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“She’s Kollie. She’s yours.”
A little girl with curly brown hair and gray eyes hides behind Amalia, Kayley’s mother, while shyly smiling at me. It’s like I’m looking at a mirror, only I’m little, with brown hair, and a girl. Kayley’s daughter – our daughter – has all my features. She only has the color of her mother’s hair. I would know that she’s mine without any test.
“Of course,” I say with a chuckle. “She has my eyes.”
Kayley faces me but quickly looks away when I meet her gaze. She is guilty of the lies she has to sustain to help Esther. I should be guilty, too, but the sight of my daughter just blows every confusion or guilt with surreal happiness.
“Can I have a hug? Kollie, is it?” I playfully ask the little girl.
Her eyes glow; the color becomes truly the same as mine. She steps away from Amalia and runs to hug me. I look at Amalia, and she can't handle her tears. Kayley continues to hide her guilt.
It’s irresponsible and unacceptable. Kayley may never forgive me if she discovers I’m pretending to have selective amnesia. But I will take that risk if it means meeting my daughter.
I didn't have plans to lie to Kayley. Esther told the truth. She didn't hit me; I fainted. Our team had three lengthy operations this week, and I had trouble sleeping, too. But I wanted to talk to Kayley. Her words before she left the hospital puzzled me.
The cold autumn wind swayed me to sleep while I walked to her apartment. Before I could reach the building, I got dizzy and fainted. The next thing I saw was her beside me – lovingly holding me with worried eyes. I wanted to drown at that moment and be somebody she cares for and the man she loves.
When Esther lied that Kayley was my wife, I thought of playing a prank on them. But Esther revealed some secrets I can only confirm if I pretend to have amnesia. Kayley fought Esther's plan but gave up when the latter almost pleaded on her knees. So for two days, she has to pretend to be my wife.
I kiss Kollie and tickle her neck. She giggles, and I am enamored. She sounded like her mother when Kayley was still happy being with me. I look at Kayley; she still avoids looking straight at my face. My jaw clenches. You should be guilty. As much as I love her, I can't stop my anger over what she has done. All these years, she hid Kollie from me. I missed four years of being a father to my daughter.
She could have just turned down my proposal but should have let me know about my daughter. Why did she have to run away with her?
"It's late. I'll put Kollie to sleep," Kayley panics when I pull Kollie away from her. For a moment, I see her fear of losing her child. "You're tired, Lionel. Let me have her."
“No,” Kayley grows more worried. “Don’t I always put her to sleep?”
Kayley's lips twitch as she can't object to me. I smile at her but with sinister thoughts crossing my head. Let’s do this. I'll turn this pretension into her punishment and my pleasure. I'll get to have my daughter and make Kayley mine without forcing her. I hug Kayley gently and kiss her. And since she has to pretend, she rides along to my kiss. Yes. I have to do this. She’ll be my wife – in all aspects.
#
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” I ask when I find Kayley still sitting in front of her computer. “Amalia told me to tell you that she went home. But oddly, she told me not to do anything to you. May I know why?”
She looks up at me. Kayley's guilt still shows in her stares. She blows a heavy breath and clicks on her laptop again. I walk behind her chair; Kayley pauses when I move my head closer to hers to see her screen.
"You're still researching about me?" Kayley still refuses that I'm fine.
The doctor from the other hospital thought that my stress caused my situation. He said I'll be okay in just a few days. But Kayley doesn't believe him despite my agreement that the diagnosis is sound.
"There must be something wrong with you," Kayley turns to face me. The tip of her nose brushes against my cheeks. I chuckle and kiss her when she freezes from the slightest touch. She stands and moves far from me. "It can be serious."
Kayley points out how I often skip my meals, don't get enough sleep, and rarely sit because I always keep myself busy. It’s your fault, I want to tell her. I had to avoid thinking of her by burying myself in work.
My mind drifts off after noticing Kayley in her simple pajamas. Her curves really changed, but now I know the reason. She had my baby. Her boobs are healthier. Of course, they have to be. She has to feed my baby with them. My tongue itches while thinking of feeding off them, too.
“See. You often space out now,” Kayley concludes while I think of lustful things to do with her.
"It's not serious. Kayley, I'm a doctor. I would know if something is wrong with me." Before she can object, I pull her into my arms. She resists for a moment, but when I pretend to be confused, she lets go and stays in my chest. I smile and shower her head with quick kisses. "I'm fine. Are you afraid I won't remember how we were before?"
Kayley opens her mouth to speak but hesitates. I pull her back when she tries to pull away. "Lionel, I have to...."
I panic, thinking she's about to confess the truth. So, I kiss her, and she lets me. Like always. I love him. I love my daughter's father even if he never loved me. Kayley's words rewind in my head, halting me from kissing her. Did she tell the truth? Or was she lying?
"Is something wrong? Do you remember something?" Kayley gently caresses my cheeks and asks, "Are you hurt somewhere?"
I only look at her for a while, scanning my brain for another lie. When I find it, I shake my head and smile. "You turned down my proposal. But why... Something good must have happened between us, huh? I mean, you changed your mind and married me," I say the lies that cross my mind.
“K-Kollie. She happened,” Kayley replies while looking away. I force myself not to frown. I can’t help but get angry thinking about the years I missed with Kollie. And it fuels me to punish Kayley. I flash a boyish smile and kiss her neck. She pushes my face away and frowns at me. “You’re tired, Lionel. You should go to sleep.”
“No. I’m eager to remember how we had Kollie.”
Kayley's eyes widen. She tries to push me; I weaken her with my kisses. I don't know if she lied about loving Kollie's father, but her replies to my kisses convince me that she did – and still desires me.
"Lionel, stop," but she tilts her head to the side and lets me kiss her neck.
#
