THE FOUNDATION FOR ALL SUCCESS
“One of the challenges we have in modern life is that there are so many options to do so many great things. There are so many things throughout our lives vying for our attention, that if we don’t manage modern life, it will manage us. Part of managing it is just making the choice that this is what I feel, this is important to me, and then really focusing on your gut.”
— Joe Polish, interview with Dean Graziosi
Where the heck are you going? In your life, that is. Many people struggle with this seemingly obvious question. Want to see the evidence of this struggle? During the week, ask five random people what they don’t want out of life. I can all but guarantee they’ll have sizeable lists. It will be as if they metaphorically lick their fingers, clear their throats as if about to make some life-altering announcement, grab their figurative list, and begin to enumerate the items on it:
The “I don’t wants” always flow out easily. So easily, that sometimes they seem like they have been rehearsed! It’s as if people are constantly thinking about them. And why is that? Because they are.
So after you ask these people what they don’t want out of life, and they’re ticking off their fifth or sixth item, stop them abruptly, pause for a second, and say, “Okay, I understand what you don’t want out of life. Now let me ask you this, what do you want out of life?” This is where things get interesting. After you ask this question, you’ll see puzzlement followed by a creased brow. They’re starting to think about what you asked. Their reactions will be the polar opposite of the reactions they had when you asked what they don’t want out of life. Many people will respond, “Well, that’s a good question” or “I’ll have to think about that one.”
It’s like they’re saying, “I’m in a fast car, I’m driving 100 miles per hour, and I know for sure I don’t want to go to Florida, Texas, or Arizona. But I’m not sure where I actually do want to go.” What happens then? You end up nowhere! You end up out of gas and unable to reach your destination because you only know where you don’t want to go. Sounds pretty simple right? Maybe you’re saying, “Oh boy, Dean, is that the grand wisdom you have for me?” Actually, it’s a huge part of it. But you have to wrap your head around what the wisdom really is. Once you understand it, you’ll see why this may be the biggest reason you are holding yourself back from breaking through to the next level.
So, let me ask you a question: Do you know anyone who fits this description? Someone who has an easier time expressing what they don’t want out of life than expressing what they do want? Maybe a friend, a relative, or a spouse who goes through life this way? Maybe even someone a little closer to you, that someone you see when you look in the mirror after rolling out of bed each morning? You see, what’s crazy about today’s society is that everybody is racing around with “Ferrari brains” but no one has her GPS on!
And here’s the unfortunate truth for a society like this: It doesn’t matter how fast you can go, it doesn’t matter how much passion you have, and it doesn’t matter how much energy you put into something. If you don’t have a vision and clarity on the destination you want to reach, you’ll simply never get there. The reason I call it a Ferrari brain is because you can buy the most expensive Ferrari in the world and drive as fast as you possibly can, but if don’t know where you’re going, you’ll get nowhere quickly. Would you rather drive a Ferrari off a cliff at 200 miles per hour or drive a Prius to the promised land?
In the next section, I’m going to share one of the most important millionaire success habits of them all. It’s a habit that I have shared with my students for the past 20-plus years and a habit I will share until I can’t share anymore! Look, I hope you read this entire book from cover to cover. Getting through this chapter alone will put you ahead of 98 percent of the world—the same 98 percent that is out there running on a treadmill wondering why they aren’t getting where they want to go, or driving in a Ferrari with no GPS and wondering why they just drove into a lake.
Here are things I hear far too often: “I need more hours in a day, Dean. I wish I could clone myself or find good help. I never have enough time to do my own business or take my business to the next level, or get a promotion, or make more money.” Most people think they need 36 hours in a day, when in reality they are just lacking a crystal-clear vision of what they want out of their own personal lives. Did Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg have 36 hours in a day on their path to success?
If you feel overwhelmed daily because of a lack of time, distractions, or your own procrastination, I would bet you a shiny nickel that you don’t accurately know where you want to go in life. Believe me, it’s the first question I ask all my students, and most scratch their heads as they consider it. When you have no idea about your direction, you tend to spend your time doing things that are preventing you from making more money, receiving promotions, seeing your family more, or even just enjoying life at an optimal level. And while you’re doing these things that are in no way serving your future, you’re forced to say no to doing the things that could further your business, your income, and your happiness.
On the flip side, when you have a clear vision for your life, you’ll stop wasting time on the things not serving your dreams, goals, or aspirations. Your actions will have purpose and your hours will be spent achieving those goals. Your procrastination will cease because you’ll know with 100 percent certainty what you cannot put off anything until tomorrow. So let’s get your vision dialed in using the habits I’ve learned over time—habits I’ve acquired through my own trial and error, as well as those that I’ve borrowed from other supersuccessful people. Once you develop a vision for yourself, things will become so clear, it will be as if you got a new pair of glasses and realized your old prescription was outdated.
We all know that setting goals is an extremely important part of success. I believe that Benjamin Franklin was one of the first people ever who documented his goals and knew where he wanted to go in life. But what we are about to go through together in this chapter transcends the typical “goal-setting” process. Sometimes setting goals is hard when so much around you is noisy, busy, and even scary. But together we are first going to get honest about where you are in life right now. Then I am going to give you a secret tool that will allow you to look into the future to discover your path. After that, we will anchor where you want to go with your true “why.” Then the only thing left is learning how to do it. Fortunately, this entire book is designed to give you the tools, techniques, and, of course, the habits to accomplish the “how.”
WHERE ARE YOU? DON’T LIE
Before I ask you to take stock of your life at this moment, let me make a request: be honest. Here, and throughout the book, I’m going to be asking you some tough questions. Don’t try to answer what you think I want to hear or what makes you feel good. This is what most people do without thinking, and though I understand the reflex, I’d like you to think about the importance of being truthful. It is only once we are honest with ourselves that we can move onward and upward to our dreams, aspirations, and desires. So with that thought in mind, let’s start with where you are in your life right this second. What does that mean exactly? What I don’t mean is for you to answer literally—that you’re reading this on your couch or on vacation or in the bathroom. I’m not talking about where you are physically. What I mean is: What situation or situations are you currently experiencing in your life? Why are you reading this book?
Maybe you’re struggling with the feeling of having untapped potential or you fear you’re living just an “okay life” rather than the life of your dreams. Maybe you’re trying to find something that can secure your finances because your back is against the wall and your mortgage and student loans are kicking your backside. Maybe you just want to start something new to help change your life for the better. If you can relate to any of these situations, great.
Maybe you’re just getting out of college, or going through college, and you are confused about your future. If so, congratulations for being at this place in your life! Maybe you think it’s time to reinvent yourself completely. Maybe you’re just sick of listening to someone giving you orders at the same mundane job you’ve had for a decade. If so, congratulations! Maybe you’re a business owner who is ready for more profits, ready for that next level, or ready to get the secrets that can catapult you to the next level. If so, I congratulate you for being here as well.
I suggested these examples to help you think about your own situation, as well as to reassure you that wherever you’re at in your life, you’re not alone. So dig deep and just be honest with yourself. Sometimes we pretend that everything is okay. We forget what really matters. You must try to break down that everything-is-okay mind-set and write down what truly is in your heart.
In fact, stop reading right now and take a yellow pad, or your phone, or your computer, and make a note of, “Where am I in life?” You can go beyond just your finances and write down where you are in the different areas of your life that matter most: love, intimacy, health, your career, and your family. Go ahead and break out these areas on a piece of paper and, next to each one, describe where you are. Don’t write other people’s perceptions of you. Instead, when you look in the mirror and you’re dead honest with yourself, where are you? Before we can create your ideal destination, we need to know your starting point.
GET CLEAR ON WHERE YOU WANT TO GO
Here’s a story that will help you think about where you want to end up—versus the place you don’t. A dear friend took a church group of 18 boys on an adventure trip to Durango, Colorado, where they planned to go white-water rafting. When they arrived, the guide informed them that the rapids were higher and stronger than they had been in many years. Rapids range on a scale from 1 to 5, and most of the ones they were going to experience were 4’s. Anxious about their safety, the guide made them do practice drills many times during the first mile of the adventure. The guide kept hammering into their heads one idea: the “positive point.” He said, “Boys, when I point, I will always be pointing to where we want to go. I will never point at the downed tree we could get caught on or the jagged rock that could puncture the raft. If I pointed to what we didn’t want to hit, that’s where all your focus would go, and I assure you we would run right into it. Don’t worry if we get even inches from the rocks, you just focus on the positive point and use all your energy and attention to get us there.” With this positive point to guide them, their minds focused on the solution (steering into a clearing) rather than the obstacle (crashing into the rocks). The chances of them actually getting in trouble decreased substantially.
And yes, it’s easier said than done, but once you begin focusing on what you do want rather than on what you don’t want, it becomes a success habit that can completely change the outcome of so many things in your life.
When this chapter’s lesson becomes a part of you, you may look at the jagged rocks for a second when something goes wrong, but then you’ll immediately look for that clearing, the “positive point.” And the more you practice this, the more likely you’ll look only at the clearing when life puts you in a spin. For years I’ve taught this truth: When you focus on the outcome rather than the obstacle, your life will never be the same.
How do you think John Paul DeJoria and the richest men and women in the world became so successful? By having a clear vision of where they wanted to go and then taking action toward it. Most of us want more out of life, but we aren’t specific enough with our intentions, so we don’t know how to get there. That’s why you may be sidetracked by phone calls and e-mails. It’s why you may feel disorganized, stressed, or overwhelmed. It’s why you may have the feeling that America is just not the same as it used to be and there is no opportunity for you to go to that next level—completely false beliefs. There’s more opportunity now than ever before! This might be one of the greatest times in history to get ahead of the curve. However, first and foremost, you must have your destination locked in and create the map you need to get to that next level of life. Once you find a truly crystal-clear vision, things that once bugged you or slowed you down no longer have any power to stop you from achieving your goal.
LOOK BACK FROM THE FUTURE
We know that goal-setting is arguably the most important step to success. But let’s be honest here: Sometimes setting goals the traditional way by just looking forward a year, two years, or even five years is hard. We lead crazy, busy lives, and we can become so bogged down in the details of things that we can’t look up and see the future clearly. With your business, your family, your work, and so many other things moving so fast, it’s difficult to focus on the road ahead. You spend so much time just managing what you can see—what is within your reach—that looking into the future may be difficult.
So here’s how to see past the daily grind. Dan Sullivan, one of my mentors, taught me the following activity, and it was an immediate game-changer for me and for thousands of people I’ve shared it with.
Imagine it’s one year from today and when looking back over the past year, you realize that it was the best year of your life. What does that look like to you? What would have had to happen for you to wake up every morning on fire, free of dissatisfaction, and convinced you weren’t wasting your potential? As I’m writing this paragraph, I’m looking back at my future year and getting goose bumps because of what I’m envisioning. I want you to experience that same sense of excitement. Think about what the best year of your life would look like and get emotional, get engaged, get engulfed, and visualize specific details about what made it so amazing.
More specifically, ask yourself the following questions when you look back at this year:
Feel those feelings with no restrictions and nothing holding you back from these raw emotions. Don’t say, “Well, I could be in shape, but I’m too busy to work out” or “I could start my own company, but I have to stick with this job just to pay the rent.” That’s looking into the future with current obligations holding you back like an anchor.
If you have not done so already, I encourage you to stop and write down your answers fast and continuously. Get specific about each area. As you write, just let it flow.
You see, when you know where you are right at this moment, you possess a true starting point. Then, when you take the time to look back in order to create where you want to go over the next year, you’ve done more than most people who are stuck in place do—they ignore this simple habit and practice. You know who doesn’t ignore it? Successful people! When you know where you want to go, you’ll start having a filter that will allow you to say no to certain friends, say no to certain obligations, say no to certain opportunities, and say no to certain e-mails. You will know deep down that those things are not contributing to your vision. Once you know where you want to go, you can start taking action steps toward the best year of your life, which will evolve into the best 10 years of your life, and ultimately, into the best rest of your life.
By doing this exercise, you’ll stop feeling overwhelmed. You’ll find more time, and your stress will melt away. All the successful people I’ve ever been blessed to meet or become good friends with know where they’re going in life and what their ultimate goals are. They have an inner vision that they live by, and it’s time for you to get yours or take yours to another level. Once you know where you are and where you want to go, you’ll also find it easier to acquire other success habits.
IDENTIFY YOUR “WHY”
Let’s move on to the next key component—the piece that makes your vision become your reality. This is the step you must complete to make it real: understand your “why.” Here are critical “why” questions you should answer:
I bet when you think of having all of these things you say to yourself, “Hell yeah!” But why do you really want them? I know for a fact that the reasons you want them are deeper than you think, and I’m going to show you how to dig those reasons out. And when you do, be prepared to be unstoppable. Maybe you’ll shed a few tears as well; I know I did.
The issue with most people is that they simply don’t go deep enough into their hearts and souls to find out the truth about why they want what they want. It’s unfortunate that our brains can so powerfully obscure what’s in our hearts and souls. When you ask people what their “why” is—and I have asked thousands of my students—most will say, “I want more money to have financial freedom,” or “I want more money to eliminate debt,” or even things like, “I want to lose weight so I look good.” And yes, these are all good answers, but they’re not sufficiently deep ones. Without a depth of purpose, you can’t push through your most challenging times. If the struggles of life are pouring down on you like a rainstorm, is “I want a new house” a strong enough motivation that you’ll ignore the storm to get what you want? Is “I want abs” a strong enough “why” to get you to the gym after a long day at work? I doubt it! But when you can attach a much deeper meaning to “why,” it all changes.
Let me stress how important this is. Throughout this book I promise to deliver success habits that will wow you and have you eager to put them into play in your life. But if you don’t have these fundamental habits to start, then nothing else I share with you will matter. So get ready to be honest with yourself on even a deeper level than before, because together we are going to dig out your true purpose.
The question we usually don’t ask ourselves is, “What is the purpose behind our actions?” Which is crazy, because it’s a question we should be asking ourselves daily. When we can uncover our true “why,” our driving purpose in life, and translate that into actions, we obtain the momentum we need to push forward, faster than ever.
WHY IS YOUR “WHY” SO IMPORTANT?
Even if you could teach a group of people how to sell $20 bills for 10 bucks, some of them would let what’s between their ears stop them from succeeding. Even with something so simple, they could still talk themselves out of success and not even realize that they are self-sabotaging. Because so often, fear is the brake on our momentum, slowing us down so much that we eventually come to a complete stop. And it’s for that reason that I’ve always been obsessed with discovering the tools, strategies, and recipes that lead to the habits that can help you demolish any obstacles. This way you don’t find yourself on the cusp of greatness and give up and turn around when you are just an inch away from a breakthrough. If you loved the life you are in 100 percent, you’d go back to where you were and continue living the life you love. But you aren’t one of those people. You realized, or are realizing now, that you can access all the potential you have—and that you don’t have to live like others do or live how others tell you to live. You don’t want to look back in 5, 10, or 25 years and realize that you lived the same mundane day, over and over again, for most of your life. You don’t want to miss out on invaluable years that you’ll never get back.
As you read this book, I hope you get inspired. But if you just get motivated and excited for a week and then fall back into old habits, then I didn’t do my job. Rather, I want these success habits to be like behavioral superglue. I want these lessons to stick with you so long that this could be the last book you ever have to read about success. It is my mission for you to implement these habits and look back in a couple of years and realize that the old you, the you of today, is unrecognizable because you’re using each and every ounce of your full potential. That’s all we’re supposed to do in this world and in this life: reach for our full potential each and every day. You’re not supposed to be me or Bill Gates or Peyton Manning or Oprah or anybody else. You’re simply supposed to be the best you possible.
Okay, I’m done with the pep talk! Now it’s time for you to do my favorite exercise in the world and find your true “why,” the thing that can get you through even the toughest of days and bring even more bright light into the good days.
LET’S GO SEVEN LEVELS DEEP
About eight years ago I hired a consultant named Joe Stump to help me get my students and my readers more engaged in what I do and what I teach. Joe was incredible at what he does and it wasn’t cheap to hire him, but I knew it was well worth it for my students and my clients. So I was going to pay him a big fat check to help me out, but at the last minute he said, “Why don’t I consult with you on your questions and your goals in the morning and then you consult with me in the afternoon?” I was totally on board with that and ready to absorb newfound knowledge and wisdom from Joe. I remember the meeting like it was yesterday. Joe Stump; my good buddy, Joe Polish, who had made the introduction; a few team members; and I were sitting at an outside table at my old house in Scottsdale, Arizona. I loved this outdoor space! It had big, hand-carved wood chairs that were so high that the backs on them were two feet over my head. They had soft, yellow cushions and they surrounded a beautiful, large, and long Tuscan table. It was a 75-degree Phoenix afternoon, and the perfect sort of day for an outdoor meeting. These may seem like mundane details, but there’s a reason they remain so vivid in my memory; my life would never be the same after this meeting.
As we sat around the table, Joe Stump said to me, “Why do you want me here, Dean? What’s the main reason?”
I responded, “Because I know I provide proven strategies for success and wealth to people, but I can’t always get them to take action. I not only want them to get my books and trainings, but I want them to use the information, get engaged, and then stick to it, so more of them can see the results of their actions. I’ve even been doing a weekly wisdom [check it out at www.weeklywisdom.com] for my students for many years now to help them on their journey to success. I do all I can to try to get them engaged, but so many of my students are sucked back into their old routines. They seem to hope something changes, rather than making something change. I just need them to stay in the game long enough to make those little shifts and stay passionate about their goals. And once they get a glimpse, I know there will be no turning back for them.”
He looked at me and said, “Wow, Dean, that was powerful. Have you ever done the seven levels deep exercise?”
I said, “I don’t know what that is.”
“It’s the most profound thing that I’ve ever done, and it can massively transform the lives of the people you teach and make them stay engaged and motivated longer than ever before. It will actually keep them engaged for life.”
I was like, “Okay, amazing! Give it to me—let me have it!”
Then Joe said, “Sorry, Dean, but no. I want to put you through the full experience first.”
“Joe, come on, man. I want to get there quick. I’m a fast learner. I want this seven levels deep thing, and I want to give it to my students and my readers ASAP.”
Then, even more persistently, he said, “Nope, the only way you’re going to get it is if you go through it.”
I finally gave in and said, “Fine.”
Now, as you read the next few paragraphs, I want you to picture yourself doing this exercise with someone else. Whether with a spouse, a colleague, or a friend, imagine doing this exercise together.
As you’ll see, when Joe asked a question, the answer I gave him would be the basis for the next question, and we would repeat this seven more times. For example, if he asked, “Why do you want me here,” and I answered, “I want to learn how to help my students,” he would then ask, “Why do you want to help your students?”
This exercise is called “seven levels deep,” because you move progressively deeper into answers by asking “why” questions seven times. I’m not sure why seven is the magical number that gets you where you need to go, but it is always the right number.
Joe sat down in front of me with a piece of paper—he was right in my face. He said, “I asked you why you wanted me here earlier, and you basically said because you want to get your clients, your readers, and your customers more engaged so you can help change their lives for the better, even more than you have. I think that’s a great answer, Dean. Very noble! Now let me ask you this: Why is it important to you to get more of your students engaged, to understand more, to overcome obstacles, to take action, and to see that next level of life?”
I remember thinking about it for a second before answering, “Because so many people get stuck in the routine of mediocrity, and I know I’m giving them good strategies, but not all are using them. I don’t want to be the sales or infomercial guy who just sold them a book. I want to be the person who opened their eyes to a new way of life by using what I’ve discovered. And at the end of the day, I want to create a legacy that my family can be proud of.”
Joe responded, “That’s great stuff. Now, I first asked you why you hired me. You then said it was to help your students get more engaged. Then when asked why that was important, you basically said you want to leave a legacy for your family. Both are great reasons and great answers. So, Dean, why is it important for you to create a legacy?”
Again, I thought for a moment before saying, “Because, in this business, a lot of people write crap and teach crap, and I want to set a new standard. I want to set a standard so high that others in the industry will either step up or step out. And, don’t get me wrong, I love the great people in this industry. Some of my dearest friends and teachers like Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Brendon Burchard, David Bach, and many others have had a huge positive impact on my life and millions of others through this type of industry. I wouldn’t be the man I am without those and other incredible influences. But we all know there’s also a ton of crap out there. And I want those people to either raise their standards or get out.” As I was sharing this, I wasn’t even sure where the answers were coming from, but I was digging deeper and deeper into my “why.”
Then he said to me, “Dean, that’s wonderful. I asked you why you hired me, and you said to get deeper and to help your students more. I asked you why that was important, and you said you want to create a legacy that you and your family can be proud of. Then I asked you why that was important, and you said you want to have the standards raised in this industry. All those are great answers.”
What I didn’t realize at that time was that while yes, these were all good and true answers, they came from my head. And as he asked me the same question a couple more times, I continued to give him answers from my head. They were all well thought out, but I wasn’t even close to the real “why.”
When there were three levels left to go, he said, “Why is that important?” to my previous and now forgotten answer.
What came out of my mouth next shocked me. I said, “I never want to go backward,” and for some reason I got emotional. With hindsight, I realized the most important thing that happens when you ask yourself “why” seven times is that you switch from grabbing the answers from your head to pulling the answers from your heart and soul. My heart was speaking and I could feel it. I remember that I started sitting differently and speaking with a different tone, because physically, my body started to feel different. I was working hard to stop the tears from streaming out of my eyes because my staff was watching. Then Joe, whom I had just met for the first time, was staring directly into my eyes, only a foot away. He asked, “Why is it important that you don’t want to go backward?”
And here’s what I meant, and here’s what my heart was trying to express: I know what it’s like to be broke and grow up with no money. I know what it’s like to wear hand-me-downs. I know what it’s like not having food in the refrigerator. I know what it’s like to be basically homeless as a kid, because I experienced it with my dad. When I was 11 years old, I moved in with my dad and we literally lived and slept in a small bathroom inside a house my dad was trying to fix up. There was no heat anywhere, and the bathroom was the smallest room to keep warm, so that’s where we slept. And growing up in upstate New York, we had some brutal winters. We had an electric heater and took the doorknob out of the bathroom door and put the cord through the hole. We plugged in the electric heater and dragged in a small mattress and slept on that together. I’d get a ride to school in a car that had no heat and with doors held closed by rope. I remember making my dad drop me off down the street so no one would see just how poor I was. I was in a steady state of feeling insecure and feeling inadequate and that was a place to which I never wanted to return.
This is my story, and I’m not suggesting that you and others haven’t had it worse. But I remember my mom struggling before I helped her retire. I remember my dad always struggling before I helped him retire. I remember what it felt like not to be able to help other people or even myself. And I know for a fact that I don’t ever want to go backward to where I was as a kid.
After I explained all of this, Joe could see that I was getting emotional. And at that time I was thinking to myself, “Well, I found my why!” But there were two more questions left for me to answer. Joe looked at me and asked, “Dean, why don’t you want to go backward?”
At that point, I couldn’t hold the tears back; they were streaming down my face. The first things that came to my heart were my children. I said, “I think I know it. I think I know my why. I want to give my kids the choices and the options that I never had when I was a kid.”
I want my daughter and my son to be able to choose where they want to go in life and have the ability to become their best selves. I want them to live without the worry over money choking them. I want them to know that they’re financially secure, so if they want to be teachers, or astronauts, or be in rock bands, or teach yoga, or anything else, they can. I want them to have the freedom I never felt like I had growing up. I’m not saying I want to raise two entitled brats. I work very hard to make sure that never happens. I’m talking about giving them choices to be who they want to be, not spoiling them so much they don’t have to make any choices at all. And the more I thought about it, the more emotional I got. I said to Joe, “I know my why! It’s my children.”
But then he said, “I bet you started working really hard before you had children, didn’t you, Dean?” He was right, and I had one more “why” left to answer.
“Dean,” he said, “thank you for sharing this, but I have to ask you: Why is it important that your children have choices?” And my true “why” emerged like a miracle; it just flew out of my mouth.
I said, “Because I want to be in control.”
Before that moment, I’d never thought or talked about wanting to be in control. And I’d never felt that surge of passion run through me to my core. I realized at that very moment what my whole life was about. I finally realized why I wanted to go to the next level, why I got into business, why I started cutting firewood and fixing wrecked cars when I was a teenager, why I knocked on a million doors and did my first real estate deal before I was 20. It all made sense now. It was all because I wanted to be in control. Not a control freak, just in control.
You see, my parents were married nine times between them. In fact, as I write this book, my dad is engaged to a great lady, and it will soon be an even 10. Also, growing up I moved a lot. I moved 20 times by the time I was 19 years old. Over the years of my childhood, I would have new stepbrothers, stepsisters, and step-grandparents that I loved, and then I’d be uprooted and have to move without any say in the matter. I always felt totally out of control. We would find an apartment I loved, couldn’t pay the rent, and would get evicted. I’d move into my grandma’s house and love it, and then within the year I would have to move and go someplace else with a new dad or a new mom and with new siblings that in some cases hated me for intruding. I would move to a new school, find new friends, and then we’d pick up and have to relocate again.
It was an epiphany, this seventh “why.” I don’t want anybody to tell me how to dress, where to live, or even how to raise my kids. I don’t want anybody to tell me where I can eat, how I can function, what I can do with my time, or how much money I can make. I want to be in control so I can make the decisions that empower me, bring me joy, and make me feel alive! And at that very moment, I realized I didn’t want anybody to take that away from me in any area of my life. I had finally found my true “why,” and my mission had never seemed clearer.
WHAT’S YOUR DEEPER “WHY”?
What about you? Would you like to have total control of your life and make the choices you want? Of course you would, but that’s my story and my “why.” I don’t know what yours is yet—and you probably don’t either—but I assure you that you need to find it. When you have a tough day, when things don’t go your way, when your new business fails, when things go wrong in your relationship, when your kids disappoint you, what pushes you to keep moving forward? Financial freedom? That’s not deep enough. You need to find the root of your “why.” Why are you reading this book? Why do you want to make more money? Why do you want wealth to come into your life? There is a much deeper level of purpose that is driving you.
And when you find it, you discover the driving force that will never allow you to get off track. Listen, I feel blessed for the life, the security, and the income I have right now. But do you think I don’t have tough days? I absolutely do! We all do, no matter our level of financial security. And at the end of the day, my “why” guides and pushes me through hard times. When I have a tough day or even think of quitting, I remember my “whys” and know there is no way I could possibly give up. Because I know I am never going backward, I know I’m giving my kids that security they deserve, and I know I’m always going to be in control of my life.
The seven levels deep exercise is the foundation to all success and possibly the most important millionaire success habit you can develop. This is an exercise you should do four times annually. And once you know your “why,” you will use it in 100 different ways to motivate your actions—it will become one of your daily success habits.
ANCHORING THE PROCESS
At one point in my life, I was on stage speaking at an event every month, year after year. During that time, I did the seven levels deep exercise pretty much every time I was on stage. I would randomly pick someone out of the audience to come up and participate. I remember each and every person’s story to this day, but there’s one that comes to mind at this moment and touches my heart. This tall, awesome dude with dreadlocks who seemed nearly twice my size came up on stage, gave me a hug, and nearly lifted me off my feet!
So I sat him down and said, “Hey man, glad to have you up here,” as I handed him the microphone. The audience was just sitting, staring, waiting for what was going to happen next. I asked him, “Why are you here? Why did you spend money to come to an event like this and learn how to take your life to the next level?”
I remember his first answer was typical. It was “financial freedom” or a version of that. I, of course, proceeded to ask him why financial freedom was important to him. And his second answer was really deep and freaking awesome: “Dean, in my neighborhood a lot of dads just aren’t there. They’re either in jail or they abandoned their kids. I’m working to create a way to give those kids a fatherly influence.” Wow, could there be a better “why”? It was an amazing “why” and an amazing driving factor. I mean, how could he not be empowered and inspired. He was at that event to get juiced up, ready to obtain the tools to go faster and make more money to turn that dream into reality.
But from my experience I knew I could get deeper, so I asked him why that was important to him. He then gave another good answer. Then I asked him why again and again and all of his answers were great, but they were coming from his head. Then we got to the last couple of questions, and I watched as his whole body changed. His smile disappeared, his lips started to quiver, and his hands started to shake. This is when he began to speak truth from his heart. He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, “Dean, I can’t believe I’m sharing this with a whole audience. But my mom died a few years ago, and when she died, I was a drug addict. I feel like I completely let her down as a son. She was a good mom who worked her butt off to raise a good boy, but when she died, she didn’t see that. And after she passed, I quit doing drugs. I got my head on straight, and I am on this mission.”
He then said, “I’m going to show my mother in heaven that she raised one awesome son who’s going to make a positive impact on the world.” The audience members were either in tears or at a loss for words or jumping up and clapping with wild enthusiasm. He officially found his “why”! And what a “why” that was! That’s a purpose that will carry him through the toughest days life could ever throw at him. This man has a true “why.” Not only does he know where he is, and where he wants to go, he knows why he wants it.
When you attach a “why” to your actions, you get your emotions involved and you anchor your goals to your life to a point where they become a part of your soul, a part of your heart, and not just another well-intentioned thought. Imagine the conversation he has with himself when he has a tough day. It doesn’t sound like, “I need to keep working because I want to be a good role model for people.” And while yes, that is a good “why,” it is not powerful enough to push him through the most challenging of days. What his conversation sounds like is, “I need to get myself into that office and work my tail off because I want to show my beautiful mother up in heaven the amazing son she raised down here on earth!” It’s an emotionally potent idea, isn’t it? Consider the effect that man’s “why” has had on his success. And then think about how much your “why” will affect your life.
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN
I think it’s crucial that you go through this process with someone else; though it can work if you do it on your own, it’s much more effective when you have a partner. Because you’re familiar with the exercise, you go first—lead them through the seven “whys.” Then take your turn. Find a partner who will take the exercise seriously and is willing to write down what you share. Start the exercise by simply asking why you are reading a book like Millionaire Success Habits. The initial question gets the party started. Then proceed to ask the seven “why” questions in the sequence I’ve suggested, with the previous answer restated each time. Remember, you’re going to have to ask or be asked the question seven times. It’s not five, and it’s not nine—it’s seven times. I’ve been doing this for years now, and it works every single time. When I share the exercise with an audience, half the room is crying by the end because they realize with crystal clarity why they’re sitting in the audience—what the deeper reasons are for attending my presentation. When you finish the exercise, you will realize why you’re reading this book, why you desire more, and why you want to unlock your true potential.
To make this exercise easier to complete and to gain more clarity on how it works, go to www.thebetterlife.com right now and grab the “7 Levels” exercise sheet by clicking the “Book Resources” tab. Also, I have filled out and completed my own seven levels exercise sheet below to give you an even better snapshot of how this exercise will play out when you complete it! Note the natural evolution, especially the evolution from head-thinking to heart and soul sharing.
THE SEVEN LEVELS DEEP EXERCISE
| Why did you write this book, Dean? | To change a million lives by helping them see a better path and better habits to success. |
| Why do you want to change a million lives? | Because it feels amazing to serve and help others. |
| Why does it feel amazing to serve and help others? | It allows for an even more successful business based on solid principles and values. |
| Why is it important for you to have a business based on principles and values? | I want to leave a legacy my family will be proud of. |
| Why is it important for you to leave a legacy for your family? | I never want to go backward, and I hated being broke as a kid. |
| Why do you never want to go backward? | I want my kids to have choices as they grow up. |
| Why is it important for your kids to have choices you never had? | Because I want to be in control. I want to live life on my terms and be free to do as I choose. |
Now that you’ve reached this point, you possess one of the most important success habits needed to create true abundance and prosperity.
When you know where you are, where you want to go, and what you want (and why you want it), there is only one thing left: How do you get there? Well, great news! I’ve spent the last year of my life crafting the pieces of this book to be your “how,” and deliver the road map to your next level of life.
As part of that “how,” you should be aware that there is a hidden villain inside you, and it’s working against your goals. This villain is made of the self-doubt and inner resistance that’s been holding you back for your entire life. I’m going to show you how this villain was created by the outside world, how to identify it, and then how to ultimately kill it, allowing an inner hero to awaken. It will all make sense soon, so don’t stop now.