THE RIDE BACK from Connecticut went by in a blur. Mary was quiet as she watched the darkened highway speed past her windows. John held her hand across the back seat, but he could apparently sense her need for quiet.
She didn’t speak at all until they were latched behind the door of their Airbnb bedroom, across the house from Ty and Fin and Kylie.
“Do you see why my age has been a sensitive subject for me?” she asked, finally breaking the quiet between them.
John let out a breath that sounded like a tire being popped. “Good God, yes. I totally understand. That was awful. She’s an undeniably hard person, Mare. I think it’s gonna take me a year to process everything that just happened.” He flopped backward onto the bed, his arms flung out above him. Rolling his head to eye her across the dim room, he squinted. “I think I need to apologize even more for saying—”
She laughed and held up a hand. “We’re past that, sweetheart. You’ve made it exceedingly clear how you actually feel about my age. How you feel about me.”
Mary bit her lip and turned away from John, taking out one earring and then the other, slicking her dress over her head and staring at herself in the dim light. She looked shadowed and mature and confident. She replayed certain parts of the evening in her head.
“Did you mean what you said tonight?” She turned to him in just her bra and underwear and watched his eyes get stuck on many interesting parts of her body.
“Yes,” he answered huskily. “I’m not sure which part you’re referring to, but I meant everything. Every word.”
She stalked toward him, threw a knee over his hips and pinned his hands next to his ears. His lips quirked and his eyes heated. “What about the part about having kids?” she asked, her heart tripping against her ribs. “Did you mean that too?”
John’s brow pulled down into a V, and she knew him well enough now to know that he was thinking, not judging. “Mare, what will be, will be. If kids are in the stars for us, I’m not worried about making a family with you. It’ll pan out somehow.”
“That’s how I feel.” She cocked her head to one side. “I’ve never been too worried about it. Which I think worries my mother most of all. As a woman, apparently it’s my God-given duty to worry myself into a raisin over my own fertility.”
“Don’t do that,” he said with a smile. “I’ll love you when you’re a raisin, but I don’t want you to worry yourself into one.”
Their eyes got stuck on each other as John’s words sank in. It was the first time either of them had said the word love to one another. But the moment wasn’t scary. The moment felt good. The moment felt warm. There was central air pumping through the room, but Mary felt the heat rise between them. She felt lit from within, churning with a glowing heat that she wanted nothing more than to share with him.
“I’ll love you when you’re a raisin too,” she said in a low voice. She still pinned his hands to the mattress, and she gave them a little extra push to let him know that she wanted him to keep them there as she unbuttoned his shirt.
He was breathing fast, flexing his hands, looking like he wanted to touch her every single place he could. But he didn’t lift his arms except to help her peel his shirt off. “Mary,” he whispered.
She slid down his body and worked him free of his pants next, roughly shoving his boxers away like they were a personal offense to her. John moved his hands but only to clutch at his own hair, the strands of black spiking up between his fingers.
Mary tossed her bra and underwear away, planted her knees on the bed and bent over him. She loved this man, and her body demanded that she show him. She took his hardness in one hand and swallowed him down in one big gulp, holding him against the back of her throat and drawing his eyes to hers.
He said something that she didn’t hear before she kept at him, working him in and out of her mouth, again and again. He spoke again and grunted. Suddenly, she set him free and let every inch of her skin slick across his as she crawled up his body.
“You have to be quiet,” she admonished him with a smile on her face as she pressed in for a kiss, giving him all her weight. “There’s other people in the house.”
“Quiet,” he agreed, almost nonsensically, his eyes on her mouth.
She slid against him again, opening her legs and pinning him with a hug, her mouth pressed to his. He made a small, almost restrained noise, and she reveled in the fact that she was definitely peeling him apart little by little.
The conversation with her parents tonight had been emotional and intense, but also freeing. She’d understood, for the first time ever, that there was no use changing herself for them. Either they were going to figure out how to love her or they weren’t. She couldn’t make them. And in the meantime, she had this big, broad-shouldered, mean-faced, sweet-hearted man who wanted to leave with her. Would go anywhere with her, she knew. This man who was clutching at every part of her he could, who was trying to get his bleary eyes to focus as he gasped for air.
Mary reared up and spread her legs over his hips, teasing him with her wetness. They’d decided to forego condoms just last week, and she couldn’t have been more grateful for the decision than she was at that very moment. When she sat herself down, took him in one inch at a time, the look on his face was worth it. It was worth every moment, every misunderstanding, every bit of doubt she’d had to wade through. Because here she was, right now, fully seated on a man who, she just knew, had decided she was everything he’d ever wanted.
She started to ride him, but he grunted and she fell forward, her palm over his lips and her mouth at his ear. “Quiet,” she demanded. She reveled in the role reversal. Usually she was the one screaming her head off during sex.
They rolled halfway, a tangle of limbs, no clear position, and the bed started to squeak. John stood, arms banded around her, keeping her linked to him, and cast around for a quiet place to keep this party going. Mary looked too. There was nothing. Not even a dresser. Just a director’s chair under the window that was not going to hold them.
“Bed,” she demanded. “We’ll be quiet.”
He fell back onto the bed, and she ground herself against him, attempting to fuse them. Her fingers and hands everywhere and the same with his. They twisted onto their sides, and then him on top. They got a little too vigorous, the bed squeaked and they brought it back to a frantic, grasping glide against one another. Somehow the lack of a thrusting plunge was even hotter than if they’d been able to have sex the way their bodies were screaming at them to do. Mary felt that every inch of her was consumed with him. His quiet, restrained breath, his teeth clamping onto her shoulder, his heavy fingers in her hair, clasping her hip.
She tightened her legs over his back and held him in place, working herself against him barely a half inch at a time, the pressure unbelievable, his flavor in her mouth, his whispered name on her lips as she catapulted herself over the edge.
She tightened hard onto him, against him, and moments later, he was rigid against her, pulsing within her, their bodies slick and aching from how tightly they’d gripped one another.
He let himself sag, full weight onto her, but when he lifted his head, the kiss was surprisingly light. Intense, but light. It was all flavor. All loose. The kind of kiss that can only happen after sex. No anticipation to speed it up, all connection, just long, slow tasting.
After a few long moments, John pulled himself off of her and padded to their attached bathroom. He came back with a warm washcloth that he pressed between Mary’s legs. She stretched and smiled with her eyes closed.
“Just in case it wasn’t clear,” she said, opening her eyes again, “I’m in—”
“I’m in love with you,” he interrupted her, his brows down in that V. “Big-time. Sorry to interrupt. I just would always kick myself if I wasn’t the one to say it first. I just want you to know that even before you loved me back, I was in love with you. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to know you and not be in love with you.”
Mary lunged up and wiggled her way onto his lap. “Did you just tell me that you loved me big-time?”
He laughed. “Guess so.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” she decided, kissing him one more time. “Love you. Big-time.”
He laughed at himself. “Told you I was a dork.”
“You’re not a dork any more than I’m a snob.”
John flopped next to her and sifted her hair through his fingers. “Who would have thought that we’d fit together so well?”
“Your mother.”
They both groaned and laughed. “And me,” Mary whispered after a moment. “I had a sneaking suspicion we might be a good fit.”
“So did I.” He paused. “I wanted to tell you about my suspicion that night of the fake date, when I walked you home. But then you said that you’d crossed me off your list, and I figured I’d save myself the heartache.”
Mary groaned again and clutched him close. “I can’t believe I said that. Especially when I was, like, four seconds away from catching feelings for you.”
“I’m pretty sure I loved you then. Or was just about to. Even when I didn’t think I had a chance. I was already committed to being in your life. As a friend, but still. Being in your life was important to me.”
Mary’s eyes teared up, and she pressed her forehead to his. They fell asleep just like that.
THOSE WORDS OF John’s stayed in Mary’s head on repeat as they stood in front of Cora’s well-kept grave the next day. Being in your life is important to me.
That phrase alone meant almost as much as him telling her he was in love with her. Because there were so many kinds of love. And death had stolen so much of it from Mary too soon. More than she wanted kids, more than she wanted marriage, she just wanted John to be there. She wanted him to want to be there.
He wanted that too, she was sure of it. Wasn’t that how he’d answered her mother’s question last night? When asked about the future, all he’d had to say was that he wanted to be with her. In her mind, it was better than a marriage proposal.
She transmitted these thoughts toward Cora’s gravestone, psychically greeting her best friend. Mary and John stood back from Sebastian and Via, who had Matty tucked between them. Mary wanted to express solidarity while also giving their family a bit of space.
Mary hadn’t expected to feel connected to Cora’s gravestone when she first started coming here, because Cora wasn’t actually there. The idea of being trapped in a box for all eternity had been Cora’s version of hell, so she’d been cremated instead. Sebastian, Matty and Cora’s parents had spread her ashes in the backyard where she’d grown up. So there was nothing marking this spot as Cora’s besides her name. Even so, Mary liked to think she could feel her friend there. Tall, blonde, bossy, brightly crude, loyal, Mary’s most fervent champion.
Mary watched while first Sebastian approached the gravestone, laying a palm against it, and she could see his mouth moving as he spoke some secret words to Cora.
A moment later, Matty joined him. Sebastian swept Matty up into his arms, being pretty much the only adult in the world large enough to actually lift the gigantic kid. He walked back to Via, kissed her on the lips and headed back toward the main road, where Tyler, Fin and Kylie were all waiting.
Mary squeezed John’s fingers, stepped around Via with a little pat to her shoulder and laid the bouquet of purple tulips she’d brought so that they were propped against Cora’s name. “I met a guy,” she whispered to her friend. “You’d like him. He’s rude and protective of me. Just like you.” Mary smiled, brushed at her tears. “He helped me stand up to my mom. Finally. Can you believe that? Even you and Tiff never quite got me to do that. I told my folks that they needed to respect me in order to keep me in their lives. I’m pretty much expecting a call from my dad any minute. He’s never been one to hold out on me. But my mom? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes her a couple of years.” Mary traced the script of Cora’s name with one finger, hoping her friend could hear her. “But you know what? For the first time, I kind of feel like I have the years to give. Somehow, being with John, it’s kind of turned off the ticking clock for me. I’ve got time, Cora. I’ve never felt like that before.”
Mary laid her palm flat against the top of the gravestone. “Love you forever, Cora.”
She rose and walked back to John, taking his hand as the two of them left the cemetery. Mary glanced back just once to see Via still standing there, looking down at the headstone.
The train ride back to the city was a surprisingly festive one. It was almost as if everyone had shed a weight back in White Plains. Tyler and Fin were cuddled up against one another. He was laughing and shaking his head as she gave him the bad news about something she was reading on his palm. Matty, Kylie and Crabby were crammed into a bench seat together, both plugged into a movie, looking as comfortable together as siblings. John and Mary sat together facing Seb and Via, and that was where the relief was most tangible.
Mary felt that as disappointing as that conversation with her mother had gone, she’d already set it down in Connecticut. There was nothing more to do than to live her life the way she wanted to. She could only hope that her parents would come to see it her way. And if they didn’t, she was lucky enough to have Estrella.
There was some sort of giddiness emanating off of Seb and Via as well, and when Via rose to go to the snack car, Mary made sure to catch her.
“How was it today?” Mary asked. “Not too scary?”
“It was all right,” Via confirmed. “It’s complicated, how I feel about her. But more than anything, I’m so grateful for Seb and Matty. For the life I have with them.” Via paused, looked around and then pulled Mary out of the concessions line by her elbow. “I, uh, told Cora that I’m going to ask Seb to marry me.”
“What?!” Mary squawked, instant tears rising to her eyes. “Oh, Via, I’m so happy for you guys!”
“Me too,” Via said, her cheeks pink as she shed a tear herself. “And I’m terrified. And excited. And all mixed-up. But yeah, mostly happy.”
“Do you have a plan? When? Where?”
“No. Not yet. Just whenever the moment is right, I think. Maybe sometime in the next three months or so. Before Christmas.”
Mary squeezed Via into a tight hug and hoped that her friend could feel just how happy she really was. “That’s just perfect.”
They got back in line, both of them flushed and loopy with Via’s news, and Via stocked up on snacks for the kids. Mary took her time to choose, so Via went back to their seats first. A moment later, there was Seb at her side.
“Hey.”
“Did Via forget something? She nearly bought out the entire snack car.”
He smiled. “She really doesn’t like the idea of Matty or I going hungry ever. We’re lucky she makes such healthy food or me and the kid would plump up Violet Beauregarde–style.”
“You’re lucky to have her.”
“I sure am.” He shifted on his feet and looked behind him. When he turned back to Mary, something tripped up her spine. She wasn’t a clairvoyant like Fin, but she was definitely getting a déjà vu–style vibe. “I’m gonna ask her to marry me. I talked about it with Cora’s parents this weekend.”
Mary eeped, squawked and then forcibly threw her hands over her own mouth so she wouldn’t spoil anything. She was so bad at secrets.
“What?” Sebastian asked, reading her reaction.
“I’m just so happy for you!” She threw her arms around Seb’s neck to hide her expression from him. “That’s amazing! Incredible! I had no idea you guys were thinking about that! I’m flabbergasted!” Okay. Maybe she needed to dial it back a touch.
Seb laughed and patted her back. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Wanted to take it slowly, make sure that Matty was comfortable with the direction everything was headed. But then I caught him online the other day.”
Mary’s brain broke. No. Nonono. Matty was too young to be looking at naughty stuff online. Matty was her little baby boychkin. She couldn’t hear this—
“He was googling ring bearer pillows,” Sebastian said, half laughing, half bemused.
Mary burst out in relieved laughter. “Oh, thank God.”
Sebastian chuckled as well. “I asked him what it was for. And he told me he’d just started thinking about weddings recently and was curious about it. I took that as a sign that he was ready to start talking about the future with Via. He told me I should get a move on. So. Here we are.”
“Do you have a plan?” Mary asked. She cleared her throat, trying not to sound rehearsed. “When? Where?”
“No plan,” Seb said, shaking his head. “I think I’ll know when the moment is right. Maybe sometime in the next six months.”
Mary nearly swallowed her tongue. “Maybe sooner?” she croaked.
“Maybe.” Sebastian squinted at her. “Mary, you’re acting weird. Do you know something...?”
“No! I know nothing! I have to pee! Two Coronas with lime and a bag of pretzels.” She thrust her money into Seb’s hand and skedaddled out of the snack car, back to where they were all sitting. Safety in numbers.
She practically collapsed onto John’s lap, pressing her lips to his. “Help me,” she groaned. “Save me from myself.”
He laughed. “What do you need?”
She gave him the CliffsNotes version and he agreed to help her field any more awkward questions.
Luckily, they made it back to Grand Central unscathed. They piled onto the subway together, and all of them, unwilling to part ways, immediately jumped on Via’s invitation to feed everyone dinner.
When they came aboveground in Seb and Via’s neighborhood, Mary pulled John back to walk behind the group. She liked seeing so many people she loved all clumped together, talking and laughing and evolving before her very eyes. And she loved, most of all, having John there by her side as she did it.
They walked quietly together, skipping over uneven squares of the sidewalk.
“I think the heat finally broke,” John noted, lifting his head to the late afternoon sun, looking for once like he enjoyed its bright glare.
Mary nodded. “And soon it’ll be fall. My favorite season, I think. So bittersweet. So determined to remind everybody that everything is always changing.”
John nodded. “Plus, Estrella makes the most incredible walnut stuffing at Thanksgiving. That’s why I always look forward to the fall.”
“And then winter. Will you take me skating in Prospect Park?”
John grimaced. “I’ll death-grip the wall and inch along while you skate.”
She laughed. “And then ball games in the springtime. You like the Cyclones? We usually do a big birthday ball game celebration for Matty.”
“Sounds great. And then it’ll be summer again. Our time. I don’t think I’ll ever get through a hot summer and not think about this one. My favorite summer I’ve ever had.”
Mary flushed with pleasure. “And then it’ll all start over again. The whole cycle.”
John kissed her temple. “That’s right,” he agreed. “Time. We’ve got nothing but time.”
If you loved Flirting with Forever,
don’t miss a single book in the
Forever Yours series by Cara Bastone,
available now!
Just a Heartbeat Away
Can’t Help Falling