It was a short ride home but the first hill on another relational rollercoaster. The intimate talk with Jayson had reinforced my commitment to Boots, but another ugly window into Lauren’s family had slammed me deeper into my disconnected self. I felt split in opposite directions.
I left a message on Boots’ machine. Told her I was exhausted, promising to show the next night. Problem was, exhaustion didn’t equal sleep and the more I thought about Lauren and her fucked up family, the worse I felt. More disturbing, I kept thinking about my strange, exciting night with Alexis, wondering whether I wanted another. Maybe that’s why I was stupid enough to pick up the phone.
“Why didn’t you just shoot him?” Lauren snapped.
Fire with fire. “Don’t come down on me,” I warned. “This didn’t have to happen.”
“You left my son an emotional wreck, Matthew. Jayson called a few minutes ago. It took all day to calm Stephen down. He’s finally fallen asleep.”
“You didn’t wait very long to yell at me.”
“I don’t hear myself yelling. Do you have a guilty conscience?”
“I always have a guilty conscience.”
“For good goddamn reason!”
“If you had told me the truth about your car nothing like this would have occurred.”
“I didn’t want you to know the truth. I didn’t want Lou to know it.”
I was too ticked to tame my tongue. “It? Which it? The cover-up about the car or your family’s emotional instability?”
My aggressiveness brought her up short. “What are you saying?”
“I’ve known you about a month, during which one of your sons tried to kill himself and the other beat the living shit out of your car. You call one an accident and try to hide the other—that’s what I’m saying. And I haven’t even mentioned the door.”
I steeled myself for a shot about Alexis, but the blow never came.
“Jayson thinks your confrontation will force Stephen to see a psychologist,” Lauren said, a note of hopefulness momentarily cutting through her anger.
“The issue isn’t Stephen, Lauren, it’s you.”
“So that’s why you did what you did? To get at me through my children?”
“You know better. I wanted to know what happened to the car.”
“Why was it so damn important?”
She was slipping away, but I wasn’t gonna let go. “How many times do I have to tell you? There have been too damn many coincidences.”
“Well, this puts a crimp in coincidence, doesn’t it? So now you’ll leave us alone, right?” The fractiousness was back in her voice.
“No promises, Lauren. There’s still the drive-by and the stalking.”
“I wasn’t expecting a promise. You don’t keep them anyway.”
“Has Biancho given you any new information about the shooting?”
“Stop playing games, Matthew. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary has been happening except your behavior. Now will you answer my question?”
I kept silent.
“Why don’t you come right out and say it?” she said tightly. “It’s not the stalking, it’s not the drive-by, it’s us. You don’t want Lou involved with me or my family. Tell the fucking truth, you don’t want him with me!”
She was yelling now, but her words bounced off without inflicting damage. It surprised me until I yawned and remembered I’d eaten a Halcion.
“Am I boring you?”
“No, I’m tired.”
“Well, before you fall asleep I’d suggest you pay attention. Lou asked me to marry him and I’m saying yes. I’d put him off because I wanted to give everything a chance to settle. Well, as soon as I calm down, everything will be settled. You’re not going to break us up!
“Lou knows everything there is to know about me and my kids. He knows about their problems and he knows about their strengths—which they do have whatever you may think. Lou’s eyes are wide open and he wants us to be together. You just better get used to it, Matthew!”
The slam of the phone stung my ear and I rushed to roll a joint. But despite the dope, the onset of my sleeping pill, and a quick retreat to bed, Lauren’s family crawled under my skin. Especially one of them.
And they were all still there when I was lying alongside Boots at my apartment.
We’d made it through the evening without trouble. No spats, no seriousness but, when we went to a local club, no slow dancing. Then, in my bed, yesterday’s news became the night’s conversation.
“She’s not all wrong. You’ve been fighting their relationship ever since you heard about it.”
“Well, I’m back where I started, Boots. In spades. The more I learn about Lauren and her family, the harder they are to take.”
Boots draped her leg over mine. “Honey, that’s the way you feel about all families.”
“Maybe, but this one is a snake pit.”
“It seems to be the boys. Maybe their father is more responsible than you think.”
“They’re not boys. Anyway, Lauren drives the bus. And she’s the one who covered up the trashed car.”
“What do you expect? She knows you don’t approve of them so she hid an ugly scene. I bet Lou knew about it.”
“What’s the difference? He still winds up in the middle of a mess.”
“Matt, Lou wants to be there. Incidentally, he’s not marrying the family.”
“It doesn’t look that way from here. All of them act like they’re Crazy Glue’d.”
“Maybe, or maybe you and Lauren are just in the middle of a great big fight. You did tear her kid apart. Like it or not, Lou and Lauren are going to be together. She’s right, you’ll have to get used to it.”
There was nothing left for me to say.
“So when will I get a chance to meet her?” Boots asked, continuing to push, but with a lighter tone. “After hearing about this woman for so long, I’d like to see what the She-Devil looks like.”
“Always with the jokes, huh?” I teased, easing up. But Boots’ question jolted my cheat and, for a quick moment, I considered coming clean. A very quick moment. My ambivalence was tough enough to handle without another train wreck.
So I changed the subject and horsed around until we grew tired and fell sleep with our bodies cuddled next to each other. For another night anyhow, both of us were willing to leave our relationship alone.
It didn’t stay that way for long. When I felt Boots shake me I opened my eyes to a look of terror.
“What’s the matter?” I asked groggily. “We oversleep?”
“Here, it’s Lauren,” she said shoving my bedroom phone at me. “Something happened to Lou!”
I bolted upright, sick to my stomach and automatically shy’d away from the heavy plastic.
“Take the damn phone!”
I took a deep, wide awake breath. “Lauren, this is Matt. What’s going on?”
Lauren was out of control. Hysterical, breaking in and out of gut wrenching sobs. Something about the temperature falling, an ailing furnace, and fumes while they were asleep. Lauren woke up sick but by then it was too late. Lou’s asthma had kicked in and he’d “been taken” by an attack.
When she used that phrase, dread hit every muscle in my body. I grew dizzy and almost dropped the phone. Boots saw my fade because she quickly lit a cigarette and shoved it in my mouth.
“He’s dead?” I forced.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant. He’s in the intensive care unit,” Lauren cried.
I shook my head to reassure Boots who was puffing madly on her own smoke. She exhaled loudly.
“Is he going to make it? What’s the doctor saying?”
Between the tears I finally understood that she simply didn’t know. “Doesn’t know,” I said out loud. “You’ve got to pull yourself together enough to give me directions.”
“I’m sorry, Matthew,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry we had that fight. If I thought something like this could happen I’d never have acted like such a bitch. I don’t want us to be enemies, Matthew, I really don’t.”
“Lauren, none of that matters. Give me the name and address of the fucking hospital.”
“What if he doesn’t make it? What if...”
“No ‘what ifs,’ just give me the damn directions!”
After I hung up, my hand trembled so badly that I didn’t even hassle myself about the bourbon I slugged straight from the bottle. It stopped the shakes but when I got back to the bedroom, I saw Boots pulling on her clothes. Another kind of tremor hit.
“What are you doing?” I asked, rushing to get dressed.
“I’m coming with you. I love that old man and you can’t drive in this condition.”
“Bullshit. I’ve got to do this alone.”
Boots looked like she’d been slapped across the face.
“If you come with me I’ll only have more person to worry about.”
“Are you crazy, Matt? This is what relationships are for.”
I finished pulling on my clothes, “Now ain’t the time for Relationships 101. Believe me, if Lou doesn’t make it you’ll have your hands full.”
“Don’t “honey,” me!” She hated my words. Maybe hated me. She was angry, but knew that if she continued to insist it would provoke a blowout. “I don’t like this, Matt,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady, “but I won’t stop you.”
I leaned forward to kiss her goodbye but she jerked away. “Look, Boots,” I started.
“Not now. I’m going home. Get the hell up there and call with good news.”