Chapter
Ten

The next couple of weeks passed by in a blur. Although I’d thought about having a viewing in Kansas City for Hannah’s friends, in the end I decided against it. A woman named Claire, who worked with Hannah, offered to hold a memorial at her church. She took care of all the details and told me I wasn’t expected to attend.

“You take care of Cicely,” she said. “I’ll send you both some remembrances from the service.”

I was very grateful to her and accepted her offer. Trying to figure out everything with the insurance companies, contacting all of Hannah’s creditors, getting Cicely’s school records, working with the funeral home, arranging a funeral in Sanctuary, and putting in a change of address was keeping me busy from morning to night.

Hannah’s funeral was held at Agape, and Jonathon preached the service. He did an incredible job, and I know what he said touched and encouraged Cicely. The turnout was amazing. It was like the whole town took it upon themselves to give Hannah an unforgettable funeral. After the service, the women in Sanctuary held a dinner in the church dining hall. People went out of their way to greet Cicely and make her feel welcome. The people of Sanctuary made it clear that we were more than a town. We were a family.

Besides the renter’s insurance policy, the human resources director from Hannah’s job made sure I knew that there was also a small life insurance policy. It wasn’t a lot, but it was more than enough to pay for transporting Hannah’s body to Sanctuary, the cost for the funeral, and all of Hannah’s final bills. In fact, there was enough left over that when things settled down, I could take Cicely furniture shopping for a bedroom suite that was more contemporary than the one she was currently using.

And we found most of Cicely’s clothes in the boxes from Hannah’s car. I finally asked Cicely if she knew why her mom had packed up so many of her things.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “Mom mentioned we might go on a trip. I thought maybe we were coming to see you. She must have packed this stuff the day before . . .”

She didn’t finish her thought, but I knew she meant the day before Hannah died. I had no intention of telling her the truth about Hannah’s real plans. To do so meant I’d have to tell her about the letter, and I wasn’t going to do that. Besides, although I felt there was a real reason for Hannah’s suspicions, I had to admit to a seed of doubt, especially because of the man sitting in jail in Kansas City. If he proved to be Hannah’s killer, my sister would look paranoid and unhinged. That wasn’t the way I wanted Cicely to remember her mother.

The other boxes contained a mixture of things. Pictures, a couple of books, Hannah’s clothes, makeup, more papers, a Bible, some jewelry, and a few other personal things. It was interesting to see what she planned to take and what she left behind. It was obvious these were the things she valued the most. I wondered about Mr. Whiskers. Had she planned to put him in the car too? I could only hope so.

My sabbatical was scheduled to end the first day of December. Including today, I only had four more days off. Reuben seemed to be holding his own in the classroom. I was a couple of months ahead in my lessons, so all he had to do was follow my plans. I’d walked over to the school a couple of times, and everything seemed to be going well. Cicely had elected to start school not long after we got back, and I was glad. It kept her busy instead of sitting around thinking about her mother. The other children were very kind to her, and she appeared comfortable in the smaller setting.

Paul had phoned to check on me since we’d gotten back, but I wanted to see him face-to-face, so I called to see if he had time to stop by. He seemed pleased to hear from me and agreed to come over. As I put the phone down, I thought about our relationship. I found myself wanting to see him more often, but I was afraid to tell him. What would he think?

When he arrived, I served us coffee in the living room. A fire crackled in the fireplace while we talked. I sat on the couch, my legs curled up beneath me, and Paul sat in the burgundy overstuffed chair. Murphy jumped up next to me and put his head in my lap.

I’d always felt peaceful in Janet’s house and was secretly pleased to have moved back. I missed my cozy little apartment, but I was relieved to be at Janet’s. She had gone out of her way to make Cicely’s bedroom attractive. Although the first few nights were rough, now Cicely was sleeping better.

“So you told the detective about your parents’ murder and about the orchids? How did he react?” Paul asked.

“He promised to look into it.”

“You didn’t tell him about me, did you?”

“I came close. I mentioned the flowers lying on top of Hannah before I realized it was something I shouldn’t have known.”

Paul’s eyebrows shot up. “What did he say?”

“He asked me about it, but I covered it up. I told him I was just fishing for information.”

Paul sighed and shook his head, his dark eyes troubled. “And he believed you?”

I shrugged. “He seemed to.”

Maybe it was because I hadn’t seen Paul for a while, but I was struck by how handsome he was. His kiss still lingered in my mind, and I found myself unconsciously touching my cheek.

I looked up to find him smiling at me. “You drifted away there for a moment. Everything okay?”

I nodded. “I guess. It’s been tough. Dealing with Hannah’s loss and adjusting to having Cicely in my life. It will take time, I guess.”

“How’s Cicely doing in school?”

“Pretty good. At least it’s a distraction. She seems to appreciate the smaller class size. The school she attended in Kansas City was very large, and I think she felt a little lost. Besides, some of the other children were . . . rough. Although she tries to act tough, Cicely’s a sensitive child. Easily bruised. The children here are very kind to her. I’m hoping she’ll make friends. I think that would help her a great deal. She doesn’t seem to have many friends in Kansas City. She has a cell phone, but she rarely gets a call, and when she does, she doesn’t talk very long.”

“Maybe she’s on the phone more when you’re not around.”

I shrugged. “That’s not impossible, but I don’t think so. It seems to me that Cicely and Hannah spent almost all their time together. Neither one of them seemed to have developed close relationships in Kansas City.”

“You have several Conservative Mennonite children in your class, don’t you?”

“Yes. About half the class, although all the children are from Christian homes. Parents are reluctant to let their children go to the secular school in Barnes. It’s actually a very good school, but they don’t emphasize religion there. Because the Sanctuary School is private, we can honor God in our curriculum. It’s a good environment for Cicely. Hannah was a Christian, but I don’t think she took Cicely to church a lot.”

He frowned. “You’re not Mennonite, are you?”

I shook my head. “No. I attend Sanctuary Mennonite Church some Sundays, but I’m a member of Agape Fellowship.”

“Why do you visit the Mennonite church?”

“I guess it’s because some of my students go there.” I shrugged. “I enjoy both of the churches. The pastors are wonderful, and I like the people. I know Conservative Mennonites may seem a little strict to you, but I agree with many of their beliefs. One reason I love Sanctuary so much is because of the simplicity I find here. In my last foster home, the TV was on all the time. They never turned it off. Between all the yelling, kids running wild, and the constant noise from the television, I had very little time to study or to even think. It’s quiet here. Peaceful. My life is very satisfying now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“I understand,” Paul said. “I really do. My parents fought a lot while I was growing up. Especially after Randy died. When they divorced, at least the fighting was over, but the anger was never resolved. Taking the job with Sheriff Bradford and moving to Fredericktown gave me a chance to get away. To build the kind of life I want. My dad lives in Arizona and my mom lives in Iowa. And that’s close enough for me. Besides, I love Missouri. If you want to enjoy life in the big city, you can drive to St. Louis. If you want to be out in the country, that’s available too.”

“I feel the same way.” I smiled at him. “Paul, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You’ve been very kind.”

“You’re welcome, but I really haven’t been much help yet, I’m afraid.”

“I must admit I’m at an impasse. I don’t know what to do next.” I shook my head. “I want to trust Detective Sykes, but it’s been two weeks, and I haven’t heard from him. They have a lot of cases in Kansas City. Closing as many as they can is probably a high priority. I hope Hannah’s murder doesn’t fall through the cracks.”

“On the phone you mentioned another police officer who took an interest in your case?”

“Yes. Captain Bentley. He was very nice. If Detective Sykes doesn’t contact me soon, I might give the captain a call.” I smiled. “That’s one of the reasons I’m so grateful to you. You’re the only one who seems really committed to uncovering the truth. I can’t find my sister’s killer by myself. I’m certainly not a detective. It will take someone smarter than me to find out what really happened.”

Paul gave me an odd look. “You run yourself down quite a bit, Sarah. Why is that?”

Surprised by his comment, I shrugged. “I’m not trying to. I’m just telling the truth.” I felt my face flush with embarrassment. “I . . . I don’t know. Compared to my sister . . .”

“Why are you comparing yourself to your sister?” He leaned toward me. “Forgive me if this seems personal, but I have some experience in this area. I have another brother, Sam, who is tall and good-looking. He’s also rich and successful, and people flock to him. I work as a deputy sheriff and live in a small town. I’m not the most handsome guy around, and frankly, I don’t have that many friends. I used to feel like such a failure compared to him.”

“But you have a wonderful job. You help people. Sometimes at the worst moments in their lives. And I think you’re extremely handsome.” Suddenly I realized what I’d said and put my hand up over my mouth. My face felt hot enough to melt. I quickly stood to my feet. “If you don’t mind, I need to . . . I’ve got to . . .”

Paul stood up and came over to me. He grabbed my hands, pulled me back down on the couch, and then sat next to me.

“I don’t know you very well, Sarah, but I want to tell you what I see when I look at you. May I?”

I nodded dumbly, so mortified by my behavior all I wanted to do was run upstairs to my room.

“I see a woman who cares about children. A brilliant, compassionate teacher who makes a lasting difference in the lives of her students. Someone who didn’t think twice about taking in her sister’s child, even though it would completely change her life. Someone who is loyal and brave. And very, very attractive with beautiful red hair and deep hazel eyes. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see herself this way, because when she looks in the mirror, all she does is compare herself to her sister.” He sighed. “You’re so unique, Sarah. God didn’t want two Hannahs. He created one Hannah and one Sarah. He gave each one gifts and blessings. He didn’t make one sister better than the other. He just made them different.”

I wanted to stop him. Wanted to ask why he’d say those things. I’d always felt I came up lacking when compared to Hannah. It wasn’t that I was jealous. I was just . . . realistic.

“I don’t mean to embarrass you,” Paul said, letting go of my hands. “Maybe I’ve crossed the line here. If so, I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been where you are. I wasted a lot of years under my brother’s shadow. Years I can’t get back.” He smiled. “I love my job, and I love my life. Now that I can see things clearly, I realize I wouldn’t want my brother’s life even if I could have it. He may be successful, but he’s been married three times. His job is so stressful he doesn’t really enjoy it anymore. And he hardly ever sees his kids.” Paul shook his head. “That’s not what I want. And maybe, if you think about it, you may realize the same thing. That you’d never really consider trading your life for anyone else’s.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I said softly. “I’m sure you’re right, but it’s hard for me to see it. When we were placed in the children’s home after our parents died, I overheard one of the women who worked there tell another staff member that she was afraid they couldn’t place me because I was so plain.” I shrugged. “You don’t forget words like that.”

Paul shook his head. “Yes, you do, Sarah. You forget them because they’re wrong. I’m sure there was more to it than that.”

“Maybe. I mean, it was hard for older kids to find homes. And I was incredibly shy. There were some couples who asked to meet me, but I didn’t talk much. I’m sure that didn’t help.”

“I’ll bet that was the main reason no one adopted you.” He shook his head. “As you said, most people looking to adopt want babies or toddlers. Not sullen teenagers.”

I understood what he was saying, but Hannah was six years older than me, and she’d been adopted.

I scooted back a bit on the couch. “Look, I really appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’d be much more comfortable if we could get back to talking about my sister’s case.”

Paul studied me for a moment. It made me uneasy, and I wondered if the friendship I thought we were developing was over.

“Okay,” he said finally. “But if you ever want to talk . . .”

“I’ll definitely let you know.” I felt guilty saying that, since I had no intention of ever bringing the subject up again.

He got up and went back to the chair where he’d been sitting. “I’m trying to find a way to help you, but I’ve looked into the case about as much as I can. I need more information. And by the way, anyone can be a detective, Sarah. It just takes a little common sense and a lot of determination. I’ll keep working on my end, but I want you to do the same. If there’s anything else to uncover, we can do it together.”

“I’m not trying to solve my sister’s murder,” I said. “I just want to give the police a reason to look beyond the assumption that her death was the result of a burglary. Even if they have arrested someone. I’m afraid if they only look for a burglary suspect, they could miss the real killer. You understand that, right?”

“I heard about the man they have in jail. If they find evidence that connects him to Hannah’s death, we’ll have to let it go. I’m glad to hear you say you’re willing to allow the police to do their jobs, because that’s really all we can do.” He took a sip of coffee and then put his cup down on the table. “Didn’t you tell me you cleaned out some papers from your sister’s desk?”

“Yes, but I haven’t had a lot of time to go look at them. Trying to get Cicely settled and wrapping up my sister’s business has taken almost every minute of my time.”

“As soon as you can, why don’t you sort through her papers? We need more to go on. I’m not saying she knew the person who killed her, but usually murder is personal. The fact that Hannah was stabbed bothers me.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Burglars usually carry guns. Mostly because they can use them to threaten their victims so they can make a getaway if they have to. Or if challenged, they’ll pick up something that’s handy to defend themselves. But not many thieves take a knife to a home they intend to rob. That speaks of premeditation. It doesn’t point to a random burglary. According to the officer I spoke to, the knife didn’t come from your sister’s apartment, and it wasn’t found at the scene. In my mind, killing her was his intention all along. I think the items that were stolen were taken just to throw off the police. You may not know this, but over seventy percent of all murders are committed by someone the victim knows. I think Hannah either knew her killer or knew the person behind the attack.”

“Why do you see this but the police in Kansas City don’t?” I asked, feeling bewildered.

Paul smiled. “You mean how can a small-town deputy sheriff be one step ahead of a big-city police department? First of all, Detective Sykes has probably seen the same things. Don’t assume he hasn’t just because he hasn’t called you yet.”

“I hope you’re right. So far I haven’t found anything that looks like a file from that reporter. What if it’s not there?”

“We’ll have to use whatever we’ve got. Look for names of people you don’t know. Odd comments or notes. Anything that looks suspicious. If you come up with anything let me know. I’ll see what I can do to follow up.” He stood up again, this time picking up his hat. He ran his hand through his thick black hair before putting it back on his head. “Maybe it’s time to talk to Wynter Evans, since she used to work in television news. She probably has some kind of connection I don’t. Wynter might actually be able to get further with the police in Kansas City than I can. Even though I hope Detective Sykes is working hard on your case, we shouldn’t put all our eggs in one basket. I would like to know what’s really happening behind the scenes. If you hear from Sykes before you talk to Wynter, and he gives you cause to feel hopeful, then don’t call her.”

“All right.” Wynter had been by a couple of times to check on us, and I’d been wanting to talk to her anyway. She understood childhood trauma, and I felt she was someone I could talk to about Cicely.

“We also really need to know more about the guy they arrested. Are they going to charge him with Hannah’s murder or not?”

“I just hope he doesn’t become a scapegoat. A way to close the case without looking for the truth.” I thought for a moment. “Should I call Captain Bentley?”

Paul shook his head vigorously. “Not yet. As long as there’s a chance Detective Sykes is working the case, I don’t think we want to antagonize him by going over his head. Besides, Captain Bentley’s got too much power. What if he shuts everything down? Contacting Bentley might open a door we may not be able to shut.”

“You’re right,” I said slowly. “I have some time this afternoon. I’ll start going through Hannah’s personal papers with a fine-tooth comb. If I find anything interesting, I’ll let you know.”

“Good.” Paul started for the front door but then stopped and turned around. “I don’t suppose you’ve found Hannah’s cell phone?”

“No. I went through her purse once, but I didn’t see a phone. I’ll look again. Why are you asking?”

“It might be good to see who she called. Find out who called her. Also check any text messages. Depending on what kind of phone she has, we might be able to check her e-mail. Whoever took her laptop may have been trying to hide something. I’d love to know what it was. And we should probably check to see if Hannah was on Facebook,” Paul said. “It’s possible we could learn something important. Find out who her friends were.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a Facebook account.”

“That’s okay. We’ll take a look when I come back next time.”

“Okay.”

Paul paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob, and I got the feeling he wanted to say something else. In the end he just said good-bye and left.

I sat on the couch for a while, thinking about what Paul had said concerning Hannah and me. It was easy for him to feel special because he was handsome, smart, and successful. Even in school, I’d been compared to my sister and had come up lacking. My parents had never treated me as less than Hannah, but it didn’t make any difference. I knew they loved me, so I expected their approval. After Mrs. Johnson died, no one wanted me. It wasn’t that I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t. But I’d learned to face reality. Paul’s comments were kind but misguided. Seeing myself unrealistically only brought pain. I was content knowing what I was—and what I wasn’t.

I shook off our conversation and refocused on the situation with Hannah. Since I had some time to myself, I headed to the basement. We’d stored everything that belonged to Hannah downstairs until we decided what to do with it. It only took me a couple of minutes to find two boxes labeled Personal Papers. I carried them upstairs and placed them on the kitchen table. It was almost noon, so I fixed a sandwich and a glass of iced tea. As soon as I finished my lunch, I opened the first box.

Most of the papers inside were tax records and bills. I pulled several of them out, because I needed to make sure they had all been paid. One large envelope marked Important Records contained a list of Cicely’s immunizations, information about Hannah’s bank accounts, including her PIN number and account numbers. I’d been so busy paying off her bills and closing out her credit accounts, I still hadn’t contacted her bank. She didn’t have much money in either her checking or savings, but these accounts would still have to be closed.

After completely going through the first box, I put it down on the floor and picked up the second one. It was stuffed full of papers I’d quickly shoved inside when I was at Hannah’s. This box was much more interesting. I found some personal letters and cards sent to Hannah by people I didn’t know, but none of them were suspicious.

I also found some of Cicely’s school papers and report cards clipped together. For the most part, the grades were good. They weren’t spectacular, but none of them were lower than a C.

I put all the papers into stacks, trying to bring some order to the chaos. There were three more manila envelopes in the box, along with about a dozen loose papers.

Inside one of the manila envelopes I found a smaller envelope that contained birth certificates. I discovered Hannah’s certificate and even a copy of mine. The next certificate I picked up was Cicely’s. I looked at the space labeled Father, but it was marked Unknown. I stared at the box for a while, trying to figure out why Hannah was so committed to keeping Cicely’s father a secret. No matter what Hannah told her daughter, someday she might want to know the identity of her father.

I also found Hannah’s adoption papers. It was hard to look at them. Although I told myself I was happy she’d been adopted, it had always hurt that I’d been left behind. Hot tears filled my eyes, and I chided myself for being silly and childish. Maybe it took longer for me to find a home, but God was faithful, and I had everything I wanted. I put the papers back in the large envelope and continued on.

Among the loose papers I found a rental agreement for Hannah’s apartment and some vacation brochures. Seems she was interested in going to Nashville and Branson. I wondered if she and Cicely had taken these trips or if these were plans they’d never get to fulfill. It crossed my mind that maybe Cicely and I could take them together someday. I set the brochures aside.

I picked up the second large manila envelope. It was marked Private. Feeling a little like an intruder, even though Hannah was my sister, I opened the clasp. Several things fell out, including a business-sized envelope. I turned it over and gasped at the message written on the front:

For Sarah, in the event of my death.