SOPHIE KNEW THE exact moment Will entered their shared sitting room, sensed that he stood in the doorway and watched her to try and decipher her mood.
But, for the moment, she couldn’t control her pacing. The best she could manage was to toss an, ‘I’m sorry,’ over her shoulder to him.
Again, she sensed rather than saw him move a little farther into the room. ‘You have nothing to apologise for. I… I loved what you said to my grandfather just now. Nobody has ever defended me like that before.’
That managed to still her. She turned, folding her hands at her waist. The warmth of his smile, the affection in his eyes increased the ache in her chest. ‘Oh, Will, I’m not apologising about that.’ It was well beyond time that somebody took Lord Bramley to task for his attitude to Will. For all the good it had done. She started to pace again.
‘Then what are you apologising for?’
Another glance at him had her wanting to cover her face with her hands. ‘Because, in my own way, I’ve been as bad as your grandfather.’
His face darkened and his stance widened as he pointed a finger at her. ‘That’s not true.’
Yes, it was. ‘I’ve been using you to keep Peter’s memory alive. I’ve forced you into a role that you’ve hated, all because… All because I’ve been afraid that everyone would forget him.’ She pressed her palms to her eyes. ‘Because I’ve been afraid that I’d forget him.’ And because she’d felt guilty—guilty that she was alive when he wasn’t. Guilty for enjoying all the things she’d once enjoyed—and for enjoying new things—when he wasn’t here to enjoy them too.
She’d clutched her grief and her memories to her tightly so as to keep her brother’s memory fresh and alive, refusing to move on—and refusing to let either Will or Carla move on either.
It had been spectacularly unfair.
She dragged her hands away. ‘I’m sorry I’ve forced you into a role that you didn’t want and that you didn’t ask for. I’m sorry I tried to turn you into a substitute for Peter. I’ve been trying to shore up my own grief and fears, just like your grandfather. Only I didn’t see that until I accused him of it just now.’
In three strides he was in front of her. He took her hands, making her pulse skitter and start. ‘Sophie, you’ve not forced me into anything. Watching you grieve these past two years has been hard. I’ve wanted to do whatever I could to ease your pain, but I’ve had to face the fact that it’s the one thing I couldn’t do.’
‘Oh! So I’ve made you feel like a failure too!’
She tried to tug her hands away, but he wouldn’t let her go. ‘Not a failure, Sophie, just…human. You’ve kept me human. Through all of this.’
Her heart stopped and then gave a gigantic kick, and she found herself clutching his hands in an effort to keep her balance. ‘You—’ She had to swallow the lump in her throat. ‘You’ve always been human, Will. You’re one of the kindest people I know.’
He shook his head. ‘I’ve tried to be kind to you. Always. From that first day I met you I knew your parents had hurt you in some way…in a similar way that my parents had hurt me.’
Her throat thickened and her eyes stung.
His grip tightened. ‘My parents, and to a certain extent my grandfather, have left me with a burning desire to succeed and to never be vulnerable to anyone again. Carol Ann, Peter and you are the only ones I’ve let myself care about. When Peter died I was in danger of closing myself off completely—of becoming a robot. But, Sophie, our monthly coffee dates wouldn’t let me put my heart on ice. It’s only just occurred to me but you made me keep feeling, and while a part of me resented it, another part of me realises it was a gift.
‘So.’ He lifted one of her hands and pressed his lips to her knuckles. ‘Don’t ever apologise to me for your grief or for the past two years, because you’ve helped me more than you’ve harmed me.’
She couldn’t speak. All she could do was stare at him.
‘Say something,’ he finally begged.
She pulled her hands free from his and he let them go. She had to take a few steps away from him and his dark lime scent to gather her scattered thoughts. From the window she saw Lord Bramley and Carol Ann tramping across the fields.
She swung back to Will. ‘Everything feels different now,’ she blurted out.
He pursed those divine lips and leant towards her. A flush of heat shot through her. ‘Good different or bad different?’
She considered that for a moment. ‘I don’t know.’ She lifted a shoulder and then let it drop. The weight that had been pressing down on her had lifted. ‘I feel…lighter, freer.’
‘That’s good different.’
She lifted her chin and stared at him, openly admired the broad sweep of his shoulders and the athletic strength of his legs. She took in the dark glint of his hair and the firm promise of his lips. ‘When I look at you now I no longer see Peter.’ A sense of loss accompanied that, but it was a good difference too. Will was his own man. He deserved better than to be defined by a ghost.
His eyes darkened and the pulse at the base of his throat pounded. ‘What do you see?’
‘I see all the things you are to me. I see our friendship now.’
He swallowed and nodded. She glanced at that pulse in his throat and knew he was fighting the same desire that flooded her.
‘I see a man so potently attractive it’s all I can do to not fling myself at him.’
The confession should frighten her, but it didn’t.
Will’s quick intake of breath and the way his nostrils flared were the only signs that betrayed her words had any effect on him. ‘Sophie.’
She ignored the warning in his voice.
‘I’ve used Peter as an excuse to hide from the attraction I feel for you too…used it to keep you at arm’s length. I’ve basically emotionally blackmailed you into not sleeping with me.’
‘That’s garbage! It’s—’
‘Is it?’
He broke off, his eyes burning into hers, and all she wanted to do was kiss him and feel those hands on her body.
‘I let you think that if anything happened to our friendship, I wouldn’t be able to cope. I let you think it’d be like losing Peter all over again.’ She had to swallow. ‘But finally I’ve realised that my love for Peter and the memories I have of him don’t depend on you or Carla or anyone else. Peter lives on in my heart and there’s nothing that can remove him. So whether we continue to fight our attraction or give into it, Will, it’ll have no effect on how I feel about my brother.’
His eyes glittered and he held himself unnaturally still. ‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘And that’s definitely a good change,’ she added, not answering his question.
She moved across to where he stood, reached out and placed her hand over his heart. His warmth and the steady beat beneath her palm made her feel free. ‘I’m tired of lying—to myself and to you. I don’t want to fight what I feel for you any more. It’s a long time since I did something I wanted just for me.’
The pounding beneath her palm grew harder and stronger.
‘And just so we’re clear on this, I’m not after love and commitment, white picket fences and children. I know you don’t want to be tied down and I’d never try to do that to you.’
‘So what are you after?’
She could feel her lips curve upwards and her eyes start to dance. She threw her head back provocatively to stare him full in the face. ‘Pleasure,’ she said boldly. ‘Physical release and pleasure.’
His hands gripped her shoulders and while they were gentle against her flesh, she could feel their latent strength. They silently narrated the battle raging through him. He didn’t know whether to hold her or shake her—whether to pull her to him or thrust her away.
‘You said if we slept together it’d become complicated.’
And yet now it seemed incredibly simple. ‘It’ll only become complicated if we’re not honest with each other. We’re friends, yes?’
He gave a hard nod.
‘This is just going to be a fling, right? We’re not doing anything long-term. Eventually it’ll burn itself out, and when it does we call it a day with no hard feelings. And we remain friends.’
He moved in closer until their chests touched. Heat spiked through her and her nipples hardened to tight aching buds. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. The plea sounded through her but she didn’t utter it out loud. She had a feeling he could see it shining from her eyes.
‘Can you do that?’
The words grated from him and she could tell he was holding on to his control by only a thread. ‘I can. I have no unrealistic expectations of you or myself. Can you?’
Those firm lips lifted upwards into a hungry, wolfish smile. ‘It’s my speciality.’
And then his hands lowered to her hips and he pulled her hard up against him, leaving her in no doubt of his desire for her; she sucked in a breath and tried to keep her balance. His fingers curved into the flesh of her backside and stars burst behind her eyelids.
She gripped his waist to steady herself. ‘This is all completely separate from our marriage arrangement. That’s business and this is…’
He stilled. ‘This is?’
‘It’s something completely different. It’s just for us. Because we want to. And for no other reason.’
His hand curved about the back of her head to cradle it, to hold it still while he explored the shape of her jaw with his other hand, tracing the outline of her bottom lip with his thumb.
Her breathing grew ragged. ‘Stop tormenting me, Will, and kiss me.’
His lips curved upwards. ‘Whatever the lady wants.’ And then his mouth lowered and his lips touched her, sparking heat and need. He kissed her with a thoroughness that made her tremble, that made her want to crawl inside him. She wanted more, so much more.
Her tongue tangled with his and she gave up wrestling with the buttons on his shirt to pull it free from the waistband of his trousers instead, her breath hissing out when she finally made skin-on-skin contact. He felt firm and silken beneath her palms and she gloried in the way he shivered when she raked her fingernails lightly across his bare skin.
In the next moment she found herself pressed firmly against the wall behind her and her hands captured and held above her head. Will pressed lazy kisses along her jaw to her neck, each and every one of them sparking sensation through her. She moved against him restlessly. ‘What are you doing?’ she panted.
Dark eyes met hers and the intent in them melted her bones. If he hadn’t been holding her up she’d have fallen in a heap. ‘I’ve waited a long time for this moment, Sophie, and I’ve no intention of rushing it.’
Her pulse went off the chart. ‘Not even if I were to beg?’
Was that her voice? She swallowed. ‘I mean for this fling to last beyond one encounter, Will.’ She tugged and he released her hands. She fisted them in the front of his shirt and pulled his head down to hers. ‘I want you now! Slow and leisurely can wait until later tonight.’
And then she kissed him with all the fire in her soul, and her soul could’ve sung when the final thread of his control snapped and he kissed her back with just as much hunger and just as much need.
* * *
Sophie turned her head from where it rested beside Will’s on the pillow. She hadn’t curled up against his side. He hadn’t flung an arm across her waist. But their hands were clasped on the bed between them, their fingers interlaced. ‘Just…wow!’ she breathed.
He turned to meet her gaze, a grin stretching across his face. ‘I couldn’t have put it more eloquently myself.’
‘This isn’t feeling awkward for me. What about you?’
He shook his head. ‘Regrets?’
‘Uh huh.’ She nodded. ‘One huge one—that it took me so long to sort out how I really felt about everything. We could’ve been doing this for weeks!’
His rumble of laughter vibrated through her, warming her to the soles of her feet. And then, before she realised what he was about, he’d rolled her under him and every part of her quickened in response.
‘There’s nothing like making up for lost time,’ he murmured, his teeth gently tugging on her earlobe.
Pleasure spiked through her and she arched beneath him, glorying in his weight and the sparks of heat that shot through her wherever they touched. ‘Very true—making up for lost time could become my new mantra over the next couple of weeks.’ She gasped, running her hands down his sides and relishing the way it made him quiver. ‘Tell me you don’t need to rush back to London today.’
‘I may never go back to London again,’ he murmured against her lips, before capturing them in a kiss that hurled them both back into a maelstrom of pleasure and desire.
* * *
Three days later, Sophie wondered if that grip would ever ease. She’d had good sex before, but what she shared with Will wasn’t just good. It was spectacular. She hadn’t known it could be like this.
Not that she said that to Will, of course. It smacked too much of a neediness that would send him running for the hills. She didn’t want him running for the hills. Not yet.
Not that they spent all their time in bed. They spent hours on Magnus and Annabelle as he showed her all the places he’d loved when he was young. They explored the glens and the hills, traversed lochs and cantered through crystal-clear streams. They spent hours playing board games and watching musicals with Carol Ann.
But when they retired to their room each night—they made love as if they never wanted to stop. Not just once, but again and again. As if they couldn’t get enough of each other. As if they were addicted.
It wasn’t until Thursday, though, that Sophie finally realised how much trouble she was in. When Will told her he had to go back to London the next day. The depth of the protest that rose through her had her clutching the wedding folder she held to her chest. As casually as she could, she leant a shoulder against the bedroom doorframe to counter the sensation of falling, of dizziness. Loss, anguish and despair all pounded through her.
Will sat on the side of the bed, his back to her, pulling on his shoes, so she allowed herself precisely three seconds to close her eyes and drag in a breath, to pull herself together. ‘No rest for the wicked?’ she forced herself to ask, with award-winning composure.
He didn’t move and she tried to paste what she hoped was a cheeky grin into place. ‘I suppose I should be focusing on the wedding anyway. Nine days, Will. The month has flown!’
He turned, a frown in his eyes. ‘Do you want to back out?’
‘Of course not.’ It was just… She hadn’t known when she’d agreed to this paper marriage that she’d be marrying the man she loved. ‘Do you?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m determined to safeguard Carol Ann’s future, but…’
‘But?’ she echoed from her spot in the doorway. She couldn’t move, not a single muscle. Those ruthless eyes scanned her face and panic spiked through her. He couldn’t tell that she was in love with him. He couldn’t!
‘You look…’ He hesitated.
‘Stressed?’ she supplied, lying madly. ‘The caterers have made a mix-up with the canapés and it’s made me cross. Why must these things be so hard?’
He looked as if he wanted to challenge her, but she leapt in with a question of her own. ‘Has Lord Bramley signed your papers yet, the ones that will give you ownership of Ashbarrow?’
His lips twisted. ‘Our estimable lord doesn’t know about the papers yet. That’s this coming weekend’s work.’
She tried to hide the way her chest hitched. ‘So you’ll be back on Saturday?’
He gave a terse nod.
* * *
Will’s stomach churned and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to fight nausea with such vehemence. He stared at the beautiful lines of Sophie’s face—all smooth and composed—and wanted to smash something. If he hadn’t been admiring her reflection in the mirror when he’d told her he was returning to London tomorrow, he’d have never seen it—the stiffening of her muscles, the clutching of that folder to her chest as if to shield herself from some latent hurt, the dazed realisation that had leached the light from her eyes.
If he hadn’t been admiring her reflection he’d be none the wiser. He wished to God he were none the wiser now!
His heart pounded so hard against his ribs it made it hard to breathe. ‘Would you mind very much if I skipped our ride this morning? There’s some work I need to get done before tomorrow’s meeting.’
‘Of course not.’
She moved across and dropped a kiss to the top of his head, tossing the folder to the bed they shared, for all the world as natural and normal as if her peace hadn’t been shattered.
As if her heart hadn’t been broken.
His heart burned for her.
She dropped to the other side of the bed to tug on a pair of socks. A wholly reprehensible part of him wanted to reach across, undress her and drag her beneath him to slake the lust that rose through him. He didn’t. He controlled the twin beasts that roared through him—lust and anger. Anger that she’d broken the rules and had fallen in love with him.
She didn’t mean to!
And anger that he wasn’t able to return that love.
‘Gosh! I sure as heck don’t want to be the person you’re about to drag over the coals.’
He snapped himself back. ‘Sorry, I…’ He rubbed his nape. ‘Work,’ he growled.
She leapt up. ‘Well, don’t work too hard.’
With that she was gone, but Will still couldn’t catch his breath or ease the constriction in his chest. He strode into the sitting room and across to the window, waited until Sophie had cantered off on Annabelle and then reached for his phone. ‘Get me on a plane for London asap,’ he snapped to his PA. In his head he heard Sophie berating him. ‘Please,’ he added.
Closing his eyes, he drew in a breath but the constriction about his chest only tightened.
* * *
Will was no closer to finding a solution to the Sophie problem on Friday night.
She’d tell him there was no problem.
But it would be a lie.
And only a coward would hide behind the lie.
He tossed his uneaten microwave meal in the bin and collapsed to the sofa, head in his hands. For all his money and his fancy warehouse apartment, it seemed he couldn’t keep the people he cared about safe—Peter, Carol Ann… Sophie. After a moment he added his grandfather to the list. The old man drove him crazy, but that didn’t stop Will from caring about him.
Though both his grandfather’s home and heart were safe.
He sagged back, staring at the lights that danced upon the Thames, but they did nothing to lift his spirits. ‘If you were here, Peter, you’d kick my butt.’ Air whistled out between his teeth, filling the silence. But nothing seemed capable of filling the chasm that yawned through him. His hands clenched. ‘But I swear to you I’d rather cut off my own arm than hurt Sophie.’ She deserved so much better.
She deserved the world.
He stilled as that thought pierced through him. Dear God! That was the answer, though it made everything inside him quake.
He leapt up and paced the room, back and forth in front of the windows. He’d rather hurt himself than her. He didn’t have to hurt her. Now that he saw it, it seemed so simple.
* * *
When Will arrived at Ashbarrow the next afternoon, he chafed to get Sophie alone, except she wasn’t even there.
‘Last-minute wedding preparations,’ his grandfather told him.
So, instead, he presented his grandfather with the legal documents that would assign Ashbarrow Castle to Will upon his marriage. To his utter disbelief, his grandfather signed them without argument. And without hesitation.
‘What?’ he barked when he handed the signed document back to Will. ‘It’s what I’d have done in your place. There’s a clause in there that states I’ll have a home here until my death. That’s good enough for me.’
He didn’t know what to say, and then Sophie’s voice sounded through him. He swallowed. ‘Thank you.’
His grandfather clapped him on the shoulder. ‘I only ever wanted to provide you with a home, lad. I’m sorry if I made it seem like a prison.’
He stared after the older man, had to plant his legs against the strange disorientation that battered him.
Lord Bramley turned in the doorway. ‘I have no intention of interfering in your life any more, William. I’m sorry. For all of it. But you have my word from this day forward that I’ll no longer try to force your hand in any way. Sophie’s right, you’re an adult. You’ve earned the right to make your own decisions.’ He pulled in a breath before thrusting out his jaw. ‘I’m proud of you. I always have been. I should’ve told you that more often.’
Will’s mouth dried and he had to swallow down a lump. ‘That means a lot,’ he managed.
The older man’s face darkened. ‘But I will tell you this—you’ll be a fool if you let that girl slip through your fingers.’
His jaw dropped. Luckily the older man was already striding away, a response evidently not expected of him.
Carol Ann then co-opted him to watch, not one, but two movies with her. He only agreed if she promised him the second movie wasn’t a musical.
When she put on a soppy romantic comedy, he rethought his strategy, but it was too late. He watched the female lead’s heart break and could feel his scowl deepen and a weight press down on his chest.
Sophie came in just as the movie ended.
‘Hello, Will.’
She greeted him with a kiss, composed, casual, and with her usual smile—the one that could light up a room. She was good, he had to give her that.
‘Miss me?’
Her grin was full of teasing merriment. If he didn’t know better…
But he did know better.
He pulled her in for the kind of kiss that sent a fire rushing through his veins. Keep a grip. ‘Can I steal you away from your wedding prep for an hour? There’re a few things I want to discuss with you.’
She glanced at her watch and grimaced. ‘Will forty-five minutes do? I have the photographer coming to discuss—’ she spread her hands wide ‘—things.’
‘I’ll take what I can get.’
Grabbing her hand, he raced her upstairs, slamming the door to their sitting room behind him. She gave a breathless laugh. ‘You really did miss me.’
The come-hither blue of her eyes nearly undid him, threatened to weaken his resolve and have him tumbling them into the bedroom. Maybe this would seem more natural if they were naked and sated.
In the next moment he dismissed that idea. He’d discovered he was never more vulnerable than when he was naked and sated with Sophie.
He moved away from her. He needed space. He needed to breathe. He needed to ignore the metaphorical noose that had started to tighten about his neck.
Frown lines appeared on Sophie’s brow. ‘Will?’
‘Something unexpected has happened.’
She perched on the edge of the sofa, those blue eyes not leaving his face. ‘Your grandfather refused to sign your paperwork?’
He shook his head, still marvelling at that strange turn of events. ‘Here’s the thing—he signed them without hesitation.’
Her eyes widened and her lips parted. He ignored the hunger that roared through him when he stared at those lips.
‘Not only that. He told me he was proud of me.’
Her mouth dropped open fully. She hauled it back into place a moment later. ‘But that’s…brilliant!’
‘I know.’
‘I knew he was a good guy beneath all of that bluster. I knew…’
She trailed off when he planted himself on the sofa beside her and took her hand. ‘I didn’t drag you up here to talk about my grandfather. Something has happened and I’m trying to find a way to tell you.’
She leaned in a little closer to stare up into his face. ‘If you want to call this wedding off, Will, I’ll be totally fine with that. I’ll support you a hundred per cent.’
‘I don’t want to call off the wedding.’ His heart thundered in his chest. ‘In fact I find I now want this marriage to work on a whole new level.’
Her lips curved upwards. ‘Sex on tap?’
He girded his loins and drew in a breath. ‘I’ve fallen in love with you, Sophie. You’ve always been different from other women. I should’ve known what that meant.’ It was easier to utter the lie than he’d thought it would be. ‘I know I’ve always thought marriage was a…a…’
‘Prison?’ she offered with an arched brow.
‘Exactly!’ He warmed to his theme. ‘I’ve always thought marriage would mean losing my freedom and independence, but that’s not what this feels like. Not with you.’
She’d kept those blue eyes trained on his face the entire time, but now she snatched her hand from his and strode across to the window.
He moistened parched lips. ‘I know it wasn’t planned…that it’s a shock, but… Aren’t you going to say something?’ He’d thought she’d have thrown herself into his arms by now, giddy with delight!
She half turned, pressing a hand to her forehead as if to keep a headache at bay. ‘I’m just trying to work out how to react. Whether I ought to yell at you…’
Yell at him?
‘Or whether to play along in the hope that…’
He found it suddenly hard to breathe.
‘But I’ll do neither.’ She turned, both hands folded neatly at her waist. ‘Several weeks ago I decided to turn over a new leaf—to stop hurting myself, to stop hurting others, and to become…useful. I’m not going back on that now.’
He rose, the blood pounding in his ears. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve never lied to me before, Will. You don’t love me. The only reason I can think for you to say you do is that you’ve discovered I have feelings for you.’
‘Do you deny it?’
Her eyes suddenly flashed. ‘No, I don’t! I’ve no intention of lying to you the way you just lied to me. I’m not ashamed of the way I feel.’
‘But—’
‘I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it has. You’ve always meant a lot to me. You did before Peter died…and you’ve come to mean more to me since.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Evidently.’
‘Then why not—?’
‘I don’t want to trap you into a marriage you don’t want. That’s not love! What kind of person do you think I am?’ Her hands slammed to her hips. ‘And I’m a little offended you think I can’t cope with having a broken heart. I’ll survive, you know? It’ll mend in time.’
‘But—’
‘No.’ She held up a hand. ‘The original plan stands. We marry and you get to safeguard Carol Ann’s future while I get a million pounds. We spend the wedding night here at Ashbarrow Castle and then the next day you’re for London and I’m for Cornwall.’
‘But—’
‘No buts. And no more sex. It’s obviously addled your brain.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse me. I have to meet with the photographer now.’
He watched her go and wondered why, when she’d just let him off the hook, his world felt in ruins.