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I bite my lip after my secret slips from my mouth. Lionel blocks me before I can take a step to avoid him. His eyes flare with anger. His jealousy is obvious. I don't know if I should be flattered or scared of it.
“Your daughter?” he repeats. Lionel takes a few deep breaths before asking, “Are you married?”
I choke at his question. My stupid loyalty to him makes it difficult for me to lie to him again. Lionel had always seen through my lies. He only failed when I turned down his heartless proposal. My rejection was a half-truth. I didn't want to marry a man who would only hate me for marrying him.
“My life is none of your business,” I managed to say after gathering all my courage.
Lionel grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him. “Do you love him? This.... the father of your child?"
“My life is none of your business, Lionel,” I raise my voice, hoping to intimidate him.
But he's Lionel Icenhower. He's not only cold as ice; he's as stubborn as an iceberg, too. Instead of being intimidated, he holds the back of my head and slides his lips between mine. My mind goes blank, but my mouth has its own mind. When he pulls my chin to open my mouth wider, I let him. When his tongue wriggles inside, I welcome it by swirling my tongue around his. As Lionel pushes his tongue deeper and explores my mouth with heat, I melt in his arms, allowing him to hold me more. His hand on my nape holds me tighter, while his other hand pushes the center of my torso towards him.
I lay my hands on his chest, but instead of pushing him away, I cling to his white robe and let him take me away with his deep kiss. It’s like the first kiss we had when I was in high school. My heart races; my mind panics; I want him to own me.
"Stop," I pulled away from him. His kisses never meant anything to him but were a way to taunt me. To prove a point.
Turns out, I’m right. Lionel smiles and proudly declares, “You don’t love him. You only love the kisses, the touches, but not the man. Don’t you?”
The tears I held back escape and roll down my cheeks. I push him away and scowl at him. "I love him. I love my daughter's father even if he never loved me."
Lionel's face becomes dark while mine turns pale. "Liar," he accuses me. "You would not have kissed me that way if you loved him."
A tricky situation. An ironic circumstance. Only Lionel can think I spoke lies by telling the truth. "Think any way you want, Lionel. I'm going home to my daughter," I pause to swallow the lump in my throat. I look him straight in the eyes and add, "Whose father is the man I love the most in this world."
Guilt punches my chest when I see his shoulders fall. His face still frowns, but his eyes look more frustrated than angry. Stop. I look away from him before I can think of correcting the misunderstanding. I step to the side and walk past him. This time, Lionel doesn’t run after me.
#
"I'm not drunk," Esther Teo, another OR nurse, tells me while she gives me a lift back to our apartment.
She has been giving me a lift since I started working in Osler since we live close to each other. Her apartment building is only a few meters from where I live. She's the only one among the nurses who know I'm the Icenhower's charity case and about Kollie. Esther is a good friend to me, and she vowed to keep my secret.
“I only celebrated a little. Big day on Monday,” Esther flashes a wide smile.
Esther is a migrant worker. After five years, her citizenship application was approved. All she needs to do is swear allegiance on Monday. The last thing she wants is a DUI violation before her big day.
“I would love to join your party tomorrow, Esther. But,” I sigh, and Esther knows the reason.
“Can’t you just tell him the truth?” Esther asks.
"That I have a daughter? I already told him. Doesn't change a thing," I softly smile and heavily exhale. “Just like you said. He’s Dr. Frost. I still have to work tomorrow.”
"Not if he knows who Kollie is," I give Esther a doubting look. Her small almond eyes reduce to almost lines while she laughs. "It doesn't take a genius to know that the little girl is Frost's. Her eyes tell the whole world."
I am speechless! Kollie’s eyes do tell who her father is. I told my mother I got knocked up by some random guy, but the moment Kollie was born, I couldn’t hide my secret anymore. Esther stops smiling and pats my shoulder.
“Don’t worry,” she glances at me. “I will keep your secret.”
When I'm about to thank Esther, a raging car moves toward us. Esther steers to the side and stops. She steps out of the car and yells curses at the other driver. Suddenly, she screams in panic. I rush out of the car – only to be frozen upon finding Lionel lying in front of Esther's car.
“You saw what happened, Kayley. He wasn’t there. I didn’t hit him,” Esther panics while I rush to Lionel.
“Shut up, Esther. Call 911 now,” I order before checking for signs of blood around Lionel.
He doesn't seem to be bleeding, but Lionel looks pale; his lips are dry. I check his pulse; it's normal. He didn't have any cuts, either. I look at Esther, who is already in tears. Like Esther, I also didn't see Lionel when she pulled to a sudden stop. Why is he lying unconscious on the side of the road?
“Kayley,” Lionel whispers while slowly opening his eyes. I carefully help him rise. His face glows when our faces almost touch each other. “It’s really you.”
“What happened, Lionel?” I ask while checking his head for any injury.
"Where am I?" Lionel asks while looking around. He becomes confused after seeing Esther's car.
“I swear, Dr. Icenhower. I didn’t hit you,” Esther stutters. “I-I don’t know what happened.”
Lionel turns to me with a worried face and checks me for any injury. "Are you okay? Did something happen to you? Are you hurt?" His reaction shocks us.
I look at Esther and shake my head. A smile breaks across his face. My heart stops when he suddenly presses his forehead on my cheek. After gently sniffing me, Lionel stares at my face. A sudden mix of heat and cold spreads from my chest as my heart races like a wild horse. My heart rumbles like the sound of stampeding animals, deafening me and making me feel like we're the only people in the world.
“Amnesia!” Esther breaks whatever fantasy almost fills my heart. She pulls me away from Lionel. "He has amnesia! Can't you see? He always taunts you, but now, look," I look at Lionel, and he looks back at me with gentle eyes. "He looks at you like you're the most precious person in the world to him."
I shake my head and glare at Esther. “Call 911, Esther. Let’s have him checked at the hospital.”
Esther pulls me back before I can return to Lionel. “Kayley, please. I don’t need this right now. The police might think I hit him or something.”
“What are you saying, Esther?”
I shake my head while listening to her plan. She wants us to keep everything a secret. Esther admitted that she had around six beers before picking me up. She was only good at handling herself. But the alcohol amount may exceed the limit. Esther can be guilty of a DUI, which may affect her US citizenship application.
“I kept your secret all these months, Kayley,” I don’t like the sound of Esther’s voice. Her lips twitch down as she threatens me by adding, “I’m only asking you to keep this until Monday evening.”
“No!”
"Please, Kayley. This isn't for me only. This will drag my kids down, too," Esther pleads. Her desperation fills her misty eyes. "We need this."
I look at Lionel. He seems fine but confused. I'm pretty sure Esther didn't hit him with a car, but I can't be too sure. "We have to bring him to the hospital if he has amnesia. We can explain everything if we have to."
“Excuse me, Kayley, what is going on?” Lionel asks. I rush to him to help him stand.
“You slipped and fell unconscious, Dr. Icenhower,” Esther suddenly cuts in. “So, I called your wife to take you.”
“Wife?” Lionel and I repeat in unison. He looks at me and back at Esther.
“Doctor, what is it that you last remember? Kayley and I think you have amnesia,” Esther insists without hesitation.
Lionel chuckles a little and stops after looking at me. When I’m about to correct Esther’s theory, he raises an eyebrow and answers, “The last thing I remember is that you are not a doctor, Esther.”
I can't help but smile after hearing his "Frost" side. But my smile quickly fades when he also scowls at me. The loving look in his eyes is gone. "And so are you, Kayley. You're not even in medical school yet, and you're diagnosing me with amnesia?"
I look at Esther, and she's ecstatic that her theory is correct. She remains relieved while I remain worried as Lionel sermons us about what we're trying to do. Selective amnesia? Lionel doesn't have a visible physical injury. He can stand well, has focus, and clearly remembers the medical ethics – except that I am already a resident.
“What year is it, Lionel?” I ask.
Lionel pauses to think. “Whatever year it is, what you’re doing is still wrong,” he answers while thinking of my question as sarcasm.
"That's it. I'm bringing Lionel to the hospital," I tell Esther.
I hold Lionel's hand, but Esther blocks us and explains, "Dr. Icenhower, you have amnesia. You even forgot that Kayley is your wife, and you have Kollie."
“Esther!”
She steps closer to me and whispers, “You’re doing what you think is best for your daughter. I’m doing the same thing for my children.”
I want to hold her by the shoulder and expel her stupidity. But Esther is desperate. She is not letting go of her chance of reaching her American dream. Questions fills Lionel's eyes as Esther tells him the story of how he supposedly married me. No. How she likens our fake romance to some Mexican soap opera.
“Fine. We're married. I love Lionel so much; he loves me," I declare while glaring at Esther. I look at Lionel and say, "But I'm still bringing you to a hospital."
#
