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“If you want her, just go to her,” Monique tells me while shoving her hated cherry tomatoes into my plate. “I can lure her to you, so you’ll stop looking for her.”
I fake a teasing laugh and ask, “Is my Dr. Aragon jealous of the new nurse?”
She drops her fork and glares at me. Monique often pretends she's jealous, but her glares are different lately. It's not jealousy but insecurity. It's a little strange to see her like that. Monique has never shown her insecurities, even to me. She knows how to hold in everything she feels and thinks to stay level-headed. She's the best psychiatric therapist in our hospital.
“Last chance. Do you want her or not?”
I want to take it as a joke, but Monique's stern face stops me and urges me to think. She's serious about this. I wonder what got into her. It's like somebody popped out and challenged her to a competition. I look to where Tricia is, but she has left. Do they know each other?
“What’s your answer?”
“Do you know her?” I ask instead.
“I already told you, we went to the same high school,” Monique frowns. “You must have been mesmerized by her since that day that you forgot what I said.”
I shake my head. “You know that’s not what I meant. Is there something between the two of you?”
Monique smirks and replies, “She was my girlfriend.”
For a second, she almost had me. Monique, a lesbian? She's the most feminine of all the women I've met. Her eyes roll after I laugh at her. I stop laughing and look at her for a while. Alex told me Haven was the one for him because they didn't have to say anything. They knew what each other thought before they could say it. But he warned that I should still make a woman hear it.
Monique and I don't have to say what we think. We haven't really sat and talked about who we are. We slowly shared who we were, are, and will be. Is she the one for me? I love her. That's a fact, but not in a romantic sense. No matter how I try to imagine it, I can't still see myself having Monique as my romantic partner. She may be the only woman for me now, but she's not the woman for me.
I bet she feels the same way.
"Damon, how can you have somebody better if you're not looking for options?"
"Are you pushing me away?" For a moment, I felt offended. Is it because I haven't been as good since I accepted the temporary promotion? But I quickly push the thought out of my head. Monique isn't that kind of girl.
“You’re not getting any younger. You can’t deal with work stress well, but you love to have your own family or children,” Monique explains. “If you don’t start looking for that somebody better, you’ll end up fucking me until I find mine.”
I don't know which of her statements I should focus on. The fact that she's right about my age, the stress, and my plan to have at least three children, or that she'll find somebody better. Then, a strange fear creeps into me. What if Monique does find her “somebody better” before me? What will I do then?
"I can't risk having your heart broken. That's why I want to know if that woman is better than me," Monique continues. "You'll never be satisfied with just romance, Damon. You’ll always look for sexual satisfaction. And not getting it from a woman will only ruin you and break your heart or hers.”
"Can we stop talking about this?" It's the first time I evade a topic with Monique.
We are the only people with whom we can share serious things and thoughts. I never knew there were topics I couldn't face because of her. No. I'm not in love with her. There's just part of me that worries that we will end up lost if we're not together.
“But we’ll have to talk about it sooner or later,” Monique insists.
“Tell me the truth. You want to find that better man, huh?”
"Are we jealous, Dr. Cowell?" She raises her eyebrows and flashes a proud smile. She calms me down by caressing one end of my lips. We do it when we can't kiss because of the place. "You've been mediocre for three weeks but still the best for me."
I chuckle at her words. The best. Then, who can be better than me? Monique and I can't be together as fuck buddies forever. Nor can we be lovers. But just as she worries that the new girl will not be the better one, I become more worried that her new man will be worse than me.
“Fine. How about a deal?” Monique becomes puzzled. I look around for Tricia but still can't find her. I sigh and tell Monique, "I'll let you see if Tricia or any girl is my somebody better, but I also have to check on yours.”
“A threesome with me?” Monique laughs. “I don’t think you’d like to share me with another man.”
Just the thought of it makes me want to punch the first man I see.
"Make a move on her. And I'll get her to join us in bed," Monique brushes my lips again and walks away.
Tricia and Monique? Do I have to get somebody back and lose the other?
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