Stacy arrived prepped with the lyrics to “Jingle Bells,” “Silent Night,” “Away in a Manger,” “Rudolph the RedNosed Reindeer,” “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” “O Holy Night,” and “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” but they’ve been unable to get through all of the songs with the children. Most of the time has been taken up with questions, giggling, and an unannounced contest of who could sing the loudest. Trevor won, hands down. True to her word, Cassondra will not sing. She sits on a chair where her legs dangle just above the floor and watches Lauren and Stacy with keen interest.
Lauren bends down in front of her, pointing to her ear. “I can’t hear you.” She uses her palm to smack her ear. “There must be something wrong with my ears. Can you see anything in there?” Cassondra grins and shakes her head. “Oh, I see! You’re not singing!” She taps her on top of the head. “Would you sing for a dollar?” The little girl shakes her head. “Would you sing for a candy bar?” Cassondra grins but shakes her head. She whispers something and Lauren strains to hear. “What?”
“Gummy bears.”
Lauren laughs and finds herself pulling the birdlike tiny shoulders into her. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Numbers dwindle as parents arrive to pick up their children. Lauren watches as each one leaves and notices that some run to a mom or dad while others hang their head and slump toward the door, heading for home.
“That went better than I expected,” Stacy says, as the last two children bolt for their things.
They pick up the song lyric sheets and stack the chairs as Lauren watches the children file out and into cars waiting for them. She notices one boy who isn’t wearing a coat but shrugs it off, assuming he forgot it at home.
Miriam waves at her from the front door and Lauren pauses, unsure if she’s waving at her. “Lauren! Please hurry!” Lauren glances at Stacy and hands her the song lyrics. “Run! Please!” Miriam says, waving her arms. Lauren runs to her and Miriam grabs her arm. “Do you see that man getting out of that truck? That’s Travis Mabrey from parks and rec. Gloria called yesterday about the use of the gazebo on the eighteenth. As you can see, Gloria and Dalton and Heddy are all busy loading the children into cars and I’m unable to speak with him.”
“Are you helping get the kids into cars?”
Miriam sighs. “No. Unfortunately, Mr. Mabrey and I have an ugly past together.” Lauren looks at the young man walking across the parking lot heading toward Miriam. “Not in an unseemly way!” Travis opens the door and Miriam steps behind Lauren. “He and I should not face one another. Would you please take care of his questions?”
Lauren looks to see if Stacy is near but she has slipped into another room and Miriam disappears into the office. “I’m looking for Gloria,” Travis says, approaching her. He looks twenty-something with sandy blond hair and a stocky build.
“She’s out with the kids right now getting them in cars.”
“I’m with the parks department. She called me yesterday but I haven’t had a chance to get back with her. I was driving by and thought I’d stop in.”
“Yeah. She wanted to see if the gazebo could be used on the eighteenth for the fund-raiser.”
“In the gazebo?”
She nods. “We’re doing a sing-a-thon. They’re going to do the auction items like usual and would need to put out tables for those.”
“Around the gazebo?”
She doesn’t feel as if she’s answering well and talks faster. “Yeah. Auction items would go on top of the tables and people will bid on them. And she needs chairs placed around the gazebo in order for people to listen to the children singing.” He crosses his arms, thinking. “We hope to have the children singing throughout the day and raising money that way. So … is it available?”
He looks down at his phone and taps the screen. “Actually, no. That’s the day of the Christmas parade. The chamber blocked that day off for the gazebo months ago.”
“That means the sing-a-thon won’t work. And it was my idea! Miss Glory will be so disappointed.”
“Why don’t you talk with Maria or Jessie at the chamber. They might not need the gazebo for the parade and I bet they’d love to see kids filling it up.” She smiles and he extends his hand. “I’m Travis Mabrey, by the way.”
“Lauren Gabriel.”
He slips his phone into his pocket. “Related to Victor Gabriel?”
Lauren stops breathing and hopes there is color in her face. “Um, yeah. I mean, I’ve met him but I don’t know him.”
“Distant family?”
She nods. “Yeah. Just part of the family tree somewhere.” She concentrates on keeping her feet from moving. “How do you know him?”
“He worked in the department for a couple of years.”
“He’s not there anymore?”
He shakes his head. “Left two and a half to three years ago, after he got the divorce. We were happy to see him go.”
A wave of sadness sweeps over Lauren. For a moment she found herself hoping that her father was a man who carried his lunch to work and made jokes with his coworkers before jumping in his truck and doing his job of mowing, raking, weeding, or repairing playground equipment at parks around the city. For a moment she believed that he took his paycheck home and provided for a family that she didn’t know about and used that money for his son’s Little League jersey or his daughter’s tennis racket. For a moment she saw him holding hands with his wife or carrying his child atop his shoulders.
“If you don’t really know him then you’ve probably never seen that side of Victor.”
He’s looking at her but her throat feels full of cotton. Her breath is catching and she turns to look behind her. “I’m sorry. I have to help clean up.”
He watches as she dashes across the floor, grabs her bag, and disappears through a door.
* * *
“So do you need any help tonight organizing for the sale?” Jessie asks Maria as she gathers her things at the end of the day.
Maria laughs. “We have been moving things into the garage for the last week. I don’t have that much to sell. Hopefully between tonight and Saturday it will all be gone. Who knew a move across town could be so time-consuming?”
On her way home from work Maria drops by Wilson’s Department Store, Betty’s Bakery, and City Auto Service to pick up the votes for grand marshal. The final stop is Clauson’s. She walks to the customer service counter and reaches inside the box she placed there a week earlier and pulls out a small handful of papers. She grabs a take-home pizza for a quick dinner tonight and decides that since Ben’s line is short that she will stand in it. “You’re coming to the Christmas parade, right, Ben?” she asks, opening her wallet.
“If I have the day off I will! Christmas is our busiest time of year!”
She watches as he puts the pizza into a bag and sifts through the notes in his hand. “I wish you could move to the other side of town so that I can keep getting these notes at Bixby’s Food and Pharmacy! You know that’s going to be so much closer to me.”
Ben grins, looking sheepish. “I can mail you some.”
The cashier and Maria laugh. “It just wouldn’t be the same without you putting it inside a grocery bag!” She reaches for the bag and says, “Because of you, Ben, I will never look at a grocery bag the same way again.” She pats his shoulder then digs for her car keys as she walks into the parking lot. After opening the car door, she places the bag on the passenger seat. She pulls out the note and then starts the car, letting the heater warm up as she reads Ben’s words.
Christmas isn’t a parade or concert but a piece of home you keep in your heart wherever you go.
Merry Christmas! Ben
Maria smiles as she puts the car in reverse. “I’ll just have to make the drive across town for these.”
* * *
The offices of the Grandon Chamber of Commerce are just three blocks from Glory’s Place. Lauren wants to talk with Jessie or Maria before saying anything to Miss Glory about the gazebo mix-up.
“Is Jessie or Maria available?” she asks a woman around fifty sitting behind a desk in the main office.
“Maria left early today and Jessie is in a meeting. Can I help you with something?”
“I’m helping out with the Glory’s Place fund-raiser and we wanted to do a sing-a-thon with the kids in the gazebo on the eighteenth, but parks and rec said you have the gazebo reserved that day.” Lauren watches the woman’s face for understanding but she isn’t revealing much. “I was just seeing if there’s any way that maybe Glory’s Place could use the gazebo … for at least part of the day.”
The woman nods and reaches for a notepad. “Give me your name and number and I’ll have one of them call you back.”
Lauren had wanted to have this taken care of before she saw Gloria again, but she gives the information to the woman, hoping that one of the ladies will call her back soon.
Before heading for home she orders a sandwich, chips, and a glass of water at Betty’s and watches as snow falls outside. She feels stupid for running away from Travis and guilty for suggesting the sing-a-thon. What if it can’t happen inside the gazebo? Snowflakes leave frosty patterns on the window and she watches as one lands on the glass and then slides to the ledge, piling up with the others. Her head throbs with the thought, Why did I run away? She didn’t even come face to face with her dad, just his shadow as it passed through this town. Who runs from a shadow? Stacy must wonder what happened to her. She considers calling her but doesn’t want to explain herself. She doesn’t want tears in her eyes when the waitress arrives with her food but there they are anyway. The waitress sets her sandwich and chips in front of her as a tear makes its way down her cheek.
“Are you okay?” the waitress asks. She’s in her mid-twenties with shoulder-length blond hair that she has pulled back into a ponytail.
“Yeah, thanks.” Lauren swipes away the tear and reaches for the sandwich.
“Can I bring you anything else?” Lauren shakes her head and the waitress walks away. She is used to this … being alone. In a house full of foster children she could always find a corner or a front porch step where she wouldn’t have much fuss from anyone. It was there, observing the cracks between the wall and baseboard or the patch of dry grass at the edge of the sidewalk, that she became aware of a loneliness that no person would ever fill. It was something she could not name or put her finger on.
“You’re lonely for home,” her last foster mom, Lori, had said.
“Which home?” Lauren had asked.
“The one you wanted to grow up in.” Lori was kind. Lauren had known a few kind foster mothers and fathers. Others seemed to be working in the system for the wrong reasons, but Lori did it because she cared about kids. There are moments when Lauren wishes she had not left Lori and Jim’s home so abruptly.
“Hey, I don’t mean to be nosy but…” Lauren looks up at the waitress. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Lauren puts a chip in her mouth and looks out the window, hoping the waitress will go away.
The waitress sits across from her at the table and Lauren turns to look at her. “You’re my last table. I never do anything like this but I hate to watch you cry alone. I’m Holly, by the way.”
Lauren avoids eye contact while pushing the sandwich into her mouth. “Lauren.”
“Is there anything that I can help you with? Like is your car broken down or something?”
Lauren stares at what’s left of her sandwich and shakes her head. “No. Just old stuff.” Holly is quiet, not wanting to pry. “I just found out that my dad used to live here in Grandon.”
Holly leans her arms onto the table. “And you didn’t know that because…”
A couple leaving at the next table attracts Lauren’s attention and she watches as they put on their coats and grab their packages before leaving. “Because he left when I was little. I live in Whitall. I never knew where he was. I just assumed that he was hundreds of miles away. I had no idea he was only an hour way with a brand-new wife. Maybe some kids. I don’t know. But, true to form, he packed up and left them, too.”
Holly sighs, watching the customers around them. “He’s an idiot.” Lauren looks at her and Holly shrugs. “He is. You might want to believe that life would’ve been better with him in it, but it sounds like it would have been worse. He couldn’t stay then. He can’t stay now. He couldn’t be a dad then. He can’t be a dad now. And now there might be other kids like you who are going to be wishing that he’d stuck around, but he’s incapable of sticking around because he’s an idiot!” Lauren finds herself grinning and Holly jumps on the opening. “Deep down you know it’s true even though deep down you also want him to be different—but that’s never going to happen. There is no going back and changing anything, especially him! He’s the one who missed out and not just on watching you grow up. He’s missed everything in life.”
“Did he miss out on eating this turkey and bacon club sandwich?”
“I bet he did!” Holly says. “He’s strictly a fast food guy because he doesn’t know anything about what good food is!” She points her finger at Lauren. “And he never once looked out this window to see that gazebo all lit up at Christmastime!”
Lauren tries to hide her smile and takes a final bite. “So he missed sitting here at this booth and getting yelled at?”
Holly laughs. “Yes, he did! Nobody takes the time to yell at customers at Taco Bell. Only at Betty’s Bakery.” She leans forward, resting her chin on her hand. “I’m really sorry that he was your dad.”
“I am, too.”
“If it helps, you can share my dad. He’s a horrible dresser and, no matter what he tells you, he is awful at impressions, but other than that he’s a good dad.”
“Thanks.”
“Why are you in Grandon, anyway?”
Lauren pushes her plate away and pulls her water glass in front of her. “At first I was brought here to identify a guy in a lineup, but now I’m helping with a Christmas fund-raiser for Glory’s Place.”
“That’s kind of wild. How’d you go from a lineup to a fund-raiser?”
Lauren shakes her head. “I’m still not sure.” She opens her purse and pulls out her wallet.
“It’s okay,” Holly says. “I’ll get this one today.” She taps the table. “And that’s another thing your dad has missed out on!”
As Lauren slips her wallet back into her bag she realizes that Holly doesn’t mean that her dad missed out on free food, rather the generosity of others who help people feel less alone.