Chapter
Nineteen
I called Paul as soon as Mike left and told him about Doug Sykes’s death, my meeting with Mike, and Cicely’s information about John Smith. “I found something in Hannah’s papers that referred to a J. Could J be this John guy?”
There was silence on the other end of the line. “Maybe. Boy, that’s a pretty common name,” Paul said finally. “I don’t think we can draw too many conclusions about it yet, but I’d certainly like to know who John Smith is.”
“Me too. Hey, Mike wants to know if you’ll come over tomorrow night.”
“I suppose so,” Paul said slowly. “I still can’t believe Detective Sykes is dead.”
“Mike is convinced it has nothing to do with Hannah’s case.”
Paul was quiet. “I hope he’s right,” he said softly. “Let’s proceed carefully with this Mike guy, Sarah. Okay? I called and left a message with someone who should be able to tell me more about him. I’d hoped to hear something before he showed up.”
“I think he’s all right, Paul. In fact, I think you’ll like him. But I didn’t tell him everything. Like Hannah’s phone. I figured you’d want to keep that between us. I agree we should be cautious.”
“Good girl. Speaking of Hannah’s phone, do you mind if I drop by tonight for a bit? I’ve gone through it—as much as I could. I’d like to share what I found. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get anything from her Facebook page. Its privacy settings kept me out.”
“I’m sure it’s okay, but let me check with Janet first.” I put the phone down and found Janet in the kitchen. She was more than happy to have Paul join us for dinner. I told Paul and asked him to come over around six.
After we hung up I rushed upstairs to grade papers and prepare for school the next day. Around six o’clock I heard the doorbell. I’d just finished making out my lesson plan, so I quickly slid everything into my satchel and put it next to my desk.
“It’s Paul,” Janet called up the stairs.
I glanced in the mirror. It had been a long day, and I looked tired, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. When I got downstairs I found Paul in the kitchen talking to Janet.
“Something smells good,” I said as I came in. “What’s for dinner?”
“Nothing fancy,” she said with a smile. “Chicken and dumplings. Just seemed like a chicken and dumplings kind of night.”
The wind outside howled as if it agreed with her. I snuck a look out the window. It wasn’t snowing, but the trees frantically danced and swayed back and forth.
“Temperatures are dropping,” Paul said. “I’m afraid we’re in for lots of snow. With the wind, we could end up with a blizzard.”
“Oh dear. I hope that won’t keep Mike from making it back tomorrow. I knew he should have stayed here.”
Janet laughed. “He seems like the kind of guy who won’t let a little snow hold him back. Besides, I’m sure that SUV of his has four-wheel drive. If anyone can make it through the snow, he can.”
“I hope so.”
Janet pointed a big spoon at me. “I know we can’t talk about what’s going on in front of Cicely, but I want an update later on.”
I nodded. “Nothing to tell you yet. Mike’s here because Detective Sykes felt someone needed to dig a little deeper into Hannah’s murder.”
I knew I’d have to eventually tell Janet that Detective Sykes was dead, but I couldn’t do it now. I was afraid she’d assume what I had. That Doug Sykes was dead because he’d offered to help me. I didn’t want to frighten her.
I called Cicely down for dinner, and we spent the next hour eating and talking. Cicely and Paul chatted easily and appeared to be very comfortable with each other. She seemed drawn to him, probably because she had no father figure in her life. He went out of his way to include her in our conversation and asked questions that made it clear he was really interested in her. I watched her respond to him and was once again grateful for his involvement in our lives. I was thinking about Paul when Janet’s voice cut through my reverie.
“Did you hear me, Sarah?”
Startled, I looked over at her. “I . . . I’m sorry. Were you talking to me?”
She smiled. “You drifted away again. I’d ask you what you were thinking about, but you won’t tell me, will you?”
I could feel myself blush. “It wasn’t very interesting, I’m afraid.”
She shook her head. “Why don’t you and Paul go into the living room? I’ll bring you both a piece of cake and a cup of coffee.” She pointed at Cicely. “Is your homework finished?”
She shook her head. “Not yet but almost. Can I take my cake upstairs so I can eat it while I work?”
Janet looked at me.
I nodded. “Sounds fine. Let me know before you go to bed so I can say good night.”
“I will.” She smiled at Paul. “Good night, Paul. I’m glad you came over.”
“Me too. When the weather gets better I’ll teach you to ride, okay?”
“Awesome. I can hardly wait.”
Cicely almost skipped as she followed Janet to the kitchen to get her dessert.
“Wow. What’s that about?” I asked Paul. “You certainly made her happy.”
“Boy, you really did wander away.” He grinned. “Seems your niece is crazy about horses. I have two. Told her I’d teach her to ride.”
I frowned at him. “I didn’t know you had horses.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Sarah.”
“Oh, Paul. All we do is talk about me and my situation. I’m so sorry. I almost never ask you about yourself. You must think I’m very self-centered.”
“I don’t think you’re the least bit self-centered. Right now what’s going on in your life is much more important than getting to know me better.” He smiled. “But someday when we have all this behind us, I’d love to show you where I live. I built my own cabin in the woods, not far from a beautiful creek. I have two horses, three dogs, and two cats. Oh, and a fox that I’ve raised since he was abandoned by his mother. Rover thinks he’s a dog, and I’ve never tried to set him straight.”
“You named him Rover? How funny.”
He grinned. “Well, it seemed to fit.”
“It sounds wonderful. Cicely will love it. She adores animals.”
He gave me an odd look, and I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing.
He stood up. “Let’s go into the living room and get to work,” he said gruffly. “That’s why I’m here, right?”
I watched as he left the kitchen. I’d upset him, but I had no idea how.
“Sarah, you’re one of the smartest people I know, but you’re also one of the most clueless women I’ve ever met.”
I whirled around to find Janet standing in the doorway, holding two plates of chocolate cake.
“What are you talking about?”
She put the plates down on the dining room table. Then she put her hands on her hips.
“I’m talking about Paul’s feelings for you. Are you seriously so blind that you haven’t realized how much he likes you?”
Startled, I couldn’t think of anything to say. Had I been right? Was he interested in me?
“Look, I know you loved Hannah with all your heart. But you’ve spent your life comparing yourself to her and coming up short. She was bright, beautiful, intelligent . . . all those things. But you are too. We can’t see ourselves clearly when we’re standing in someone else’s shadow, honey. You’ll never be Hannah because you weren’t made to be Hannah. God created you to be Sarah, and it’s time you realized that you’re an incredible woman. Paul sees it. I see it. Now it’s time for you to believe it.”
I shook my head. “That’s exactly what Paul told me. But Hannah . . .”
Janet came over and put both of her hands on the sides of my face. Then she looked deeply into my eyes. “But Hannah is gone, Sarah. Are you always going to compare yourself to her? Even after she’s dead?”
“I don’t mean to. It’s just . . .”
Janet let her hands drop and took a step back. “Do you realize you’ve built a life around one comment a careless social worker said years ago? One comment. What about all the positive things that have been said about you? By me? By Paul? By all the people who love you? Why is that careless woman’s opinion more important than everyone else’s?”
“It’s not. I wasn’t adopted. She was right.”
“No, she wasn’t. You weren’t adopted because God loved you so much He wanted you here, Sarah. With me. With Cicely. And now with Paul. If you’d been adopted, you wouldn’t be in my life.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t imagine my world without you in it. And what about Hannah? It might have been impossible for her to find you. And right now, Cicely would be alone. Don’t you realize you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be? Oh, honey. You’re beautiful, compassionate, brave, strong, and full of the love of God. I brought you into my life because I saw how valuable you are.” She sighed and shook her head. “It took me a long time to realize that I was special and unique to God. Please don’t waste as much time as I did.”
Janet’s past was troubled. She’d gotten involved in an abusive relationship and finally had to run away from an ex-husband who had a violent and criminal past. I’d always been shocked that anyone could be mean to her. Janet was the most compassionate, loving person I’d ever met. Suddenly, it was as if the Holy Spirit started speaking to me. You were never second to Hannah. You were framed by me to be my special, unique, and blessed daughter. When will you trust me?
I stepped back from Janet, stunned by the words that drifted into my spirit. I felt like a shock of electricity had gone through me.
“Are you okay, Sarah?” Janet’s eyes were wide with concern.
I felt overcome by the love of God. All I could do was nod, but I couldn’t tell Janet what I’d heard. Had God really just spoken to me? I believed God still talked to people today, but I’d never heard Him this clearly before.
“I have to . . . I need to . . .”
I turned and ran to the bathroom. As I tried to stop the tears that streamed down my face, I couldn’t help but stare at myself in the mirror. Before dinner I’d only noticed how tired I looked. Now I saw something different. A woman loved by God. If God wasn’t looking at my imperfections, why was I?
“I’m so sorry, God,” I whispered. “Help me to see myself the way you see me, and thank you for not allowing me to be adopted. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else other than where I am.”
Although I’d been crying only moments before, now I felt like laughing. It was odd, disturbing, and exhilarating all at the same time. When I finally left the bathroom, I found Janet waiting in the kitchen, her expression tight with worry.
“Are you all right, honey? Do you want me to tell Paul to come back some other time?”
I shook my head and smiled. “No. I’m fine. Thank you so much for what you said. You’re right, Janet. I’ve been stupid.”
I picked up the plates of cake from the table and headed to the living room. Paul sat on the couch, his laptop on the coffee table. He looked up when I came in. I went over and sat down next to him, handing him a plate.
“I have a question,” I said as he took the plate from my hand.
“About the case?” He stuck his fork into the cake and took a bite.
“No, not about the case.” I waited until he looked at me. “About us. I may be a little dense, but Janet tells me you care for me. Is that true?”
Paul’s eyes got wide and he started to choke on his cake. A little frightened, I pounded him lightly on the back to make sure he was okay. Finally he held his hand up as a signal to stop.
“Boy,” he said, his voice gravelly from coughing, “when you decide to change directions, you should at least give a guy a warning. I could have gotten whiplash.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He coughed a couple more times but then gave me a thumbs-up. “I’m not upset. I’m happy. To be honest, I was about to give up.”
“I know I probably seem rather slow to you, but being insecure means you don’t trust things that may seem obvious to other people. There’s always an excuse to turn a positive comment into something else. You’ve said a few things that lead me to believe you like me. I mean, beyond just regular friendship. Am I misreading you?”
“No, you’re not misreading me.” Paul gazed into my eyes. “I think you’re incredible, and I’d like to get to know you better. I realize this is not the right time. You’ve been through a terrible tragedy, and your life has been turned upside down. But when your situation settles down, I’d like to ask you out. On a real date, I mean. What do you think?”
I gave him a slow smile. “I think that would be lovely. And I like you too. Very much. Just so you know.”
He blinked several times, whether it was from surprise, shock, or just being grateful he could breathe again remained to be seen. But his smile made it clear he was pleased. A wave of happiness flowed through me, and even in the midst of darkness, a light shone through. Hannah would be delighted.
I cleared my throat. “Now, maybe we should get back to the reason we got together tonight.”
He looked confused for a moment. Then realization dawned. “Oh yes. The phone.”
“Why don’t we finish our dessert, and then we’ll talk about the phone?”
Paul nodded his agreement. He still looked a little thunderstruck. I knew the feeling. Being so bold wasn’t usual for me, but I felt pretty good about it.
“Coffee?” Janet’s smile as she carried in our coffee made it clear she’d overheard at least part of our conversation.
“Thanks, Janet,” Paul said. “This cake is delicious.”
“Thank you, Paul. I’m going upstairs to watch TV so I won’t disturb you.” She pointed toward the window. “You might keep an eye on the weather. Snow’s moving in. I’d hate for you to get trapped here.”
Paul cleared his throat. “No, we wouldn’t want that. I might have to eat another piece of cake.”
Janet laughed. “If it gets too bad, you’re welcome to the couch.”
“I appreciate that,” he said with a grin, “but the chief isn’t too compassionate about bad weather. He’d rather have me stuck out in a storm, trying to get to work, than somewhere else where I’m safe and warm.”
“Then I’d make it fast, you two.”
“We will,” I said.
Paul took a sip of coffee and stuck the last bite of cake in his mouth. “Okay,” he said, putting his fork down, “first of all I want to talk about your friend Mike. I heard back from my contact at the police department right after I talked to you. Mike’s an ex-detective with the KC police. Had to retire because of an injury. He definitely does some private investigating. I heard very good things about him.”
“I thought your contact wasn’t talking to you anymore.”
“I didn’t ask any questions about your sister’s case, so he opened up some. I don’t intend to push him any more right now. I might need him down the road.”
“Mike told me exactly the same story. Do you feel better about him now?”
“Well, let’s just say I’m glad to know he’s who he says he is. As far as the rest of it, we’ll see.”
“You’re very suspicious.”
Paul’s eyebrows shot up. “With everything that’s been going on? You bet I am. Better safe than sorry.” He got up and got his jacket, pulling out a note pad and a pen. He sat back down and flipped the pad open. “Now, about the phone. First of all, I was able to figure out Hannah’s voice mail code.” He shook his head. “Using your child’s name and the numbers of your address is pretty standard. People really need to work harder to create codes that aren’t so easily cracked.”
“If I ever get a fancy cell phone, I’ll remember that.”
He smiled. “I’ll make sure you do.” He glanced at the notes on the pad. “There were calls to work, a couple of calls to Cicely’s school. I’ve written down the others. Have you gone through her address book?”
“Yes. Do you want me to get it?”
He nodded. “In a minute. But first I want to show you something.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “You know, you really need to get a cell phone. They can come in handy.”
I started to protest, but then I remembered being at the mine. Reuben had told me to use his cell phone to call for help if anything went wrong. Although I’d told him I would, what if he had an iPhone or something beyond a simple phone? I wasn’t completely certain I could have figured out how to use it. The only other person who could have helped was William, and I was pretty sure he knew even less about electronic devices than I did.
“I know how to use a regular cell phone,” I said. “I’m just not sure about these newer models.”
“It’s the same principle,” he said. “You just take a different route to get there.” He turned it on and then showed me how to find the application for phone calls. It was easier than I thought it would be.
“I guess I’ve been letting all the fancy applications scare me off.”
“There are a lot more things you can do like access the Internet, take pictures, you can send text messages . . .”
“Whoa,” I said, laughing. “This is enough for now. Let’s leave all that for another lesson, okay?”
“All right.” He put his phone away. “Why don’t you go and get that phone book?”
I hurried up the stairs, got the address book, and came back, handing it to Paul. Suddenly, the wind shook the house, rattling the windows. Murphy, who had curled up on the floor by Paul’s feet, raised his head and barked at the sound.
Paul frowned at the book and then shook his head. “I may have to leave sooner than I planned. Why don’t you take this list of phone calls and match the numbers from Hannah’s phone to the numbers in her phone book? Can you get it done so I can pick it up tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ll work on it tonight. Where’s the cell phone now?”
“It’s at the office. I’m going to contact the police in Kansas City and tell them we found it. Then I’ll send it on to them. I got everything I needed from it, and I can’t hold on to it any longer, since it’s evidence.”
“Here are the numbers I’d like you to check out.” He tore a page out of his note pad and handed it to me. Then he took his laptop out of its bag and put it on the coffee table. After a few strokes on the keyboard, he brought up a page with Hannah’s name and picture on it.
“I couldn’t read anything on Hannah’s page, because I don’t have access, but I could see her friends. There aren’t a lot of them. I wrote down their names. You can go through this list and see if anyone pops out. Also check to see if any of these people show up in her address book.” He took another sheet of paper from his notebook and handed that to me too.
I took it from him, then scooted closer to peer at the computer screen. “What am I looking at?”
He pointed to the screen. “This is Hannah’s Facebook page. As I said, we can’t see her posts because she hasn’t friended us.”
“Did you just say ‘friended’?”
He grinned. “Yes. I know it’s not a real word. If you were on Facebook, you’d understand.”
I wanted to ask why I’d have to butcher the English language if I wanted a Facebook page, but I kept my opinion to myself.
Another strong blast of wind from outside got Paul’s attention. “I’m sorry, but I need to get on the road before this storm hits.”
“I think we need to find John Smith,” I said. “Hannah was talking to him before she died, and in her notes she said, ‘J might be behind everything.’”
“I agree, but I have no idea where to start,” Paul said, frowning. “Without some kind of clue, I don’t know how to proceed. Let me think about it some.”
“I guess we don’t have much of a choice.”
I stared down at the phone book. “Oh no,” I said. “What is wrong with me?” I flipped the book open and searched until I found what I was looking for.
“What’s wrong?” Paul asked.
“You said something about John Smith being a common name. Maybe that’s why I forgot.”
“Forgot what?”
I handed him the small address book. “Look. A number for John Smith. I can’t believe I forgot about it.”
“You’ve had a lot on your mind,” Paul said gently. “It’s understandable.” He brought up a page on his laptop and asked me to read him the number. “I’ll see what I can find out. Might as well give me the number for JR too.”
I read both the numbers to him.
“If John Smith was meeting with Hannah before she died, he may be the person who can help us.”
“Or the man who killed her. Please be careful, Paul,” I pleaded.
He smiled at me. “I will. Don’t worry. I’m going to check him out before I call. I don’t want to scare him away.” He closed his laptop and slid it back into its bag. “So you think this Mike guy is on the level?”
“I think so. Doug obviously trusted him too or he wouldn’t have told him his concerns about Hannah’s murder and asked for his help. Mike didn’t have to come here, Paul. He could have just walked away.”
Paul frowned. “If Sykes’s death had anything to do with Hannah’s murder, couldn’t Mike be in danger?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
Paul stared at me, his expression serious. “We can stop at any time, Sarah. We don’t have to do this. We can just leave everything with the Kansas City police and take our chances.”
I shook my head. “I think we have to do everything we can to find the truth. Taking a chance that a murderer could walk free to hurt someone else is too dangerous.” I smiled at him. “A very smart sheriff’s deputy told me that.”
Paul grunted. “I’m not so sure how smart he really is. Sometimes I wonder if he should have kept his mouth shut.”
“Look, all we have to do is let Mike figure out what’s going on. Then he can contact the Kansas City police and urge them to rethink Hannah’s case. He was a detective. They’ll listen to him. Isn’t that all we’ve wanted from the beginning?”
He nodded. “You’re right. Sykes’s death makes me nervous though. I want you to be especially careful, okay?”
“I’m fine. Besides, with Mike nearby, I have even more protection.” I put my hand on his arm. “You be careful too. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you.”
He put his hand over mine. “Please don’t worry. I know how to protect myself.”
“I’m sure Doug Sykes thought the same thing.”
Paul grunted. “If his death had anything to do with Hannah, he probably didn’t see it coming. I’m taking special precautions, because I know we need to be careful.”
“Good.”
Paul stood up, got his coat, and walked to the front door. I went with him, looking out the window first. The snow was just starting to come down. The wind was so strong, it blew the snow sideways.
“I’ll try to find out something about this John Smith tomorrow,” Paul said. “If nothing concerns me about him, I’ll call the number.”
“I’ll start trying to match the numbers and names you gave me to the information in Hannah’s phone book,” I said. “Maybe we’ll find someone else she was talking to before she died, and it will lead us to something that will help us. Again, I’m sorry I spaced on John Smith’s name. I don’t know how I did it.”
Paul shook his head. “Sarah, you’re operating under extremely stressful conditions. I think you’re doing a wonderful job. Don’t worry about it.”
I smiled at him. “Okay. I hope we can get together tomorrow night. Call me so we can make different arrangements if the weather is too bad.”
“I will.” He zipped up his coat and then leaned over and kissed me. This time I didn’t pull back.
I watched through the window as he drove away. My feelings for him were stronger than ever. Was it love? I wasn’t sure. I wanted a relationship with him, but what if death was the only thing binding us together?