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“What are you doing here?” I ask after finding Kayley outside the ICU.
It has been my policy to remain beside my patient until they pass the critical period. I did not expect Kayley to wait for me.
I can't believe my show will end this soon. And Kayley must have known about it now. I don't like being a doctor, but I can't switch it off. When I received the notice, I forgot my other priorities and only focused on saving the patients.
"I can explain, Lionel," Kayley's voice is about to crack. She's scared of me, and I hate it. Did she always see me as somebody who could hurt her? Kayley looks at the people around us. "Can we go somewhere?"
I lead her to the fire exit near the ICU. Kayley hesitates when I descend the stairs. “I’m not going to throw you down the stairs, Kayley,” I turn to her and grin. “Not yet.”
My jaw clenches when she turns pale. She clenches her hands into fists and follows me. I roll my eyes when she keeps her distance. She's acting as if I will really push her down the stairs!
“H-have you regained your memory?” Kayley stutters. I only look at her. I don’t know what to answer because I still want to keep the act. Kayley inhales deeply and says, “You must have. And you’re angry. But I can explain, Lionel.”
“You don’t need to. I know everything.”
"But you have to know that Esther didn't do you harm. We only found you on the street, unconscious. She...."
Kayley pauses when I scoff. Instead of defending herself, she tries to get Esther off of the hook first. Why would I punish the person who has given me the gift of having Kayley as my wife for a day?
"You must remember everything about yesterday, right? About what happened to us?" Her cheeks redden; her eyes avoid mine. "But not all of them were lies, Lionel. Except for the lie that you're my husband, most of them were true."
"Like Kollie is my daughter, and you love me?" I try not to smile as I want Kayley to admit it without having second thoughts. She replies with a nod. I almost hugged her, but I remembered something. "Why did you hide her from me?"
I couldn’t ask her that question when I pretended to be her husband. But I want to know her reason. She can’t be that wicked to hide my child from me. Something must have stopped her. Rage erupts inside me when she remains silent.
"Answer me, Kayley!" She looks at me with misty eyes. I quickly bury the sparking pity in my heart and insist on an answer.
"Because I thought you wouldn't love her," Kayley chokes at the end of her phrase. Her tears fall down her cheeks when she adds, "You despised me. You hate things that are forced onto you. I didn't want to force you to be responsible for her. I didn't want to see you look at her with regret or wish she never existed."
"I'm not a monster, Kayley!" I don't know if I should regret mocking her in the past or doubt if she really loves me. How can she paint me as somebody who would not accept my child? "If I didn't pretend to have amnesia, I wouldn't know that Kollie existed, would I?"
“I never thought of you as a monster, Lionel. I...,” she suddenly stops and asks, “You pretended to have amnesia? W-what do you mean?”
I become tongue-tied. We both lied to each other, but I couldn't stop my guilt from attacking me after seeing the shock on Kayley's face. "I wanted to pull a joke on you. To lighten things between us. But Esther suddenly talked about Kollie...."
“And you suddenly came up with the idea that... oh hey. Maybe I should pretend to have amnesia and find out the truth?” Kayley’s voice rises as her anger builds up. “And while I’m at it, I’ll make a slut out of Kayley. Because she’s always been a slut to me!”
"I never thought of you...," my voice trails off. I made Kayley feel that way before. I can't blame her now. The only thing left is to say, "I'm sorry. You said that not all of what happened was lies. But everything I did yesterday. My confessions. Apologies. They are all true, Kayley."
"How am I supposed to believe you? I mustered the courage to try and tell you the truth, but you kept cutting me off. Now I know. You enjoyed making a fool out of me," I walk closer to her, but she runs a few steps up the stairs. "And you know what's worse? You turned me into somebody who would choose to fool you, too. Because I was desperate for you to love me."
"I loved you!" My scream echoes in the tiny fire exit space. Kayley looks around to see if anyone has heard me. "I always had and always will. Like you, I was also scared that you'll only be forced to be with me. I can't rob you of that choice."
Kayley always does what my parents ask of her. My parents will do and give anything if I choose to be a doctor. "I could have easily bargained for them to force you to marry me. But you liked others. You never loved me."
“I never liked or loved any man other than you, Lionel,” Kayley shakes her head with frustration. “Are you that stupid to have never noticed it?”
“Then, why didn’t you trust me? Why didn’t you come to me when you begot Kollie?”
Kayley falls silent for a while. Just when I'm about to give up on her explanation, she says, "I'm sorry for not trusting you. I should have known you'll love her just as you learned to love becoming a doctor. And when you do, you become great at it."
"So, let me continue to be great at it. Let me be a father to her," I point at the ring on her finger. "Let's do that. I can pretend to have amnesia if I need to."
Kayley freezes as she holds the ring. My heart explodes in anger when she takes it off her finger and hands it to me. “You can still be a father to Kollie without forcing yourself to love me.”
She turns her back on me and climbs the stairs. Before she can reach the top step, I run after her, blocking her from opening the door. I'm not going to let her slip again. I will not waste another four years over our immaturities and pettiness.
"I'm giving you an ultimatum, Kayley," her mouth drops in shock. She needs one, not a proposal. I raise the ring to show it to her. "You leave this ring, and I'll become the monster you thought I am. You take this, and I'll be the father to Kollie and a husband to you as I plan to be."
“Do you even hear yourself?”
"It sounds wrong and awkward, but that's how I feel," I hold back the ends of my lips when I notice the spark in her eyes. Kayley finds my ultimatum funny, but she likes it. "I'm giving you five seconds to get it. But know this...."
Kayley turns pale and looks at the ring. She gasps when I grab and push her against the wall. Before she can close her mouth, I slide my lips and wriggle my tongue deep into her throat. Kayley holds my upper arms and squeezes them as she answers my kisses.
"I really want to have that shower sex date we talked about yesterday," I say with a playful smile, leaving her stunned. I take the opportunity and nuzzle her neck and massage her waists. "I've already wasted four years by loving you in my dreams, Kayley. I don't wanna do it again. Instead, I want to have you for real."
Kayley pushes me away. Silence fills the tiny space between us. Her eyes lower to the ring on my hands. I chuckle when she snatches it from me. "You should have proposed that way four years ago," a smile breaks across her face. She looks at me with loving eyes. "We can sort things out without breaking what we already have, right?"
Her question overjoys me. I hold her face and kiss her passionately. "Of course. I'll say it again. I'll make it right this time. You'll always know that I love you and Kollie every day. I'll never let you think otherwise."
Kayley lets me wipe her eyes. She holds on to the collar of my white robe and kisses me. “Let’s have breakfast, Dr. Icenhower. And also, take a few days off after this. I’ll do it, too.”
"A few days off? And you think as your superior, I'd allow that?" I tease.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Frost won’t, but I know I can melt him. He won’t want to miss an extended shower sex date.”
I laugh at her flirtatious smile. “Just be sure that extension means a wedding and a honeymoon,” Kayley chokes at my reply. I raise an eyebrow at her, breaking her from the shock.
"I'll make sure of that this time," a tear rolls down her cheeks. She clings to me again and says, "I love you, Lionel. Always and forever."
They say lies are the termites that ruin a good relationship. I say it all depends on the lies. There are lies to help us become brave. Some make us stupid. They can make us regret something in our life. They can also help us escape it. But if there's one thing good about lies is that it always leads you to find the truth. And when you do find it, you wouldn't want it to slip away. Hence, I'm not letting it slip away.
I love Kayley, even when I forced myself to believe that I shouldn't. She loves me, but because of my lies, she thinks I didn't. But lying to each other about our love leads us to admit our feelings for each other. And I'll never let another lie break it.
"I love you, Kayley. That will never be a lie."
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