Nate gently closed the bedroom door. He dropped his jeans on the floor, the chink of his belt buckle hitting the ground loud in the silence.
“Emma, are you sleeping?” His whisper sounded like a shout.
Emma didn’t move on the bed. Her chest didn’t rise and fall. At least from what he could see. Panic welled within his chest.
She couldn’t be gone yet. She couldn’t. Every time he saw her, he was so anxious that it was going to be the last.
He couldn’t remember the last time he talked to her. He ran through a list of things that might have been the last thing they said to each other. What would it be? Could he even remember?
Nate pushed himself to the edge of the bed, watching her like a hawk. She lifted her hand, and put it back to the comforter. She blinked blearily at him. Her constant exhaustion tugged at him.
The pallor of her skin couldn’t fade the beauty he’d always saw in her.
His wife.
He slid under the covers, taking her hand in his. Whispering, he traced her knuckles with his fingers. “Cyan and Jareth are expecting a baby. You won’t be here to see it, if you give up. Sherri and Kyle are talking about marriage. If you leave, if you leave me, you won’t see their wedding.”
Nate spoke fast, his pleading growing louder and louder in the room. “Drake and Stefanie finally realized they love each other. That they need each other.” He stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at her anymore. And then finally he did.
He gazed at his wife. His voice lowered to a whisper. “Please. We need you. I need you. Please, don’t.”
Emma opened her eyes again, her lashes fluttering as she struggled for energy to speak to him. “I’m going to miss out on all of you being happy.”
“No, you’re not. Not me. I’ve been happy. You’re taking my only chance at happiness. Why? Why not try?” It was the same questions he asked her over and over. He’d railed at her, he begged her, he’d offered so many things. He’d pleaded and bargained with her.
She finally came up with an answer he hadn’t heard. “Because you deserve better. And I love you enough to want to give you that.” He gingerly pulled her into his arms. He pressed his cheek to her forehead, careful to be tender, because she hurt so much. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. I won’t survive this.”
“You aren’t losing me Nate. I’m still here. I’ll always be here.” She coughed.
“No you’re not. You’re already gone. You gave up, it’s like you’re making it go faster.” He blinked back the tears in his eyes. The moisture had become like a constant companion.
“For now I’m here. You watch over this family. You watch over yourself. You be happy for both of us.” She pressed her lips to his chin. “Be happy. You have to promise me...”
But Nate couldn’t speak past the tightening of his throat.
Three weeks later
Nate placed the palm of his hand on top of the cold casket.
He couldn’t afford much for his wife, but he did the best he could.
She would go into the background, without him.
She’d abandoned him not more than four days before.
Nate’s decimated heart flittered along on the wind, broken into a thousand pain-colored pieces.
He ignored his cousins and his sisters and the rest of his family and community as he walked from the grave site.
Watching as they put her in the ground wouldn’t do anything for his soul. His wife wasn’t in there.
His happiness could not be buried that day. She’d taken that with her so long ago.
The last horse he hadn’t been able to sell – his horse - had been tied to a tree.
The long dark brown duster whipped around his legs.
If he survived, he’d be back. He told them he would.
For now... for now he needed a break.
He didn’t want to live at Bella Acres anymore. He couldn’t see anyone’s happiness for now. Yes, they were all going to grieve Emma. But no one felt her loss like he did.
Nate mounted the horse, and shot one last glance at Emma’s grave. He would never visit that site again.
She’d left him. She’d given up.
His whole life... his whole soul... everything that was him would be dropped into the ground.
He’d never love again.
The end of Hidden Trails, book #4 of The Montana Trails series, Clearwater County Collection.
Join my Survivors Newsletter and keep up to date on Forgotten Trails, book #5 of The Montana Trails series and the rest of the family. Read more about Nate Rourke and Kyle Darby and their cousins, and what can make a cowboy lose his heart.
Dear Survivor,
Thank you so much for making this far with me. I have to say this book... sucked the life out of me with all the tears and longing and also the happy feelings and bittersweet twists.
Drake turned out to be even sweeter than I originally planned him. I love when that happens, when the characters really take on a life of their own. He did. He’s a self-made man and I’m so lucky to have known him. Don’t despair, we’ll see more of Drake in the next 6 books of the Montana Trails series.
Stefanie was a fun one to write as well. She’s stubborn and loyal – a heady combination. She’s stronger than she realizes, also which is always a fun discovery.
A special thank you to my friend, Jodi. I think Stefanie has a lot of this woman’s traits and knowledge about life around horses and ranches. Not to mention being an awesome nurse and mom, Jodi helped me with a lot of questions on how Stefanie would react to certain things. Thank you, Jodi for the help as well as the pushes to keep writing this one.
Thank you as well to you for reading this! I loved spending this time with you and I hope you’ll stick with the rest of the series. Here’s a little teaser – Nate gets another book but it’s not until Book 10. If you sign up for the newsletter, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about!
Thank you again so much for joining me! Please take a moment and review this book (and any book!) on Goodreads or on the retailer you found this book on.
Thanks again!
Stay Alive,
Bonnie R. Paulson
Clearwater County Collection has multiple subseries! Here’s the reading order.
Lonely Lace series
Spurs and Lace (book #1) (FREE)
Secrets and Lace (Book #2)
Sorrows and Lace (Book #3)
Redemption series
Romancing Redemption (Book #1) FREE
Riding for Redemption (Book #2)
Resisting Redemption (Book #3)
Regretting Redemption (Book #4)
Rewarding Redemption (Book #5)
The Montana Trails series
Broken Trails (Book 1) FREE
Forbidden Trails (Book 2)
Unbridled Trails (Book 3)
Hidden Trails (Book 4)
Forgotten Trails (Book 5)
Endless Trails (Book 6)
Forsaken Trails (Book 7)
For a list with covers and descriptions as well as links to all of Bonnie’s other works, please click here.
About the Author
Bonnie R. Paulson is all about survival. Do you have what it takes to turn the page?
Find Bonnie at
Twitter: @bonnierpaulson
Facebook: http://facebook.com/bonpaulson
bonnierpaulson@bonnierpaulson.net
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http://www.bonnierpaulson.com/
Acknowledgements
To Bear
To Pam, Heather, and Elaine, great title, thank you !
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Captiva Publishing
Bonnie R. Paulson
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Copyright © 2016 Bonnie R. Paulson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Cover design by Kristin Bryant, contact her through kristindesign100@gmail.com