

His grip around Lillian’s neck tightened. Her face lost color, her breathing raspy. She looked so damn small, vulnerable. “I survived long enough to return here and see she paid.”

I moved around the settee. “She said she didn’t do it, Cousin.”

He released a hard laugh. “And you believe her?” His cold eyes narrowed. “Or perhaps you’d planned the entire event together. Did you help her, Will?”

“Charles,” I stated calmly. “Lillian had nothing to do with your trip to China.”

He growled, his arm around Lillian loosening for the briefest of moments as he swung the pistol toward me. “But you did? How long, Cousin, before you bedded her after you’d heard I’d died?”

He shoved Lillian aside and started toward me, forgetting her as I’d hoped. She fell to her knees, gasping for air. She was alive. That was all that mattered.

“A day? Two? Or were you fucking her even before?” He started to lift the pistol. “You think I don’t know about her jaunt here to nurse you back to health?”

I had only a moment to act. I dove forward, hitting Charles in the gut and taking him down. We hit the ground hard. His pistol fell from his grasp. I heard his grunt, knew I’d knocked the wind from him, and took advantage pinning him to the floor. Charlie’s madness made him stronger.

He surged upward, knocking me off and throwing his fist wide. His knuckles connected with my chin. My head jerked back, as pain exploded in my skull. Vaguely, I was aware of my pistol skittering across the floor toward the fireplace. Certainly stronger, or perhaps more desperate. I’d underestimated the bastard. I lifted my knee, hitting him in the gut.

As he grunted, falling to his side, Lillian dove for my weapon. I spun around in search for Charlie’s gun and that’s when I spotted Ben. I froze, my heart leaping into my throat. Ben stood only a few feet from us, Charlie’s pistol in his small, trembling hands. A pistol pointed directly at me.

His face screwed up, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or scream. “Get away from my father!”

Slowly, Lillian stood, my pistol dangling from her hand. She’d gone white as a sheet. “Benny, Charlie…he’s not your father.” It was there…all out in the open. Lillian started toward him, her steps so sure, so confident. Before I could stop her, she was directly between us, protecting me.

My hands curled as I resisted the urge to shove her aside, but I feared any quick movement would set the boy off. “Lillian, what the hell are you doing?”

She ignored me. “Sir William is your father.”

Charlie stumbled to his feet, swaying toward the lad. “Don’t listen to her, my boy.”

She tucked her hands behind her and shoved the pistol into my fingers. I wanted to latch onto her, throw her behind me, but didn’t dare. She had a plan, apparently. “Benny, you know I don’t lie. You know you can trust me.”

Plan be damned. Slowly, cautiously, I stepped in front of her. “Give me the gun, lad.”

With a cry, Ben dropped the gun to the ground. I dove for the weapon the same time that Charles did. My cousin grabbed the gun first, rolling out of reach. I shoved Ben toward the door. “Go!”

Charles had regained his feet and was pointing the pistol at Lillian. Lillian, who stood frozen in the middle of the room looking pale and so very vulnerable and courageous. “Get Ben out of here,” she whispered, begging me with her eyes. “Leave.”

Ben stood in the doorway, confused and terrified. “Go, Ben,” I demanded, but he didn’t move, blast him. I shifted, standing between Charles and Ben. I wouldn’t leave Lillian. Never. “Let her go, Charles. Take me instead.”

“No!” Lillian cried out.

My cousin laughed, a manic sound. Sweat trailed down his tanned features, into his beard. He was shaking so badly he could barely hold the pistol straight. “You’ve always gotten whatever you wanted, haven’t you? You won’t get her.”

He lifted the gun toward Lillian’s head.

“No!” Without thought, I aimed and shot.

The blast rang through the room.

Charles stumbled back, hit the settee and fell. His gun went off, shattering a vase near the fireplace. I raced forward, pressing my palm to his chest, partly to hold him down, partly to see if he still lived.

His shocked gaze met mine. “You won again, Cousin.”

Perhaps I should have felt guilty. I didn’t. Carefully, I took the pistol from his limp fingers. Blood seeped across his shirt, soaking the dirty linen. He would die a broken, destroyed man. I wished I could have mourned his death. Instead, I felt only relief that it was over.

“Mummy?” Ben whispered.

“Ben, it’s alright.” I stood, turning to face the boy. “Everything is…”

But he stared unblinkingly at someone or something across the room. A shiver of unease whispered down my spine. I jerked my gaze toward Lilly. She stood near the fireplace, her hand at her side, her face pale, her eyes wide with shock. Blood seeped from between her fingers, spreading across her white wrap, staining the material. Charlie’s gun hadn’t just hit that vase.

Horror washed over me. “No!”

She swerved, her knees buckling.

“Lillian!” I made it to her side just as she fell. Catching her, I cradled her limp body in my arms. Her lashes drifted down, light as feathers. Frantic, I pressed my hand to her wounded side. “Don’t leave me, Lilly. Please, not when I’ve just found you. I love you.”