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I’ve been so tired and drained. For two hours I’ve been sitting at my desk, holding back this nausea, trying not to vomit in the paper bin under my desk. I can still taste what I had for lunch, a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel, and I think it’s given me food poisoning.
I’m in the foulest mood right now, and Mary isn’t helping. I’ve seen her strolling around the office several times today, talking with the other members of staff, and occasionally her gossiping eyes landing on me. I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid, but I’ve got a feeling this is once again about Adrien. It’s so awkward and tense working here now, and I can’t concentrate on a goddamn thing.
I’ve just finished editing this week’s horoscopes, and sent them in an email to be print previewed. My horoscope didn’t foresee this shit day I’m having. Apparently, I’m now on some kind of health-kick drive, and I’m reaping the benefits. Also a new opportunity is about to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. It’s all bullshit.
“Liz.” Oh god, it’s her, Mary is standing right behind me.
I expel a breath and turn in my chair to see her smiling. “Hi Mary. I’m just about to start editing the Bacon and Hooch article.
“You should have removed it, if you didn’t want people to know.”
My brow creases, confused. “Sorry?”
“Your wedding band.”
Oh great. I peer down at my wedding ring. I never wore it yesterday, or the day before, which felt wrong to me, like I was betraying Adrien. I just didn’t want this to happen. I don’t know why I forgot to take it off today. Possibly it’s because it feels so natural for me to wear now. I shouldn’t have to hide it away. It’s my personal life, and no one else’s business.
“We wanted to keep everything private and low key,” I snap, starting to hate this job, this office, and everyone in it.
“You will have to let us do a wedding piece on you. A middle page spread. It will be just wonderful.” She’s grinning at me as though I’m going to agree.
“That’s not going to happen.” I smirk, shaking my head.
She scowls at me and I scowl back. I can’t believe she’s putting me in this position. Even if Adrien wasn’t a vampire, I would never allow her, or any other magazine or paper, to splash my life across the media. I’m a human being, not a fucking story.
“It will be a very elegant piece,” she adds, only adding to my fury.
“You know what Mary.” I stand up from my desk, angry but also nervous. I’m not the confrontational type, but right now I need to draw the line. “What happens in my personal life, is not to be used to pull in readers and make money. I made a huge mistake taking this job.” The entire office is now silent, watching me have a meltdown. “I’m sorry. But I quit.”
Oh god, I did it. I feel embarrassed, but also at the same time, empowered. It’s a bizarre feeling, like a weight has been lifted, but also a confusion as to what the hell am I going to do now.
“Really?” She squeals, taken aback.
I pull my bag over my shoulder, and remove my ID tag. I hold it out to her and she reluctantly takes it. All eyes are still on me, wondering what my next move will be.
“Yes. No hard feelings. Oh, and you should know, Adrien has a gagging order against the media, so it would be wise not to take your little obsession with him any further. Thanks again for giving me a shot, Mary. But this kind of work, just isn’t for me anymore.” I quickly dash through the office with my head down, clutching my bag.
***
‘YOU KNOW I CAN’T SMILE without you. Can’t smile without you. I can’t laugh, and I can’t sing, I’m finding it hard, to do anything. You see I, I feel sad when you’re sad. Feel glad when you’re glad....’
What a beautiful twinkling tune. Who would have thought that an old Barry Manilow song, which my mum used to sing on the karaoke, could be made into such a sweet lullaby.
I yawn with a stretch, prizing my eyes open in the summer heat. I shuffle on the sofa and bring my knees up to my chest, squinting.
As gentle as this music is, why on earth is Adrien listening to it?
I place my feet on the fluffy rug. “Adrien,” I call out, feeling an eerie cool air around me.
I frown, looking to the closed doors that lead to the bedrooms. Using my hands I push myself up, and make my way toward the sound of the music.
I open the glass doors and stand for a moment. My ears must be playing tricks on me. The sweet sound is coming from the spare room.
I take a reluctant step. “Adrien.”
I receive no answer, and now the music has become an unnerving hush.
My white trainer socks tread slowly over the cool marble floor. I open the master bedroom door and stick my head in to take a look. He’s not here. The bed is as crisp and clean as it was this morning.
“Adrien.” I giggle to myself. “Would you like me to close my eyes and countdown?”
With light footing I turn to the spare bedroom door. I hear a noise, a strange sound, and not from Adrien’s lips. I place my ear against the door when it occurs again, and suddenly I reel back in shock. The sound has created a fear in me. It’s a sound I never ever thought I’d be exposed to. For one, it’s impossible. And secondly, it’s not something I’ve even considered.
I take another step back and stare at the door, as the coo and gurgle of a baby, yes a baby, has my heart racing. Has Adrien offered to childmind without my knowledge? From what I know, he has not one acquaintance with kids. Vampires don’t reproduce. They can’t. It’s a side-effect of being dead.
I have to look. I need to. There’s a strange urgency flowing within me. It is vital I see inside this room. The emotional pull from whatever is behind that door has consumed me. I inhale and twist the doorknob.
“What the hell,” I mutter breathlessly.
The queen-size bed has gone, the dresser has vanished, and so has the black velvet damask chair. All that is standing dead centre in the room, is a beautiful crib dressed in white lace. A baby’s crib. Winded, I hold my chest and gulp. I don’t think I can look.
A breeze blows through the white nets as a tiny foot emerges out of the crib, then another. I take a step closer, watching two tiny pink hands playing with ten tiny stubby toes. A tear hovers on my eyelid as a rush of love waves over me. I know this child is mine.
I swallow and close my eyes, moving slowly forward. I peer down into the crib. Oh my God. Blood. There’s nothing but blood and a blue blanket!
I scream, racing across the room. I cry out and rip the nets down from the patio doors, which are now locked, and I see her. The evil bitch has my baby.
“Selene... Selene!” I scream and punch at the glass.
She has her back to me, and she’s holding my son. She’s rocking him from side to side, and all I can see are his little feet.
“Give him back,” I holler. “Give him back!”
“Elizabeth, Elizabeth. Wake up. You’re dreaming, wake up!”
Unable to breathe, I force open my eyes to find Adrien shaking me, violently. I push him away screaming, and jump out of bed.
“She took him... She took him away!”
Adrien hurries to me. He’s trying to take my arms, but I’m not going to let him. I have to get my baby back. I hit him hard in the chest, again and again.
“Elizabeth, you were having...” He freezes, his wide eyes looking down my body. “What the hell is that?” He flits to the light switch and flicks them on.
“Are you listening? She took him,” I scream at him.
He’s not listening. He’s just standing there glaring at me. I march to him. I will make him listen if I have to. He grabs my arms and shakes me again.
“Get the fuck off me Adrien,” I yell in his face.
“I’m taking you to hospital, now.” His pale features fret.
I scowl up into his eyes. “No. Why do I need to go to the hospital?”
With an expression he’s never displayed before, terror, his eyes slowly travel down to my waist. I lower my view. Shit, there’s blood, it’s all over me.
I wobble back and forth as a deafening buzz clouds my head, and I stagger into the bathroom. I fall down to my knees and over the toilet bowl, sliding on the bloody material of my nighty. I feel like I’m going to pass-out.
Adrien grips my shoulder, holding back my hair as I retch. I cough, choke, and splutter, then fall back so I’m sitting on the cold floor, cradling my legs.
“Elizabeth.” Adrien crouches down to me as I sob uncontrollably.
He brushes my hair away from my face then tries to pull me up, but I dig my fingernails into his hands to get him off me.
“Elizabeth... please. You need a doctor.” He’s on his knees, full of concern.
“I saw him. I saw our Son and she took him.”
“You were having a nightmare, Elizabeth.”
I can see it in him. It’s imperative for him to believe that it was simply a dream. But something is happening to me. I can feel it.
He’s stroking my hair, trying to calm me down, but it’s not happening though. How the hell am I supposed to be calm?
“I’ve seen our child, Adrien. His tiny feet... his hands.”
His fingers stop on the crown of my head, then swoop underneath my chin to lift my face to his. He gazes with doubt in his eyes as my tears continue to tumble.
“You know that can never happen,” he says, firmly. “We’ve discussed this.” He shakes his head. “Is this some fantasy you’re having?”
Is he fucking joking? He thinks I’m bloody imagining this. I hit his hand away from my face and jump up to my feet. I pull up the hem of my silk nighty and furiously tear it over my head. Yes, I’m stupid. Stupid to think he’d believe me. He thinks I’m having a mental breakdown because I want a baby. I’ve never even seen myself as a Mother. But what I saw in the spare room, was our child.
I storm into my closet and pull a black hoodie over my head. I stop as I get just below my bust-line, catching sight of my reflection in the mirror. My abdomen is swollen, hard and shell like. Shit.
Adrien hovers in the doorway as I continue to study my body.
“See,” I yell. “I’m not fucking fantasising.”
“Elizabeth, that could be anything, and that’s why you need to go to hospital,” he snaps.
I ignore him, whip off my bloody underwear, and quickly step into some clean panties.
I charge out of my closet, holding my leggings and pumps.
“Where are you going?” he barks, pacing anxiously. “Elizabeth!” I wiggle into my leggings and slip my feet into my pumps. I need to get out of here. “Elizabeth!” He strides up to me and grips my arm. “I will not let you leave. You’re crazy and in no fit state.”
Panting and weeping, I peer up at him. “You have to let me go. I’m not losing my mind.”
He breathes over me. “We both know vampires can’t have kids. It’s fucking impossible. What’s gotten into you?”
My breathing stops. Damn, she was in my dream. Selene. My jaw drops open as I gaze, feeling a terror flooding through my veins. I can’t tell him about her visiting me, and taking my blood. She told me not to. She told me we’d both be in danger if I confessed.
“What is it?” he asks in frustration. “What aren’t you telling me?” I turn away, snivelling. “Elizabeth,” he yells. “Fuckin start talking, now!”
I squeeze my eyes tight. “Selene.”
“What about her?”
“Selene,” I sob. “She came here last week.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He releases my arms and paces to the wall. “I’ve been trying to find her all week, and all the time she’d been here!”
“She... she told me not to.”
He glares right at me. “What do you mean, she told you not to?”
“She told me.” I hesitate, feeling the need to vomit. “You and I were cursed by the ditale ring Laurie used on me.” The disgust I’ve mentioned his name, appears on Adrien’s face. “She took some of my blood, and told me not to say a word to you about it. That when we were safe, we’d know. With everything that was going on with Ben, I thought it was true.”
He marches, grunting, and gets right in my face. He takes my elbows and lowers his face to mine.
“Have you a brain in that head?” he barks. “I’m guessing no, because you don’t give Selene your fucking blood. You don’t even open the damn door to her. You’ve let her in now, which means she’ll be in our life for good. You’ve given her permission.” His yelling is so loud it unnerves me. “After everything I’ve done to pacify the bitch, she does this!”
He releases me and I stumble back, hitting my hip hard on the door frame. I can’t stay here with him. He’s not who I thought he was. He’s becoming a monster right before my eyes.
I reach behind me and grab the doorknob. I race to the front door of the apartment, but his hand shoots over my shoulder and slams against it. I’m scared. Too scared to turn. I angle my head to the floor, feeling his forceful breaths on the back of my neck. God, I used to love his breath on my skin, but now, now it puts me on edge. I knew something had gotten into him lately. His feeding habits have increased. He’s moody. And most days he’s out of the apartment. I’ve hardly seen him at all this week.
“Elizabeth,” he says softly. “I’m listening.” I rotate slowly, keeping my eyes on his black socks. “Tell me, because I cannot accept you’re carrying a child,” he says in a desperate tone. “How can I, you’re covered in blood, you feel feverish, and you need to see a doctor. You’re probably hallucinating.”
I hesitantly lift my eyes to his. I see sorrow, worry, and apprehension in them. His once gorgeous eyes now display nothing but a bleakness. But something is happening here that is much more important than his feelings. I can’t feel sorry for him anymore. I don’t have it in me.
“In my dream, I saw our son.” He nods in disbelief. “He was beautiful, in a crib, normal, pink and alive,” I say, watching his eyes close. “She came. There was blood, and she took him,” I cry. “I couldn’t get through the glass.”
He stares down at my stomach. I’ve never seen him shake, but he is right now. Gradually, his fingers hover over my belly. He touches my stomach as I sniff up in upset. I peer up into his eyes and he moves away with speed. He’s visibly shocked.
“How and why,” he utters. “It’s... it’s not heard of, dammit!”
He storms away and heads toward our bedroom. I follow and find him rooting in his closet. I watch as he bends over and slides out the old chest, which he used to keep in the spare room at The Shard. He runs his hands over the top, fingering the Celtic carvings.
“Adrien?”
He doesn’t look, just replies with a heavy sigh as he opens the lid of the chest. He slips his hand inside and takes out a red rolled up cloth. He unravels it, breathing shallow. Oh shit, he’s holding a sword in his hand. He turns, springing up and down as though the blade has awoken something inside him.
“Only one way to deal with this,” he says, revealing a darker side again.
“A sword, are you nuts. You go out there waving that old antique around you’ll... you’ll hurt someone. So this is your answer. Go out and fight. They’ll think you’re a damn terrorist or something!”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” he yells. “I’ve got a lead on Vincent. Vincent will lead me to Selene.”
“I want you to give a shit about me!” I scream, feeling lightheaded. “I... I need to... to go.” Dazed, I make my way through the hallway and into the lounge.
He’s following me as a sudden fainting attack comes on. I feel dirty and nauseous. I can’t argue or fight, because all I want to do is close my eyes as I drop down onto the sofa.
“Elizabeth.” He’s squatting before me, still holding the blade. “I will find Selene. I can get answers.”
“Who are you really?” I mumble.
He shakes his head down. “She’s been planning this, planning something, and I’ve been too stupid to see. Since the masquerade, since drinking that wine, I’ve been so fucking angry. Elizabeth, I’ve wanted to kill again. I did more than my time serving, and this is how I’m repaid,” he barks in a rage.
I scowl at him. “You’ve been keeping this secret?”
“Yeah well, what did you expect?” he callously replies. “I didn’t see it relevant to tell you. Thought I could contain it.”
“And can you?” I ask, doubtful considering his current mood.
He gazes at me, debating that question. “Yes.”
My eyelids crinkle closed. Maybe it would have been better if we had never met. Idiot, fool, fuck-up, you name it, that’s me alright. I’m literally killing myself over him.
“We’re going to Sara’s, and I will have you see someone who will determine the truth. Pray they are just fantasies, Elizabeth,” he warns. “Because if they’re not, we’re in big trouble.” His fingers come up to run down my face.