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GABRIEL’S ADMISSION OF WHY he’d turned me made my stomach churn. My father had died by his hand while he sat on a cure. I didn’t know why I had the sudden urge to find the bastard, but that need was all-consuming and very imminent. I moved toward the door to my room and found Alastair there, blocking my path as if he could read my mind. For a moment, I could only blink back at him, wondering if he had done just that.
He raised an unyielding eyebrow at me as if to say, I’m everywhere.
“Can you keep an eye on Corinth for me? I… uh… have an errand I need to take care of.” Like killing Gabriel.
Alastair’s expression darkened and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you going to do something stupid I should worry about?”
We hadn’t discussed my admission of love. I suddenly found myself worrying that maybe he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. I studied him. He seemed more relaxed since the day Sarah had come crashing back into his life. His blond hair was parted neatly down the side. The tension in his shoulders had lessoned too, and he had changed into a black motorcycle jacket and jeans. It was the same leather jacket he’d worn the night he broke me out of Gabriel’s manor.
There was a second where I pictured us lounging in sweats and enjoying a normal evening watching movies… or maybe he’d read a book. He was a great listener. I thought fondly about how he let me prattle on about my childhood while we were at Nan’s place. What I really wanted to know was if he loved me or not. The thought that he didn’t feel the same as I did about him was almost enough to bring me to my knees.
Unfortunately, even though Alastair was on my mind, so was Gabriel—him being out there made me incredibly restless. I wanted to wipe that smug smirk off his face. Ever since I’d seen him, something felt off, like Gabriel had been searching for a missing piece of a puzzle his whole life, and I was that piece. I didn’t want to see him again, but I had to. There was no choice in the matter. Something was pulling me toward him. Even now, I felt the powerful urge to find him. I kept telling myself these feelings stemmed from my desire to know why he needed Corinth’s powers so badly. I couldn’t take him being under the same roof as my father’s killer. Even though I knew this situation was completely different, it was as if I’d been transported to his manor all over again.
Alastair must have sensed the uneasiness in me, because he reached out and hauled me all the way into his room, the door closing softly behind him. His room was made up to look like an alpine ski lodge—cold and frost dusted and distinctly romantic. With a white fluffy comforter on his firm bed and a dizzying view of gorgeous ski slopes, it almost felt like we were on vacation. Almost.
My room was more tropical, with beachy themes and warm tones. I liked his better.
When he turned back to face me, his eyes seemed to pierce right through me like daggers. “What Gabriel said about Corinth loving you… is it true?”
My mouth dropped open and then I closed it, unsure what to say. Running a hand through my short hair, I ruffled it up on top in frustration, not caring how messy it looked. “I don’t know… I think so. He won’t come out and tell me …”
Seeing my face wrench, he took a few long strides across the room, and before I knew it, he was sweeping me up into his arms. It felt right and safe being in them. His shoulders were hard and corded in muscle. A soft moan escaped my lips as he pulled me tightly to him. He ran his fingers along my back and I shivered in pleasure.
“You always know when to hug me,” I breathed against his ear.
He guided me to sit beside him on the end of the bed. “I understand if what you said back there about you loving me”—his eyes flickered down—“was just a ruse to get me to let Gabriel go,” he said. “The last thing I want to do is get between you and Corinth.”
Alastair’s eyes were still cast down, but I could see the flash of hypnotic blue under his light-blond lashes. I reached a hand out, gently tilting his chin so that he was looking at me again.
“Are you thick?” I asked, frustrated. “I love you, Alastair Iszler. So much so that my heart feels like it’s going to burst inside my chest. It would be an epic mess if that were to happen, but I am willing—”
Alastair crushed his lips against mine, effectively cutting me off as he hauled me closer, half lifting me from the bed, fisting his hands into my hair. I felt the desperation of teeth and tongue and lips meeting all at the same time. This wasn’t a soft peck like back at St. Owens. If there had been a doubt over whether or not he loved me, it had now been extinguished. All of the added tension between us from the last few days melted away. I tried to pull him closer, my arms devouring every inch of his chest and arms and back, as if he could somehow fuse himself to my body. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth. I relished the feel of his smile against mine. A tug of pleasure rippled through me all the way down to the tips of my toes. I reveled at the way his hands, smoothing up and over my shoulders, felt on my skin—the way his chest heaved up and down against mine.
Being loved by someone—the need to protect and care for one another’s feelings and well-being—was everything I thought I’d never have.
When we finally pulled apart, my cheeks tingled from the rush of blood. I put a hand to my mouth, speechless. Alastair’s smile turned my insides to slush. Witnessing the amount of joy on his face was even better than the kiss. I’d never seen him so carefree. True happiness, if even for a second, was well worth all the heartache we’d been through together.
“I’m mad at you.” He laughed softly as he brushed his lips lightly against my cheek. “I didn’t get to say ‘I love you’ first.” And then he was whispering those words against my forehead. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Even though I wanted to live in this moment forever, the ever-looming thought of Gabriel came crashing back to the forefront of my mind—a vivid and disturbing image of him pulling my pocketknife out of his neck hit me—
I staggered to my feet, pushing away from Alastair. Why was he in my head? I should be celebrating our love for one another, and here I was, thinking about Gabriel.
“What’s going on?” he asked quickly, concern flashing across his handsome features. “Did I do something wrong?”
I reached a hand out and ran a finger lightly across his cheek. He closed his eyes as I said, “Never. You are decidedly way too perfect.” I shook my head, trying to clear it of Gabriel. “All this stuff about a cure—we need to find it first. How is it administered? Lots of questions with no answers—and they all seem to reside within Gabriel.”
“I know you think you need to prove that he doesn’t bother you, but he bothers everyone,” Alastair pointed out. “You don’t have to put on a brave face for me. I promise I won’t with you.” He drew in a deep breath, his chest moving in time with mine. “You saw me make a colossal fool out of myself earlier. I have never been good at keeping my emotions in check around that guy.” He locked his gaze on mine, and it was so full of hope and need and desire that I could only stand frozen in place, unable to look away from him even if I wanted to. “And admittedly, I have also not been able to communicate my feelings very well.” His mouth set in a hard line. “You don’t want a cure, do you?”
I searched his eyes, silently pleading for him to understand. “It doesn’t matter what I want. What matters is what they want.” I pointed to the door, indicating the outside world. “Once vampires find out there’s a possible cure, what do you think will happen? Imagine all the vamps who don’t want one. If word gets out that Corinth might be the key, someone who doesn’t like that idea very much is going to try and kill him—or worse, use him. That’s got to be why the angels are after him.”
“So nothing’s changed?” he remarked. “I think there might be a lot more vampires out there who want to be cured than you think.”
“You want to be human?” I asked, surprise lacing my voice. It had never dawned on me. How could we be on opposite ends of the spectrum on this issue? It amazed me that he had even considered it.
He dropped his arms away from my shoulders, his blue eyes flicking to Corinth’s closed door. “I want to be able to enjoy a normal life with my very stubborn girlfriend.”
“You just used the g-word,” I said. “What about Sarah?”
“What do you mean, what about Sarah? And technically, you used the l-word first—that usually comes after the g-word.” Alastair seemed to put two and two together, and he raised a hand to his mouth as if finally understanding. “That’s what’s been bothering you? Sarah?”
I shrugged, unable to make eye contact with him. “She told me she liked you back when she first saw you. She’s known you for a hundred years. I can’t compete with that kind of history—I want that amount of time with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Alastair pulled his watch out of his pocket—a constant reminder of his past, of what he’d been through. “We went through a traumatic experience together. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go of the guilt surrounding my lack of action that day. I can’t even look Sarah in the face, because of it, so yeah, there are some unresolved issues between us, but I promise you, Larna, you and I still have an adventure ahead of us. No matter how much or little time is given to us, I can promise you one thing—it’s going to be epic.”
I reached up to touch his cheek gently, listening to the faint sound of snowfall through the portrait, committing the look of hope and longing in his eyes to memory. I wanted to remember that look on his face for the rest of my life.
He brushed his forehead against mine. I inhaled the scent of spice like aged scotch and leather.
“I don’t think sweeter words have ever been spoken before,” I whispered. It expressed my own sincerity for what he’d gone through. It told him I wasn’t going anywhere and that I would see him through his own torment. “I am so sorry you had to go through that with Sarah. When you saw her alive for the first time, I’m sure it was quite the shock. I can’t even imagine the pain you must have felt.”
His chest heaved up and down, like a boat being swayed to and fro on a gentle ocean breeze. I found my own breath rising and falling, matching his in its spellbinding rhythm.
So softly I almost missed it, he said, “I thought I really had gone mad. That maybe she was a ghost coming to haunt me. After all this time, she was alive—and had escaped. I just never knew it.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and a tear leaked out. I reached a hand up and brushed it away as he spoke. “Sarah is a cruel reminder of the worst day of my life. I know she doesn’t mean it, but I can’t bear to look at her even now. It hurts too much.”
“I hate seeing you like this,” I said. “You got your redemption. You know that, right? And you’ll get it again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow… but you will. Gabriel is going down.” His eyes popped open as cold fury rose up inside me. “Trust me.”