Chapter 16
Finding Purpose and Meaning When You’re Older
In This Chapter
Discovering your purpose in life
Reconnecting with the positive
Making peace with your limitations
Moving forward with your life
I invite you to take a closer look at ageing and what it means to you. Finding meaning, purpose and joy can sometimes be a struggle when children move out, loved ones pass away or after you retire. Plus you may sometimes wonder whether you can tolerate and live with illness, pain and the inevitable restrictions that come with ageing: can life still be an adventure when your body is no longer as strong or healthy as it used to be? My answer is a resounding yes!
In this chapter, I show you how mindfulness helps you to find a sense of purpose when coping with old age, so that you can rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and become the new old you! You discover how mindful action in everyday life improves areas of your brain. Now that you probably have more time than previously, you can work on increasing the aptitude of your mind. To this end, I discuss maintaining specific abilities, such as memory, and a number of associated beneficial activities. Similarly, you find out what kind of mindset to be in to expand your present set of skills. You also get the chance to read about inspiring people and experiment with four new gentle mindful movements.
Continuing to find purpose in the present moment, separate from the more superficial satisfactions of power or monetary remuneration, is of central importance as you grow older.
Thinking About the True Meaning of Purpose
Ageing may well be the ultimate challenge that a person has to face in the 21st century. No absolute marker defines old age, so retirement is often used as a milestone to this last life phase of human existence. Thanks to regular food and the availability of medicine, you may spend more time as an older rather than a young person.
Many people certainly grow wise, insightful, patient and content in older age. Many more, however, feel like they no longer have any real purpose in living. If you were a highflyer at work, a sense of loss may prevail over the sense of freedom when you retire. If you used to be called beautiful and good-looking, you may become irritated when others say to you that you still look good for your age. After all, the media promotes a definite obsession with youth, which can create the desire to cling on to youthful looks. If you have to deal with physical restrictions and pain that probably never goes away, you may also feel anxious and angry.
Psychological research indicates that roughly 10 per cent of people living in the West, aged 65 and upwards, develop alcohol addiction, depression and anxiety in addition to physical illness. Perhaps, like many other older people, you hide your worries and struggle on alone when you feel very low, even though a number of helpful interventions can improve your life.
Please read the following statement and think about your reaction to it:
The American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine (AAAAM), founded in 1993, announced in 2006 at their annual conference ‘we are on the verge of practical immortality, with life spans in excess of a hundred years.’
Do you even want to consider living on for another 40 years after you retire? Just sitting at home, watching TV, occasionally visiting your friends and family, and with your whole life experience shrinking year by year?
Well, as this section explains, by mindfully rethinking the concept of purpose you can instead adopt another attitude, such as, ‘Let me understand life more deeply. Let me discover what I always yearned to know. Let me be courageous so that possible limitations in my body don’t stop me from living life to the full.’
You may have lived much of your life on autopilot up to this point, perhaps because you initially discovered a way of processing and responding to the world and all the information you were receiving from it, and never broke free from that habit and allowed yourself to find a different way of understanding things. When you mindfully rethink the concept of purpose, and endeavour to enter into each moment deliberately and non-judgementally – and so be truly present – you take each moment as a unique event in your life experience. You can choose to respond and be creative rather than merely reactive. Mindfulness helps you to feel more empathic, reflective and in control, and less confined and exhausted. It supports you in overcoming times when you feel a sense of separation between you and the world around you, and allows you to feel more alive (that is, attentive, engaged and curious). Being mindful increases awareness and presence.
Redefining your concept of purpose
Searching for something you can offer to the world and to yourself is very important. People often have a skewed view of what having purpose is – that it has to be something tangible, a huge goal, something that can be achieved. But the fact is that even if you achieve that huge goal, more adventures and experiences lie ahead for you. Every moment is a new beginning. Every moment can be precious if you can incline your mind to perceive it as such.
Consider making it your purpose to live, to discover, to always find new and exciting things about life, to start every day afresh and to leave yesterday’s problems behind.
The Austrian poet and writer Rainer Maria Rilke sums it up beautifully: ‘Our task is to imprint this temporary, outdated earth inside ourselves, so deeply . . . so passionately that its essence wells up within us, invisibly.’ This lovely calling asks you to leave behind some important messages you discover on your journey for the next generation.
If up to now you’ve never considered this question, maybe the time is right to ask yourself: ‘What will I leave behind as a guide for those who come after me?’ At the same time, however, you also need to remain fully present to what life now, or the people before you, can teach you.
Reconnecting to your own sense of purpose
If you’ve lost something that you feel defined your life – whether it is a professional or social position, the ability to perform certain skills or your own physical/mental strength and wellbeing – try to think about what made it so important. Ask yourself what gave you the skill or strength you needed to be successful, and consider that perhaps you can find this strength again but from another source. Or maybe it is still inside you, waiting to be released and used for a new purpose. The older you get the faster life seems to move on, so don’t let it pass you by. Ask yourself what purpose would give your life meaning when you’ve entered your third (that is, post-retirement) phase of life. This may be the time to start focusing on your inner values, and maybe to even discover something about larger issues outside your life such as spirituality, politics or engaging with issues that concern the health of our planet, for example.
I invite you to make a list in your mindfulness diary of things that are unique, different or special about you, no matter how small – I assure you that this list will definitely be longer than you think! The following examples are just to help you come up with your own ideas; feel free to discard any items that don’t feel true for you:
I’m resourceful.
I’m reliable.
I can adapt items and make them serve a different purpose than they were meant for.
I’m resilient.
I’m patient.
I’m considerate.
I’m creative.
Please write down your own list and continue to add to it whenever you think of other points in the future. Make this list an ongoing project. Also kindly ask people who know you well what they think your strengths are.
After writing down your strengths, stand or sit upright in the ‘mountain pose’ from Chapter 6 and start focusing on your breathing. When you feel really settled, ask yourself this question: ‘What would I like to try, what would give me joy or purpose, and how can I go about starting to move towards these aims?’
Again, write down any ideas, however farfetched. Be wild; nobody’s ever going to read it unless you want them to.
Finding Positive Aspects of Life
Older age may well offer you additional or greater freedoms. You can liberate yourself from former responsibilities and restraints, and you may now have the time to strengthen and deepen emotionally meaningful relationships.
Surrounding yourself with positive people
Think about the following words of wisdom:
Life is a theatre. The rows of seats in your theatre are reserved for your loved ones and friends. Sometimes a particular person may sit in the front row and sometimes in the back. Sometimes however the theatre may be closed or completely full.
—Anonymous
You have options, and sometimes the wise course of action is to engage more with those sitting in the front row more or less continually – that is, the friendly, positive and proactive types. If you feel deeply in your heart that certain people nourish and inspire you, choose to meet up with them more often.
Or, you may choose to drop engagements with those who drain you and whom you find challenging. I don’t mean that you feel less compassion towards those in the back row or those waiting for spare tickets. When they’re in real need, you may do whatever is humanly possible to assist them, but you no longer have a duty to hang out with folks that just take and don’t nourish you back.
You have so much more freedom in older age. Saying ‘no, thank you’ is easier when you’re no longer dependent on making good impressions or no longer ‘on duty’.
Widening your experience of life
Kindly think about skills that increase your cognitive functioning and aid your memory. Consider channelling your energy into a few projects that can benefit from your life experience, particularly voluntary ones that you’re now able to engage with without remuneration. If you want to find out about charities and other voluntary projects, visit your local church, library, youth centre, town hall or temple, or look in local community magazines. Explore what kind of options are on offer and what they need; see what you can best apply your skills to or what you may want to simply try out.
You can benefit greatly from taking part in regular commitments; for example, you may find:
A chance to ‘stay in the flow’ and in contact with the rest of society
A sense of doing something worthwhile and positive
A chance to meet likeminded people and forge new relationships with individuals of all age groups
In addition, consider engaging in health maintenance, mobility and gentle exercise, and perhaps experiment with exploring spirituality. Whatever your faith (or none), finding out more about others can be really interesting. Exploring the differences and similarities provides insights and wisdom. You may want to join a group, read some books on this theme or simply talk to people of different faiths.
I invite you to make a list of what you enjoy in life; if it’s something that you feel you can no longer take pleasure in, write it on your list anyway. Perhaps write it in a more general or simplified form that allows you to find a way of enjoying it in a new way. Don’t be afraid of writing abstract things down: for example, ‘I enjoy being in love’; ‘I enjoy feeling happy’. Everything is valid and nothing off-limits – this exercise shows you just how many things in life are good and have the potential to make you feel alive.
Cultivating motivation and inspiration
As you grow older and retire, time can become a somewhat contradictory beast: on the one hand, a lot more time is often available to you (perhaps too much); on the other hand, you can experience a sense of time running out.
To help simplify your thinking about time, I suggest focusing on what inspires you. Consider other people who’ve gone through life-changing experiences and come out the other side stronger. Perhaps the thing that seems to be restricting you, whether physically or emotionally, can be the key to you discovering something new about yourself. Plenty of people find a great purpose in life only after something terrible happens – and you can learn a lot from their experience.
The psychologists Rick Foster and Greg Hicks call the ability to transform problems and suffering into something meaningful recasting, which is a great, mindful way of putting it. Recasting is the ability to change painful experiences into opportunities for growing, learning and finding deeper meaning. For example, people who lose their ability to talk after a stroke begin to write stories and poems or paint instead.
When you respond to adversity (such as a chronic condition, the loss of physical abilities or the death of a loved one) wisely and mindfully, you don’t just ‘get on with it’ or ‘look on the bright side’. You give yourself permission to feel the gravity of your pain or loss, without censoring it and with an attitude of honouring what you truly feel and experience. After accepting the sorrow of what happened, you wisely and compassionately see whether you can turn the experience around and view what lies on the opposite side of the ‘shadowland’. You search for opportunities or insights that may come in handy from now on. By applying mindfulness and acceptance, you can gain the strength to transform yourself purposefully, instead of becoming a slave to the sadness of loss and pain.
Here are a few well-known people who experienced their own losses or tribulations and yet went on to live their lives fully and inspire others. Read what they have to say about ageing:
Desmond Tutu (social rights activist and Anglican bishop): ‘Dream, dream, dream that we’re going to have a world that’s incredibly different.’
Tutu remained in South Africa throughout apartheid and came to London to celebrate independence at St. Martin’s in the fields. His speech was overwhelming and full of compassion.
Leonard Cohen (poet and songwriter): ‘We are mad in love and in love we disappear.’
Cohen spent six years as a Zen monk in his sixties. When he turned 70 he found out that his accountant had ‘lost’ all his money and properties, so he left the monastery and started touring again in order to secure a little money for his pension, in case he decided not to spend the rest of his life as a monk. Cohen took to performing again with bravery and I had the great fortune to see him. He was fantastic and from a selfish perspective I was rather glad he was back on stage.
Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (poet): ‘The wound is the place where the Light enters you.’
Rumi was in love with his teacher and soulmate, Shams. One day upon waking his teacher had disappeared and for Rumi it was as if someone had cut out his heart. He went travelling for a long time to find his lost love. (You can read Rumi’s poem, The Guest House, in Chapter 8.)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Anglican priest): ‘We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.’
Dietrich Bonhoeffer belonged to the German resistance movement ‘Die Rote Kapelle’. In 1943 he was arrested by the Nazis for planning to assassinate Hitler. His letters are very moving. He was executed a few weeks before the war ended in 1945.
Having read the above quotes, take a moment to consider whether you agree with anything in particular; anything that tickles your sense of adventure or that you want to try and apply to yourself. If so, please write it down and find out more about the people who shared their wisdom with you.
Dismissing nothing, including everything
You may be inclined to ignore or dismiss certain adventures as being impossible or not worth trying, perhaps thinking ‘surely, not at my age’. But no law of the universe puts an age limit on activities such as windsurfing, ice-skating, painting, hiking, skydiving, DJing or stand-up comedy. If you’re up for it and able, give everything you fancy a go if it gives you gladness!
Please be really mindful when you enter the practice of movement. You may not have exercised for a long time, so you need to introduce movement back into your life gently. Only do practices that allow you to unfold with ease and without any discomfort. Check out the later section ‘Accepting Limitations of All Kinds’ for details on assessing your strengths and weaknesses mindfully.
Nothing is too small or insignificant and, as long as you’re fit enough, nothing is completely beyond you. Your human body and spirit can be incredibly strong and adaptive, and your imagination is without boundaries.
Perhaps you wanted to do something when you were younger but never had the time or money; maybe now you do. Travel somewhere distant or do the most unusual thing. If you haven’t tried it, how do you know?
A good friend of mine started playing the piano at 65; he’s now a wonderful entertainer in his 70s. Another friend travelled to China after his retirement and ‘fell in love with the country and its people’. Upon his return, he started studying Chinese and now, in his 70s, he speaks and writes it fluently.
Indeed, Grandma Moses started painting after the death of her husband (in her late 70s) and became a world renowned ‘naïve’ painter and very wealthy too (not that this was her motivation). She lived to be 101.
Allow yourself to explore absolutely everything – older age and retirement is the time to dream and be hopeful. As Billy Connolly said, aged 68:
One of the great mistakes of our time is to act your age . . . Age is like your house number . . . outside and means nothing. Telling you to act your age, cut your hair, wear beige, stop trying to change things or stretching yourself – that’s b*******.
So, assure yourself that no reason exists why you can’t:
Discover how to play a musical instrument.
Join a choir.
Expand your cooking repertoire.
Engage in a new sport or pastime that you can physically manage: Tai Chi, golf, Pilates, gentle yoga, swimming, walking, mindful movement.
Learn new games, such as chess, bridge or something more out there (think of some new ideas).
Join a meditation group to enhance your MBCT practice.
Rescue a pet from an animal shelter, or even volunteer to help out there.
Happiness does not light gently on my shoulder like a butterfly. She pounces on my lap, demanding that I scratch her behind her ears.
—Anonymous
Finding joy
Retirement is the time to be happy, to give yourself a chance to just enjoy life – the little things as much as the big things. Joy strengthens you and gives you a sense that life is still worth living.
Research shows that people who live longer and stay physically and mentally alert tend to have a network of people they connect to regularly: neighbours, friends, family or clubs where they attend regular meetings.
Being generous and helping others is another skill that improves life quality and is embedded in kindness, one of the attitudes that tends to develop when you practise MBCT regularly.
Accepting Limitations of All Kinds
When you’re trying out new behaviours and skills (as I describe in the preceding sections), you need to assess mindfully any mental agility and physical fitness aspects that may hinder you and hold you up. You may even have to accept that certain goals are out of your reach, and this can bring you down emotionally.
In order to experience and engage in specific activities successfully, you need to realise what you’re physically and mentally capable of, and also what’s outside of your control. Life isn’t a race and you don’t have to get everything done immediately or do it as well as others; you’re unique, which comes with its own set of strengths and weaknesses.
Many people born with limitations create meaningful and joyous lives. The recent London Paralympic Games were a great reminder that ‘the sky is the limit’.
Here are some of the most common challenges you may experience in older age, with suggestions for working around them. Perhaps you can come up with your own additional ways to live around the difficulties rather than let them rule your life:
I can no longer keep up with my friends, so I may as well just watch TV. Accept your limitations for now and see what’s still possible for you to do. You can also expand in the future by persisting and regular practice: jogging, mindful walking, and so on.
I’m no longer able to do long-haul flights. See how many destinations you can reach by train or bus that may also offer interesting and new explorations.
I can no longer play tennis and it was my favourite sport. Try to explore which sport activities are similar and still doable for you: table tennis, bowls or golf. Also, treat yourself to a game at Wimbledon or watch some good matches on TV.
I’ve lost many friends and hate doing things by myself. See whether you can get back in touch with people you’ve lost contact with (sometimes you can locate them through an Internet search), work on becoming a friendly and compassionate neighbour, or engage in activities where you’ll meet new friends: taking a class, attending a choir or amateur dramatics, helping in a charity or doing volunteering for an organisation you support.
Experiment with seeking solitude from time to time. See whether you can find peace within this experience. You may be surprised and find yourself more connected to all things in life: nature, beasts and other beings, and most of all, yourself.
Stop running away from yourself and find ways to enjoy doing things on your own. As always, bring mindfulness and acceptance to all your new adventures. Really feel what’s right for you in this moment.
You may gain useful benefits from carrying out the sitting with difficult thoughts exercise that I discuss in Chapter 7. In this meditation, you simply sit with your breath and body awareness. When you feel grounded, allow all the thoughts about your apparent limitations to arise and let them tell you why your life is no longer worth living. Just sit with them as if you’re a compassionate ruler listening to the complaints of your people.
Remind yourself that thoughts aren’t facts. Listen to them but try not to engage with them. After you finish meditating, write each thought on a separate piece of paper and let your compassionate mind respond to them.
See whether you can think of somebody who inspires you by accepting what they can no longer do. Perhaps you can read the biographies of people who overcome limits to live long and fulfilling lives.
Maybe, however, you just want to create your own model of wellbeing in older age. Try to create a model of mindful living that suits you; you don’t have to create a strict timetable, just a sense of looking forward to each activity or part of an activity moment by moment.
Trying to improve and develop
If you want to improve something about yourself, go for it! Make a list of things you want to work on, and develop action plans with a positive thought process of how you’re going to achieve each aim. Be realistic: don’t push yourself too far too fast, but also don’t allow yourself to accept meekly what you can’t do. Challenge yourself!
Authors Poeppel and Wagner developed a ten-point ‘wheel of life’ guidance that you may find useful to apply. Kindly write it down in your diary or make a list and pin it on your fridge:
Commit to lifelong learning.
Be in and recognise the now (this is when your life is happening).
Pay attention to your thoughts and question those that are no longer valid or not helpful.
Look after your external appearance: find your own style, be creative and true to yourself.
Expand your life span and improve your wellbeing by paying attention to healthy eating, exercise, recreation, and so on.
Learn to truly and fully accept yourself as you are now.
Remember to allow life to amaze you, truly connecting to the little miracles that occur on a daily basis: a butterfly, a beautiful rose, a delicious dish, a pot of soup the neighbour brought round.
Stick to your own goal posts. Even if you don’t always feel like it, engage in the routines that you know give you a better quality of life (for example, an 87-year-old friend of mine goes swimming three times a week, whether she likes to or not; she knows how much better she feels when she has done it, how much more flexible her body feels, and so on).
Become wiser, remembering the lessons life taught you and applying the wisdom you collected over the years.
Start something new regularly.
Dismissing the notion of ‘failure’
Setbacks, false starts and problems are natural and happen to everyone. They’re part of the learning experience – things don’t always go right the first time around, and they mostly don’t go exactly how you expect them to go. So please don’t write off all these experiences as failures!
You’re learning all the time: finding yourself, giving yourself a break and growing from your mistakes! In fact, now that you’re more likely to be the master of your time, you can mindfully acknowledge the things that went wrong, why they did and how you can begin all over with a new now.
Please consider doing the following exercise, which is a great way to assess your less successful moments in a mindful manner:
1. Write down in your diary an example that caused you to think you had been unsuccessful in a particular action in the past.
For example: you tried to bake a cake and it didn’t rise and tasted horrible. Did you stick to a recipe? If yes, check the ingredients again. Maybe you used the wrong flour or no baking powder. Maybe the oven was turned on too high or too low. How would you evaluate this mishap now? Could you imagine giving it another go? For every moment is a new beginning.
2. Sit in quiet meditation.
Allow the items on the list to pass by, as if written on clouds in the sky.
3. Ask yourself what insight you gained from each experience.
For example: ‘I didn’t have the desired outcome, but most things need more than one attempt. I’m not a failure for messing up one cake – that can happen even to a professional baker. Maybe I’ll try again or ask a friend for an easier recipe.’
4. Come up with a positive outcome for each experience.
For example: flexibility of mind, persistence, patience, trust and maybe getting in touch with a friend.
In the book Mindfulness-Based Treatment Approaches, Alistair Smith (who regularly runs mindfulness courses for older people) tells the story of a participant, Steven, who sent him a letter. It states: ‘How does one find the words to express the gratitude for . . . changing my life from desperation to incredible hope?’ He added that his wife thought of him as a nicer person to be with, that he reduced and finally stopped taking anti-depressants, and even coped with and accepted worsening physical pain. He had also started leisure activities and MBCT was part of his daily wellbeing routine. Even though he hadn’t resolved all his issues (such as his physical pain), overall he was a happier human being and better to spend time with.
Here are some insights from this short story:
Steven stopped being miserable and grumpy and improved his relationship with his wife.
His mood lifted and he stopped taking meditation, regularly practising mindfulness meditation instead.
He discovered how to accept that some discomforts can remain and that he has the option to work around them, having a life rather than merely existing.
Rediscovering your strengths
A great side effect of assessing your potential limitations honestly is that very often you discover strengths that you’d forgotten or never realised you had! Embrace these gifts, take them further and use them as inspiration to uncover even more new things about yourself – you have so much to give and so much potential! Here are some attitudes and strengths that you may develop in the autumn and winter of your life:
Acceptance: Your life is happening to you now, and experiences still exist for you to discover and experiment with.
Calmness: Responding wisely to a potentially difficult choice or situation.
Letting go: You are what you are now – your heart and mind may still be the same, even if your body needs more gentle maintenance and care.
Non-rushing: If you have all the time in the world, act accordingly. Let those who feel as if they need to rush do what they want, but find your own rhythm for living.
Self-compassion: See yourself as a fallible human being who needs ongoing kindness and support. Compassion begins at home.
Your brain is able to improve its neural networks as long as it’s alive and used. Concentration and patience tend to get easier with age, because you have more time available. But you do have to practise regularly and push yourself gently to your limits; as with any muscle, the brain grows only when you reach the level of slight discomfort. Setting yourself little goals gives you the motivation to discover more and go beyond what you already know.
Connecting Fully with the Life You Have Now
Whether you’re 28 or 82, you’re alive! See this reality as a gift not be squandered or taken lightly: enjoy the fact that you have a chance to start a different phase of your life now; no matter what you have been through, you always have a way forward open. If you live in the present moment, leaving the past behind is easier.
Simply hanging around is okay occasionally, but getting stuck and listless leads to depression and sometimes addiction (alcohol, food, gambling). If you stop using your muscles, they begin to wither away after just two months. And of course, when they’re weak, you have even more difficulty getting around, and so you feel more stuck.
If you just stop living and wait for a miracle to give you your youth back and a personal valet, you’re going to wait for a very long time! Your later decades provide you with the opportunity to be your own master, but you need to be in the moment and also fully alive to enjoy them.
The German monk Father Anselm Green, who wrote The Art of Growing Older (Vier Tuerme GmbH, 2007), compares ageing to the four seasons:
Spring symbolises childhood and youth.
Summer is like being an independent adult, creating a life of adventure.
Autumn creates new colours in nature, the sun shining less harshly. Life becomes less dazzling and more peaceful. It’s the time for harvesting – that is, for consolidating all of your acquired knowledge – and yet still trying new things.
Winter has its own beauty: peace, quietness and an invitation to slow down. Yet it’s filled with possibilities: building snowmen or sitting in front of an open fire telling stories.
Setting yourself new goals and challenges
Setting goals and challenges from things you want to try out is essential: not to win and beat anybody else, but just for your own self-satisfaction.
Consider creating an action plan (see Table 16-1) to ensure that you meet other people and try stuff that you’ve always wanted to but never gave yourself the chance to engage in. If not now, when? What have you got to lose?
An action plan is only a guide. Always feel free to change or drop activities if suddenly something new and exciting or unusual comes along. Also, of course, every week and every day can be totally different.
Nowadays, many universities offer postgraduate courses and frequently retired people enroll. Counselling is a popular choice as is becoming an instructor for mindfulness courses. The participants feel that they want to learn a profession that connects them with the community and gives them the opportunity to have meaningful work/action. Many people only ever see a couple of clients a week, but age is on your side when people need somebody to listen to them and help them work out how to live a better life.
Moving forward one step at a time
Your life is yours to lead; don’t feel that you have to do anything by a particular point in time or for anyone else – it’s down to you to improve or change your life. Those around you are sure to be happier the more you enjoy your life, but retirement is the time to come into your own and nourish yourself. Don’t rush anything – just take everything one step at a time. But keep moving and, equally, just being. When you spot a stunning starry sky, pause to admire it – truly savouring the moment. Really feel the freedom you have got now and use it in abundance.
Consider sorting out your collection of photos. If you’ve been meaning to do so for decades, now’s the time. Maybe you’ve had a longing to go back to places that were meaningful in your childhood. If so, arrange the trip and take a close friend to show the trees you climbed and your hiding places.
Always remember to carry a mindful attitude to anything you do. ‘Here and now’ is your motto – rushing is a thing of the past.
Living in the now, whatever your age
Residing more frequently in the present moment allows you to discover that your mind may be continually chattering, commenting or judging. Observing this process, you have the choice to notice thoughts and then decide whether those thoughts have any value for you. You may then realise that thoughts are just thoughts, and have no weight of their own.
You can choose to release any thought that causes inner turmoil or destructive actions. By closely observing your inner reality, you discover that contentment and joy are rarely brought about by anybody else except you and your attitude. The more you can let go of fixed expectations for the future or ruminating about the past, the better you feel.
Moving Gently, but Mindfully
I invite you to experiment with the four mindful movements in this section. You can do them sitting down and still give your body a mindful workout.
Pressing palms
This practice works on your pelvic floor and back muscles, and lengthens your spine. Please:
1. Sit on a chair. Place your feet parallel on the floor and rest your palms on your thighs, pointing towards the knees.
2. Inhale slowly and, while you’re exhaling, draw your belly button into your spine, at the same time pressing your palms down onto your thighs. This movement helps you to activate your pelvic floor muscles and lengthen your spine. Keep your shoulders relaxed and avoid hunching them up.
3. Try as best as you can to apply equal pressure on your palms. Repeat three to six times.
Cutting wood
This practice strengthens the lower back muscles. I request that you:
1. Sit on a chair, with your feet hip distance apart. Bend your arms at right angles with elbows touching the waist. Your palms are facing each other, the hands and fingers are actively stretched and the thumbs are touching the palm.
2. Move your forearms up and down, bending at the elbows, as if you’re making small cutting movements. Kindly repeat this movement ten or more times.
Opening the chest
This exercise helps you to deepen your breathing and opens your chest. It can also reverse hunched-forward shoulders and help you to feel the correct alignment of the shoulders. Please:
1. Sit on a chair, keeping your arms by your side. Bend your elbows to a 90-degree angle and tuck them into the waist.
2. Turn your palms face up. The tips of the little fingers need to be nearly touching.
3. Squeeze your shoulder blades together with your arms open to the side. You feel the chest opening on an in-breath. Then return your palms back to the starting position on the out-breath. Kindly repeat this exercise six times.
Flexing the spine
This practice helps you to keep your spine strong and flexible. It also stretches and strengthens the deep back muscles in the neck and chest. Kindly:
1. Sit upright on a chair, with your feet hip distant apart and your spine and neck lengthened upwards. Draw your belly button and your groin muscles in towards your spine (gently, not with all your strength) in order to engage your pelvic floor. Please relax your shoulders and allow your head to float on top of your neck.
2. Inhale and, when you exhale, turn the upper body to the right. At the same time move your right arm up and behind you, your eyes following the movement of the right hand and your head following the movement of the eyes.
3. Move your left palm gently to the right thigh and touch it from the top and side by the knee. Kindly hold this position for a count of three and then return to the starting position. Please repeat this movement but to the left. In total, practise three rounds on each side.
Please keep your hips still and your body weight evenly on both feet and on your buttocks. Kindly relax your shoulders. Also, always lengthen your entire spine before you twist. You can start with a tiny movement and slowly increase the range.